Dating with a post-baby body - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 05-03-2014, 09:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank goodness this is the day and age of acceptance and challenging society's standards placed on women's bodies. It's amazing to see glorious photo spreads of what moms really look like. To see women (though not entirely) respected without objectification is a beautiful thing. However, even with that being the case, my body is a total mess.

I'm going to get real, I hope that's okay.

I am a single mother to a one year old. In the last amazing year, I have not even wanted to check my 'goods' out, in fact I have been terrified to. During that miraculous process of birth, I tore, obtained MULTIPLE sizable hemorrhoids, and incurred a lovely little hematoma. It has taken a full year for me to actually gain the courage to probe around. My body is a total mess. One year later and I might as well have the vagina of a stranger. It's stretched and is left with what feels like an uvula at the opening.

Seriously? How is that going to work out in my romantic future? Should I give a prep talk to my potential partner? (".. Look, here's what to expect..") Do I just hope for the best?

What do single moms do? I'm not even considering dating right now, but I am looking ahead to that wondrous moment when love comes bursting through my door.

What did you do?
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#2 of 6 Old 05-06-2014, 04:48 PM
 
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I would like the answer to this too!
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#3 of 6 Old 05-16-2014, 09:02 PM
 
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I think you just have to remember that your body is amazing! Look what you did with it. smile.gif if "love comes bursting through your door" then explanation won't be necessary because Love sees through all the things you find "wrong" with your body and shows you how truly beautiful you are just being you. Don't ever settle for less than that. smile.gif
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#4 of 6 Old 07-12-2014, 11:30 PM
 
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I stayed thin through childbearing my 2 biobabes, but stretchmarks abound and I have an unhealed tear on my vaginal opening. Then of course the boobs that fed my babies, and are no longer perky at all. My motherhood is plainly apparent, and I have never had any negative reaction to it, though I have had a number of sexual partners since becoming a mother(At least 12). In fact the opposite is true, many compliment my tiger stripes and openness with my body. Imperfect though it may be, I sure know how to make the most of it. Take the time to love your body, it will make a difference to your future lovers.

Every body type is beautiful.

Non Practicing Midwife, going back to school! Mamma to my 3 loves, living each day to the fullest.
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#5 of 6 Old 07-13-2014, 08:08 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by antlersandsage View Post
Thank goodness this is the day and age of acceptance and challenging society's standards placed on women's bodies. It's amazing to see glorious photo spreads of what moms really look like. To see women (though not entirely) respected without objectification is a beautiful thing. However, even with that being the case, my body is a total mess.<br><br>
I'm going to get real, I hope that's okay.<br><br>
I am a single mother to a one year old. In the last amazing year, I have not even wanted to check my 'goods' out, in fact I have been terrified to. During that miraculous process of birth, I tore, obtained MULTIPLE sizable hemorrhoids, and incurred a lovely little hematoma. It has taken a full year for me to actually gain the courage to probe around. My body is a total mess. One year later and I might as well have the vagina of a stranger. It's stretched and is left with what feels like an uvula at the opening.<br><br>
Seriously? How is that going to work out in my romantic future? Should I give a prep talk to my potential partner? (".. Look, here's what to expect..") Do I just hope for the best?<br><br>
What do single moms do? I'm not even considering dating right now, but I am looking ahead to that wondrous moment when love comes bursting through my door.<br><br>
What did you do?
I'm 48. My body looks 48, though people often think I'm younger when they look at my dopey face. I have huge boobs. I have stretch marks. I have no idea how my sexy times partner thinks my ladybits look, except that apparently "good enough to eat" is an accurate description of his aesthetic appreciation.

Unless your plan is to date a man with a movie-star physique who is physically perfect in every respect, chill out. I found a fat, fuzzy guy, with these really cute knees, who is dynamite in bed and I'm not complaining. We're just dating, he hasn't moved in, and I'm really happy when we're together.

Here's the thing, though, OP and people with similar feelings: it's not great to get sexually involved with someone when you're feeling so little libido that you haven't touched yourself in a year. I think the person who has to love your body is you.

It was great, once my divorce was final, to kiss someone other than my ex--someone who likes to kiss, and is good at it! You can't make out with yourself, there is that. But--and this is essential--if you can support yourself, make healthy food for yourself and your child, and please yourself in bed, you don't really need a boyfriend. After a decade and a half of dancing attendance on someone else, I had forgotten that I could be happy. (Though I would be happier if I were more financially self-supporting, actually.)

It's better to love someone because you want to, and sex them up because it pleases you. If you don't need a man, you can take your time and find a really good lover when you're ready. You owe it to your child to be careful who you love, and you owe it to yourself to please yourself and be a whole person.
rubelin and mamabear0314 like this.

Divorced mom of one awesome boy born 2-3-2003.
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#6 of 6 Old Yesterday, 02:25 PM
 
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This was a big issue for me, even before I was divorced, and I've since realized that my XH helped me perpetuate some really messed up beliefs about sex and my body. I've been absolutely amazed that, with my new SO, I have no insecurities about my body at all. In spite of my stretch marks, loose skin, un-healed vaginal tear, and not-so-perky boobs, he thinks I'm beautiful. And by the way he touches and treats me, I know he really believes it. His total acceptance of me has really allowed me to open up sexually, something I was never able to do with my XH. Like MommyLove said, don't settle for less than that. If it's right, he'll think your (and all your imperfections) are beautiful and amazing.

Strong single mama to Ethan (9/09) and Rowyn (7/12)
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