When the GF takes over. - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 14 Old 09-03-2005, 04:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
trinity6232000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,418
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Today I got a email from dd's dad. I had made plans to drive to his parents
home this weekend, and I wrote him and asked if he would like to meet dd
at the park for a small visit. Our dd hasn't seen her Dad since March, and
he hasn't made any attempt to be a part of her life for the past year. When
new girlfriend entered his life.
He responded very nice to the email I wrote and said he would love to meet
up with dd. I was pretty happy about this. This is the first time I had done
something like this. He made a choice to exit dd's life. But I thought I need
to keep trying, you know. So today I got an email, saying he got last min.
work, and couldn't meet up with dd. The email gave me an odd feeling. It
didn't sound like him. Never once had I got a email where he signed his name.
It always is only signed -R. He used words I couldn't imagine coming out of
his mouth, it was more like a polite standard email you would get from some
company. Not a email to the Mother of your child.
Well I called his Mom to tell her we would be at her home earlier than we had
thought because we weren't stopping. I mentioned that his email sounded
oddly polite, and she told me that is because he didn't write it. That his GF
has taken to responding to his emails for him. Not only that but he has to ask
her permission to talk to his family. They were out about a month ago, and
ex's Dad asked if he could speak to him alone (it wasn't a big deal it was about
his car). Ex turned to GF and said "Can I talk to my Dad?".

I don't know why, but it's made me sick to think about this today. He and I
used to be friends. He used to be apart of dd's life. One year ago everything
changed, and now she is writing me emails saying "i apologize with utmost
sincerity and would like to reschedule a time to meet". HUH?
Nothing I can do, it's his life. But to think that he cares so little that he can't
even write an email himself. I don't know, it just really bothers me.

Just venting.

-Janna, independent mother of dd, Ms. Mattie Sky born on my 25th birthday, 06*23*2000. My Mama Feb.21,1938-Sept.10,2006
trinity6232000 is offline  
#2 of 14 Old 09-03-2005, 07:30 AM
 
loveharps's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: NZ
Posts: 549
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow, its sounds like thats one controlling GF! My guess is if shes that controlling, she's also very possesive, and she probably doesn't want to share him with your dd, or she doesn't want him in a situation that she can't control.
Thats really sad , for your dd because her father is allowing this woman to control wether he sees her or not, and for him because he has missed out on seeing his daughter.
loveharps is offline  
#3 of 14 Old 09-03-2005, 07:48 AM
 
fire_lady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 764
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by loveharps
Wow, its sounds like thats one controlling GF! My guess is if shes that controlling, she's also very possesive, and she probably doesn't want to share him with your dd, or she doesn't want him in a situation that she can't control.
Thats really sad , for your dd because her father is allowing this woman to control wether he sees her or not, and for him because he has missed out on seeing his daughter.
I think loveharps is right. She's a possesive GF poor dd.
Hope things will be better for you and your DD.
fire_lady is offline  
#4 of 14 Old 09-03-2005, 10:59 AM
 
L.J.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In my house
Posts: 2,199
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My ex is in a similar relationship.
He used to actively participate with the kids and occasionally we did things together as a family. When things got "serious" between them, he went from seeing the kids 2 days per week, to seeing them 2 days per month. Then he didn't take them at all for 5 months.

He is not "allowed" to talk to me and we are supposed to only communicate by email. We sometimes talk on the phone, but it has to be during the day when she doesn't know about it.

It's really sad for the kids. He kind of dropped them like a hot potato when his new relationship started to take off. I was angry for a bit and couldn't understand why he didn't stand up to her regarding his kids. But, the fact is, he doesn't. He once told me that he would rather be with someone than no one and doesn't want to jeopardize his relationship.

I have accepted this is the new situation and as much as it sucks, there is nothing I can do and really none of my business. It still sucks for the kids. I had such high hopes of us all getting along but it is not meant to be right now.

I can empathize with you.
L.J. is offline  
#5 of 14 Old 09-03-2005, 11:27 AM
 
MaWhit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,983
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Does he know that she responded to his email? Could she have done it without his knowledge?
MaWhit is offline  
#6 of 14 Old 09-03-2005, 08:21 PM
 
BelovedK's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: wandering around.... with an aim.
Posts: 16,877
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whit
Does he know that she responded to his email? Could she have done it without his knowledge?

That's what I was wondering too. : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
BelovedK is offline  
#7 of 14 Old 09-04-2005, 01:05 AM
 
pranamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 5,096
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
She probably changed his password and didn't tell him what it is. THat sucks. I would want to keep a child of mine away from someone like that.
pranamama is offline  
#8 of 14 Old 09-04-2005, 01:28 AM
 
MaWhit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,983
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Is it too late to try to get ahold of him via a different format to see if he'll be there or not? (His words, not hers.) Or do you just not wanna go there.....? (which I'd understand)
MaWhit is offline  
#9 of 14 Old 09-04-2005, 03:38 AM
 
Katt2005's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Metro-Detroit
Posts: 717
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would call him or have his mom call him or something to see if he even knows. She could have easily told him you emailed and said you weren't coming for whatever reason. I would just call to verify.
Katt2005 is offline  
#10 of 14 Old 09-04-2005, 10:21 PM
 
Raynbow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 996
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
yep...
I remember getting a GF email... my STBXH is barely literate and his emails are littered with "u" for You and i (I) wuld (would), no punctuation or paragraphs and on and on... anyway this email was perfectly written, with perfect spelling, punc., paragraphs and words I've NEVER seen nor heard him use... ironically enough this was also the email that stated, "and I have some questions about when you concieved..." (conceived?!? this from a man who has never gotten more technical then "got pregnant"). I KNEW it wasn't him (first because he knows damn well that I was never unfaithful and that we weren't being as careful as we should have been when I concieved Trystan, then because of the grammar!), so I responded with an ice-cold email stating that IF he EVER made any further false allegations about our son's paternity when he knew full well that I was not the one who was unfaithful & knowing EXACTLY when I conceived (3 weeks after he returned from recruiter's school), I would DEMAND that he get a paternity test done (costing him $300-400). Never got a response nor another email from the GF.

This is also the woman who (according to his kids) smacked him in the Wal-Mart for talkign to the check out clerk too long... and tried to ditch him and his kids at an amusement park 2 hours away... taking the only vehicle with her. I TRY not to gloat too much... really. This is, after all, the woman he left me for...
Raynbow is offline  
#11 of 14 Old 09-04-2005, 10:40 PM
 
L.J.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In my house
Posts: 2,199
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When I read this thread and think about my ex and his girlfriend, I can't figure out which is worse (or more sad), the woman who is so insecure she must try to control everything and be a part of destroying important family relationships....or the man who is so insecure he won't stand up to the insecure girlfriend to tell her that his relationships are important and isn't willing to jeopardize them.
L.J. is offline  
#12 of 14 Old 09-05-2005, 03:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
trinity6232000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,418
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by L.J.
When I read this thread and think about my ex and his girlfriend, I can't figure out which is worse (or more sad), the woman who is so insecure she must try to control everything and be a part of destroying important family relationships....or the man who is so insecure he won't stand up to the insecure girlfriend to tell her that his relationships are important and isn't willing to jeopardize them.

The latter IMO. Somebody who makes a love more important than
their child, that's pretty F'ed up. Somebody who wants to cut a
child out of the Father's life, still pretty F'ed up.
What kind of person would want to be with a man, who isn't a part
of their child's life. Doesn't that say something about that man? I
guess to some, it doesn't.

-Janna, independent mother of dd, Ms. Mattie Sky born on my 25th birthday, 06*23*2000. My Mama Feb.21,1938-Sept.10,2006
trinity6232000 is offline  
#13 of 14 Old 09-05-2005, 03:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
trinity6232000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,418
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't know. I don't really want involved. I knew it was an odd email, but
thought he had written it, until his Mom informed me that she is now taking
care of all his correspondence. She said she has gotten emails from her (that
are signed by him) as well. She thinks it's sad too, but what can you do?

The thing I think is really weird is does she think she is fooling us? If he
is aware that she wrote me the email does he think I am fooled? She is
a proper southern girl...he has lived in western PA his whole life.
The difference is the email I got yesterday was vastly different than any
email he has every wrote me. I've known the man 10 years.

I guess I am not only pissed off he didn't write the email, but once again
he made plans to meet with dd, and uses work as his excuse why he can't
follow threw. He has seen he twice in 2005. A total of about 3 hours.
It's a joke. Nobodies life is that busy. I have burned my olive branch. It's
now up to him.


Now a funny way to respond to the email would be to make it a joke. I
thought I would write “Fired your secretary, it’s received not recieved”.

But right now, I am too mad to respond.

Not at her, I don't even know her. But at him. Make time, don't change
your plans, and see your kid. Not too hard.

-BTW GF has never met my dd. Dad disappeared from dd's life
when GF entered. GF isn't allowed into my ex's parents home
(she burned her bridged with them from the beginning), so the two
times dd has seen her Dad since July 2004 have both been at his
parents house when we were visiting. It's not just dd and myself.
Ex hasn't spoken to either of his brothers for sometime, his Sister
said she has washed he hands of him, and his Mother has disowned
him. With all the drama in the family it’s like a bad episode of Jerry
Springer.

-Janna, independent mother of dd, Ms. Mattie Sky born on my 25th birthday, 06*23*2000. My Mama Feb.21,1938-Sept.10,2006
trinity6232000 is offline  
#14 of 14 Old 09-05-2005, 04:48 PM
 
Raynbow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 996
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
yep - the man. My STBX H has NO relationship with any of his 5 children... why? Because his GF doesn't WANT them in his life... so he chose her.

Of course, this is also the woman who is riding through life waiting to marry her "fiance"... her fiance who won't give me a divorce because if he did, the he "wouldn't have an excuse NOT to marry her" (his words to his teenage sons). How pathetic for both of them.
Raynbow is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off