How do you get $ from Bio dad w/o telling him child recieves SSI?? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 12 Old 06-27-2005, 06:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
mommy2awinterchild's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: California
Posts: 15
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My Story in short:

I need to take my son's father to court but i dont want all the hassles that come along with it. I know it does not make any sense but that is how i feel. My ex has never once helped me with our son, but yet he wants to see him only when he feels like it. He only asks to see him to get back at me for the choice i made......which was i choose to keep him when he was born.

The main reason i have waited so long to take him to court is because i know the judge will give him the right to visitation and i feel he does not deserve that right at all. As we all know when a parent takes the other parent to court every bit of infomation is fair game, i feel that once my ex finds out that our son gets SSI he would try and say i am an unfit mother.

The reason why my child recieves SSI is because he was just diagnosed with ADHD.

What should i do???
mommy2awinterchild is offline  
#2 of 12 Old 06-27-2005, 07:38 PM
 
trinity6232000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,413
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well I wish I could help you out. I have never been to court with my
dd's Father. I never have got child support from him cause I haven't
fought for it either. If I could take my ex to court for mandatory visits I
would do that. I wish my dd had a relationship with her Dad.
I don't see the cord between your child being diagnosed with an illness-
SSI-you being seen as an unfit Mother. I don't see how that conclusion
could be come to by your ex or courts.
Going to court is a hassle. So if it's that important to you then you will
have to take the good and the bad of the situation. You can't control
what your ex will ask for if you ask for child support. You won't be
100% sure that your ex won't find out about the SSI. You can't control
how a judge will see the situation.
It's the role of court to take the control from those who search for it. If
the noncustodial parents all paid child support, if the custodian parents
made contact between them and the noncustodial parents for visits, and
noncustodial made plans with their children and kept those plans..etc...
there would be no need for courts. Because all the kids of the world
would be well taken care of by two people who worked it out on their
own, without the court.
But if you do go to court and you get child support to help you, and
your ex asks for visitation and keeps up with it, wouldn't that be a win-
win situation for your child?
I wish you the best in what ever your decision is.

-Janna, independent mother of dd, Ms. Mattie Sky born on my 25th birthday, 06*23*2000. My Mama Feb.21,1938-Sept.10,2006
trinity6232000 is offline  
#3 of 12 Old 06-27-2005, 10:04 PM
 
L.J.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In my house
Posts: 2,199
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It is possible that if he really doesn't want the responsibility of a child, even if the court awards him more visitation, he likely will start out well and drop off to the way it is now. But, going to court is a gamble and it is important to weigh all the benefits and negatives too.
L.J. is offline  
#4 of 12 Old 06-28-2005, 12:18 AM
 
annarbor931's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Metro Atlanta
Posts: 694
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Collecting SSI is not grounds for determining that you are an unfit, so long as your child has been diagnosed by a mental health professional, who can document the ADHD. The two issues are really unrelated.

But, you will have to disclose all financial information to the court and if you don't it is considered fraud by the court.

Good luck!!!
annarbor931 is offline  
#5 of 12 Old 06-28-2005, 12:27 AM
 
meowee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 6,013
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy2awinterchild

The main reason i have waited so long to take him to court is because i know the judge will give him the right to visitation and i feel he does not deserve that right at all.
this may not be what you wan to hear, but if it is that important to you that the bio dad not have legal visitation, do not take him to court. As you probably know, when a bio dad gets pissed off about being taken to court for child support, he will often retaliate by demanding visitation or custody.

I also don't think you can prevent the court- and then the bio dad-- from finding out about the SSI. I imagine when the court evaluates his child support payment, it will be checked to see whether or not you or DC are receiving any public funds.
meowee is offline  
#6 of 12 Old 06-28-2005, 12:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
mommy2awinterchild's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: California
Posts: 15
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
: I just want to say thank you to all of the ladies out there who gave me a couple of things to think about. I appreciate all of the suggestions.
mommy2awinterchild is offline  
#7 of 12 Old 06-28-2005, 01:53 AM
 
moondiapers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Lakeport, California
Posts: 6,151
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
In CA child support and visitation/custody are separate issues that aren't even in court at the same time. Go to your county distric attorney child support services and talk to a case worker. When I filled out my paperwork it asked about MY income. Your child's SSI money is NOT your income, it's your child's income. I don't think that there is even a place for it in the paperwork. A caseworker would know for sure though...and their services are totally FREE. They even take the case to court for you, you don't need an attorney. Then, once you get the court order, they take it out of his paychecks. He may never need to know about the SSI.


-Heather

Heather married to my highschool sweetheart 6/7/02 :cop: Mother to Dani age 14 and Timmy age 10 Nadia 1/29 :
moondiapers is offline  
#8 of 12 Old 07-01-2005, 07:12 PM
 
CookieMonsterMommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Long Island NY
Posts: 6,511
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Okay, I have a few things to say:

1) Where are you getting it that SSI would make you an unfit mother!??! There are mamas here and all over who's ONLY source of income is welfare and/or SSI. It might lower your dc's father's opinion of you, but oh well.

2) You will most certainly have to tell the courts about your son's SSI. And he will most likely find out

3) Unless he's unfit, not only will he most likely be awarded visitation, but he DESERVES that visitation (more importantly, so does your son). It's not a case of "Well, he's paying, so he should get to see the kid" it's more along the lines of "It's his child, and BOTH deserve to know each other". Again, this is unless your son is in danger with him. yeah, it sucks that it's sporadic, but believe it or not, your son getting to know his father is important, even though it's not as often as he or you would like that. (trinity talks about this eloquently, as her situation with her dd).

4) Going to court is ALWAYS a hastle. Lessen this, maybe, by disclosing things before hand, so all is out in the air, there are no "I didn't know that!" and what not.

5) I'm not sure about SSI, but is there a chance that your dc's dad's "child support" money would go right back to the gov't to pay them back? I know I got medicaid for my son, and the state went after his dad, take money from his check, and they keep it all to pay themselves back. They don't care about us or ds, just about getting their $$.

Best Wishes,
Kelly

Kelly, mama (12yoDS), doula, RN, and writer.
There's no where you can be that isn't where you were meant to be, its easy
CookieMonsterMommy is offline  
#9 of 12 Old 07-04-2005, 12:29 PM
 
proud mama of 2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Trying to find the way.
Posts: 479
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If you contact Child Support Enforcement in your area they may take care of the child support issue for you. If they are the ones to take care of it, the visitation issue is seperate. Your DC's father will have to take you to court if he wants visitation. I'm in the process of doing this with Lily's father right now. He does give me money, but it's when he feels like it not when I need it and it seems if I need it the less willing he is to give it.

I hope that you get something figured out.

+ + =
proud mama of 2 is offline  
#10 of 12 Old 07-04-2005, 12:39 PM
 
Marsupialmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: St. Louis MO
Posts: 9,495
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by CookieMonsterMommy
Okay, I have a few things to say:

1) Where are you getting it that SSI would make you an unfit mother!??! There are mamas here and all over who's ONLY source of income is welfare and/or SSI. It might lower your dc's father's opinion of you, but oh well.

2) You will most certainly have to tell the courts about your son's SSI. And he will most likely find out

3) Unless he's unfit, not only will he most likely be awarded visitation, but he DESERVES that visitation (more importantly, so does your son). It's not a case of "Well, he's paying, so he should get to see the kid" it's more along the lines of "It's his child, and BOTH deserve to know each other". Again, this is unless your son is in danger with him. yeah, it sucks that it's sporadic, but believe it or not, your son getting to know his father is important, even though it's not as often as he or you would like that. (trinity talks about this eloquently, as her situation with her dd).

4) Going to court is ALWAYS a hastle. Lessen this, maybe, by disclosing things before hand, so all is out in the air, there are no "I didn't know that!" and what not.

5) I'm not sure about SSI, but is there a chance that your dc's dad's "child support" money would go right back to the gov't to pay them back? I know I got medicaid for my son, and the state went after his dad, take money from his check, and they keep it all to pay themselves back. They don't care about us or ds, just about getting their $$.

Best Wishes,
Kelly

I have to agree with Cookie monster.

With #5 SSI is different than other welfare. They could be married and still be recieving SSI for their child. She should be able to keep that with out much of a hassal.

With # 3, unless your child is in danger this is very true. Kids do wonder. You unfortantly have to be the bigger person, not bad mouth et. When you do bad mouth it can come back and haunt you. Kids are better served by discovering how much of a jerk someone is than living off your assumption.
Marsupialmom is offline  
#11 of 12 Old 07-04-2005, 12:58 PM
 
ExuberantDaffodil's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: The groin of the USA.
Posts: 5,372
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
In flroida, child support and visitation are two very seperate issues. I took DS's dad to court for child support, and visitation is not even allowed to be brought up in the child support court.

I was on welfare briefly after DS was born (two or three months), and the money the government gave me is now being taken out of my child support checks, little by little. The good thing is, the state dispersement unit takes the child support directly out of X's pay check and sends it to me. X never writes a check so he can never be late with it or suddenly "not have any $ to pay it"

As far as visiation is concerned, there is no court order, but I am trying really hard to be fair. I let X come around once or twice a week to see DS. My gut wants to cut him off completely, but my love for my son prevails. He has a right to get to know his father, no matter what a scum bag I think the guy is. I do insist on supervised visits until DS is old enough to communicate with me in case (oh heaven forbid) anything bad happens.

On a side note, I waited until DS was about 10 month sold to take X to court, and he now owes back support....

Wifey to Hubby, Mama to Boy (2004) and Girl (2009). 
ExuberantDaffodil is offline  
#12 of 12 Old 07-04-2005, 01:15 PM
 
proud mama of 2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Trying to find the way.
Posts: 479
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ExuberantDaffodil
As far as visiation is concerned, there is no court order, but I am trying really hard to be fair. I let X come around once or twice a week to see DS. My gut wants to cut him off completely, but my love for my son prevails. He has a right to get to know his father, no matter what a scum bag I think the guy is. I do insist on supervised visits until DS is old enough to communicate with me in case (oh heaven forbid) anything bad happens.
This is what i'm doing also. DD's dad can come over to visit and i've offered to have him come do her bedtime stuff ... like bath ... but he did it once and has yet to come again... he has seen her briefly in the last month, and I figure that if he doesn't have time to come here to see her he definately won't be attentive to her if she is with him. Also, due to some things I found were going on at his house she will not be going there for visits until i'm told I HAVE to let her go and then I will fight that too....

+ + =
proud mama of 2 is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off