Originally Posted by antlersandsage
Thank goodness this is the day and age of acceptance and challenging society's standards placed on women's bodies. It's amazing to see glorious photo spreads of what moms really look like. To see women (though not entirely) respected without objectification is a beautiful thing. However, even with that being the case, my body is a total mess.<br><br>
I'm going to get real, I hope that's okay.<br><br>
I am a single mother to a one year old. In the last amazing year, I have not even wanted to check my 'goods' out, in fact I have been terrified to. During that miraculous process of birth, I tore, obtained MULTIPLE sizable hemorrhoids, and incurred a lovely little hematoma. It has taken a full year for me to actually gain the courage to probe around. My body is a total mess. One year later and I might as well have the vagina of a stranger. It's stretched and is left with what feels like an uvula at the opening.<br><br>
Seriously? How is that going to work out in my romantic future? Should I give a prep talk to my potential partner? (".. Look, here's what to expect..") Do I just hope for the best?<br><br>
What do single moms do? I'm not even considering dating right now, but I am looking ahead to that wondrous moment when love comes bursting through my door.<br><br>
What did you do?
I'm 48. My body looks 48, though people often think I'm younger when they look at my dopey face. I have huge boobs. I have stretch marks. I have no idea how my sexy times partner thinks my ladybits look, except that apparently "good enough to eat" is an accurate description of his aesthetic appreciation.
Unless your plan is to date a man with a movie-star physique who is physically perfect in every respect, chill out. I found a fat, fuzzy guy, with these really cute knees, who is dynamite in bed and I'm not complaining. We're just dating, he hasn't moved in, and I'm really happy when we're together.
Here's the thing, though, OP and people with similar feelings: it's not great to get sexually involved with someone when you're feeling so little libido that you haven't touched yourself in a year. I think the person who has to love your body is you.
It was great, once my divorce was final, to kiss someone other than my ex--someone who likes to kiss, and is good at it! You can't make out with yourself, there is that. But--and this is essential--if you can support yourself, make healthy food for yourself and your child, and please yourself in bed, you don't really need a boyfriend. After a decade and a half of dancing attendance on someone else, I had forgotten that I could be happy. (Though I would be happier if I were more financially self-supporting, actually.)
It's better to love someone because you want to, and sex them up because it pleases you. If you don't need a man, you can take your time and find a really good lover when you're ready. You owe it to your child to be careful who you love, and you owe it to yourself to please yourself and be a whole person.