Struggling with missing my kids - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 06-13-2014, 07:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Struggling with missing my kids

Hi folks!

Divorced mama here with two boys 9 and 11. I do have primary custody and the boys see their dad every other weekend fri to sun eve, every tues overnight and thurs for a few hours. So they are mostly with me. But with all the extra dad holidays and school it seems like I spend more time without them than I want.
We were homeschoolers until 3 years ago when their dad left.
I had to put them in school and get a job. I miss my kids. I miss my family and while I have done a great job (I think) picking myself up and putting my family back together ( I even have a wonderful committed boyfriend of two years) I cannot shake the sadness and loneliness and the constant feeling that I lost my kids somehow. This was not what I ever envisioned and I worked so hard to make a tight knit family and then my ex destroyed everything.
It's a constant sadness and I just wish there was a way to make it go away.
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#2 of 7 Old 06-13-2014, 08:03 AM
 
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I definitely struggle with this too-I have a similar custody schedule, but it's still really hard for me when they are with their dad-I worry about them a lot, and just flat out miss them!


I think it's also knowing that I have to do this for their entire childhood, and really their lives. I can't raise them the way I had hoped for/imagined, and I definitely mourn that loss sometimes, along with being really worried about how it all affects them in the long run.


It's hard, no matter how long it has been

Single mama namaste.gif to dd dust.gifand ds fencing.gif, loving my dsd always reading.gif .
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#3 of 7 Old 06-13-2014, 08:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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"I think it's also knowing that I have to do this for their entire childhood, and really their lives. I can't raise them the way I had hoped for/imagined, and I definitely mourn that loss sometimes, along with being really worried about how it all affects them in the long run."

Exactly.
(:
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#4 of 7 Old 06-14-2014, 08:36 AM
 
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It's normal. You had an idea for the kind of family you wanted, and now that's changed and it wasn't your idea to change it. It's normal to mourn the loss of that, and to resent your ex for being the one who forced it on you.

I homeschool as well. I wonder if there's a way you could still homeschool and work? I work from home, on my own schedule, so I have it pretty easy in that regard, but I know others who work and homeschool, although I admit they are married so that probably makes it easier. But maybe you could give some thought to how you would go about working and homeschooling and see if you could come up with a way to make it work? If you can, that might help you feel like you haven't lost all of that dream that you had.
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#5 of 7 Old 06-14-2014, 09:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks! (:
My ex would fight me tooth and nail to keep me from homeschooling.
He already wants me to change their school because it's "alternative"
When he left he completely changed his life and lifestyle. He is anti homeschooling, anti anything he deems alternative. He's an ass. (;
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#6 of 7 Old 06-14-2014, 10:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamapajama View Post
Thanks! (:
My ex would fight me tooth and nail to keep me from homeschooling.
He already wants me to change their school because it's "alternative"
When he left he completely changed his life and lifestyle. He is anti homeschooling, anti anything he deems alternative. He's an ass. (;
I'm actually pretty happy with how things turned out relationship wise. My marraige was very bad in the last couple years.
I just miss my kids. Reconciling that has been and is so hard.
I would have stayed in my marraige. I would have found a way to make it work but he was already in love with someone else. So there was no chance.
I know so many people are in the same situation and they find a way to be ok with it.
I just haven't been able to do that. I'm very sad when my kids are gone. And it never seems to feel any better.
A new hobby maybe would help. But it seems like such a poor substitute for the family i had.
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#7 of 7 Old 06-17-2014, 05:38 PM
 
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I totally get it. I think time helps, but it is always tough and you always have that feeling that something is not right when they're gone.


Do your boys seem happy when they go to their dads?

I have been divorced for 7 years now and it definitely got easier as time passed. Holidays are always crummy though. The kids are the ones that get pulled in different directions.


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