Child Support or Lack There Of - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 03-20-2014, 12:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Me and my son's deadbeat dad went to court in Feb for child support. He has yet to pay at all this month and it was supposed to be paid on the 1st. My son is 16 months so he is already $4000+ in the hole and that is only because he is not working. They gave him the minimum amount to pay. He has never met our son and refuses to. He has another son that he says takes priority over his son with me and he doesn't want them to know each other (this coming from his ex/ his other sons mother). With this behavior I know for a fact he has no intentions of paying his child support. How long should I wait to file a contempt charge? And does anyone know anything about the child support process in TN for parents who do not pay? All I've heard so far is that nothing is done about it and in court they just give the deadbeat parent a second and third chance to make a payment. No matter what amount they pay even if its just $25 they can say they attempted and the judge will let them off. Any advice out there???

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#2 of 12 Old 03-22-2014, 03:59 PM
 
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I'm not familiar with TN, but I say file now. I gave my ex chances, and time, and he's $27K behind now. Taking him in sooner wouldn't have made him pay, but at least I would have figured that out sooner and wouldn't have kept taking him in even longer.

 

Again, not familiar with TN, but I know here in FL, the system sucks when support isn't being paid. It's a system designed to work when the parent that is supposed to pay wants to pay. If that parent doesn't care, the system is utterly useless.

 

Good luck!

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#3 of 12 Old 03-22-2014, 06:04 PM
 
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I'm not in TN either. But I agree, file a child support enforcement case with whatever agency they have there. In my case, my XH lived in a different state so my state had to transfer the case to his state. Surprisingly, his state moved quickly with no effort from me.

I still haven't gotten anything because he probably doesn't keep a job long enough for garnishment. But he will be in a huge amount of legal troubles when he's caught. If you're not in the "system" nothing will happen.

Don't think about it personally. This is for your child's welfare.
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#4 of 12 Old 03-23-2014, 07:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you. The law dealing with child support here is a joke. They won't do enforcement or contempt until he's several months behind. I believe the earliest is 3 months. It's so frustrating. Deadbeats have it so easy here when it comes to making them be responsible. He is barhopping every weekend but has yet to make a single payment and courts find no problem with that. As long as he says he's "trying" he's in the clear.
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#5 of 12 Old 03-23-2014, 07:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm really debating just having his rights taken and wiping my hands clean of the situation. Since he's never met our son I don't think it will affect him. Since he's yet to see him since our first court date last year it's already considered abandonment if I file. This may just be easier than waiting for help that will never come and better for my son.
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#6 of 12 Old 03-23-2014, 08:10 AM
 
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I struggle with this. On one hand, my son has not seen or heard from his bio-dad in over 2 years. He will probably never pay what he owes me. It obviously doesn't bother him he's abandoned his only child.

On the other hand, why should I let him run away from his responsibilities? Why doesn't my son get what he deserves?

But I met with an attorney and I will be trying to terminate his rights. I just hope that doesn't provoke a response and an attempt to come back into my son's life.

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#7 of 12 Old 03-23-2014, 08:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I feel that way about my son deserving his parents and not letting his dad off easy from his responsibility. Everyone keeps telling me to wait and see what happens. It's such a struggle because I dont feel either of us should have to wait for him to man up and be a dad. Especially since he's never met him but lives in the same town and has another son that's only a year older. He gladly shows him off and hasn't even told anyone about our son. My son doesn't deserve that and on top of all of this his ex has tried to ruin my life by pressing false charges against me when she found out about my son. Of course I won the case but I still have an arrest on my record until its expunged. She's psycho and posts stuff on the internet about them taking my son. She has a new bf that her and her son (my sons brother) lives with yet she still obsesses over my son and stalks me online. His dad knows about it and doesn't do a thing to stop it. So it is definitely pushing me to get his rights taken and move on from them.
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#8 of 12 Old 03-28-2014, 03:13 PM
 
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It depends on how child support is handled in your state. My ex is now over 33k in arrears in child support. The state of kansas (where we got our divorce) is set up so that they have to pay through the kansas payment center (not an option, they must), and the court trustee through the county the paperwork is filed monitors and files contempt charges. I know Texas also requires child support to be paid through the attorney general's office, and I think they file contempt charges automatically also. When we were first divorced and I filed for state assistance because he wasn't paying, they automatically opened a case on him. Again. The results I've gotten are: his cs is automatically taken out of his paycheck (still not paying the full amount because he's really far in arrears with his oldest child, also), and his license has been suspended in Texas. He's also not eligible for his passport.

 

You may want to first contact the state agency that monitors child support and ask them. In Texas, you can have your orders reviewed every three years for free.

 

It can be very, very, very hard to have a person's parental rights terminated. You basically have to prove abuse and even then, most states would rather encourage the ncp to get help and get involved in the child's life. It's not easy, it can get real ugly fast, and it can be a long, drawn out battle. My kids and I moved to Texas last July to be closer to my family. My ex knew we were going to do it and even helped us. The day I moved, he decided he wanted full custody and drug out a really long, awful court battle, even though he admitted in court that he was not prepared to take the kids if the judge so ordered, and that I had always been the one most responsible for their day-to-day affairs. He just caused trouble. If I were you, I'd just move on.

 

I know someone who was extradited from Kansas to Texas for contempt with cs. Once the state opens a case, then the IRS can take his income tax return and use it to pay any arrears.

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#9 of 12 Old 03-28-2014, 04:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks. I called the court clerk office and the child support office. He is supposed to pay through the state child support department which he hasn't but they claim they will automatically take him for contempt once he's 60 days late on a payment. However if he pays as little as $20 they can't file charges. And here getting rights taken is easy it the parent has abandoned the child. He's never seen the child. If I file for abandonment they will put it in the paper and if he doesn't respond the state will terminate his rights. My friend had it done for the same reason, the father has abandoned his child however in my case his father has never laid eyes on him. I just dont know what to do for my sons sake. I think we're better off but people have stated that I'd be in the wrong to cut his ties to my son.
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#10 of 12 Old 03-28-2014, 04:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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And the state will take his taxes but that would require him to work which he doesn't. He's doing everything he can to duck and dodge his responsibility. He lives with his mom and she is no better. I'm just ready to wipe my hands clean of them and the drama 😞
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#11 of 12 Old 03-29-2014, 09:58 PM
 
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Let it go, Move on with your life. Get his rights revoked so he can't influence your life.

You can't teach responsibility by forcing it on an adult, it won't happen. Be happy he isn't in your life you're better off, really you are and remind yourself of that.

I have my dd with full custody, my once wonderful wife, now my xw, has abandoned her and I required no CS even though she has a 100k education. After I accepted that its better for me and my dd not to have her in our lives at least at the moment, I didn't care. She barely works and I don't want to make her life any harder than it is. I don't need to punish her, she has done that all by herself since she left.

The only time I think it's good to pursue CS from a deadbeat is if they have money, otherwise what's the point? You can always file later if things change.

My daughter is my responsibility and my time is precious, years from now I can look back and feel good that I did all I could for her and by not punishing her mother who is in a constant state of self created crisis, I have nothing to explain. Could I use the money, sure, we all could, but it's not going to make that much of a difference and ruining my daughters mothers life by getting her into legal and debt trouble when she is already in a giant mess, doesn't do me any favors or satisfaction and believe me, my xw is a total nightmare.
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#12 of 12 Old 03-30-2014, 08:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks. The child support is started but I don't even push the issue with him. I haven't even spoken to him since we went to court. I am definitely moving on from the situation. My son has me and I'm all he needs. You are right, we are much better off. I can give him everything he will ever need without his help. He will have to face those demons one day. Thanks for all of the advice.
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