Spinoff of the choosing a guardian in the even of death thread... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 12-25-2013, 10:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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If you're a single parent and your child's father is a formally abusive piece of work, lives in a different state than you and the child, has supervised visitation every couple of months, what happens to your child in the event that something happens to you?  Does the child automatically go to the father, or to your family, or to a foster home while the father and your family endure a long and bitter custody batter, or what?  What if your child has an adult sibling that they are also living with- does that adult sibling have a change of custody, or is it only the father who does, regardless of events of the past?  Is there any way to make your fiance guardian, or at least in the running if, God forbid, anything happens to you?  Is there any way to guarantee that the child does not go to his father?  Anyone have any experience with this?


I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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#2 of 4 Old 12-26-2013, 07:48 AM
 
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Yes, the child would automatically be given to the father unless he's dead or in jail. Your family could contest and fight the courts but its expensive. Bio parents still trump in most cases. Heartbreaking, I know. greensad.gif
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#3 of 4 Old 12-26-2013, 10:14 AM
 
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^^ Yeah. :-(

 

Are you still working on your divorce agreement? If so, it might be something important enough to consider there. It wouldn't actually be enforceable (as in, if something were to happen to you, the Court certainly could decide it's in the children's best interest at that point in time to reside with their father, or any other person for that matter, even if you and he agreed that your sister/cousin/friend would assume custody of the children) but having it written down in an official place might still influence that agreed outcome because it gives him an "out" (IIRC you said he doesn't want to be a full-time parent anyway but maybe I'm mixing up mamas). Either way you should have a Will that identifies your preferred custodians in case he dies and then shortly after you die (if he dies first, your Will takes precedence).

 

You should continue to record evidence against him being a primary parent that your preferred custodian can access in the event something happens to you. If they're going to fight custody defaulting to him, they'll need unbiased evidence to demonstrate why it's so overwhelmingly not in the children's best interest to reside with him that they should ignore his right to parent.


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#4 of 4 Old 12-26-2013, 01:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We were never married.  Long story short, abusive relationship, left him when I found out I was pregnant, he filed for paternity, then custody (and didn't get it) and then visitation (got supervised) when the baby was born, because he considers my son his "property".  He has visitation every 2, 2 1/2 months for two hours, supervised, and while pretty much shows no interest in my son during visitation, he keeps threatening to someday file for custody.  Also note, when I was pregnant, and when my son was a newborn (he's almost 3 now), his father threatened to kidnap him and take him out of the country- if something were to happen to me, my son would grow up in either Greece or Canada and completely lose contact with my side of the family.  I'm currently documenting, but I was told by my son's father that he's gonna behave for the next year or so in order that he looks better for the judge when he files for custody in a year or two.  :-(

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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