Help - she won't talk to Daddy - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 12-31-2005, 12:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DD has recently decided that she will not talk to Daddy on the phone. She wants to go to his house, she wants to see him, she paints pictures for him, etc, but won't talk to him. I tried to explain to her that it upsets him when she won't talk to him. That completely backfired b/c I forgot that DD connotes "upset" with "mad". So she thought he was mad at her. I've been trying to turn that around, saying he was sad, and now trying the opposite tact - Daddy is so happy when you talk to him.

It's been almost a week, I think, and it's very upsetting to everyone involved. She'll put the phone to her ear, hear it's him, then immediately her face falls and she says she doesn't want to talk anymore. This morning, I put stbx on speakerphone so that he could tell her that he wasn't mad and that he loved her, but I don't think it got through.

What do I do? Do I keep trying to get her to talk to him? Do I just have him talk to her a little on speakerphone? Do we quit trying for a while? How long?
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#2 of 9 Old 12-31-2005, 04:28 PM
 
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Don't force it. If she doesn't want to talk to him don't make her feel like she has to. Let her do it on her own terms. When he calls give her the option of talking to him, if she says she doesn't want to then just say OK and leave it at that. It is her descision to make. You could put the phone on speakerphone and let him talk and she can either listen or leave the room. But she needs to have a choice, try not to make her feel bad for not wanting to speak with him, she most likely has her reasons.

I find that the more I try to force DS into doing something the more he resists. That could be what is happening here. Maybe she has some unresolved anger towards her dad, maybe something is bothering her about him, or maybe she's just playing and doesn't feel like being interrupted. It could be anything really.

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#3 of 9 Old 12-31-2005, 06:54 PM
 
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I agree with Jillian, don't force it...does she like to talk on the phone?? Sometimes it's weird when the voice is not connected with the body, maybe it is just starting to scare her (?)

Good luck with it i hope X doesn't get too offended, she doesn't mean anything by it

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#4 of 9 Old 12-31-2005, 10:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, she likes to chat on the phone, this is a new thing. It's just that he lives so far away and rarely gets to see her. I know it hurts him, and I feel terrible, too.
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#5 of 9 Old 12-31-2005, 11:52 PM
 
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I agree with the others not to push the issue.

I offer the option to the kids a lot and if they take it fine, if not, it's fine too. I know there have been times when my ex feels hurt, but really, they are just kids and don't get the whole thing. I just say, "Oh, I guess they didn't want to talk right now." And we all move on. My kids go in stages. Sometimes they'll call dad a couple times in a day or week, other times, they'll go long spaces without talking.
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#6 of 9 Old 01-01-2006, 12:57 PM
 
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I think kids don't view the phone the way adults do. Your ex shouldn't feel hurt by it and I don't think you should push the issue. It's making your daughter feel badly for some reason - and you don't want her to feel like she's "failing" for not doing it. I agree with the others and say, just drop it for a while until she's forgotten her issue with it.

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#7 of 9 Old 01-01-2006, 04:51 PM
 
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i know how u feel. even though my dd sees her dad everyday i still feel bad for him when she refuses to talk to him because i can sense he feels bad. i am sure the distance sucks and no matter how much an adult understands it still hurts.

dont remember if ur ex is in the military or not -- but if u both can afford it can u get those computer camera thingys? can u initiate calling when she wants to talk?

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#8 of 9 Old 01-01-2006, 05:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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He's not in the military. The camera thing is a neat idea, though. I didn't think about that. That would be a neat way for them to talk.
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#9 of 9 Old 01-02-2006, 11:55 PM
 
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My six and three year olds don't like talking to the ex on the phone either. It's been three years and he still calls and pesters to talk to them nearly every day -- maybe one time out of ten they'll come to the phone. I wish he'd drop it: the more he pushes, the less likely they are to talk. They see him twice a week: they just don't like the phone.

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