Originally Posted by SunshineRocket
Well- he didn't come over on Thursday. I just can't do it! I cannot imagine how confused my kids might feel, coming upon that situation. If I am honest with myself, I would want things to go further than just a kiss and cuddle as well. Sometimes I just want to be selfish but I can't do anything that would negatively affect my children. It's so hard being a grown up sometimes!
I don't have anyone I can leave my kids with for an evening or overnight, sadly enough. So embarrassing to even say that- I am totally alone with them and I guess THAT is what I need to work on right now- building a community for us and building a life that will allow me to date in a responsible manner. I let "my guy" know that all I can manage for the next few months is meeting for lunch..
*sigh* thanks for your replies!
As frustrating as that is...
1) It's good to know you have the self-control to put your kids first, right?
2) The limits/waiting will tell you the quality of this relationship (or others).
For me, casual dating didn't jive well with single parenting. It's not that I never dated. But I didn't want to get on an emotional roller-coaster while raising kids (if I really fell for someone, but he turned out not to be as "into" me). On the other hand, I didn't want to spend much time away from my kids, dating guys I wasn't too invested in and just wanted to have fun with.
The man I ended up marrying and I got to know each other well, over a long period, before we even talked about dating. And when we did, he came right out and said, basically, "We each have too many complications, with our kids, to just get casually involved with each other. Unless we can both envision this road ending in marriage, we shouldn't date each other." It wasn't a proposal
, but we both knew the other's reasonable long-term intention, going in. And we each knew that putting our kids first, when needed, would not cause a problem in the relationship.
Of course, you don't always have the option of getting to know a man well, in some way besides
casual dating. But if the guy you're seeing understood why he couldn't come over Thursday night and is still eager for lunches or whatever you can fit in, that's a first sign that he may be the "right" guy. That knowledge isn't quite a "cuddle on the couch", but it should feel good, in its own way.