Can we do a new roll call - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 64 Old 05-20-2005, 03:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Since there are so many new single mamas, and so many things have changed in our lives I was wondering if we could do a new roll call.

I guess I will start...

I am Allyn, single mama to Savannah, I currently live at home with my mom and sister and neice. I tried to move back to NC but things didnt work out so we had to come back home. DD's father is in prison until the year 2028! So not much on that front, all though his family is pretty good.
I just enrolled in a distance program for Early Childhood Education, My plan is to do that for 2 years, get my Associates and move back to NC finish and get my Bachlors and open my own low income daycare. I am tired of low income families being stuck with horrible care b/c thats all they can afford. In MA there are great programs but in Red states like NC there arent any, and if there are there is a 2 yr wait.
anyway enough of that... we are vege family, dd is potty trained and thinking about moving her to her own bed.

so next...

Allyn birthmom to S 3/12/03, placed in open adoption 4/06, married to W 6/22/07, mama to H 2/5/08, mama to M 8/26/12.
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#2 of 64 Old 05-20-2005, 03:28 PM
 
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...

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#3 of 64 Old 05-20-2005, 08:55 PM
 
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I'm a single mom to a 2-yr boy. His father hasn't seen him since ds was 6 months old and we left in a police car a month prior to that. There was no physical violence, but there was a lot of yelling on his part and he threatened physical abuse (starting when I was pregnant.) He would have started hitting me or worse had we not left.

My ex has visitation but he doesn't exercise it. I don't mind. My son is better off without him. The custody issue was pretty clean, no argument from either side. He didn't even show up in court. No cs either, which is fine.

We live with my parents and will probably continue to do so. My father is amazing with my boy and takes care of him a full day to two days per week (depending on his daycare schedule.) My mom also helps out, but she plays the grandma, rather than a third parent.

DS is in part-time preschool and part-time home daycare and I work full-time in a profession. We live in a very child-friendly city and summers here are heaven for little ones (festivals, parks, museums...)

The sad part is, I distrust men and don't know if I will ever get involved with a guy again. (I am also hesitant because I deal with justice issues at work and so many cases of abuse involve step-dads.)

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#4 of 64 Old 05-21-2005, 01:07 AM
 
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Hi ... My stbx & I are separated - I filed for divorce, unintentionally [really] a few days before Valentine's day - of course the paperwork got filed on that day. Swell. But, he is still living here - he claims he can't afford to move out. But, in reality, he can't afford what he wants, which is to *buy a house." [hates that I own one, and he doesn't - anymore, as we sold his condo - which he never fully owned anyway - such a complex sitch]. Basically, he refuses to 'let go', which is preventing us from dealing with this as adults. I'm sure there are worse scenarios, but I often feel imprisoned, in my own home [which *is* mine, gift from my now deaced mom]. anyway ... We should have an appointment with a mediator the 2nd week of June - YAY [calling to set appointment monday] - so hopefully we can begin to get some things hammered out. DS is 2.5 - no longer BFed - we weaned at 2 yrs and 2 weeks. He is amazing! He is starting to pee on the potty ... can "read' the entire "brown bear" book - so cute! I am trying to get back into life, having started a business, and I'm still taking care of DS full time during the day. It's hard -any my P/A [passive/agressive] stbx often makes it difficult, if not impossible to work [i.e., he comes 'home', and doesn't really parent, so I have to continue parenting ... says he's going to be here at a certain time, will be late, etc] - so, it's going slow. I was told it's "not fair" that he pays for everything, while I start a business [huh?] ... he's happy for me, BUT...." So I'm just trying to keep focused and have faith that it won't be like this forever. He is very circuitous [new word learned from therapist, LOL] in his language and behavoir and everything and it is infuriating. ANYWAY... I'm here, I'm plugging away. And hopefully will be a solo mama by year 2010! LOL Welcome any newbies that read this.
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#5 of 64 Old 05-21-2005, 01:20 AM
 
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Me! Details to follow when I am not falling asleep as I type!
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#6 of 64 Old 05-21-2005, 01:46 AM
 
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hi all!

I'm a young single mama to my 15 mo son. He still is loving the mama juice, and is getting his canines in right now (which is slightly hellish). I'm living with my grandparent here in KS, but am moving to Chicago--Belmont/Clark area--in July to live with my parents (yay! BTW if any Chicago mamas want to chill, PM me!). I just re-started school last fall, I'm going for Secondary education... maybe social science? I'm not positive just yet. Ds's dad is kind of in the picture, we talk on the phone, but he's never met ds and is all the way in FLA so it's not gonna happen soon. He is talking about moving to Chicago when we do, but who knows, the man is all talk. I bear no ill feelings toward him, in a way I still love him deeply, but I distrust him at the same time. So, in that respect I'm glad he hasn't been in ds's life yet. As far as employment, I need a job. I've been avoiding the inevitable, and welfare has helped out a bit. I'm looking for some WAH possibilities, I guess we'll see. As far as dating, it's a looooong way off. I've just begun to notice my daydreams have ceased to include a man in them, just me and ds, and its extremely liberating.

It's nice to "meet" you all and read about everybody, see where everyone is coming frome etc.

                   
Dp, me dreads.gif  ds#1  goodvibes.gif, ds #2 jog.gif and ds#3 drool.gif

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#7 of 64 Old 05-21-2005, 02:36 AM
 
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Hi everyone,

My name is Kathleen, and I have two boys who are 2 years and 3 years old. My husband and I have been separated for nearly four months now. I am about 99.9% sure we will be getting divorced, but I guess I'm not ready to totally close my heart to a miracle, kwim?

There were some abuse issues, and since he left our home has become more calm and peaceful, and I know my boys are happy because their mummy is happy.

I currently SAH, I have no profession or real job skills. We always planned to homeschool, and I pray that that can still happen, but we'll see. I'd love to be able to make a living selling slings, cloth nappies and mama cloths.

It's just the boys and me in our house, but my parents have offered to let us move into their home, and they will support us while I homeschool. DH rarely pays child support, yet still get's to see the children one day a week.

Thanks for the welcome, I am so glad to be here. I belong to a Christian AP board, and I have to admit, it kind of depresses me reading about happy families all the time.

Kath contented vegan mama to my trio of free-range boys
Permaculture Design Student & Wannabe Urban Homesteader
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#8 of 64 Old 05-21-2005, 02:40 AM
 
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I have four kids 2-12. I homeschool and do not work (or rather no one pays me for the work I do!). I get enough in social sec. (oldest childs bio dad died before he was born) and my bit of child support to pay all the bills, but there is no extra. still I wouldn't trade it. It has been two years this month since I left my ex and we have been divorced since dec. It was a long and nasty process but I came out of it with the things that were important to me...the kids live with me, I can homeschool, and I am still nursing the youngest.
we live in central texas. I am trying/planning to go back to school in september. I have a wonderful support system in my mom and my friends.

mom to four lively children. birth and postpartum doula. midwifery student. choosing to enjoy life. :
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#9 of 64 Old 05-21-2005, 06:45 AM
 
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Hi.
I've been a single mom since I told my ds father I was pregnant. We are both better off with out him.
I live with my mother and grandfather (four generations in one house - definately makes it interesting!) but I'm thinking of moving out soon, I'm starting to feel suffocated here.
I am a SAHM, the welfare system in New Zealand is really good, I get enough money to be able to stay at home with Harper. I am planning on getting a job soon, I don't like getting all my money from welfare, it just makes me feel, I don't know, lazy? dependent? guilty that I'm not the provider?

Harper is 2.5, he's a little chatterbox. He's just started the "Why?" and "What's that" phase, and I've started the "Be patient, don't say 'JUST BECAUSE! when you run out of answers" phase :LOL

I don't know any other single moms IRL, so I love that I can come here and talk to mothers I have something in common with.
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#10 of 64 Old 05-21-2005, 08:52 AM
 
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Hello,

Old single Mom with 7yo dd. X has visitation but no overnight (poor judgement and too angry). X has a great girlfriend, so dd is very lucky. Have a great support system, wonderful friends, just wish my family lived nearby. tired of advocating for myself alone. work full time, dd goes to a great public school. living in nyc rocks.

cheers
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#11 of 64 Old 05-21-2005, 10:50 AM
 
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I am currently separated from my STBX, as I filed for divorce in Dec '04. I have sole physical custody of my 16 month old son and his Dad has supervised visitation. When we go to court, legal custody will be decided. He is a very difficult person and suffers from a serious (recently diagnosed) mental illness. He does reliably pay child support but he visits inconsistently when he is going through a bad period. It is actually very sad for everyone, but his illness makes him impossible and verbally abusive so there is no way to tolerate his moods without risking our emotional and physical safety.

As for me, I got laid off from my job as a health care researcher back in May 2004. I have been unemployed but loving it for now. I do have several advanced degrees so I hope to return to work at some point. We moved in with my parents last Fall and I am a SAHM for now. I love it. I am hoping to go back to school next year, so I plan to SAH until that time. Hopefully, my son will be ready for pre-school and the transition won't be too bad.
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#12 of 64 Old 05-21-2005, 11:20 AM
 
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I've been a single mom to my two boys for four years now. My kids are 3.5 and 7.
I homeschool my son.
I'm taking classes online to become a psychologist and lately I've decided to take the classes to become a mediator too.
My ex takes the kids 2 days per month (his choice).
I love being a single mom and I'm so glad the relationship ended and I had the time to discover who I am and like who I am.
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#13 of 64 Old 05-21-2005, 01:53 PM
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I've always been single. Rain's dad spent most of the first 4 years of her life in prison and since then has sort of sporadically come and gone, but he's not really able to care for himself so I've never expected (or received) any kind of support from him. Rain is twelve and unschooled, and I've just started doing more working outside the home (when she was younger I supported us by being a very good student and then working mostly from home). This summer I'll be working 40 hours a week, outside the home, plus teaching 1-3 nights a week (not sure yet). Luckily Rain usually wakes at noon and I get home from my fulltime job around 2:30... and I'll be able to save some money, too. I hope to go back to grad school in the fall of 2006... now wthat Rain can stay alone I'm feeling like I can go on with other parts of my life.

We moved to the Kansas City area a month or so ago, from California. It's been an adjustment, but it's working out well.

Dar

 
fambedsingle1.gifSingle mom to Rain (1/93) , grad student, and world traveler earth.gif


  

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#14 of 64 Old 05-21-2005, 02:02 PM
 
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Well I'm here, queer, & fabulous. SMC (single mom by choice) since I learned I was pregnant. T-Bone has never met his father, altho I reserve the right to change my mind about that, and am thinking I should make some decisions about that this summer. T-Bone is 17 mo, a lovable, charming, extrovert who makes about 20 new friends a day. He only recently started getting serious about walking and talking, but that's fine w/ me, I love that he is taking his time and I'm happy to follow his lead. I just finished law school last week. Right now I'm taking a break before plunging into studying for the bar, which I will take at the end of July. *gulp* Then will start work in August. I'm a little sad about working ft, but it'll be ok. Being a student has been a wonderful way to spend lots of time w/ my little guy, and I'm happy about that. Dating is not even something I think about. But then I was never really relationship-oriented pre-baby either.

boomingranny is right, living in NYC rocks... most of the tiime.

Hi to the newbies! Nice to meet everyone, again or anew.
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#15 of 64 Old 05-22-2005, 12:19 AM
 
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Hello. I am newly single. I finally opened my eyes and was able to see that my ex is an alcoholic. I can see how he has not been fully committed to me and having a family. His "freedom" is what he wants most. We were together 3 years and we have a one year old son together. We were suposed to be engaged, but he never gave me a ring and we never set any real wedding plans. He was my first relationship and I really did believe he was "the one." Throughout this break up I have come to see his true colors. I am trying to rise above and grow and learn from my mistakes. I have to continually strive to be the better person and put my son's needs first. He has been emotionally abusive and manipulative, but he has been giving me child support. I am living with my parents. My goal is to be in my own place by July. I am going to be a full time student in the fall.

Ahimsa

Mother to two great kids. &
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#16 of 64 Old 05-22-2005, 02:07 AM
 
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Hello all!

My dc are 5/ds and (newly) 8/dd. I have been a single mom for a year after my final parting from my dc's father. We were separated for almost a year a half and then reconciled for about 6 months but it didn't work. He adores them but has a substance abuse problem and is not very reliable or responsible.

Right now I am not at my best, but I hope to get my powers back soon and retake the jungle.

Wish I had some single mama friends here and my coolest dream is to houseshare with another single mama but I haven't had any luck yet.

We need to start chatting again!!
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#17 of 64 Old 05-22-2005, 02:26 AM
 
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hi! im fern. im a single momma of a 2 1/2 year old and im pregnant with my second..due in november. im living with my older sister right now, so in a lot of ways i feel like im not a single parent anymore.. we co-parent and its amazing! but im not in a relationship with the dad, so i am a single momma and i love it this way its not always easy, but i find it very rewarding and way less stressful and emotionally taxing. i love being a mom and i love my little family!

 

 

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#18 of 64 Old 05-22-2005, 11:58 AM
 
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Hi, I'm Stephanie. I'm a single mom to my 3 girls. They are 11, 5 & 2. I'm divorced from my first dh & separated from my second. Both see their children occationally but the girls are with me 24/7. My oldest goes with her dad maybe 1-2 nights every month or so but my younger 2 are always with me. Their dad isn't interested in having overnights.
We've been separated for almost 2 years now. It wasn't a mutual decision to split, he just walked out one day. Today is actually our 6th anniversary so not the best day.

Stephanie, mom to 3 big girls ('94, '99 & '02) and to my little guy (12/30/09) intact & CD'ed!
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#19 of 64 Old 05-22-2005, 02:24 PM
 
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I'm a solo mom to 3 kids. First ex (older 2's bio dad) gets supervised visits once a week- basically, Daddy comes to visit once a week. My 2nd ex (ds' bio dad) has no contact with us whatsoever, per court order.

I'm currently living in the basement apt of my parents' home. We're getting ready to move (all 6 of us) and then we'll be in the upstairs apt of my parents' home with much less space but more of a neighborhood.

I'm just squeeking by financially with child support from ex#1 and help from my parents (like not having to pay rent.) I'm hoping I'll be healthier and able to work once we're no longer living in a mildewy basement.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19 (in Israel for another school year), Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 12(homeschooled)
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#20 of 64 Old 05-22-2005, 08:28 PM
 
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Hi all-
I'm Leah, separated for a year now from my daughters father. Maddy is 3 and a half, beautiful strong and sweet. In the past year I've finished my BA (after 5 years out of college) and applied to and been accepted to law school. So, come fall, I'll be in law school and Maddy will be in daycare pretty much full-time. In the separation (soon to be divorce) I got pretty much everything, and half of his money. Some days I really feel like there's too much responsibility for one person, house, kid, dog etc. Most days feel great, though. I've been dating someone seriously for long enough to be comfortable and things are in general swell.
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#21 of 64 Old 05-22-2005, 08:57 PM
 
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Here are the basic facts of how I ended up single:

5-12-90 Married a man from my own congregation. I had known his family for several years before I even MET him! Had three boys (two planned, one but my blessing!) He owned his own business. Oh, and I spent the first three years of our marriage working full time to put him through grad school. Our ODS was born during this time. We had a plan for our family.

Two years ago, he started to "decided" he was unhappy. Three months later he told me he didn't love me and wasn't sure he ever did. 12-31-03 he moved out because I kicked him out. I gave him a choice (after living in hell for six months) "Go to counceling with and without me or leave." I was prepared for him to leave.

Six months later I get undeniable confirmation he was involved with an employee who had worked for him for over seven years, recently divorced. And he filed for divorce.

Slowly but surely he has not only divorced me (to be final 5-31-05) but his children as much as the law will allow but still enable him to "save face".

Today, actually, my boys told me "Dad doesn't care about anyone but *Ann* and his truck. Not even us."
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#22 of 64 Old 05-22-2005, 09:00 PM
 
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I'm Whit, momma to Marian (5), Leo (3), and Sophie (1.5). DX and I have been separated for 4 months and the divorce will be final at the end of next month. We filed a DIY divorce that cost less than $300 and it was the best thing we've ever done for our relationship. It's so nice to have him back as a friend now. He is paying more than the required child support and giving me the house, and I'm working part time at the rec center childcare and I take the kids with me. I homeschool the kids. I'm selling the house right now (boy THAT's fun) and getting ready to move back to where we lived before moving here 2 years ago. DX will be staying here since he loves his job and has family nearby, but we'll both visit often.

I have sole custody, and DX has the visitation he wanted. (Once a week), but until we move, he sees the kids a minimum of twice a week and we often get together as a group at other times in the week. We are both very happy with the arrangement and the kids are thriving.

Dating is nowhere in my near future and I don't see the point of a second marriage. Divore rates are even higher for second marriages. And besides, when I do start dating down the road, it will probably be with women.
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#23 of 64 Old 05-22-2005, 10:59 PM
 
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alright. I will come out from my lurking state! I have 2 ds who are 6 and 2. I actually used to be quite active on this site a few years ago. I have recently returned as a lurker in the single parents thread. My x has a dependency problem as well, of course he will not admit to it and it is the reason why we are divorced. It was very difficult and continues to be a struggle for me emotionally. I had to leave the house with our boys when they were 1 and 4 - my x would not go. Now I have moved back to my small hometown from a very hip college town but I knew I needed help and my parents are here to help me. I had been a SAHM and was needing a place to live, money to support the 3 of us with and babysitting help at times. I was very overwhelmed! But the 3 of us have done an INCREDIBLE job! My x has moved about 7 times in the past year and does not make CS. He actually has a court date at the end of the month for failure to pay...He calls on the weekends to talk to the boys and will take them for a few hours if he is in the vicinity. I do not allow him to take them overnight - it is court ordered that he drug test prior to overnights and he refuses to drug test. I never in a million years believed I would be a single mom, but here I am on public assistance with 2 little ones. I have been quite lucky though. We all have our health and have an open relationship where we talk about everything that has happened - censored for a 6 yo! And the wild ride has definitely been worth it. I am the one we all depend on and I know that I am making good choices for our family. I would like to have sex at some point in the near future! But that will happen when it happens. Sometimes, I think it will be years....
Anyway, that is my story in a nutshell. My x literally took advantage of me on every level humanly possible - I hope I have learned my lesson! More importantly, I hope to raise 2 boys who do not follow in his footsteps.
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#24 of 64 Old 05-23-2005, 03:28 AM
 
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I'm Leigh, a somewhat-single parent to a DS, 21 mos. My ex is rather lazy in the job-finding dept. and has a substantial student loan so I didn't feel like paying off his student loans so he could be Mr. Mom. We were together for 5 years but I had fallen out of love with him loong loong ago (absolutely waaaay too dependent on me). Once I became preggers, I knew he wouldn't help out much (and he hasn't) so I moved back in with my mom (DS's 3rd parent and loving every minute of it). Ex continued to take advantage of and sponge off of not only me but my family as well. So, last month, I mustered up the courage to cut my loong hair, donate it to Wigs for Kids, went to our therapist, told him to get out, got offered a great job and accepted said job within 48 hours. Talk about change!

That being said, Ex has actually started to be responsible as my mom is away for a month on vacation. He is living with me and caring for DS at night when I'm at work, dropping him off at the sitter's 3x/wk and looking after him 2x/wk. It's an awkward situation tho and I'm counting down the days when my mom comes back.

Don't feel like dating at all, have been in a men-r-scum mood for a while now and don't see it calming down in the near future. I keep dating the wrong people (dependants). I'm still mad with ex as I absolutely need to work in order to support my mom and DS even tho my favorite job is mama to my precious sweetie pea and would gladly trade in the career for it. Ex has been no help financially and probably won't ever be. I am very jealous of those people who stay at home.

I don't come on often but I like to see what's going on every once in a while.

Take care, all!
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#25 of 64 Old 05-23-2005, 01:28 PM
 
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I am Kellie, single mom to Riley, 5. We are in NC. I work in mental health now, but previously was a paramedic (although I still play Mommy Medic when the need arises). I am hoping to go back to school in the next few years to get my Master's degree, probably in social work, but possible in divinity. My ex is still in the picture as his other parent, although we both are now seeing other people.
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#26 of 64 Old 05-23-2005, 02:02 PM
 
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Well, I am Chris, eternally divorcing mom to Sebastian (11) and Trystan (2). I work FT outside of the home at a psychiatric facility for children and we live by ourselves.
My stbxHusband (i hope soon!) left three weeks before T was born because he decided (after 3.5 years of marriage and with his 5th child due) that he "no longer wanted to be a father and husband". I later learned of his ongoing affair with a sales clerk from the store next to his office.
Since he is military, T gets support on a regular basis, though the divorce is dragging out (due to, from an unnamed source, his desire NOT to marry his mistress). He has chosen to not have any contact with either T, me or his 4 children from previous relationships.
My older son is from a previous marriage, sees his dad pretty regularly and we get along pretty well, though he doesn't really provide adequate support & no health insurance.
That's us in a nutshell.
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#27 of 64 Old 05-23-2005, 03:04 PM
 
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I'm planning to be a single mom, hopefully within the next couple years. I'm still in the process of slowly paying off debt and saving money to adopt, but last week my sisters and I found a buyer for two lots we own! Once this sale closes I'll be debt-free and looking for a small house to buy. Hopefully I can keep enough of the money to begin paperchasing for the adoption, rather than using it all on the house down payment. I have to keep the monthly payments as low as possible, though.

I'm looking forward to contributing more (and probably asking more questions, too) once my daughter is home.
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#28 of 64 Old 05-23-2005, 03:10 PM
 
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You are so smart to be planning so carefully for solo parenthood, AmyAngel! IMHO (of course I haven't experienced parenthood any other way), truly solo parents have it best: all of the joy and pride, none of the co-parenting-by-committee nonsense (whether the dad lives in one's house, or in his own). I think our kids have it the easiest, too. I feel EXTREMELY fortunate to have a two-person family.

The only thing you owe to others is to behave with integrity.
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#29 of 64 Old 05-23-2005, 11:37 PM
 
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I'm Tammy - I read more than post.

I've been single almost a year now, and living alone with my two girls since December. I live near Toronto, work full-time and have every other weekend visitation.

I'm coping, learning, and crying a lot still. It's lonely being me right now.
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#30 of 64 Old 05-24-2005, 10:49 AM
 
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Thank you Seasons!

I'm seeing what my best friend and her husband are going through just trying to decide when to TTC and I'm thankful I'm doing this on my own. (And they're happily married, so it's just the usual trying to get two people to agree problems!) My grandmother (married forever to my grandfather, but they go through long periods of not talking to each other) told me years ago "you don't need a man anymore to have a family" and I've finally decided she had the right idea!

Maybe this is what I'm supposed to be doing, and that's why I haven't met "Mr. Right" yet. I kinda don't care anymore if I EVER meet him, he might mess up my plans! :LOL
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