New mom again - help! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 08-18-2002, 01:35 AM - Thread Starter
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my second child turned one last Saturday. My first is soon to be 18. It seems that I've forgotten everything about parenting this time around and I am feeling so incompetent.
My older daughter is doing wonderfully - we are very close and she is a mature responsible and somewhat mellow child. My second daughter is a ball of fire, vocal ie screaming when she wants or needs something, a voracious nurser, pincher, biter, extremely active and also entirely sweet most of the time. She is very bright and even at one is pushing the edges all the time with gusto. She walked at 11 months and is climbing and running all over the place.
At 42 I am a bit tired for all of this, and most of the time question how I'm parenting. We started out co-sleeping, but after 10 months of kicking, biting and almost constant nursing through the night, I moved her to a co-sleeper. That worked better as I had a bit more room, but the waking and constant nursing continued to keep me awake most of thenight. After about 1 1/2 months, I chose to have her sleep in a crib in my room. She wakes in the night and cries a bit, but I've been letting her. With my other daughter, I felt much more in tune and flowing. With my 1 year old I feel like crying quite a bit.
I've been reading some parenting books, and I get so many messages - "let the cry it out, it builds self reliance." "Don't let them cry, it is cruel." "Don't nurse them to sleep, it gives them bad sleep habits." "Nurse as long as your baby wants." I'm feeling very confused and incompetent and out of touch with my instincts. My innate sense is to nurture and go with the flow. With my youngest it seems that I need to constantly draw boundaries for her and that is exhausting. Anyone else have similar experience and lived through it?! Help!
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#2 of 3 Old 08-24-2002, 12:18 AM
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Sounds like you are having quite a tough time! I don't share your experience, but I can say the best advice I was ever given was to listen to your heart. If you think you should go with the flow, then do. Boundaries are healthy and necessary, I believe. Although it is exhausting, I would encourage you to keep it up. Do what works and feels right in your heart. Hopefully your dd will grow out of it and sleep more soon. Sorry I don't have any personal experience to share, that is the
best I can offer. Good luck and keep up the good mothering!
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#3 of 3 Old 08-28-2002, 01:36 PM
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Your daughter sounds just like my son who is now 2.5. He is a ball of fire, a constant challenge, and a constant joy. I was lucky in a way because as my mother tells it I was the same way so I was a bit more prepared. That being said it was still difficult. What I found helpful was to reading Dr. Sears book on parenting "spirited" children. I will also say that it does get easier, my son does not nurse nearly as often and is willing to accept when I say no more nursing. He is very willful and stubborn (like me) so it takes more time to set boundaries and so on. But I found that consistancy and patients is the best route.


Hope that helps
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