I need help/advice..please - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 08-10-2017, 06:43 AM - Thread Starter
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I need help/advice..please

I am a single mom. My son's father quit his job over a month ago. I am almost positive he isn't even trying to get a new one (He lives with his mom). He was giving me $250 a month in support. Which I know isn't going to happen now. Every dime I make goes to rent, bills, and food. I need that money for my son and his needs. I even have to do all of the picking up and dropping off because his father doesn't even have a vehicle.
How do I deal with this?? In the past he has said that if he was going to pay more in support that he should get to see him more. Do I use that excuse now and not take him to see him? I don't want to be that person. Help!!
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#2 of 4 Old 08-10-2017, 09:41 AM
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I wouldn't withhold your son from him. That will only damage your relationship with him in the long run, which will be bad for everyone, including your son . Perhaps you can show him how him not paying support is hurting your son. Give him real life examples of where your money is coming up short. Do it in a way that isn't scolding him, but is instead pleading for his help. Maybe even tell his mom this stuff as well. It's easy for us on the outside to give advice, but we don't know your history with him and her, and we don't know your financial situation. Is it possible to have an adult conversation and talk him into seeking employment?

In the meantime, you might be able to help yourself by becoming more frugal. Reddit has a good subforum at r/frugal. I'd also recommend the YouTube channel "The Cheap Life" or checking out a book from your library by Jeff Yeager. It's hard sometimes, but I've found we all have places where we can cut back when we absolutely have to.

I don't know much about the legal side of this, but it seems like you will be able to seek that he pays you back for missed payments once he is employed again. At least I hope so!

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#3 of 4 Old 08-16-2017, 03:07 PM
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No, you definitely can't withhold your son due to unpaid child support. My ex has been unemployed or short-term employed and has not paid support regularly in nearly 2 years-in fact, he has paid 10% of what he owes, spread sporadically over that time period, so definitely nothing I can count on. Regardless, he still sees the kids on the usual schedule. It is BIG no-no to withhold kids over financial issues, especially if you have a legal parenting plan in place. Yes, it is frustrating, and yes, it has left me scrambling for 2 years to keep up and recover financially. However, it's not your son's fault that his dad isn't taking care of his responsibilities, so he shouldn't be deprived of a relationship with his dad because of it.

Is your child support filed through the state? if not, you can do that now and at least he will be held accountable at some point for the back child support (arrears). Theoretically, they will take away his license, his tax return, or even threaten jail time if he doesn't pay, but at least for me this hasn't been the case-every time he is almost in trouble for not paying for a long enough period of time, he makes a small payment and then I guess the clock starts over again.

Good luck, and don't be ashamed to take any help you can while your son needs it!

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#4 of 4 Old 08-16-2017, 03:25 PM
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While I agree you can not stop ex from seeing your son because of none payment, I would add, if your agreement states he is supposed to be doing half the driving, then I would tell him that you need to cut back on your gas usage, so he is going to have to make arrangements to pick ds up and you will pick him up at the end of visitation. What does your legal paperwork say?

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