Why I love Being a Single Mother - Page 16 - Mothering Forums

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#451 of 482 Old 09-05-2012, 12:52 PM
 
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Perhaps I will chime in here to try and add a ray of positive energy to this situation... I am only very recently a single mom.. 2.5 weeks out, but this is what I have noticed and what I am appreciating so far:

 

1. My house stays clean after I clean it!!  Seriously, it's been 2 weeks since I last cleaned... and it's still clean!  This is a new record!

2. I only have to mother 1 little boy, not 1 little boy and 1 grown man.

3. I feel like I say half as much and accomplish twice as much - no more having to take the time out of my work day to remind him to do the dishes or take out the garbage; no more knowing that if I didn't remind him it wouldn't get done.  Now it just gets done.

4. Night time is MY time.  I haven't turned the tv on in 2.5 weeks! (at night, DS still watches during the day).  At night I hang out in my air conditioned room on my comfy bed in my comfy housecoat and read or write or meditate or just lie there and do nothing.

5. Nobody judges me for going to bed early because I'm tired from working and taking care of DS all day.

6. MY HOUSE IS CLEAN!!!!!

7. No more yelling at/chasing after the puppy all damn day long - she's gone to live with him. (this one is sad and good.. I never wanted a dog, that was all him and of course I ended up being the one to take care of her).

8. DS and I get to move into our very own apartment, filled with our things, designed the way we want it to look - and IT WILL STAY CLEAN!!!!

9. We plan for DS to spend alternate weekends with the ex, which means I get to sleep in every other weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10. MY HOUSE IS STILL CLEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!


Just me and DS.
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#452 of 482 Old 09-05-2012, 06:37 PM
 
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HAHA_ It's funny your house is clean because mine is sooo not- lol I hope you live close so you can come help me with mine!

 

Good luck to you and welcome to single motherhood!
 


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#453 of 482 Old 09-06-2012, 08:22 AM
 
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HAHA_ It's funny your house is clean because mine is sooo not- lol I hope you live close so you can come help me with mine!

 

Good luck to you and welcome to single motherhood!
 

 

It is pretty funny.. especially considering all these years I thought that I was the slob (that's what he always told me...) so it's nice to finally realize that it wasn't all my fault... my house is not super perfectly clean, but its a lot cleaner than it has been in several years!!!


Just me and DS.
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#454 of 482 Old 09-06-2012, 08:58 PM
 
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I want you all to know that I come here to be reminded of all of my blessings when I am super stressed out by single motherhood... thanks!

 

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I need to re read this. 

 

I love being able to re create my life without asking anyone else for their opinion first.

 

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A toast to us all! champagne.gif

I love that we rarely have to wait and wait and wait on anyone's selfish butt.

I can be me! I can be me! I can be me! And so my children are free to be themselves by the example I am setting.

 

yeahthat.gif   I also came here to re-read and remind myself. It's such a great thread!
 

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#455 of 482 Old 09-12-2012, 11:49 AM
 
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Oh my goodness , I just stumbled over this thread and I was so mesmerized by it , that I read every single post , seriously !

This has come at such a perfect time for me and it has helped me see the light of my new life as a newly single woman !

Plus , I figure , if all you others can do it , so can I !

Thank you for this thread ! grouphug.gif


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#456 of 482 Old 09-13-2012, 06:56 PM
 
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:) tonttu:)
 


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#457 of 482 Old 09-13-2012, 11:18 PM
 
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Oh yeah , I also see the light in being a single Mother , like

 

- no more tip toeing and holding your breath before 10 am , so bf doesn´t wake up from his beauty sleep

- no more dealing with mood swings , because we don´t act the way , he expects us to ( which is totally irrational )

- no more " under the belt line " insults , simply because I am too tired to give him a blow job after being up from 6 am to 10 pm and going non-stop , while

  he is sitting at the computer , and he get´s mad , because I " can´t even spend time with him "

- no more money I have to spend on HIS cigarettes , because he doesn´t have a job and makes no effort to get one , or should I rather say , EVERY effort

  to avoid getting one

- my kids don´t need to be afraid of leaving their toys or crafts projects laying around , for fear of him stepping on them , which is their fault , not his ( in his

  words ) because they don´t pick their stuff up

- nobody calls my older kids insulting names , like " the little n.....s " !

- nobody calls me a whore , because I have had a boyfriend for 2 years when I was 16 and a husband , who I was married to for 11 years , before he died 9

  years ago and he never had a relationship before meeting me , which probably should have made me wonder about him now that I look back at the

  start of our relationship

- nobody calls me a crazy pet hoarder , because I have 2 cats and 4 dogs , all of whom I have had since they were babies and who are between 7 and

  16 years old ( except the 2 10-month-old puppies )

- I can do what I want , when I want it and the only schedules , I have to work around , is my kids´

- nobody makes fun of my hobbies anymore , or my kids´ hobbies , or calls us " weird " or " abnormal "just because we don´t like ice hockey and

  rockabilly music

- I don´t get dragged into any more pointless discussions about why he likes his native language ( finnish ) better than my native language ( german )

- I don´t get any lectures about , why I can´t even keep the house spotless with the " little bit " I have to do , while he constantly spills things ( that he doesn´t clean up ) or drops things ( that he doesn´t pick up ) or tramples on things ( that , he says , he didn´t leave laying there ) . Not that I understand  why he would step on it , I mean does it give you the right to plow over another person´s stuff , simply because YOU didn´t put it there ?

- I don´t have to hide food from him anymore , so that he doesn´t hurry up and eat it , before my kids get some or get in fights with him , because every time , we have cake or donuts or some special treat like that he goes " do the adults get 2 and the kids 1 ?" or " we ( the grow-ups ) should eat as much as we like and then give the kids the rest "  

 

 

OMG , after sitting back and reading some of the stuff , I went through these past few years , I am beginning to wonder , am I really that bad of a Mother , that I exposed what means most to me in the World , my wonderful children , to all this ? guilty.gif

Well , anyway , it feels great to have written it all down , thanks for letting letting me get it out of my system

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#458 of 482 Old 09-15-2012, 08:06 PM
 
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Hugs toyou and good for you for getting out

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#459 of 482 Old 03-04-2013, 01:45 PM
 
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NO MORE GASLIGHTING!

 

My husband only left a fortnight ago, so this is still very new and very raw. But of the things I will miss, I will never miss him gaslighting me

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#460 of 482 Old 03-08-2013, 08:25 AM
 
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Well this thread is timely.

1. Tiny apartment for me and my DS that is clean, simple and doesn't smell funky. I have what we need and nothing extra.

2. No more dog- Sad and I really loved that dog but I simply could not work, take care of house, DS, dog/cat and all of the ex-demands and quirks that we exhausting. When he left the back yard with dog poop for 3 months because I refused to do it anymore, I knew I had to move on. He also refused to train him. He is 115lbs pounds and I would try to train him only to have him undo everything.

3. Out of debt except for a new Jeep I just bought. First new car in 10 years. He made fun of me for wanting another but I LOVE it.

4. Eating healthy- actually eating fruits and vegetables with meals and not just meat with more meat. no more spending $50 on junk food or special food for him because he hates everything I make. Add that to the fact that he had to put pounds of butter on everything WTF??? when he would cook. I felt like I was drinking straight grease.

5. Working out

6. Small home= more time with my DS and more time to explore.

7. More beach time/beach camping.

8. My stress level as dropped to nil and my work and home life have improved 110%- I used to think it was becuase I just didn't like my job or I couldn't do it. Finally figured out that it was ex's nagging that was killing me.

9. Apartment is decorated to what I LIKE. Yes, it's simple and looks like IKEA came in and decorated but I love it.

10. A fully adjusted 7 year old that loves me unconditionally, respectes my authority and keeps me having fun.

11. No more having to explain ex's shortcomings. He still thinks people didn't notice.

12. Quiet- we don't have a tv. I love it.

13. I am actually saving money for the first time in 10 years.

14. Social life skyrocketed. Parents invite me to everything and I enjoy going now. No more party pooper tagging along.

15. Watching my son play sports because he wants to, not because it's "manly"

16. Spending Christmas at the beach =AWESOME!!! surf.gif'

17. Be able to set up drying racks in the apartment and not having my craziness questioned.

18. Living green and frugal and not having my craziness questioned. Peace.gif

19. Having friends over and actually having fun.

20. Having a clean toilet and sink...HUGE..HUGE...HUGE!!!!!

21. No more feeling guility about not having sex. I can take it or leave it.

22. Being filled with joy and happiness EVERY DAY..I never thought it was possible.

23. No more dealing with his chronic illnesses= basically his excuses to be lazy as possible.

24. Being able to talk freely without him correcting me EVERYTIME I opened my mouth.

25. Realizing my dream of living at the beach is coming true without either the quiet treatment or laughing at me and telling me to be realistic.

26. No more explaining to my DS why daddy's sleep until almost noon and has no job since leaving the military 2 years ago.

27. No more being stressed when he drives like a monkey's butt, thinking everyone ELSE is the jerk.

28. Having my own opinion on guns, Jesus and sports.

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#461 of 482 Old 03-08-2013, 09:00 AM
 
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26. No more having my "gifts" come late in the mail because he forgot.

27. No more having to pick out my own gifts because he "doesn't" get me and I am difficult.

28. When something needs to be done, I get it done and it's over. No more begging, asking, begging again, trying to be nice, trying to be mean about it.

29. Taking care of my severe arthritis and not having someone tell me it's "all in my head."

30. I am free to grown into who I am. I am still the same happy, simple girl he married but I just know myself better and will not compromise.

31. Being able to have a hot pink and green pillow for the cat and he doesn't think it's "gay.

32. No more political arguments.

33. Earning my Masters and PHD because I can.

34. Did I mention the apartment smells good?

35. No more listening to him do his business with the door open.

36. No more crashing my legs into a sink cupboard door at night because he leaves it open in the bathroom.

37. I don't have to share blankets. no more waking up freezing with just one butt cheek covered.

38. Maragarita in peace.

39. No more telling me I need to be medicated so he can deal with me.

40. Short pixie cut- without the lesbian, gay or manly comments.

41. Animal rescue without him complaining I spend too much time away from home.

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#462 of 482 Old 03-08-2013, 09:39 AM
 
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42. My plants are no longer neglected and get watered. He used to "forget" or he would trample them and kill them.

43. I can explore my love of photography without me "clogging up the memory" on the computer with my pictures.

44. My dream of going to Paris and Italy will come true.

45. I can live very minimally. No more truckloads of useless crap to get rid of.

46. I can go to Austin without making me feel like I am a weirdo.

47. I am no longer the one who has to keep the extended family informed.

48. No more loud Harley stinkin' up my garage.

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#463 of 482 Old 03-08-2013, 09:46 AM
 
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Awesome thread!!! A few months ago I became a single Mama to my five kiddos. 

 

What I love...

 

Not seeing my children punched, kicked, slapped, pushed, bloodied - all in the name of "discipline".

My children and I no longer living in fear or always being on edge.

No more holes in the walls, or broken possessions.

My kids not being walked over (literally!) because they were "in his way".

No longer hearing about how fat/ugly/gross I am and no longer being constantly told to lose weight (I'm not fat).

Not being told to lose weight or eat only vegetables during pregnancy.

Feeling joy and happiness again, same for my kids.

Not hearing about his body, health or bodily functions on an hourly basis.

No longer having sex demanded of me every night (and oftentimes multiple times a day).

Not being destitute and living off other people because he sits at home all day because he refused to work since our relationship began.

No more foreclosure, collections, liens, unpaid bills, etc.

Making phone calls and not having them subtly monitored by him.

Being able to go places without him (we did nearly everything together because "families should be together at all times").

Being free to choose my own friends.

Going to bed when I want.

Eating what I want when I want.

Not having everything that brings me joy in my life being sabotaged or taken away.

Not having everything in my life controlled by him!

Being able to live freely.

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#464 of 482 Old 03-08-2013, 11:06 AM
 
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49. I can be sexy and own it without being called slutty.

50. No more clothing in the closet that smells like butt.

51. No more dirty tissues showed in between the headboard and mattress. WTF???

52. I can have a corporate career that I love and love the people I work with. I can be succesful, all done on my own.

53. I can decorate and live like I am in a little Paris apartment and not worry that my fancy chairs are going to be ruined.

54. I can play Lego's with my son for hours and leave them out.

55. The cat is much more relaxed and happy.

56. I can put on my soul moving music and dance like a looney and love it..and my son joins me now.

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#465 of 482 Old 03-08-2013, 11:41 AM
 
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I know, it's such a great thread. I've been reading and rereading every day for the past three weeks.

I sign the lease on our new little townhouse on Wednesday. It's very small - all that I could afford is either grotty, or tiny - but now we have an excuse to get rid of so much of the clutter that's been weighing us down!

I don't mean the ex's stuff; that's already all packed and ready for him to pick up. I mean all the little things that we've been keeping for too long, things that don't really have a place but " might be useful someday" - out they go! I'm really looking forward to me and my kids are living in a space filled with things that are either beautiful or useful, with no junk taking up our space and energy!

I didn't think it would mean so much to me! But then, I'm finding things out about myself I've been keeping buried for a long time....
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#466 of 482 Old 03-08-2013, 03:33 PM
 
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57. No more following him around for his dream jobs, leaving me alone 75% of the time and then telling me how I don't appreciate HIM.

58. No one laughing at my choice in profession even though I am the bread winner.

59. No more watching "Cops" or related shows for hours on end.

60. No more empty promises. We agreed to 4 kiddos and I am very blessed with DS but my child bearing days are over.

61. No more t-shirts with stupid saying received as gifts. He loved the $5 rack at the drugstore.

62. Allowing myself to splurge on a pedicure and masage monthly because it makes me feel good and I can go without him calling me 30x during it.

63. I don't have to sit here and listen to him gloat about his awesome postings on yahoo to articles- his smug superiority. Really.it's the internet.

64. No more waking up to a dirty kitchen or him burning something in the middle of the night because he got hungry.

65. I have a crystal chandelier in my living room. Pretty.

66. I can take DS to a paint/pottery class and enjoy it without him standing in the corner with his arms crossed.

67. Going to the movies and actually getting some of the nachos and cheese.

68. DS can pick out a Build a Bear and not have him rolling his eyes at him.

69. My jokes are funny not annoying winky.gif

70. I can have multiple interests or think things are cool and not have someone tell me I can't make up my mind.

71. My Jeep is clean inside.

72. I can spend time on my girly habits and no one complains.

73. I don't have to pretend smile in public anymore.

74. When I hug my son, I know he will hug me back. flowersforyou.gif

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#467 of 482 Old 03-08-2013, 05:16 PM
 
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75. I can have a closet full of pretty dresses just because and actually wear them without negative comment.

76. Same for sandals/shoes.

77. I get a whole night of undisturbed sleep.

78. No more asking me where something is and making me get up to point out that it is right in front of his face.

79. Time to explore art galleries, musicals, plays and the such without questioning my motives in relation to our DS. I just want to enjoy myself.

80. No more 4 hour cleaning sessions..ever.

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#468 of 482 Old 03-09-2013, 06:08 PM
 
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I love all of these responses. The best has to be not having the unfortunate bad influences.

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#469 of 482 Old 03-21-2013, 04:32 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by josie423 View Post

Awesome thread!!! A few months ago I became a single Mama to my five kiddos. 

 

What I love...

 

Not seeing my children punched, kicked, slapped, pushed, bloodied - all in the name of "discipline".

My children and I no longer living in fear or always being on edge.

No more holes in the walls, or broken possessions.

My kids not being walked over (literally!) because they were "in his way".

No longer hearing about how fat/ugly/gross I am and no longer being constantly told to lose weight (I'm not fat).

Not being told to lose weight or eat only vegetables during pregnancy.

Feeling joy and happiness again, same for my kids.

Not hearing about his body, health or bodily functions on an hourly basis.

No longer having sex demanded of me every night (and oftentimes multiple times a day).

Not being destitute and living off other people because he sits at home all day because he refused to work since our relationship began.

No more foreclosure, collections, liens, unpaid bills, etc.

Making phone calls and not having them subtly monitored by him.

Being able to go places without him (we did nearly everything together because "families should be together at all times").

Being free to choose my own friends.

Going to bed when I want.

Eating what I want when I want.

Not having everything that brings me joy in my life being sabotaged or taken away.

Not having everything in my life controlled by him!

Being able to live freely.

josie :(  I randomly started followed the feb DDC and got really excited for all of you.  I remember when you left your hubby and I had no clue it was this bad.  I am so sorry that you went through all of that and I am so amazed at your courage.  you are awesome, mama.

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#470 of 482 Old 03-21-2013, 08:05 PM
 
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Thank you!! I am breaking my silence now, there were many things I didn't share. It feels really good to get it all out!


Single Mama to five 6 and under!
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#471 of 482 Old 03-31-2013, 06:07 AM
 
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Love reading this thread... Hugs to you Josie... The birds are chirping and it is spring.  New beginnings.
 


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#472 of 482 Old 04-06-2013, 09:55 PM
 
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I absolutely LOVE being single. Relationships make me feel "tied down" - which is an obvious sign I haven't found the right one yet.

 

I have more free time to focus on hobbies and loving myself and my daughter.

 

NO time is dedicated to worrying about a partner. NO time is wasted arguing.

 

My time is MY time. I am so much more productive! I am free to be ME with no criticism or judgment passed.

 

I can do what I want when I want. 

 

Time with my daughter is quality one-on-one instead of trying to split my attention.

 

I discover more and more about myself when I'm single.

 

I go on more adventures, I'm more social and spontaneous... I'm less afraid to try new things! I travel more. I meet more people. I could go on and on... :D


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Aspiring homesteader & beekeeper.

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#473 of 482 Old 04-15-2013, 10:40 PM
 
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I love this thread!

Visit the Holiday Helper thread and join in on the giving and fun! Loving and working with the plants. I have a store! or two!
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#474 of 482 Old 04-16-2013, 11:42 AM
 
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The food part is what got to me ! I honestly didn´t realize , how much it had bothered me , having to eat stuff , he likes all the time and getting " the look " at best and complaining at worst for choices I make !

Sorry , but eating french fries and sausages is not something , I consider a healthy balanced meal 

And I also don´t like to eat meat in one form or another every single day !

And I also don´t like the complaints about how much food the kids eat , when now that he is gone , it is amazing , how much less we actually use ! Funny , since all the kids still live here eyesroll.gif

And I can actually go to bed , when I am tired , roll over and go to sleep without somebody mumbling , that he can´t even get a blow job every once in a while

So , no I don´t miss sex either , especially since sex for me was turning into a chore 

I also don´t miss his abusive behaviour towards my teenage son , who never gave him a reason for not liking him , other than being himself 

And I don´t miss having to take out pet birds out of their nice big cage in the evening and putting them in a small cage in one of the kids´rooms , so that Mr . I-dont-have-a-job doesn´t get bothered while trying to sleep until noon ( or later ) 

I can use my computer , when I feel like it and not have to wait in line , until he is done doing God-knows-what on it and then accuses the kids of messing it up , when it doesn´t work properly anymore 


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#475 of 482 Old 04-18-2013, 10:43 AM
 
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THANK YOU! For starting this post...and for all who contributed....you've all take the words right out of my mouth.

 

Some days it's hard to feel positive about going at this by myself, but this was so empowering joy.gif

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#476 of 482 Old 04-18-2013, 12:53 PM
 
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Josie ~ you all have such a great life ahead of you. Way to go! We have so many freedoms to celebrate!

 

I love being free to discuss politics and current affairs with my kids without being accused of indoctrinating.

 

I love meeting other single moms.

 

I love being a patient loving mom without being accused of being weak.

 

I love bringing beautiful new friends into our lives.

 

I love being free to have a messy house when I'm too tired to clean it.

 

I love making super easy meals without criticism that I can't cook.

 

I love having long bedtime routines that give us lots of time to read and talk and not be accused of purposefully avoiding 'him'.

 

LOVE no sex, no pressure to have sex, sleeping alone in my bed.... until one of my kids crawls in and snuggles with me the rest of the night. LOVE IT!

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#477 of 482 Old 04-22-2013, 08:20 PM
 
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#478 of 482 Old 02-03-2014, 06:47 PM
 
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I know this has probably been said but holy hell I love living without the pressure to have sex. LOVE it.

I'm going to school now and absolutely love learning.

I don't have to be on edge about keeping myself between him and the kids constantly.


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#479 of 482 Old 02-24-2014, 08:10 PM
 
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I love how positive this thread is!
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#480 of 482 Old 04-01-2014, 07:31 AM
 
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For a start,

 

I love being able to use my computer without it crashing because someone (who absolutely was NOT my ex!) was on porn sites at every opportunity.

 

I love not having to step in when he's being a jerk to the kids.

 

I love that grease is no longer considered a food group in my home.

 

I love not having to watch him spill and drop things and just walk away, leaving it for whenever I could clean it.  I could never get on top of housework, and had to hear about what a horrible wife and mother and housekeeper I was.  My house is always clean now.  When it does get messy, I can clean it up in less than an hour (that includes every room and cleaning the toilet).

 

I love waking up and feeling like I have room to be hopeful about my future, instead of feeling numb and resigned to misery.

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