What if I don't have custody papers, school is asking - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 08-23-2014, 06:27 PM - Thread Starter
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What if I don't have custody papers, school is asking

I'm asking for some BTDT experience, because I do not have a lawyer... my DS is starting school and school is asking for custody papers. I checked the box for "not on record", because that's all they had to offer. But they just called today and NEED something on hand. Well, we were never married, do not have a custody order. I am in North Carolina, absentee father is in Oregon. I have custody of the child - I am local, I am it, he is... not part of the picture, but not legally.

I do have his child support order, which is a legal document with his address, etc. My Oregon lawyer professed that child support is not the same as custody, and I get that, BUT this is still a legal document that I have on hand. Should I submit that?

Just curious what struggles I will have in the future by not having a custody agreement with respect to public schools. It just hasn't come up; X gave consent for us to move, X is in full knowledge of where we are; I am in communication with family (not him, but that's by HIS choice). I'm not hiding, did not kidnap child, etc. But X is 2500 miles away... and I don't expect him to show up at school one day trying to pick up the kiddo.

Yet the public school system is asking for something documented.

single, WAH home, to my only very kind & sweet lil man
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#2 of 6 Old 08-24-2014, 12:36 AM
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I've never been asked for any custody papers by my kids schools (elementary for oldest, homeschool charter for both, another charter for both and now HS for oldest). Is there a specific reason they want them?? Have you stated that they can't be picked up by him or something like that and they need a legal document telling them why?

Robin~ single, work-at-home momma to my WonderBoys
YoungMan (6/00) & LittleBoy (6/04)
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#3 of 6 Old 08-24-2014, 05:55 AM
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It could be for districting purposes-to prove you have primary custody and your son should be in that school? I was not required to give custody papers either when registering dd with the district for homeschooling, though they seemed pleased to have them (I brought them just in case).

I'm not sure how to proceed since you don't have papers-what did the school say when you told them that? It is possible to have your lawyer draw up papers quickly to file in the court if your ex will agree to it-you'd get an unsigned copy right away though the official one would likely take longer (at least this was true in my case). But of course that's only if your ex would cooperate, it would be silly to rile him up just because the school is being difficult.

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#4 of 6 Old 08-24-2014, 08:09 AM
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For my college, I had to prove that I was my ds's birth mother for "financial aid" reasons. It was completely bogus but I told them that all I had on hand to prove that I was his sole custody holder was the child support order. They took it without a fuss because some where on there it should have someone else's signature saying that the information is true and legal. I'm not sure if that helps, but it'd be worth a try for your ds's school?

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#5 of 6 Old 08-24-2014, 08:28 AM
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I have never had to show custody papers at any of my kids private preschools or two different public schools. One preschool did tell me that if my ex showed up at the school with proof he is their father (birth certificate and his ID) that they would be required to release the children to him unless they had custody papers on file. This was absolutely not a concern of mine since we hadn't been in contact for several years and he didn't live in the state. I chose to risk that unlikely event rather than give them my divorce/custody papers which contain some very personal information in my opinion. Anyway, I think if I added their father to the do not pick up list I would need to show this info in my sons public school?
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#6 of 6 Old 08-24-2014, 11:13 AM
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I'm in NC,too. I'm assuming they want them in case your child's father comes to school. Without documentationn the father would be able to pick up anytime.

I adopted my kids as a single parent. I've never been asked for anything.
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