Son might have surgery-can't get in touch with ex - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 8 Old 04-02-2014, 02:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My kids' dad goes hot and cold when it comes to communication with me. Sometimes, he is real easy to speak with, acts real interested in parenting, etc, and other times he acts like I'm not alive.

 

My second son was born with very large tonsils and after a really bad (scary) round of strep/tonsillitis, we're seriously considering having them removed. They were so swollen, we were worried about his airway being compromised. The problem is, we're supposed to have joint legal custody, but he's refusing to answer any of my calls/texts/emails, and I've mentioned possible surgery.

 

What are my legal obligations as far as notifying him? I don't have time to play his games, this is my son's health and well-being and it's been a loooong time since I set foot in middle school. I just want to do what I'm legally obligated to do and then move on without him. He's tried to take the kids from me before, though, arguing that I'm trying to keep him from the kids, etc, which I'm not (man, it would be so awesome if he could have a good relationship for these kids!), so I need to make sure I follow the rules.

 

I'm in Texas, but our case is through Kansas. I do not have his mailing address, he refuses to give it to me. Should I mail something to his old address so I can show I tried to notify him at his last known address? I do show that he received and read the emails and texts.

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#2 of 8 Old 04-02-2014, 04:37 PM
 
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I would send him one more letter, certified mail, to his last address just to cover your ass. In most cases, the court gives final say to the custodial parent in cases like this, where the need to make a decision is urgent. Plus, is there any reason why a parent would say no to a surgery like this??


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#3 of 8 Old 04-02-2014, 04:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay, I'll do that.

 

You would think that he wouldn't make a fuss, but he can be strange. When we left Kansas, for months he helped me pack up the house, helped with money, loaded the uhaul and waved bye as we pulled away. And then turned right around and filed for emergency custody hearing due to illegal move-off. Kansas states you must give 30 days written notice by certified mail, but our divorce papers did not, so I didn't realize that. I almost had the kids taken away, but I was able to show that he knew well before 30 days that we were moving two states away. So, there's never really any knowing what he might do, which is why I want to make sure I cross all t's and dot all the i's.

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#4 of 8 Old 04-02-2014, 06:56 PM
 
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Yeah, then I'd definitely cover your butt with as much evidence that you did try to contact him, that he did receive the emails (may get those notarized??) Just to make any legal attack he tries as short-lived as possible. He can pitch a fit if he wants to, but the courts thinking he has a credible reason to is another story


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#5 of 8 Old 04-03-2014, 05:07 AM
 
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Is there a third party who knows his mailing address?
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#6 of 8 Old 04-03-2014, 01:02 PM
 
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Did he retain an attorney during the divorce proceedings or afterward (for this "emergency hearing" situation or otherwise)? If so, you may be able to give notice to that attorney even if they don't know Ex's current contact information. The state expects him to give you written notice when his address changes. I suggest consulting with an attorney (preferably one is licensed in KS) to confirm whether giving him notice at the LKA or via his attorney is sufficient.

 

I think the most cover-your-butt way forward is to notify the court of your intentions (that you haven't been able to get his consent but that his doctors feel this procedure is urgent and necessary <evidence>), but you can't get anything on the record without also serving it to him. So if he hasn't retained counsel, it would be no easier to serve him this notice (a requirement to getting anything on the record) as getting in touch with him to get an OK in the first place.

 

Regardless, if this continues to be a problem, it may be worth motioning the court to give you sole legal custody given the negative impact shared legal custody is having on the children (i.e that you're not able to obtain urgent care for them in a timely fashion). Unfortunately it probably still means serving him (argh, right!?). See http://www.kansaslegalservices.org/FreeLegalForms for pro-se forms (modify parenting time) if you don't have an attorney.

 

Good luck.


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#7 of 8 Old 04-04-2014, 03:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alpenglow View Post

Is there a third party who knows his mailing address?


I only have contact with a cousin and his sister, both don't know his address, though his sister is going to try. He's moved I think three times since last July...

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#8 of 8 Old 04-04-2014, 03:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by autumngrey View Post
 

Did he retain an attorney during the divorce proceedings or afterward (for this "emergency hearing" situation or otherwise)? If so, you may be able to give notice to that attorney even if they don't know Ex's current contact information. The state expects him to give you written notice when his address changes. I suggest consulting with an attorney (preferably one is licensed in KS) to confirm whether giving him notice at the LKA or via his attorney is sufficient.

 

We did not use attorneys for the divorce, but the motion he filed after we moved he filed pro se and then surprised me in pro se court with an attorney (ha! so nice). I will contact an attorney up there and see what they say. Money is so tight, but I've learned sometimes it's worth it to avoid trouble down the road.

 

Family law can be so complicated sometimes.

 

Thanks, everyone, for your advice!!

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