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coparenting with a psychopath

4K views 5 replies 4 participants last post by  MinFL 
#1 · (Edited)
#2 ·
No, it is not weird. It is vitally necessary when the other parent is a psychpoath/sociopath. In fact, in many places it is the law that the school must send invitations to BOTH parents.

In my situation, after a decade of me being the only one volunteering and chaperoning field trips, my ex walked into the office one day and told them he had gotten full custody. He was so schmoozy and convincing they never asked for paperwork and they didn't call me because they thought I had lost my son due to abuse. I was just busy with work and hadn't volunteered in a while; that's why they hadn't seen me in a couple of months. Plus, I didn't want to embarrass my junior high kiddo by always being on campus. I came to pick him up early one day and they refused to release him. I had to go to the district office with legal threats to undo what my psycho ex had done.

Take steps now to prevent any further exclusion!
 
#3 ·
Isn't it bizarre that after one person damages relationships by doing something clearly and unmistakably outside what's socially acceptable, a second - normal - person who wants to repair the damage will worry that she might be seen as "weird", or might be at fault for making others uncomfortable, for making that effort?

Yet, I think that happens a lot! When my now-husband was having so many dramatic problems with his borderline-personality-disorder ex-wife (before he got custody and she moved away), people we knew would hear some crazy things about him, from her. Yet, I often worried that I would make people uncomfortable (or that they would think I was weird, or that *he or I* were the ones lying or making things up), if I explained the truth. And honestly, it probably did make some people uncomfortable, and some of them probably did think negatively about me.

If you're saddled with an ex like that, I think you have to handle everything by rationally assessing your options, not by worrying about how others will perceive you. Sometimes others aren't reasonable, and you shouldn't let yourself feel like that's your problem.

Making school staff uncomfortable, by exposing that your ex lied to them and they believed him, is not as bad as keeping quiet and thereby enabling him to do it again, with who-knows-what consequence. And if someone does cop a shoot-the-messenger attitude (as though you're the one inviting others into your ex-marital issues, when obviously that was his doing), force yourself to ignore it. Any person who has that attitude is wrong. And maybe no one will!
 
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