Mothering Forums

Mothering Forums (http://www.mothering.com/forum/)
-   Single Parenting (http://www.mothering.com/forum/234-single-parenting/)
-   -   Why I love Being a Single Mother (http://www.mothering.com/forum/234-single-parenting/219427-why-i-love-being-single-mother.html)

meco 11-19-2004 05:22 PM

I was thinking today, with the help of another MDC post, how much I being a single mother. There are many great aspects to it though it seems to be a lot of work and sometimes may be lonely.

And here are some reasons why:

1. I make most of the decisions to the well-being of my child, and I do not have to go through another person every time I want to do something.
2. My child is happy.
3. If the house is a mess at 5, what do I care?
4. There is no one around to fight with.
5. If I do not feel like taking a shower, I never get teased.
6. No one judges my choices or me.
7. No one to step on my self esteem/freedom to love myself all the time!
8. I have myself and my life back.
9.Freedom!
10. I only have to take care of one other person not 2 (I found this to be a lot of work )

I know there are better ones. I am just not feeling creative right now.

But the reason I started this thread was because there are many great aspects of being a single mother and so many positives (oh and I might never date again!).

Why do you love being a single mother? I know there are positive aspects of it! I know that it can be uplifting

So share, mamas, dish on why you love it!

L.J. 11-19-2004 05:41 PM

Great thread!

I love that we can eat, sleep & do whatever we want basically anytime we want.

I love that I get to be sandwiched between to little boys to sleep.

I love that I have no guilt about not spending "enough time" with him or "too much time" with the kids.

I love that my dishes can pile up for a week if I choose.

I love that I get all the hugs, kisses & "I love you's"

I love that I can study, read or watch anything on tv at night.

I love that I can parent basically anyway I want.

brusselsprout 11-19-2004 05:41 PM

I don't have to share the Ben and Jerry's

I never have to watch wrestling

I don't have to buy or cook meat

My 7 year old doesn't get flack for sleeping in the family bed

I feel pretty (oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and.....ok, ok, I'll stop )

We had apple waffles for dinner last night and no one told me that was weird

I *know* my bills have been paid, and I never worry about losing our electricity

meco 11-19-2004 05:47 PM

Oh, you guys are good!!!

I love the baby sandwich. That is great. I am actually jealous. I just get buttered toast

ITA with wrestling, never having to buy or cook meat and the guilt thing..I agree with them all, but these just stood out

You guys rock! I feel EVEN better about it now!

Seasons 11-19-2004 06:03 PM

You guys have named GREAT ones! Also:

--I love how powerful and competent I feel, knowing I'm doing a very tough job all by myself, completely solo, and that we're THRIVING. *I* fixed the furnace! *I* managed to keep us $afloat$! *I* gave her that confidence and security! *I* know exactly what cool activity she'd love this weekend, and get us in free! *I* found and nurtured her musical talent!

Wonderful thread idea, meco, thank you!

mamajama 11-20-2004 02:49 AM

I get to show my boys that girls can fix things with screwdrivers.

I have time and energy and motivation to figure out my life without being distracted or having someone elses opinion affecting my decisions.

I have become very resourceful.

I am more politically aware without having to debate all my thoughts.

I get to choose the music.

I am more compassionate for my fellow human beings.

I can really appreciate an hour alone in a cafe.

The spiders I find occasionally in the house don't get squished, they get put out the window.

I can wear the most tacky pink fake satin robe and fuzzy slippers without anyone critiquing my fashion sense except my boys who think I look like a princess.

I can sing the most irritating falsetto opera in the house,without any inhibitions.

I no longer feel the need to suck in my gut.

mistymama 11-20-2004 02:55 AM

Great idea! I agree with everything you listed, and I'll add my own:

1. No more being scrunched between a snoring husband and a wiggly baby ... Alex and I fit perfectly into the king sized bed together.

2. No more sadness and drama brought on by my x

3. I can buy/not buy anything I want ... my money (what little I have :LOL) is 100% my own now!

4. If Alex and I want pancakes for dinner, we do it!

5. My time at home is focused 100% on Alex, I don't have to worry about balancing a needy husband, and a needy toddler.

I'm sure there's MUCH more, but I'm getting tired. :LOL

woobysma 11-20-2004 03:26 AM

oh I love this thread - we had waffles for dinner tonight!!

Here's my list -

doing yoga in the middle of the night
having loooooong phone conversations
no one asks "who was that on the phone"
having dinner at my parents' whenever I want
having BOTH sides of the closet and ALL the drawers in the dresser
Girls' night at my place!!


But the best part is being able to stay home with my baby. I'm working from home, mostly late at night - that never would have worked with my ex in the house.

Natalya 11-23-2004 03:28 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by mamajama

I can really appreciate an hour alone in a cafe.

I can sing the most irritating falsetto opera in the house,without any inhibitions.

I no longer feel the need to suck in my gut.
ITA with these three. Mamajama- You said it better than I could have and gave me a good laugh.

Seasons 11-23-2004 06:40 PM

Another:

Having gone through pregnancy, childbirth and all of my child's childhood (so far) solo, it feels like I already summited the mountain. I know there are, and will continue to be, challenges, but it (usually) all seems pretty minor compared to what I've already faced. Years of sleep deprivation? Money/job woes? Pshaw! *I* have already survived!

I don't know about you guys, but my obnoxious pride leads me to "market" single parenting (as a viable choice, and certainly as an "at least as moral/functional/happy" family type). I have my motto in my signature here, and more than a few times I've reacted to someone's remark on my parenthood achievements by saying serenely (and, okay, maybe snottily), "oh, but I'm a single mom, so I'm Superwoman." I especially like knowing what it's doing for my girl-child's family pride, and dreams of her own future possibilities, when she overhears me.

Then again, I could be just a snot.

Ahappymel 11-23-2004 07:32 PM

I love the fact that no one borrows my razor : )
I love the fact that I don't feel any pressure to use that razor : )

Soul-O 11-23-2004 07:45 PM

Great Thread!!!!

I love all of the responses so far, and here are my additions...

1. I can choose whether or not to vaccinate my kids because my ex has no legal custody at this point.

2. We can go to Target at 9:00pm at night with no one freaking out on us (ex wouldn't let us leave the house after dark unless he was along for the ride).

3. No tip-toeing around the ex and his "issues" (couldn't have any noise in the house, no candles or incense because of his "allergies").

4. I can buy chocolate at will.

5. I can decorate the apartment as I see fit for the holidays.

woo27ks 11-23-2004 08:26 PM

Everyone that lives in our house is cherished.

woobysma 11-23-2004 09:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by woo27ks
Everyone that lives in our house is cherished.

This is by far the best thing.

boston 11-23-2004 10:59 PM

-no listening to snoring at night
-no stubble in the bathroom sink in the morning
-no arguments
-no adult pouting (plenty from the kid, though ;-)
-no complaints about how I spend money
-no struggles over what music to listen to
-I only have to pick up after myself and my girl.
-I am not worried that I'm being cheated on. Unless my 3 year old is seeing another mama on the side, which would explain why she came home from daycare with different socks on yesterday.
-I am less lonely that I was during my marriage.
-And I feel healthier.
-And it's so much nicer w/o a vegan in the house making Tuno and other soy horrors. The smell of that stuff makes my eyes water.
-But mainly, the best of all is the Peace.
-And the comfort.

mamajama 11-24-2004 01:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by boston
--I am not worried that I'm being cheated on. Unless my 3 year old is seeing another mama on the side, which would explain why she came home from daycare with different socks on yesterday.
.
:LOL

ooo the stubble, I forgot about the stubble

StephandOwen 11-24-2004 01:42 AM

What a fun thread! Some of my personal favorites that have been mentioned....

"If I do not feel like taking a shower, I never get teased." (so very true)

"I love that we can eat, sleep & do whatever we want basically anytime we want." (Oh yes, I love not having to check in with anyone! We can pick up and leave whenever we want to)

"I never have to watch wrestling" (or hour after hour of those d*mn video games)

"I just get buttered toast" (LOL! I'm buttered toast too :LOL )

"I can sing the most irritating falsetto opera in the house,without any inhibitions." (LOL! For now Owen can't articulate his words so I can sing to my hearts delight and noone tells me to shut up )

"I no longer feel the need to suck in my gut." (HAHAHA.... so true!)

"I can buy/not buy anything I want ... my money (what little I have ) is 100% my own now!" (Yes yes yes!! No more having to defend myself everytime I spend a couple bucks!)

"But the best part is being able to stay home with my baby." (I agree 100%!)

"more than a few times I've reacted to someone's remark on my parenthood achievements by saying serenely (and, okay, maybe snottily), "oh, but I'm a single mom, so I'm Superwoman."' (OH! I like this..... I'm gonna have to try this someday!)

"I love the fact that I don't feel any pressure to use that razor : )" (LMAO! Okay, yeah.... gotta agree. )

"I can buy chocolate at will." (Or little debby cakes..... shhhhh...... don't tell....)

"Everyone that lives in our house is cherished." (This one deserved to be repeated )

"I am less lonely that I was during my marriage." (I hear ya)

"And I feel healthier." (It is amazing, isn't it? I feel better now, almost exactly 1 year later, than I did during what was supposed to be the "happiest time of my life"- just had a baby and planning a wedding)

And a few of my own...

No more deafening silences that last for days.

No more pretending to sleep when I hear the door open, knowing that he is home.

While there is still stress about money at least I know how much I have, as compared to before I was a single mom when ex would blow hundreds of dollars at a time, without telling me, and have nothing to show for it... leaving me to figure out how to pay the bills.

I can dress Owen however I want--- yes, I got him the cutest outfit for Thanksgiving- complete with a plaid button down shirt, blue dress pants, and a sweater vest (and I'm searching for some matching dress shoes)--- and NOONE can tell me no (though my dad told DS he was sorry and he would "save him" on Thanksgiving :LOL ). I'm also in the process of sewing him a Santa outfit for Christmas

I no longer have to sleep on the couch with DS, we get the whole bed to ourselves

Dumpling 11-24-2004 01:45 AM

I like that there's no one around to make me feel insufficient.

No one around to cheat on me.

No one who lies to me.

No one who treats his mother or buds better than me.

No one who freaks out if I leave the house with some make-up on and looking pretty.

No one to make my child feel badly that she's not getting enough visitation.

No one here to fight with me in front of my child.

No one here to make me struggle to have to preserve my identity and not try to make me melt into their ways and perceptions of the world.

Was being in a relationship that crappy?

Was sex worth all the other junk that came along with it?

I scratch my head in wonder.

mistymama 11-24-2004 10:41 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dumpling
I like that there's no one around to make me feel insufficient.

No one around to cheat on me.

No one who lies to me.

No one who treats his mother or buds better than me.

No one who freaks out if I leave the house with some make-up on and looking pretty.

No one to make my child feel badly that she's not getting enough visitation.

No one here to fight with me in front of my child.

No one here to make me struggle to have to preserve my identity and not try to make me melt into their ways and perceptions of the world.

Was being in a relationship that crappy?

Was sex worth all the other junk that came along with it?

I scratch my head in wonder.
I identify with each and everyone one of those. YES, it was that crappy ... and I'm still scratching my head. I go between doing that and celebrating the fact my stbx is gone.

girlzmommy00 11-25-2004 11:50 PM

Thank you, I really needed this today....

-I can spend 5+ hours on the computer, reading a magazine, or on the phone at night with out being given a hard time (when I know if I was on the couch, I'd be ignored anyway)

-No football ever!!! No ESPN!!! No wrestling, no stupid movies filled with fighting and cursing. The TV is all mine after 8 pm (everyone's bedtime).

-No worries about getting to the grocery store only to find that the bank account was drained. I am responsible for all money and don't have to justify anything to anyone.

-No more hiding my bank ATM/debit card or changing the PIN weekly so cash can't be taken out

-I can spend 3+ hours at the store with out feeling I need to rush home or explain myself

-No one running up my cell phone bill calling some other girl

-Less laundry, less really gross laundry, no dirty laundry on the floor

-Everyone is respected 100% of the time

-No tip-toeing around at noon as to not wake a still sleeping adult

-No fear of being screamed at by a nasty hung over adult

-No being 1/2 asleep the next day after waiting up wondering if he will come home after the bar closes or if not, where he is

-No running late (hung over adults move slowly)

-No one hitting me up for cash to buy the whole bar drinks if I do go out

-If I go out, I can leave when ever I want (no waiting to have 50 more drinks)

-No one to put me down!!!

-No one to bash me as a SAHM (cause you know we all just sit around all day, watch TV and eat bon-bons LOL)

-when stbx is being rude, I can ask him to leave my home

And my all time favorite....

-I do not have to be nice to MIL anymore!! I don't have to put up with her crap and can tell her to shove it if I want to! I don't have to go there ever again.

P.S. I've been on my own for 11 years now but this is the first time that I am the only adult of the household. This is my home, just mine. I'm really proud that I have my own home & share it with 3 of the greatest little people on the planet.

mamajama 11-26-2004 12:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by girlzmommy00
no dirty laundry on the floor

.
wow girlzmommy, How do you do it?

girlzmommy00 11-26-2004 12:10 AM

Well, it's piled up else where but not on the floor. I just remind everyone that laundry has 2 places, your dresser or the hamper. I think all the living with stbx & him dropping his laundry on the floor right next to the hamper just drove me insane. I eventually refused to wash anything that wasn't in the hamper and only things that were turned right side out.

Over the summer, he stopped by on a hot day and changed his shirt when he got here. He left the old one here. He keeps asking about that shirt and if I washed it. He really assumed that I'd just wash it. I said no and asked when he was going to be taking my laundry back to his parents to wash. He hasn't asked again.

woobysma 11-26-2004 04:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by girlzmommy00
-I can spend 3+ hours at the store with out feeling I need to rush home or explain myself
-Everyone is respected 100% of the time
-No being 1/2 asleep the next day after waiting up wondering if he will come home after the bar closes or if not, where he is
-If I go out, I can leave when ever I want (no waiting to have 50 more drinks)
-No one to put me down!!!

And my all time favorite....

-I do not have to be nice to MIL anymore!! I don't have to put up with her crap and can tell her to shove it if I want to! I don't have to go there ever again.
OMG! Girlzmommy00 - were we seeing the same guy?!?!?

mamarhu 11-26-2004 12:02 PM

Yay! I love this thread! Me too, me too, to practically everything!

And add these:

I have been able to have my 85 year old Mom come live with me.

I am in the process of becoming a foster/adoptive home. I have room for 4 more kids when there is one less man. Can't explain the math there!

When the Dumplings find a stray kitten, I can say "of course".

I can unschool the Dumplings without explaining/defending my ideas (except to Mom, but that's different).

I can paint my bedroom walls burgundy.

I can paint the kitchen walls salmon. I mean bright. Really bright.

I can dig up the lawn for a veggie garden, more each year.

I can have 2 pet chickens, unfenced, who poop on the front porch, but I love them anyway.

I can laugh when things go wrong, instead of going into panic mode.

The dog can get on the couch.

The Dumplings can sleep on the family room floor, my bed, or wherever they want.

8 YO son can dress however he wants, without being teased.

Oh, I could go on and on. Oh, I love being single!!

wemoon 11-26-2004 04:27 PM

I love everything about being a single mama..... There is actually one thing that I miss and that is sex, but the best sex in the world couldn't make up for the bull of living with a male.

Some specifics that I love about being single is,

~having only to rely on myself, not needing to get angry because the trash still needs to be taken out, no resentfulness because I have to do all the cleaning and cooking.

Really the resentfulness is the only thing I geuss. I always found myself being resentful over everything. From playing to many video games, to not helping around the house.

Being a single mom is the best thing for me.

brusselsprout 11-26-2004 05:03 PM

I love being able to have my own traditions.

I love being able to do fun things with the kids whenever I want

I love being able to go out for breakfast and dawdle over my coffee, because coffee is a ritual that should not be rushed

I love that we no longer have to give in to materialism, and that my children will growup understanding the principle of voluntary simplicity

I love having friends and not worrying that someone is jealous about it

banana 11-27-2004 04:27 PM

all of these and can really relate to soo many. Although not officially a single mom yet but felt like I have been in so many ways, I am really looking forward to it and feel such a sense of peace whenever I am dreaming of it becoming a reality. For me the peace is a major factor. Thank you ladies I've had such fun reading all the wonderful comments.

lilfaithy 11-29-2004 04:41 PM

hi everyone -
I just wanted to say thanks for all these wonderful posts! I am 25 wks pregnant with #1, and the father is not involved at all.. while the prospect of going it alone was scary at first, I have managed to stay pretty positive, and there really are soo many benefits to being a single mom! Thanks for adding to my list. It's hard sometimes with everyone around me acting disapproving and wishing that I "had a guy to take care of me", but frankly, it'd probably be more like a guy that I would have to take care of in addition to the baby, and go through for all my decisions (and he would probably veto all my decisions) for the baby. I'm so happy that I can make my own decisions about how to birth, care for, and raise this child.

guerrillamama 11-29-2004 05:08 PM

i have nothing to add, but i am feeling almost everyhting said here!

yes i do being a single mom, i can't imagine doing it any other way!

luvtjones 11-29-2004 05:09 PM

Though I'm not a single mom anymore, my favorite part was mac 'n cheese for dinner at 1am on the couch in my underwear watching whatever the hell I wanted on TV. With the thermostat at whatever temp I wanted it to be!!!



Mel


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:33 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

vBulletin Optimisation provided by vB Optimise (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2014 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2014 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.