Why I love Being a Single Mother - Page 9 - Mothering Forums

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#241 of 482 Old 07-25-2007, 02:09 PM
 
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oh, yes! We are so happy and happily attached. I work. Baby Boy stays at on-site daycare and we nurse during my breaks. As for being solo, baby and I have got it good!
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#242 of 482 Old 07-30-2007, 08:25 AM
 
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I'm so glad this thread is a sticky! It was so good to read some reasons, I and other mamas love being single on a day I could soooooo easily give in to grumbling about it
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#243 of 482 Old 08-02-2007, 03:06 PM
 
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[


omg yea this is where i'm at right with my ex. we still live together with the gurls. but we are being evited. i have no clue where we are going. but i can't burn ineses either casue of his allegies as well. the volume of the tv is always to lound. or my music. which sometimes is the only thing that still makes me happy. so i'm looking fwrd toto being alone. cause he sucks.....QUOTE=Soul-O;2315372]Great Thread!!!!

I love all of the responses so far, and here are my additions...

1. I can choose whether or not to vaccinate my kids because my ex has no legal custody at this point.

2. We can go to Target at 9:00pm at night with no one freaking out on us (ex wouldn't let us leave the house after dark unless he was along for the ride).

3. No tip-toeing around the ex and his "issues" (couldn't have any noise in the house, no candles or incense because of his "allergies").

4. I can buy chocolate at will.

5. I can decorate the apartment as I see fit for the holidays.[/QUOTE]

nursing mama to four beauitful lilttle gurls... Ivyrose lady.gif 3.13.2004
Arwinn 1.18.2006 kid.gif
Lily-anna 10.06.2010 fly-by-nursing1.gif

Clara 7/31/12 bfinfant.gif

hug.gif married to dh steve since june 2010

winner.jpg hang.gifdishes.gifdizzy.giffamilybed2.gifjammin.gif mama Amy 

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#244 of 482 Old 08-02-2007, 05:41 PM
 
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I like being a single mom ....
BOTH sides of the bed are "mine"
I get all of the refrigerator art given to me
I NEVER hear "but daddy said I could"
and many more...
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#245 of 482 Old 08-08-2007, 03:42 AM
 
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It's all been said but here I go.
1) No more degrading comments about my gentle parenting choices
2) No more verbal abuse from spouse
3) No more cheating or wondering if that friend is another special friend
4) Much less drama (still happens when dealing with holidays)
5) Much less negative feedback on my messy house
6) No more feeling lonely when not alone
7) No more feeling unappreciated, my beautiful daughters appreciate me all the time.
8) No more disappointment because he won't grow up and act like an adult. Now I don't care and don't try to count on him.
9) The simple fact that our lives are better and more stable b/c I'm the only one making the decisions. I bought a house by myself to raise my kids in. I never could have that with him.
10) No man child to raise and cling to me.


I'm a wahm. To answer a previous post of how some single moms manage from home... I care for developmentally disabled adults in my home. They live with me 24/7. Not every state does it but it's a form of foster care. It's big in Colorado. If you're a sahm and don't have an extra bedroom for some such situation then this wouldn't be an option. I have a college degree in a completely different field, but got tired of what corporate America was doing to my time with my daughter, when I had just one child. My second child came after I started working from home. I care for her without babysitters and spend every day with my baby daughter. It's worth it. Even though it's like having a very large child, it's better than the alternative. Even though there are messes and frustrations, it's better than being away from my children for 50 hrs a week or more.
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#246 of 482 Old 08-08-2007, 07:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by grnthumbmama View Post

It's all been said but here I go.
1) No more degrading comments about my gentle parenting choices
2) No more verbal abuse from spouse
3) No more cheating or wondering if that friend is another special friend
4) Much less drama (still happens when dealing with holidays)
5) Much less negative feedback on my messy house
6) No more feeling lonely when not alone
7) No more feeling unappreciated, my beautiful daughters appreciate me all the time.
8) No more disappointment because he won't grow up and act like an adult. Now I don't care and don't try to count on him.
9) The simple fact that our lives are better and more stable b/c I'm the only one making the decisions. I bought a house by myself to raise my kids in. I never could have that with him.
10) No man child to raise and cling to me.



Wow, this is a great list! And way to go on creating a home life for your family that's as supportive as you're doing!


I love checking in on this thread every now and again. It helps me come right back to center when I'm lost.

I feel such peace and inspiration, right now . . . thank you all.
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#247 of 482 Old 08-13-2007, 12:29 PM
 
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I was lying in bed this morning, nursing my son when I ran across this thread. I read through to the very end and have to say that I agree 100 percent with every reason every mama gave on here.

I have been a single mama since I was 10 weeks pregnant, and leaving my ex is the best decision I have ever made. My little boy is growing up in a house filled with love, not hate. He nurses on demand, around the clock (he is four and a half months old) with noone to tell me that I am being "selfish" for nursing and not using formula . He will never learn that women are worthless and are never to be trusted by being "allowed" to have friends. He will never have to live in fear of being hit, belittled, made fun of or lied to.

I have been having a hard few weeks, as I am moving into a new apartment in two and a half weeks, and wondering how on earth I am going to do it as a single mama, but after reading these messages, I realized that I will not only make it work, but I will love every single second of being a single mom. I may get frustrated sometimes, but I would never give it up for a million dollars.

People have been asking me what I am going to do about him sleeping in my bed, and how I will do extended nursing when I finally "meet my future husband", and I keep saying to them that I have the man of my dreams right now, but it never goes over well. Reading all of your amazing posts makes me realize that I am on the right track, and I can stay single for as long as I want, and I can cuddle my son for as long as I want, and I can raise him in any way that I want without worrying about a man in the house telling us what we can and cannot do.

Anyway, here is my "list"

I love that I can have whatever friends I want
I love that I can choose my child's "relatives" (honorary aunties and uncles)
I love that I can not have a tv in my house
I love that I can choose what type of healthcare treatments my child has
I love that I can teach my son to be respectful of all living creatures, regardless of gender, race, species, color, etc.
I love that I can sleep with my baby from day one and will be able to until we both decide it isn't working, even if that is many years from now.
I love that I am the recipient of those "mama smiles" that he only has for me and me alone
I love that I was able to pick out his name (yippee!)
I love that there will be no adult arguing in front of him in my home. Ever.
I love that I can choose all natural toys for him to play with instead of mountains of disposable plastic junk.
I love that I can dress him in any way that I see fit.
I love that I can wear him without being ridiculed.
I love that I will be able to nurse him until we both decide that we are done with no pressure to stop from anyone in our home.
I love that I can stay home with him and enjoy every single second of his babyhood.
I love that I have yet to sleep without him by my side from the minute he was born.
I love that we can sleep skin to skin still without anyone telling me that I am spoiling him.
I love that I am the one who will celebrate all of his milestones. First tooth, first word, first steps, etc.
I love that I know him better than any other person on the planet, and when he is fussy that only Mommy can make it all better.

I could go on and on, and on, but most of the reasons have already been shared.

I guess the number one reason that I love being a single mom is that I live every day of my life without fear and with an overwhelming sense of peace and harmony with my child. Not to say that we don't have meltdowns, but I know that a warm breast solves nearly anything and a snuggle in the rocking chair is the best stress reliever of all time.

Formerly single Mama to the zaniest boy on the block, born on my birthday on 3/28/07. Soon to be Mama to a new little and can't wait to bfinfant.gif and femalesling.GIF and familybed1.gif again! 
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#248 of 482 Old 08-14-2007, 12:15 AM
 
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Wow, Pumpkin_Pie, what a great post! Your son is lucky to have a mama like you! I'm glad you left your unhappy relationship. You are so strong!

Grateful midwife and peaceful mama to 3 wonderful children: dd10, dd8 and ds5
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#249 of 482 Old 10-10-2007, 01:07 PM
 
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I'm not through reading them all, but I just love everything I've read in this thread so far. It's so fun reading everyone's replies!
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#250 of 482 Old 10-14-2007, 12:04 AM
 
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I can make a big ol' batch of Tabouli, eat the whole thing, and not feel embarrassed about it.
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#251 of 482 Old 11-04-2007, 06:28 AM
 
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I don't have to wonder if my kids are going to come across porn on my computer.

I don't have to sit on the couch lonely while he plays WoW all night.

Single mama to Alex(13), Maddy(12), Sam(8), Violet(6), and Ruby(3). fly-by-nursing1.gif
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#252 of 482 Old 11-04-2007, 08:29 AM
 
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#253 of 482 Old 11-04-2007, 08:30 AM
 
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My ex played WoW too. :Puke Could never watch the kids for a second because all these 13 year olds were counting on him so they could raid a castle and collect gold to sell on ebay. .... making 5 cents an hour. Unshaven, unbathed, dirty dishes everywhere, wearing the same clothes for 3 straight days, but hey... he's 70th level now... so it's all good. : :Puke
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#254 of 482 Old 11-04-2007, 02:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by SillyLilStinkweed View Post
My ex played WoW too. :Puke Could never watch the kids for a second because all these 13 year olds were counting on him so they could raid a castle and collect gold to sell on ebay. .... making 5 cents an hour. Unshaven, unbathed, dirty dishes everywhere, wearing the same clothes for 3 straight days, but hey... he's 70th level now... so it's all good. : :Puke
OMG!! I'm not alone!! He would always tell me that about the gold too, and has never sold any anyway. This is one of the reasons he had to move out, well, his gf plays too, so I guess they can ignore each other irl, and play together online. lame.
Yeah he would ignore everyone, not feed the kids if I was gone, get mad at me if I tried to talk to him, said we never did anything together, but would play it all night. I am so glad that game is out of my life, and my kids will only be exposed over there(that is scary enough!!).

I thought of another reason I love being single...the people I am affectionate with now don't expect sex because I want to hold hands or hug them.

Single mama to Alex(13), Maddy(12), Sam(8), Violet(6), and Ruby(3). fly-by-nursing1.gif
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#255 of 482 Old 11-04-2007, 05:40 PM
 
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I thought of another reason I love being single...the people I am affectionate with now don't expect sex because I want to hold hands or hug them.
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#256 of 482 Old 11-06-2007, 06:29 PM
 
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I don't have to wonder if my kids are going to come across porn on my computer.

I don't have to sit on the couch lonely while he plays WoW all night.
OMG I thought I was the only one. I have to admit, I play WoW too, but not all the time. We actually met on the game, with some help from friends. Now I'm pregnant, and he want's to leave, and I'm to the point of making him leave. This is my first pregnancy and it's going to be super high risk, but after reading everyone's post, I'm not as afraid to be a single mom. My father was never involved with us, and then he just sat by while I went through 7 years of abuse from his psycho wife, so I'd rather my baby have no dad than a crappy one. I can't say how grateful I am that this site and this thread is here. Dealing with my PTSD on top of an unexpected, but long dreamed of pregnancy, it's soooooo good knowing I have someone here.
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#257 of 482 Old 11-12-2007, 12:35 AM
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Although I have been a fan of mothering magazine since before I was even pregnant, I knew nothing about the online community,...until I googled "single happy mother" one day and this thread popped up! My husband left me when I was 3 months pregnant and I have never known anything other than being a single mother. Although my pregnancy was wrought with sadness and trying to adjust:, from the day my son was born I have been so relieved that I am alone (my son's father lives on another continent and has never seen our child).

I am in my mid-30s and it seems that everyone I know with young children is married. They're always telling me "I don't know how you do it." As I listen to my friends talk about how they want to use cloth diapers but their husbands don't...or how they want to cosleep but their husbands are pressuring them not to...or how they are so tired ot their husbands doing/not doing whatever it is they are doing/not doing...I often find myself silently thinking "I don't know how YOU do it!" Their lives seem so much more difficult than mine does!

I love that the first face I see in the morning is my son's.
I love that I can be as silly as I want with my son.
I love that my son has never heard an argument in his life.
I love that I can raise my son to have strong values and morals and treat women with respect without him seeing an example that contradicts those teachings.
I love that there is peace in my heart and I am calm and relaxed.
And as so many have said...I love that I am only taking care of one child!

The only problem is that I find myself wanting another child!!!! (And that is one thing that men are good for!)

Thank you so much for this uplifting thread!
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#258 of 482 Old 11-12-2007, 05:22 AM
 
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I'm sure my list will get bigger once the baby comes, but so far, the reason I like being a single mom is I can name her Lilly Annette or him Russel Jerry after the people who mean something to ME and not have anyone say anything about it.
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#259 of 482 Old 11-12-2007, 06:22 PM
 
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I love that the first face I see in the morning is my son's.
I love that I can be as silly as I want with my son.
I love that my son has never heard an argument in his life.
I love that I can raise my son to have strong values and morals and treat women with respect without him seeing an example that contradicts those teachings.
I love that there is peace in my heart and I am calm and relaxed.
And as so many have said...I love that I am only taking care of one child!

The only problem is that I find myself wanting another child!!!! (And that is one thing that men are good for!)

Thank you so much for this uplifting thread!
: You said perfectly what I've been feeling for 12 months and 26 days!

Quote:
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I'm sure my list will get bigger once the baby comes, but so far, the reason I like being a single mom is I can name her Lilly Annette or him Russel Jerry after the people who mean something to ME and not have anyone say anything about it.
Yes! I'm so glad I got to pick my daughter's name. All the baby name books suggested that each "spouse" should get unlimited "veto power" when picking names. I thought, "Ha! This is a monarchy, baby, and I am the Queen."
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#260 of 482 Old 11-23-2007, 02:03 AM
 
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I have been single at conception and all along. Although the loneliness and exhaustion sometimes get the best of me, there are benefits to being single without any co-parent around.
Since this is Thanksgiving, here's my list;

I got to pick her name. No negotiations. No settling.
I picked my midwife, my birthplan and my attendants.
I pick her vaccine schedule, decide which meds to give her and when she needs to see a doctor.
I get to trust my own judgment when it comes to her care.
There's enough room in the bed.
I don't have to lose any extra sleep with late night arguments or sex when I'm not in the mood.
There's not someone else's mess or crap in the house for me to clean up or step around.
I get to focus on giving her the best start in life without distraction.
I get to look forward to falling in love with a wonderful person someday.
I don't have to share custody with a jerk or send my daughter off to be with a dad on the holidays. The holidays are all mine!
I never have to worry about the other parent being a bad influence.
I have no one to be disappointed with or to power struggle with.
I have the pride in knowing that she is thriving all due to my care.
I get to sit back and really think about how I want to design the rest of my life.
If she does have a dad in the future, that will be up to my discretion and anyone who is not wonderfully fit for the job, won't get it!

A friend said something very profound to me today. "Easier isn't always better."
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#261 of 482 Old 12-02-2007, 11:48 AM
 
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"Easier isn't always better."
: Happiness is!

Grateful midwife and peaceful mama to 3 wonderful children: dd10, dd8 and ds5
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#262 of 482 Old 12-14-2007, 12:47 AM
 
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  • I don't have to worry about looking good all the time. I can go for days without washing my hair or putting on makeup and don't have to be embarrassed by it.
  • I can sing with my lousy voice all I want without being embarrassed.
  • I don't have to do twice the amount of laundry.
  • I don't have to cook full meals and have them on the table for dinner. If I want, I can just order in without getting lectured about spending money, or I can just have whatever I want to eat, at whatever time.
  • I get the bed to myself (and share it with DS about half the time). No having to make excuses for why I don't want his heavy limbs thrown over me, or why I prefer to NOT be entangled while trying to sleep.
  • There's no expectation of sex every night. I HATED the obligatory sex, because it was so expected, so routine, so tired - it had become as routine as visiting the toilet. ZZZzzzz. Masturbation brings me so much more pleasure usually anyway.
  • Don't have to fight with him over what religion to raise DS, or what medical treatments to have done or not done.
  • Don't have to fight with him over keeping the TV off, or worrying that his constant tv-watching is providing a bad role-model for DS.
  • Don't have to worry that someone is freeloading off me and the rent I pay, the utilities, the food bills, etc. while never offering to help pay a dime of any of it (yeah, that really happened, for about 3 weeks, then I kicked him out)
  • I don't have to worry about someone looking over my shoulder when I type on a computer - my ex had a habit of doing that and it was extremely annoying. I like my privacy.
  • I can watch what I want, when I want on tv - I love Lucy reruns or news or whatever.
  • I don't have to put up with some asshole telling me to "toughen up" my 6 week old son by letting him cry.
  • I don't have to worry about not spending enough time with my partner, juggling him with the needs of my child.
  • I don't have to worry about the weight I haven't completely lost since the birth.
  • I don't have to listen to him groan in the middle of the night when the baby cries.
  • I don't have to be resentful over the fact that the father isn't changing even one dirty diaper. If he's not around, there's no resentment for all the things he won't/didn't do.
  • No fights, ever!
  • I can have sex with other men, whenever I want, for however long I feel like without my genitals being owned by anyone. I am not tied down or locked into place until I die.
  • If I feel like ordering crab cakes from CPK one night, I do, and don't have to explain myself.
  • I don't have someone bringing loads of useless crap back to my house. I'm a minimalist, and cannot stand to live in a cluttered environment, and most people just seem to collect stuff, pack-rat items and other stuff.
  • I don't have to clean piss off the toilet seat or enter a stinky bathroom.
  • I don't have to clean up twice as many dirty dishes.
  • When I buy a house soon, it will be all mine. I'll never have to split it with a man in the event of a divorce.
  • I don't have to worry about him making boneheaded financial decisions, racking up credit card debt, gambling, spending money he/we don't have, etc. (and ME being half responsible for all debts, if we would've been married!)
  • I don't have to worry about him cheating, or wondering if he's sufficiently satisfied with me enough to stay, or if he's gonna trade me in for a 20-year old model in a couple of decades.
  • I don't have to listen to any more cockamamie get-rich-quick schemes coming from a 38 year old man who should know better and already have a career of some sort.
  • I don't have to worry that my child will be exposed to someone else's gun.
  • No sports on TV, no shoot-em-up explosion death and mayhem tv shows or video games in my home. No football or war movies or stereotypical male entertainment in my household.
  • I never have to account for my whereabouts.
  • I don't have to be quiet when he's asleep and I'm awake. And I don't have to worry about being woken up by him when he's up and I'm asleep.
  • No snoring at night!!!
  • The satisfaction of knowing that I can and am doing this all alone, that I am strong enough to do so, like most female mammals this planet has ever known, I raise the young on my own without male help.
  • Never having to feel self-conscious when I tweeze my brows or dye my hair.
  • I almost never shave anymore - legs or underarms, and I don't mind my hair at all. I kind of like it.
  • No one lecturing me if I don't brush my teeth every night.
  • I never have to watch what I say on the phone, knowing that someone else is listening. I can talk freely.
  • I don't have to waste any of my precious time on this earth complaining about some man and what he has or hasn't done.
  • I get the other nightstand all to myself.
  • I never have to worry that he has eaten something I wanted in the kitchen.
  • I never have to worry that he forgot my birthday, our anniversary, our son's birthday, etc.
  • Never have to worry about him beating me or abusing me emotionally, spiritually, mentally, psychologically.
  • No competition over everything.
  • We always eat what I want for dinner.
  • I never feel resentment for doing most of the housework and cleaning up after him like he's a child.
  • I never have to see his family, make small talk with them, spend time with them when I'd rather be doing something else.
  • My word is the law - no running to the father to undermine my authority.
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#263 of 482 Old 12-31-2007, 03:54 AM
 
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1)I have two girls, and I soooo love that we have a girl house. Pretty stuff, lace, nice china, real silverware (okay, it's plated, but it's still pretty). The house smells nice, generally. When I was still with the FAX, I made that place really nice, too, but he didn't appreciate it. My kids do. They call our house "Girl World".
Of course, we do have guitars and amplifiers all over the place (mine), soccer gear in the corner (13's) and 16's bedroom does sometimes reek of teenaged boy (her boyfriend). But the guy friends we have sure do like to come over and hang out.

2) We never have to watch basketball, golf, bowling or any other sport that my ex used to "watch" (but was really betting on).

3) All my bills get paid on time every month.

4) My sexuality is my own.
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#264 of 482 Old 12-31-2007, 04:36 AM
 
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~Kris mama to Alexis (15), Elizabeth (10), Andrew (7), and 1 angel
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#265 of 482 Old 12-31-2007, 07:31 AM
 
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Because my children are safe.

Because we are now free to develop relationships and networks of healthy, whole, loving people to support and care for us and have fun with us. We can make anything we want of this family, there's no unhealthy person or unknown spooky elements holding us back. Therefore life is an adventure from here on out.

Because it is teaching me so much about myself, and life, and I am growing. I am learning that I am enough.

Because it means that I can meet a new man who is whole, healthy, and available for a real relationship.
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#266 of 482 Old 01-04-2008, 02:08 AM
 
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because I don't have to answer to anybody!!!
My money is my money.
My house is my house (well, and my children's too).
My bills are my bills.
My fun is my fun!

I have really close guy friends and friend's with benefits!
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#267 of 482 Old 01-07-2008, 05:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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This thread is over 3 years old, and I am glad to see it has continued to thrive and that we can all find such joy in single parenthood and share it with one another. These posts make me so happy when I read them, and they really reaffirm that even though single parenting is hard, there are wonderful and beautiful things about it. And that you are all beautiful and wonderful women and mothers. It's very inspirational. It's a great reference when I am feeling defeated, frustrated and down. Reading the thread is uplifting.

Much love and happiness to all of you in the new year, and may this thread continue to grow and inspire others.

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#268 of 482 Old 01-08-2008, 03:41 PM
 
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I know I'm coming to the MDC table a little late, but I just had to contribute! What a great thread! I've been single for almost 10 years, and celibate for almost 6, but my son and I did live with my parents for a while (which can be worse than living with a partner). I get the dumps sometimes, wondering what it would be like to have a partner, but reading all these makes me laugh, and reinvigorates my decision to be a Single Mother By Choice. Thank you ladies!!

I love being a single mum (living in our own place) cuz my Munchkin and I can snuggle in the bed and watch Harry Potter until we fall asleep without guilt trips about "sissifying a little boy who wants to sleep with his mama".
We can listen to Billy Idol or Curious George - whatever our moods desire.
We can have two different breakfasts or two different dinners and no one lays on a guilt trip for spoiling a picky eater.
We can leave our toys/books on the floor all week and not worry about anyone throwing them away cuz they weren't put where they belong.

Thank you for reminding me why I made my choice to be a single mama! :::
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#269 of 482 Old 01-08-2008, 08:48 PM
 
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I'm late, I'm late...for a very important thread.

-My son, all to myself, 24/7 if I want it to be.
-Only having to share my bed with my little boy and not some grown-up little boy.
-Getting to witness everything
-Getting to be Mommy

I love everything.

Single Mommy to DS born Halloween 2007.
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#270 of 482 Old 02-12-2008, 12:27 AM
 
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I'm committed to falling in love with myself now. I never would be in the position to do that if I was still with my ex. And I don't miss the shaving either.
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