Not Fitting In With Family - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 06-08-2014, 05:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Not Fitting In With Family

I'm a single parent that moved in with my family last year because I became very ill. It has been a struggle living under one roof with my parents and my two year old son. I am thankful for their generosity, but we have very different views on parenting and lifestyle.

My son is a picky eater, and I try to keep him on as good a diet I can- but his main food is still grilled cheese or burritos. My parents have tons of junk food in their house- Cheetos, 85 brands of potato chips, Doritos, Goldfish. They constantly slip him these, and then play "Oh no, Mommy's coming," when they see me enter the room.

At first it was kind of cute, and I didn't freak about it, but it happened again tonight, when I was trying to get him to sit at the table and eat, and my dad was out there slipping him Cheetos. I think the problem is happening because we are living here. If we only came to visit occasionally, it would be no big deal, but it is so frustrating to feel like I'm being undermined by my parents.

I feel like nobody respects how I choose to eat, or even how I choose to live. My mom and my sister sit outside and talk for hours, but when I try to have a conversation with my mom, she basically blows me off, or gets huffy about something. When my sister comes over, the usual conversation is all about her work, or her kids, or some kind of stupid current event. I just don't feel like I fit in because I never have any kind of conversation about things that interest me- like organic cooking, or gardening, or homeschooling, or deeper spiritual books and movies.

Sometimes I feel like it wouldn't matter if we just moved back to the west coast, once my illness is under control. But then I feel guilty that my son wouldn't be close to his cousins. Does anyone else ever feel alone and confused?

Last edited by Binduspire; 06-09-2014 at 01:48 PM.
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#2 of 3 Old 06-09-2014, 04:52 AM
 
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Yes, I felt like that when we lived with my in-laws from late 2010 until early 2012. Our families are two different religions, which was the biggest difference. They didn't (don't) understand my mental illness. There was sometimes conflicting authority when Grandma or Grandpa said something and Mama and/or Papa was trying to say something else and that was hard on all of us. I often spent lots of money at the grocery store because I wanted to bring home good organic food including lots of produce, and they enjoyed produce too but didn't/don't understand my eating and cooking philosophy (no microwave, no nonstick, little conventionally grown food). I'm not a single parent but I can definitely understand how hard it is to live with family. I will pray that your health improves soon and you can make a better home for you and your son somewhere where you will be respected.

May God bless you and His Blessed Mother Mary keep you!  :-)

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#3 of 3 Old 06-15-2014, 07:42 AM
 
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We ddin't live with him, but we were full time students and relied on my dad's help a lot. Same problems- he had no respect for our dietary choices. I desperately wanted to get our kid gluten free to see if it would help with the problems, and dad just kept giving him white bread. One time, kiddo was drinking milk while dad ate his dessert, kiddo showed zero interest in the dessert- no screaming or grabbing for it- and dad took his milk away and shoved the sugary crap in his mouth! Diet was hardly the only problem, but it was one of the most frustrating ones. He also taught our baby to walk up to strangers and ask to be picked up. :|

It's really awful and I don't really have any suggestions. We could never get through to my dad, no matter how much we tried. I have serious problems with gluten, which I still crave and he's seen me break down because I desperately wanted something with gluten in it but knew it would make me sick, and he'd just insist that our baby wouldn't eat gluten if he didnt' need it. (he didn't, by the way, he's doing much better off gluten)

I hope that things get better and you'll be able to move out. Just not living with them will help a bit. When yo're so reliant on someone, it's hard to set boundaries because they have such leverage over you- if you aren't dependent on them, it'll be a lot easier to set boundaries.

In terms of moving, do what's right for you and your son. If you can stay living where you are and set boundaries with your family and be happy while facilitating your son's relationship with them, go for it. If your family won't respect your wishes and will keep undermining your son's health and well-being, is the relationship with his cousins really worth that? If you would be happier moving away to a place that you're more content, then you should. A content mother is far more valuable to a child than living near cousins.

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