Helping a preschooler with divorce.... - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 5 Old 09-22-2013, 03:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have 3 boys ages 6 months, almost 3 years and almost 5 years. My oldest is having a hard time being away from his dad. :( The other day in the van he was being quiet so I asked what's wrong and he said he was sad. I asked why and he said "Because Daddy leaves me." I tried to make him feel better. I told him mama would never leave him. He was still sad. Broke my heart. We have open visitation which means stbx can visit whenever he wants and can always call, but it's rare. I feel like him being in and out of their lives sporadically won't be good. They are surrounded by love, we are moving in with my parents (still very young and active, only 50 this year) and my inlaws are in the same town and we see them weekly at least. I don't know how to explain things to him. Not to mention he has autism and his language comprehension is fairly delayed.

 

Also, one reason we left is because stbx was always angry with the kids and even got physically aggressive with the oldest. This is in his best interest, but I know he loves his daddy still...

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#2 of 5 Old 10-04-2013, 08:41 PM
 
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It's so hard when our children struggling with sadness. It looks like your post might have been missed, so I wanted to bump it up for attention. :bump: Anyone have suggestions of how the OP can support her son during this transition?

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#3 of 5 Old 10-05-2013, 11:52 AM
 
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That is so hard that they are not seeing him regularly. Do you think he could handle shorter times more easily? Would he have any interest in seeing them when his parents do? It seems like the kids probably need regular contact but in a way that keeps them safe.

It is hard but you will get through this transition. I am there with you too with little ones but their dad is more involved.
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#4 of 5 Old 10-05-2013, 12:08 PM
 
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the main thing that worked for us was having a very regular schedule. The kids (who were 7 & 3 at the time) knew exactly when they'd see Daddy so there was no anxiety or wondering to throw them off. Is your ex willing to do something like that? Even just a few hours for dinner on the same night of the week?? All kids thrive with some routine to their lives and I'd think that especially for a kid on the spectrum, it would be a huge help.



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#5 of 5 Old 10-05-2013, 07:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the input ladies, it's all so nerve racking. 

 

Yes he will be doing most of his visitation at his parents house. I'm a little concerned about when he moves (he's active duty military) and who knows how often he'll see them then. :( 

For the foreseeable future I think I can get him to schedule at least every other week (we're going to live 3.5 hours away so every week might be too much gas money). His schedule is rather chaotic too though, sometimes it's M-F 9-5 but sometimes it's Su-W 12-12 or whatever variation.


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Any time scientists disagree, it's because we have insufficient data. Then we can agree on what kind of data to get; we get the data; and the data solves the problem. Either I'm right, or you're right, or we're both wrong. And we move on. That kind of conflict resolution does not exist in politics or religion.

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