Facing single parenthood - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 7 Old 02-23-2014, 12:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant and facing a breakup with the father. He's been growing more and more distant, needing his space, and now I have really strong reasons to believe he's started seeing someone else. We were supposed to be moving in together at the beginning of April, as a family, but I don't see that happening now. I have become very, very emotionally dependent on him, but I can't remain in denial forever, even if it's what "feels" best...


Any sort of advice for a first-time mother on how to do it single?

Or, how to get through the last trimester single?

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#2 of 7 Old 02-23-2014, 12:56 PM
 
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I'm sorry, I don't have much advice. Just wanted to send you a hug. Sorry this is happening.
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#3 of 7 Old 02-23-2014, 01:00 PM
 
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pull together all the support you have that isn't him. Girlfriends, family, etc. Even if he does come around and at least becomes a supportive father to your baby, you need a community to rely on.

 

Many blessings!!

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#4 of 7 Old 02-24-2014, 01:15 PM
 
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Know and believe that you CAN DO IT. Focus on being the best mother you can be, single or not, and make sure YOU have support. Baby will be fine but you'll want people to be able to talk to, and especially someone to help after the birth with meals and stuff like that. If you have friends who would be willing to come hold baby (and really, who wouldn't want to do that?!) while you shower and recharge, that would help a lot. Find your community. Find other mommy friends (single or not). Figure out with the father now what the custody situation will be and how often he'll want to see baby, so you don't have to stress about that after the birth. Good luck!
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#5 of 7 Old 02-24-2014, 08:58 PM
 
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Support! And please start to become comfortable asking others to assist you. You haven't done anything wrong so do walk around being shamed or mthembarrassed by your experience. Let your doctor know your partner may not be available for you for Labor. He or she should be able to advise you on what other resources you may have for labor support as in nursing staff, Doula's (some work on a sliding scale or offer services at no cost through organizations in your area), or close friends or family who know what labor feels like.

As for the dad. Try holding back a little bit and allowing him to reach out for you. I know thinking about him not being around the way you want him to is making you feel worse, but there is no way to control if he will show up for you or not. Schedule some time to hang out with friends and family. Maybe take care of any final projects you want done before baby arrives. Maybe do some nice stuff for yourself. Soak your feet, polish your nails,etc. Mostly take it one day at a time. Every person's experience of being a single parent is different. Ask for what you need and accept help when offered. If the help you want is not offered trust that you have enough inside yourself to make it. I know you will orngbiggrin.gif
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#6 of 7 Old 03-19-2014, 04:03 PM
 
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Just wanted to send you an eHUG :)

 

My son's father left me for a month while I was pregnant. I reached out to my friends for emotional support. I pretty much kept myself occupied, attended a lot of basketball games, continued to visit new places, and as time went by, I learned to accept that he was not going to be there. He showed up a month later...but everything went downhill again and here I am lol. But it helped a whole lot. You need a lot of support.

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#7 of 7 Old 04-01-2014, 02:50 PM
 
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Consider hiring doulas for labor & postpartum support. Whether you have friends and family helping out or not, having a professional you can depend on is super helpful.
Find a group of mamas with kids around the same age or a little older. Places to look include birthing classes, breastfeeding classes, prenatal yoga, hospital mommy groups, story time at a local library.
Feed the freezer.
Collect contact info for expert helpers ahead of time; midwife/pediatrician, lactation consultant, possible babysitters, etc.

I found single parenting to be a continual lesson in self care and letting go. You can only do your best for your baby by caring for yourself, so mother yourself as well as your babe. And let go of expectations about how things should be and what you should do/get done. Trust your instincts and do what works for you. Have faith in yourself. Not only can you do this, you can be awesome at it, even though it feels overwhelming sometimes.
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