I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant and facing a breakup with the father. He's been growing more and more distant, needing his space, and now I have really strong reasons to believe he's started seeing someone else. We were supposed to be moving in together at the beginning of April, as a family, but I don't see that happening now. I have become very, very emotionally dependent on him, but I can't remain in denial forever, even if it's what "feels" best...
Any sort of advice for a first-time mother on how to do it single?
Or, how to get through the last trimester single?
pull together all the support you have that isn't him. Girlfriends, family, etc. Even if he does come around and at least becomes a supportive father to your baby, you need a community to rely on.
Robin~ single, work-at-home momma to my Wonderboys
BigKid (6/00) & LittleBoy (6/04)
Single mama to an only born November 2012.
Co-sleeping, vaxing, baby-wearing, sometimes cloth diapering, car seat safety advocate. Still nursing with no end in sight
As for the dad. Try holding back a little bit and allowing him to reach out for you. I know thinking about him not being around the way you want him to is making you feel worse, but there is no way to control if he will show up for you or not. Schedule some time to hang out with friends and family. Maybe take care of any final projects you want done before baby arrives. Maybe do some nice stuff for yourself. Soak your feet, polish your nails,etc. Mostly take it one day at a time. Every person's experience of being a single parent is different. Ask for what you need and accept help when offered. If the help you want is not offered trust that you have enough inside yourself to make it. I know you will
Just wanted to send you an eHUG
My son's father left me for a month while I was pregnant. I reached out to my friends for emotional support. I pretty much kept myself occupied, attended a lot of basketball games, continued to visit new places, and as time went by, I learned to accept that he was not going to be there. He showed up a month later...but everything went downhill again and here I am lol. But it helped a whole lot. You need a lot of support.
Find a group of mamas with kids around the same age or a little older. Places to look include birthing classes, breastfeeding classes, prenatal yoga, hospital mommy groups, story time at a local library.
Feed the freezer.
Collect contact info for expert helpers ahead of time; midwife/pediatrician, lactation consultant, possible babysitters, etc.
I found single parenting to be a continual lesson in self care and letting go. You can only do your best for your baby by caring for yourself, so mother yourself as well as your babe. And let go of expectations about how things should be and what you should do/get done. Trust your instincts and do what works for you. Have faith in yourself. Not only can you do this, you can be awesome at it, even though it feels overwhelming sometimes.
Me + DH = DD (1/2004) & DS (6/2013) & One on the way (11/2015)