We are all here for you.
yes, this will be a hard thing but it sounds like you are doing this to make life better for you and your child.
You are in the worst part of this right now. Making the choice to leave and actually doing it is by far the hardest part. I know it does not seem like it, but day by day it will get easier. Time is the biggest healer.
In the meantime, take comfort in the fact that you DO NOT deserve to be treated like that, and your son deserves better as well. Good for you for doing what it takes to better your situation!
Vent to us anytime, we've all been there and it helps to talk about it more than anything.
Candace, Married to dh , Mom to ds (8) , Gavin (9/30/10 - 12/19/10) and cautiously expecting our 4-29-12
I agree that you are in the most difficult part right now. It really does get easier. You and your son will both be so much better off without that constant negative force in your life.
You have not let your son down. Please know that many of us feel like we've failed in some way.....but the reality is that by leaving you are actually doing your son and future generations a service by getting into a healthier space. I know I have felt guilt over my marriage ending, but it doesn't serve any purpose and I was only one part of that happening.
Hang in there & find support where you can. You may be surprised at how many people will be willing to help if you open your heart up to it. If you really can't find support, find a good counselor or a group for singles. You may be surprised at how much better you feel if you are able to share your feelings & get things out!
Take care of yourself & your little one.
Things will get easier.
I love L.J.'s quote in her signature "Move forward with courage". This is what all of us are doing...every day. It takes courage to leave and create a new life. A life that reflects our values and our vision. I agree it gets easier...eventually...day by day.
Take care mamas...
If you ever want to talk just drop me a PM. I just went through this myself.
this is the hardest part...it gets easier.
you didnt fail your son. he will be okay, he will adjust.
just keep remembering it will be okay. things will get better.
be gentle with yourself and keep us updated on how you're doing.
It is better for your son to not continually see the most important man in his life emotionally abuse the most important woman. He will be a much better man for it himself when he grows up.
I am preparing to separate from my husband. To make a long story short, I have discovered that he has an addiction, and he is not addressing it at this point. . Our 7-year-old son is feeling the tension between us. I feel at a loss as to what to tell him... especially when we separate. I want to be truthful, but I am concerned that telling him there is no place for lack of trust in a family's home (my husband is addicted to lying) would be inappropriate. Our son is extremely sensitive and bright and will ask lots of questions. I am trying to prepare myself and feel at a loss.
Thank you for your input...
Thanks for posting this. I came to Mothering.com often when I was pregnant and in my son's first years of life and I return now as I face a difficult separation, with my son being four. I've started a new user name, as I want to stay sort of anonymous. It is so helpful to read the responses here, the affirmations that we must do what is right for us and our children, even if it is hard. I have tried so very hard to make it work, but my husband does not treat me with kindness, and when I try to express how I feel or what I need, he belittles me and yells at me and insults me. He refuses to talk about problems, to take professional responsibility, or household responsibility. We have been married for ten years, and it has always been so hard. I've tried so many things and I'm exhausted and tired and feel alone. The hardest thing for me is that he tells me that it will harm our son - that I am causing it and I should stay for my son's sake. I know in my heart that it isn't my fault, but since I am the one insisting on a separation and probably eventually divorce, it still makes me feel awful. He refuses to move out, so I think I am going to have to file papers sooner than I would like to force the issue. He cannot stay in the house because his income cannot cover the house payments. And plus, I don't want to move out of the house. I think it would be even more destabilizing for my son. Anyway, just a note of thanks and hope that I've found a community of support. I am deeply appreciative of all the comments I've already read and send good wishes to all of those who are struggling similarly. We deserve to be treated with care and kindness, and to have fair relationships of give and take. I write it to affirm it to you all, and also to me. Sigh. Life is so very hard sometime.
Thank you for your reply... I'm searching for how to communicate about this with our son... I look forward to supporting one another through tough transitions such as this one. Yes, I agree we deserve to be treated with care and kindness... thank you for writing about that. In my case, the disrespect and betrayal and unkindness are not very plain to see... certainly not from my son's vantage point. The deception is everywhere. I am left to find a way to communicate about our separation without vilifying my son's father to my son. He will ask so many questions, and I do not feel prepared to answer them.
And Seekingpeace1, I wish you peace as you navigate your own transition... I hope to be of support to you.
Hi Loving. Did you find a way to talk to your son? I would welcome any feedback about how you have done it. I've read so much about the best way to do things, but it just doesn't seem like there are good answers.
We are still living together but someone is going to have to move out soon and I don't know whether to tell my son without checking with my husband, or to give our son time to process, or wait until the last minute.... My husband won't cooperate and we can't discuss it because he will just insult and belittle me, blaming it all on me. I want to respect the fact that my husband has been a good father to our son, even though he has been a horrible parter to me, and minimize the harm and instability for our son. So hard to know.
Hope things are going better for you. This is of course especially hard during the holidays.