Problems with ex and child support - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-12-2002, 12:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have been divorced for 2 years now and have had physical custody of my now 5 1/2 year old son for 1 year. The ex and I have joint legal. The whole deal is he pays me child support once a week. He hands me the check because we live close by but in two different states.
I agreed to let our son go on a 3 week vacation to see the ex's family, but in the agreement, I told him he needed to continue the child support. I have not recieved anything from him and its been 2 weeks. He is back to his home and our ds is still out visiting and will be back in another week.
I spoke with my lawyer and he told me to write a letter telling the ex to get with it or we will take him to court. So I sent it yesterday and now will wait to hear from him.
Thing is, he knows what buttons to push with me, and I have always been the non assertive one. NOt any more! I am so tired of this happening.
My new boyfriend, whom I am expecting a child with, is very upset with all this. I am almost 8 months pregnant though and really not looking forward to a court date and the stress. I guess I am just looking for some support and love from you, who are strangers, but have been there I am sure.
Thanks for listening,
Maize
due 9/16
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Old 07-12-2002, 02:26 PM
 
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Oceanmama,

I feel you pain and annoyance. I just wanted to say that hang in there and follow through with what it takes to get the child support no matter how much of an a.... he is. He is probably withholding the CS in order to feel in some sort of control. Remind him that the money is to help raise your son. My father refused to pay child support because he felt it help my mom not us. Which meant we went with out a lot of necessities. If the stress is to much for you immediately take it slow by be consistant.

Sending good thought your way.
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Old 07-12-2002, 02:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you greenfrogs... it does get hard when these things happen. And you are right, my ds's father does think I use all the money for me. I was actually planning to use of the checks for the 3 weeks just to put towards clothes for the new school year. If I don't get them, I don't have any extra money to do that with. Its like he is trying to punish me, but our ds will be the one that gets the raw end of the deal with these games...
Maize
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Old 07-12-2002, 09:24 PM
 
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I'm there. I know how you're feeling. My ex actually owes for about 2 years worth of cs. But he's recently figured out that I (legally) can't/won't withold visitation, so he's not making a lick of effort to pay anything. The csed is even supposed to be on his case, but they aren't doing a *bleeping* thing about it. I am currently in the process of changing our parenting plan and my lawyer is going to go after the cs too....yeah!!!!! my problem is the guilt trips I get from my ex and from my dd...my ex and his wife think I am trying to ruin their life, and I know they don't have the $$ (my dd told me that they don't have a car right now even?!)...but that's not my problem, so I'm done being nice about it................
anyways, I'm sorry to go off about my own cs problems, guess it's a pretty sore spot right now.....
Yes, you have to be tough and fight it or he will con't to push your buttons. It is all about power, control and testing you. You need to show him that he is out of line.
The hardest part for me going thru this is to not let the anger, frustration, and worry run my life and my relationship w/ my dh. I just keep hoping and praying for the best for my dd, and know that we are all going thru this for her sake. And I try to take it one day at a time and only deal w/ what is right in front of me...
Hope this helps...keep us posted!
~e
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