Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Live in Gold Run, CA
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
AS a veteran single mom (ds's 8 & 14) honey, I can relate. Single parenting is tough- but MUCH easier than coparenting in a bad relationship!! At the very least, as a single mothers we get to create the healthy, harmonious home environments that we know is right for us.
It is tough taking care of the friggin' logistics! Day care, driving, sick days etc. I am very fortunate in that my exes are excellent fathers and I am 100% comfortable with them having the boys every other weekend (yes, 2 boys 2 dads) so, with the overlapping schedule I have for the boys, I get 4 days child-free every other weekend. I have an iron-clad rule that when I have my children, they get every second of my time.
If you have a dad in the picture, hopefully you two have been able to work out parenting together. Sadly I know this is often not the case. So then we go to plan B:
Friends. Friends are the family that we get to CHOOSE. I have found that I simply have to put myself out there and ask for help, and make sure I return the favor or at least offer to. Parents of your child's classmates are an excellent place to start. If you know someone is genuinely nice, get together with them. Find out if there is something you can do that will benefit them, and ask. Never hurts.
Here I am focusing on getting help with the logistics, and getting to have time alone. Single moms NEED to have time alone- all humans need that in order to be able to purely think or simply be, or to have healthy, adult social lives. I can't emphasize that enough. Mothers, women, need to replenish themselves with balance in mind. Children are magic- essential beauty- but they are not everything.
As far as time with your child...don't give in to guilt. You are doing the best you can! If you ARE doing your best, and trust your childcare providers, then relax. Your child knows you are the center of their life- they know that with absolute clarity. If you are doing your best- and that does not mean sacrifice being a well-balanced human woman- then accept that. Don't fall for the guilt trip our society pushes on moms to be friggin' saints and to live through their children. My children are sacred to me and I am honored to have them- yet I know that I must honor the gift that is ME- my life, talents, interests etc. Not to care for myself makes me less of a person, less of a mother!
Enjoy your life!