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#121 of 251 Old 12-08-2004, 11:17 AM
 
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After the whole Ryan incident I was feeling pretty bummed and not in a "dating" mood, but the other night this really cute guy Joe from work asked me out and I said yes. We've been good friends for 2 mos now and I figured that I'd try it out and see how it went.

He's really sweet. We went out for coffee and then saw a movie. We did a lot of talking and right away he asked me what I was looking for. He says he's looking for a nice girl that is honest and doesn't play games that he can have a relationship with. I told him that I was looking for the same. I have lots of respect for a person that can be that open and honest right away. We really hit it off! He walked me to my door at the end of the night and gave me a hug and kissed me on my cheek then called me the next morning to tell me that he had fun and wanted to see me again. We worked together last night and ended up hanging out for 4 hours after work just talking.

I have a good feeling about this one

OH, and Ryan called me last night and left me a voicemail saying that he was "just saying hi", and wanted to see how I was doing I didn't call him back. I don't think I am going to.

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#122 of 251 Old 12-08-2004, 02:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Jill, Lindsay, and L.J: glad to hear you are jumping back into the dating game again - good luck to you, and keep us posted

Jill: I think Ryan is trying to tell you something in not so many words by leaving that voice mail. I'm sure he is still interested - guys don't call "just because" in my experience. If you think it is a waste of time, don't return the call, but just my $.02...

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#123 of 251 Old 12-08-2004, 02:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Now here's my update:

Since getting back together with "W" last Wednesday, we've seen each other twice and talked three or four other times. The boys met him last Saturday at his firestation. We dropped off a donation for the fire dept toy drive, and got a tour of the station as well. My kids just loved him - even Adam, who is very shy around new people. By the end of the visit, Adam was walking over to W, holding his arms up to be picked up and held (he doesn't even do that with his dad!). On Monday, I had lunch with him at his apartment while his DD napped. We are probably getting together on Sunday afternoon while my kids are with their dad - we'll take his DD to see Santa at the mall.

Things are going well, but I'm still fighting the scared, nervous feelings. I guess I feel that I'm on a short leash, so to speak - he needs to be able to trust that I won't freak out and walk out on him again, and I have to be as "normal" as possible even if I'm not feeling that way! I hadn't heard from him since Monday, so I left him a message this morning that sounded more panicked than I had intended (I was driving into the parking garage at the time and wasn't paying attention to my words). Now, I feel like I should leave another message to explain about the previous one, but that is probably overkill.... Thoughts?

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#124 of 251 Old 12-08-2004, 05:15 PM
 
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Sounds like things are going pretty well. My advise would be not to leave another message ... that might make your first message sound even worse, kwim? What did you say that has you worried? I'm willing to bet it sounded just fine, but you are maybe thinking too much about it, trying too hard to be "normal", ya know?

W sounds like a great, understanding guy. I'm happy that things are going well for you two.

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#125 of 251 Old 12-08-2004, 05:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Candace: I did end up leaving another message because in the first one I said "Hey, where are you?", which sounds very clingy to me. I just said that I didn't want to seem panicky when I was really distracted. It was just that the traffic conditions near us have been poor with the rainy weather and I was concerned because I knew he was on the road today with his DD. I asked him to call when he had a chance, and told him I looked forward to seeing him on Sunday. That was it.... I think it's OK now, and I will wait to hear from him. I'm sure that I will, but to be honest.... I know he is holding back a bit because he doesn't want to get hurt again. He is probably not intending to hurt my feelings, but he is a busy person and I think he is going through a tough time this week. Men handle these things differently from women - we reach out to others when in a time of crisis, men retreat until they feel better. It's time to play the waiting game, I suppose.....

Another thing: He may not have understood either message because I've got terrible laryngitis and can barely be heard anyhow ! I'm sure it will be OK - I'm just micromanaging and need to relax.

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#126 of 251 Old 12-08-2004, 09:15 PM
 
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Soul-O, the whole thing sounds like an episode of Seinfeld or Bridget Jones' Diary [and I mean that in the best possible sense!] I do the same thing, get tied up in knots over a 30-second phone message, micro-managing every word and inflection.

Sounds like your fireman guy is pretty grounded... little kids are good judges of character, so your son's enthusiasm is a positive sign! (And by the way: Rrrowr, a fireman!!)
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#127 of 251 Old 12-08-2004, 09:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soul-O
Ooo Baby Slinger - Have fun, and give up the skirt if the mood strikes you .
Hello ladies... just an update: hot hot lunch (all talk) today with my lawyer, whom we can definitely call "Don Juan". Things are percolating. He was telling me how he likes to give foot massages and pedicures...

Still haven't decided about the skirt, but give up my shoes? NO QUESTION!
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#128 of 251 Old 12-08-2004, 10:21 PM
 
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babyslinger-does lawyer have a foot fetish, better get a pedicure first. lol.

soulo i do it to, i really try not to but i over anazyle stuff too. dont worry to much.
everybody, just jump in trust your guts. dating is sopposed to be fun

still no dates cos no one is just right ing ly
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#129 of 251 Old 12-08-2004, 10:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BabySlinger
Hello ladies... just an update: hot hot lunch (all talk) today with my lawyer, whom we can definitely call "Don Juan". Things are percolating. He was telling me how he likes to give foot massages and pedicures...

Still haven't decided about the skirt, but give up my shoes? NO QUESTION!
:LOL You go mama!

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#130 of 251 Old 12-09-2004, 01:06 AM
 
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Tabitha, sounds like both messages were just fine. If W is holding back b/c he does not want to get hurt, IMO your messages should make him feel better.

Can't wait to read about your next update.

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#131 of 251 Old 12-09-2004, 01:07 AM
 
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Babyslinger ... Don Juan divorce attorney sounds like a good time! Make sure you update us and let us know once you get that foot massage. :LOL

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#132 of 251 Old 12-09-2004, 01:11 AM
 
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Things are going good ... so good sometimes I worry. Like is it really possible to be this happy? Almost like I'm waiting for something to go wrong. I try not to, but sometimes Jeremy seems too good to be true.

I visited with him last Sunday most of the day, just a nice, relaxing day watching tv and laying around. Then he came and took me out to dinner on Monday night and we ended up talking until nearly 2am.

He was going to come up again to see me tomorrow night, but he has to work. So it looks like I wont see him again until the weekend ... I'd like to go to his house, but he may end up coming here. We live about an hour apart, so sometimes it's hard for me to go there. He's always super-sweet about coming to me instead.

We talk everyday, several times a day. We've had the *talk* and we both agree that we are very into eachother and don't want to see other people right now.

Overall, I'm sooo happy. Now if I can just keep myself from thinking this is too good to be true, I'll be alright. :LOL

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#133 of 251 Old 12-09-2004, 03:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Update:

It ended up OK after all . W had left me a cell phone msg (we are not allowed to have cell phones on in our building - medical offices on the same floor w/ paging equipment) about 20 minutes after I left the second message. He said that I did sound a bit panicky, but that he was sure I understood that he was having a couple of very busy days with his kids and his side R.E. loan business and that he needed to recharge a bit before calling me. I called back, left him a msg saying I understood and was sorry if I seemed overly demanding. About 15 minutes after I left the last message, he called and we spoke for about 10 minutes before I had to go in to a meeting with my attorney in prep for my final court date on Tuesday. We'll probably talk tomorrow to finalize our weekend plans. If not, I'm sure I'll speak with him over the weekend. Yes, he is definitely more cautious than he was when we were dating before, but I have to remember.... I was the one who pushed him out of my life very abruptly - he accepted me back with open arms, but he needs to know that I am "safe", so it will take some time before we are on 100% status. All in all, though... he makes me very happy.

BabySlinger: Arnie Becker sounds like a very good time in the making - hope you give up more than the shoes if the mood strikes! Yes.... sometimes I feel like Elaine Benes or Bridget Jones - just the single mom version

Candace: I'm so happy for you - Jeremy sounds like a dream. It is hard sometimes to accept that the "too good to be true" really IS true. You deserve it, mama .

Maya: Glad to know I'm not the only over-analyzer in the bunch! It's a sign of a high IQ, BTW .

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#134 of 251 Old 12-10-2004, 01:49 PM
 
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I think my x has screwed me up more than I like to admit. I try to pretend I'm normal, not wounded, but then something happens and I realize I'm not as together as I think I am. Does that make sense? :

Jeremy called me last night (like usual) and in the course of our conversation, it came out that this 19 year old that he works with took him aside and asked him why he'd never asked her out. He was caught off guard and mumbled something about her being too young. When she began to argue with him, he said good night and left it at that.

This opened up a good conversation for us ... we were able to talk about dating other people, how it would make us feel, etc. I told Jeremy if he wanted to date her, he's free to do it, I don't want to make him do anything he does not feel ready for. He said no, she was not worth ruining what we might have together. He said he's happy with me, and hopes I feel the same way about him, and would turn down some hot guy who asked me out.

Of course, I felt jealous hearing about this 19 year old who wants him. That's fairly normal. But what I don't get about myself, is how is bothered me more than it should have. I believe it's because of my x, his infedelity, and the fact that I believe most men are out to get as many women as they can. I *know* Jeremy is not like that, but like I said, I think my x left me with more baggage than I realized.

I should be happy that Jeremy turned down a 19 year old for me, right? Shouldn't that make me feel secure in his caring for me, in the fact that I am more than just some girl he's dating? Instead I feel rattled. Not that I would show that to Jeremy ... but that's why I have all of ya'll.

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#135 of 251 Old 12-10-2004, 02:24 PM
 
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Candace,

I think your feelings are pefectly normal. It is hard to separate one *sshole from a good guy. I tend to lump them all together too.

Perhaps the distance has something to do with it too? I would be a little offput by a 19 yo hitting on my man.

BUT on the other hand, I would be very happy he did not pursue it. I would be happy he told you about it. I would be happy he told you that he likes what you two have and who is going on between you two. That says a lot in a man. Integrity, dignity, honesty, loyalty, respect.

All characteristics guys tend to not exhibit when they cheat.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mistymama
I think my x has screwed me up more than I like to admit. I try to pretend I'm normal, not wounded, but then something happens and I realize I'm not as together as I think I am. Does that make sense? :
yes, but you are Just a bit wounded. That is normal. He hurt you. But you will recover from it. All it takes is time and a wonderful attitude.

Quote:
This opened up a good conversation for us ... we were able to talk about dating other people, how it would make us feel, etc. I told Jeremy if he wanted to date her, he's free to do it, I don't want to make him do anything he does not feel ready for. He said no, she was not worth ruining what we might have together. He said he's happy with me, and hopes I feel the same way about him, and would turn down some hot guy who asked me out.
This sounds like it was actually a way for you to discuss this. So maybe it had a good effect.

Quote:
I should be happy that Jeremy turned down a 19 year old for me, right? Shouldn't that make me feel secure in his caring for me, in the fact that I am more than just some girl he's dating? Instead I feel rattled. Not that I would show that to Jeremy ... but that's why I have all of ya'll.
Yes, yes. But it is NORMAL to feel rattled. Especially in that new stage of I-really-like-you-and-you-really-like-me-and-lets-not-mess-this-up giddiness. I remember those days :LOL I hope to have them again.

It sounds like you have a wonderful man who cares for you. And wants a future with you. Try dwelling on that rather than girls hitting on him (which IS a compliment...a 19 yo girl hitting on him should tell you that he is a STUD! )

mama I know it is hard. But it should? get easier!

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#136 of 251 Old 12-10-2004, 02:27 PM
 
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Soul O, sounds like things are going awesome for you!!! GOOD! You deserve it!



I am beginning to think you each need your own thread so I can more closely follow what is going on--well, not me, all of us. That way we can keep tabs

Mine will be empty for the time being, but hey having one might make me pursue it. I did sign up for the single parent thing, but you have to pay and I cannot. Not to mention, it seems you really are going to have to weed through the guys (there are some CUTE ones however!!!)

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#137 of 251 Old 12-10-2004, 02:37 PM
 
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Soul-O: W sounds like a great guy, good for you mama!! gHe sounds like he's very understanding and caring. I hope things continue to go well for you both.

Candace: Jeremy sounds wonderful. I know what you mean about the feelings of someone or something being "too good to be true". I feel like sometimes I spend my life waiting for something bad to happen too. Just try to focus on the present and enjoy the moment, or else you'll miss all the good things. Jealousy is no fun huh? I've been there too. Try not to let it bother you. He told you because he wants you to know that you have nothing to worry about. Try to let go of the "baggage" that your ex left you with. Deal with the pain then move on and don't take it with you to the next relationship, otherwise you'll be setting yourself up for failure. 's it sounds like you've found yourself a keeper.

Maya and Soul-o: I'm right there with you both. I'm the queen of over-analyzing sometimes. I always thought it was because of my fascination with psychology and sociology but I'll gladly accept that it is because I have a high IQ

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#138 of 251 Old 12-10-2004, 03:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Candace: Boy, those wounded leftovers from past relationships are hard to shake, aren't they? I agree with the others - Jeremy told you about the 19 yr old because he wants you to know that he is not considering dating other women. He wants you to be able to trust him, and given the distance between you, I'm sure he feels the need to disclose everything that happens. This is a good sign . He definitely sounds like a keeper. Just remember that you deserve to be happy, and you deserve to have peace of mind. Jeremy is offering you both - take them with open arms.

Jill: LOL! My B.A. is in Sociology, and my concentration was Applied Social Research. I think the social scientist in us must be part of the tendancy to overanalyze.

Now my latest update ...

W and I had lunch yesterday, then took a long walk around his neighborhood. We talked a lot about our respective emotional states as well as our feelings about the future. I think we both agree that we like the current direction of the relationship, but that a permanent commitment (i.e. marriage) would be a few years off for either of us, given that we both are recently single and considering that neither of us ever wants to go through another divorce. Monogamy and exclusivity is good for now - we're just taking it day by day. He's at the firestation for the next two days (Friday and Saturday), then will be with me on Sunday until I pick up my kids from stbx's apartment. We're planning a "retro birthday" for me sometime in January to make up for the celebration I missed out on when I broke up with him last month, and we're hoping to visit my extended family in No. California in February or March to go ocean kayaking for the weekend. We also may end up doing some business together (my firm's financial planning clients need his firm's Real Estate services). It feels wonderful to be making future plans, especially when he suggests them - shows that he sees a long term future for us.

Thanks for all of the positive thoughts - I appreciate the great advice from all of you!

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#139 of 251 Old 12-10-2004, 06:52 PM
 
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Thanks everyone ... you gals are seriously the best! s

You were able to put into words what I was feeling, what I know deep down. Thank you for that.

Jeremy txt messaged me this morning before he went to bed (long story, he's having to work a 2nd job until his commercial real estate commissions start to kick in) and then called me first thing after he woke up. I know where his heart is, now I just need to relax and trust in what we have. Easier said than done when you have an x like mine, but I am going to try my best.

I think Tabitha and I need our own thread :LOL We've both got guys who appear to be everything we've ever wanted, yet our baggage keeps tripping us up! I'm just glad I'm not totally alone here.

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#140 of 251 Old 12-10-2004, 06:54 PM
 
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Tabitha, I'm in with 'W' for you! :LOL Wow, he sounds awesome! I'm so happy things are going well for you two. I try to just take things one day at a time as well, live in the moment and enjoy being happy. Easier said than done, I know, but I think it's the best we can do right now.

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#141 of 251 Old 12-10-2004, 07:03 PM
 
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well said mistymama
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#142 of 251 Old 12-10-2004, 07:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mistymama
Tabitha, I'm in with 'W' for you! :LOL Wow, he sounds awesome! I'm so happy things are going well for you two. I try to just take things one day at a time as well, live in the moment and enjoy being happy. Easier said than done, I know, but I think it's the best we can do right now.
ITA. I am so not a "live in the moment" person - I'm a planner by nature, and feel that all in my life must be settled when that situation is totally unrealistic. I agree that we both are doing the best we can right now. There is still a lot of healing to be done, so taking these relationships down the slow path is probably the right move for now.

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#143 of 251 Old 12-12-2004, 03:31 PM
 
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By any chance do either "W" or Jeremy have any single brothers?? :LOL

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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#144 of 251 Old 12-12-2004, 11:25 PM
 
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Hey, I went on a DATE!

So, my friends boyfriend (who I don't really like) decided to play matchmaker and gave my number to a guy he knows. After a couple phone calls, we decided to meet.

I think the fact that I'm busy & happy alone right now and don't want to complicate things with a man in my life, plus the fact that I figured this guy I don't like was probably setting me up with someone like himself, led me agree to this date with the lowest expectations and enthusiasm possible.

However, we went for coffee today and I must say, I was pleasantly surprised. He was a very nice man, has some good morals and values (that I could surmise from an hour & a half conversation) and was cute! We discussed getting together again, maybe this weekend when my kids are with their dad.

If it progresses, I'll keep you posted!
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#145 of 251 Old 12-13-2004, 12:13 AM
 
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Originally Posted by AidenMatthewsMom
By any chance do either "W" or Jeremy have any single brothers?? :LOL
:LOL :LOL

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#146 of 251 Old 12-13-2004, 12:14 AM
 
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That's great LJ! Sometimes having low expectations is not always a bad thing! I did the very same thing when I first met Jeremy, and wow, did he blow my low expectations out of the water!

I know you've said several times you don't want a man to complicate your life right now, so enjoy whatever comes from this!

Candacepeace.gif, Married to dh   guitar.gif, Mom to ds (8) biggrinbounce.gif , Gavin candle.gif (9/30/10 - 12/19/10) and cautiously expecting our rainbow1284.gif 4-29-12

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#147 of 251 Old 12-13-2004, 12:46 AM
 
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Paloma? Posting on this thread? Yeah.

Well, I am just thinking about dating. A friend wants to set me up with his uncircumsised firefighter friend. (How does he know? Must have had a gym class together or something.)

Another friend wants to set me up with a friend who is some kind of construction foreman and recreational flight instructor. Yeee ha!

Is it kind of like going into labor, you are never 100% ready?
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#148 of 251 Old 12-13-2004, 10:47 AM
 
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Is it kind of like going into labor, you are never 100% ready?
Exactly like that!
Good for you Paloma!
Enjoy!
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#149 of 251 Old 12-13-2004, 03:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yay L.J.! I'm glad the date went well. The fact that you are happy & settled in your life is probably very attractive to this guy. I hope it continues to go well.

Paloma - Go girl! Of the three men I've dated since I became single again, two of them (including my current man) are firefighters. They tend to be very athletic, handy in a crisis situation, financially stable, and especially understanding of odd schedules (considering their own odd schedules). Keep us posted!

Tabitha ~ devoted wife to my best friend Stephen ribbonyellow.gif and gentle Christian mom to six DSs: notes.gif E - 2/09/00REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifA - 3/05/03superhero.gifA- 6/05/06 guitar.gif H- 2/07/08 jog.gif J - 11/14/10 bouncy.gif T - 8/23/12 + stork-suprise.gif due 9/20/14!  brokenheart.gif DD Janae 10/19/09 angel2.gif
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#150 of 251 Old 12-13-2004, 03:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mistymama
That's great LJ! Sometimes having low expectations is not always a bad thing! I did the very same thing when I first met Jeremy, and wow, did he blow my low expectations out of the water!

I know you've said several times you don't want a man to complicate your life right now, so enjoy whatever comes from this!
I've decided that if he (or someone else) is truly the "right" guy it really won't feel complicated anyway, so I've decided to ride this wave for the moment and see where it takes me!

Our first meeting was definitely encouraging and even if he isn't the right guy for me, he is one really amazing man. I'm glad we've met and had a really fun conversation.
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