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#1 of 185 Old 01-15-2006, 09:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I thought I'd start up another dating thread so we can share our exciting single-mama dating adventures all in one thread.

So mamas, how is dating going for YOU?

:

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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#2 of 185 Old 01-15-2006, 09:22 PM
 
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I just posted a profile on an internet dating service :

So far, nothing interesting...We'll see what happens. Hopefully I can take part in this thread. Does seeing an ex count?? bc i have been hangin out with an ex (friend first-then we became involved) we have alot of history as friends which is where i want to stay (i even told him so- that i needed to date and have my freedom) He told me that he *sensed* that we would end up together oneday...it never will happen for many reasons, but i still value his friendship.

I let him buy me dinner the other night (well, i had dessert for dinner~the DC weren't ariound) only bc i bought him dinner the last time...well that is him on the phone, gotta go...

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#3 of 185 Old 01-15-2006, 10:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Jilian
So mamas, how is dating going for YOU?

:
Woah ho ho, single moms are supposed to be venturing out in the dating world? Someone didn't send me that memo!

I haven't dated very seriously in a very long time. I hope to change that soon but the only socialization i get outside of my daughter is at school and unfortunately in nursing school 95% of the students are female.

Jumping off this thread... if you are dating someone, how and where did you meet? I need some ideas! All my friends are married with kiddos of their own so i'm not really into the dating scene anymore
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#4 of 185 Old 01-15-2006, 11:05 PM
 
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It's like a big trap, I think it happens by chance meetings, or taking a class on something you enjoy, or internet dating...i mean , the bar scene??? no thanks

I wish it would happen to me, though i'm still doing alot of work on myself and wonder if i'm truly ready. This ex is really into me, i can't seem to stop his flirting : I've been honest w/ him and all, but now i'm in a pickle bc i still want to be his friend

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#5 of 185 Old 01-15-2006, 11:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BelovedK
It's like a big trap, I think it happens by chance meetings, or taking a class on something you enjoy, or internet dating...i mean , the bar scene??? no thanks
i'll have to keep that in mind because by no means am i fending off the guys right now. LOL I wish! Then again i'm not really looking either. I'm young and most young guys i know LOVE the bars and people that don't have children. Not saying they don't exist, but they are rather few and far between. Like you said, i've got a lot of things to work on myself before i start working on a *gasp* relationship. Relationships scare me!

Sorry about the friend. You know what they saayyy... love is friendship set on fiiirree! At least he's persistant right? That's a good quality in a guy!
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#6 of 185 Old 01-15-2006, 11:23 PM
 
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I've been *alone* for over 2 years now. Not one single date. I recently put my profile up on eHarmony (but can't afford the membership so I'm just looking around) and singleparentsmeet.com. That one I did get a 1 month membership and, well, am having fun laughing at all the 40+ men who are sending me messages telling me that age doesn't matter and it's what's on the inside that counts. I guarantee if I change my age to 65 and my pic to an older women they wouldn't feel the same

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#7 of 185 Old 01-16-2006, 06:35 AM
 
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Dating is nonexistant for me. Hazel is only 3.5 months old so I can't leave her yet- I'm a full time mom and part time (online) student so I literally don't have time for a relationship right now. It would be nice though- I wasn't with DD's father so it's been a really long time since I've actually been in a relationship.
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#8 of 185 Old 01-16-2006, 10:17 AM
 
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Just a suggestion, but coffee scenes work pretty well for meeting people. It's where I met my SO while I was preggers...it only took us anohter 15 months to end up dating And he's only 21 and has no problem with the baby (even when DS named him Daddy on our second date ). And my best friend seems to have luck with online personals (yahoo is her fave). She's met one she's very serious about and he's fine with her 3 young children. Other than that, I wouldn't even know where to begin trying to date
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#9 of 185 Old 01-16-2006, 11:10 AM
 
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stephandowen - I'm a over forty mom and when I've done internet dating the guys who send me e-mails are 55 - 65. I was wondering who my peers were hitting on. If age didn't matter I'd get more responses from guys my age. I found internet dating a drag and not ez when you're a single mom to a child. I was overly paranoid since I was the one who had to make sure he was some pedophile looking to get to my kid. So, I'm waiting for the universe to provide. Meanwhile - let's have fun and try to be present with our kids.
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#10 of 185 Old 01-16-2006, 12:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've had some crazy adventures in dating. I joined singleparentmeet.com and got to know the senior citizen crowd via e-mail. I did end up getting a nice e-mail friend in Canada. I talked to him via e-mail for months and it was a shame he didn't live closer because I think we had a connection.

The first time I dated it was a "friend of a friend", yeah, bad idea. He was my age (I usually date older) and it turned out he was a ladies man, he was dating all sorts of other women at the same time. It defenitely wasn't what I was looking for in a man so I let him know and left that situation.

Then, for some unknown reason, I decided to date a younger guy that I was working with. He seemed nice enough, but he was 4 years younger than me. I was apprehensive at first but he asked me out twice so I figured I'd give him a shot. He ended up being a mama's boy, and had to ask his mom permission to go out on dates. Being a mom I thought it was cute for a while. FOR A WHILE. Then he became hot and cold, he'd tell me how much he REALLY liked me then not call me for a week. I told him we'd just be better off as friends. I was right.

THEN, I decided to take a break from dating for a long time. I stopped agreeing to go on dates and stopped looking for someone. A guy I had been really good friends with for about 5 mos pulled me aside one day and told me how much he liked me, he pointed out all of our similarities and said he thought we'd make a great couple. I never really thought of him that way, but his talk got me thinking. He was right, we've been dating for a year now.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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#11 of 185 Old 01-16-2006, 04:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Jilian

THEN, I decided to take a break from dating for a long time. I stopped agreeing to go on dates and stopped looking for someone. A guy I had been really good friends with for about 5 mos pulled me aside one day and told me how much he liked me, he pointed out all of our similarities and said he thought we'd make a great couple. I never really thought of him that way, but his talk got me thinking. He was right, we've been dating for a year now.

That is a perfect example of how it usually happens, the universe really does provide when you are ready.
Since i am trying internet dating and communicating via email, i have discovered how many 'unmatches' there are out there...i see it as getting my feet wet in the dating world, i know i'm not ready for a relationship...i'm doing alot of work on myself, but i want to have a date and some good adult conversation once in a while . I've 'met' a WAHDad through Yahoo, he seems nice, but not my physical type, though it's hard to tell from a pic. He is only a little older than me and has time during the day to have coffee (my favorite, a short 'date') I'm not sure if i will even agree to meet up with him until there has been alot of communication via email and then maybe a phone convo or two (though i don't really feel comfy about giving out my #)

I'm still not sure about what to do about my 'friend' that is more interested in me in a romantic way when all i want is our old friendship back. Do I have to just cut it off with him...at least i'm being honest with him and i *do * enjoy his company (sometimes it is uncomfortable when he does something like grab my hand and linger a little too long) He loves my children, but i don't let him see them. I wonder if he considers us as a *dating* couple (Yech!)

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#12 of 185 Old 01-16-2006, 07:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Kelly I have been in a similar situation with a friend who wants to be more than just friends and I don't feel the same way. We have actually maintained a friendship for 7 years now. It took a while for him to realize that we were never going to be more then friends, but to this day he is still one of my best friends. Just be clear with him, and do not lead him on. Friendly kissing sends a bad message, TRUST ME on this one If you enjoy him as a friend don't cut him out of your life completely, just be clear about your boundaries.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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#13 of 185 Old 01-16-2006, 08:34 PM
 
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Friendly kissing sends a bad message, TRUST ME on this one

Yuck! We hug goodbye and hello, but that's where it ends...even then, he likes to hug a little too long for my tastes. I guess I'm just irresistable

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#14 of 185 Old 01-16-2006, 10:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BelovedK
That is a perfect example of how it usually happens, the universe really does provide when you are ready.
Since i am trying internet dating and communicating via email, i have discovered how many 'unmatches' there are out there...i see it as getting my feet wet in the dating world, i know i'm not ready for a relationship...i'm doing alot of work on myself, but i want to have a date and some good adult conversation once in a while . I've 'met' a WAHDad through Yahoo, he seems nice, but not my physical type, though it's hard to tell from a pic. He is only a little older than me and has time during the day to have coffee (my favorite, a short 'date') I'm not sure if i will even agree to meet up with him until there has been alot of communication via email and then maybe a phone convo or two (though i don't really feel comfy about giving out my #)

I'm still not sure about what to do about my 'friend' that is more interested in me in a romantic way when all i want is our old friendship back. Do I have to just cut it off with him...at least i'm being honest with him and i *do * enjoy his company (sometimes it is uncomfortable when he does something like grab my hand and linger a little too long) He loves my children, but i don't let him see them. I wonder if he considers us as a *dating* couple (Yech!)

I totally relate to your posts BelovedK...I posted on craigslist a few weeks ago for the heck of it and got quite a few replies. I ended up talking to 3 guys on the phone. I met one who is a lot younger because we clicked and talked a lot online...we are friends, I knew that before we met both knowing most likely it would be a friendship connection, which it is. I talked to a few others and ended up telling them I wasnt ready to date. One of them I found very attractive judging by his pic but the phone conversation although good, I wasnt sure..a week or so later, despite feeling unsure if I am ready I replied to an ad on CL and we have been emailing and talked last night...its another unmatch I'm feeling..although we have some things in common. Its nice just to have someone to talk to, a male specifically

I was reading the other thread about relationships and someone said that before starting something with someone new it is good to heal from your last relationship and I'm not even sure I have anything to heal from that or not I know I have lots to work on in myself so I totally relate to your post and I'm loving this thread because this is on my mind a lot lately...my relationship w/ dd's father was over 4 years but a non relationship most of the time so I reallllly want to meet someone to share things with and its on my mind so much.

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#15 of 185 Old 01-16-2006, 10:41 PM
 
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I'll just read and live vicariously through all of your experiences.
I won't be dating right now....
a. No Time
b. No Energy
c. No Interest (okay, well an ever so tiny bit of interest until I think about a. and b.)
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#16 of 185 Old 01-16-2006, 11:05 PM
 
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:
I'll just read and live vicariously through all of your experiences.
I won't be dating right now....
a. No Time
b. No Energy
c. No Interest (okay, well an ever so tiny bit of interest until I think about a. and b.)


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#17 of 185 Old 01-17-2006, 04:20 AM
 
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I want to be dating someone. It drives me crazy sometimes!!

I've found that I am very unapproachable, and I guess thats my problem. I'm shy, and when I see guys on the street, I immediately refuse to even make eye contact!! Its compulsive at this point, and a huge struggle to stop doing it.

It still frustrates me though, because I feel like..... what, am I so ugly that NO ONE is interested?? I'm a 32DDD, 138lbs.... WHYYYYYYYY can't I find a guy?! LOL... sorry to be so shallow, but come on!
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#18 of 185 Old 01-17-2006, 09:05 AM
 
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kirei, Have you ever thought of doing something like eharmony? The way I see it is there's no stigma attatched to things like that anymore and people are too busy now to go out and meet someone. You are likely to find at least a few dates (after viewing many frogs) and maybe a lasting connection, who knows?

You can write in there up front about how important your DC is to you and something on your general views so you weed out alot of the ones who would not date, or not love children. From what i understand, eharmony really does good background checks on their members, so i think it's worth a try. I plan to join as soon as my D is final. Right now I'm doing Yahoo personals and so far have only met one SAMDad (or WAHDad)...He may be geeky, it's hard to tell from the pic, we are emailing back and forth. he seems intelligent and very devoted to his DC.

Anyway, it's worth a try, let us know what you think

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#19 of 185 Old 01-17-2006, 10:23 AM
 
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Okay, I'll sign on to this thread! I haven't dated yet, but I'm ready to give it a try. My biggest barrier is going to be, well, I have my girls all the time. And don't really feel comfortable with a babysitter. And don't really want to introduce them to someone until it's serious. HA! So, I've got hang-ups that need to be balanced out somehow. Anyone else struggling with this?

I did a trial membership to match.com and, in the measly three days, got three possible people. Okay, only one looks really very interesting...he's liberal (very important to me) goes to the same kind of church I do, and seems intriguing. So we'll see...I may extend my membership, but I want to try out these folks first.

Good luck all!
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#20 of 185 Old 01-17-2006, 12:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kirei
I want to be dating someone. It drives me crazy sometimes!!

I've found that I am very unapproachable, and I guess thats my problem. I'm shy, and when I see guys on the street, I immediately refuse to even make eye contact!! Its compulsive at this point, and a huge struggle to stop doing it.

It still frustrates me though, because I feel like..... what, am I so ugly that NO ONE is interested?? I'm a 32DDD, 138lbs.... WHYYYYYYYY can't I find a guy?! LOL... sorry to be so shallow, but come on!

I totally relate to this.....well,,,except for the 32DDD part

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#21 of 185 Old 01-17-2006, 01:01 PM
 
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no major dating. Emma's dad and I still see each other everyonce in a while. I did meet a wonderful guy over the weekend, and we hung out friday night, saturday for lunch and saturday night and I stayed untill Sunday around noon (NO WE DIDNT DO ANYTHING) then I saw him yesterday at the mall. We will see, he is very nice and has wonderful manners and loves Emma
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#22 of 185 Old 01-17-2006, 03:20 PM
 
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Hmmmmm

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#23 of 185 Old 01-18-2006, 04:58 AM
 
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I totally relate to this.....well,,,except for the 32DDD part
lol.... preach it, sister!

But, seriously, I think I'm decent looking, at least (if not... pretty? Maybe? ).... and I hear of lots of people being approached by guys, asked out on dates, blah blah blah.... but me? Never. It just drives me crazy! I am working on being more approachable, but... I still wonder if that will really help.

Anyway, about eharmony.... I actually took the time to go through the whole stupid profile thing -- and it told me that I was not the sort of person they could match with anyone. : Even eharmony thinks I'm not date-able!!!! : :
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#24 of 185 Old 01-18-2006, 08:51 AM
 
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Kirei, I know what you mean about feeling un-approachable. I'm not shy, but I've found I'm shy lately around men. Just the other day I was at a fruit stand, and there was this cute looking guy who started chatting with me as if he knew me, and I bet I could have talked to him long enough or given him the right vibes...but I chickened out and went back into my cave.

I'm think, for me, there is just a big fear of WHO someone is and whether I feel I could trust them that makes me hesitant. Do you know what might make you shy?

That's good to know about eharmony, perhaps I won't bother going back and finishing my profile.

I did a trial to match.com, and found two interesting men to email. Actually, one seems really intriguing, he's got two girls he loves, but they live with their mom almost all the time "because I know they have a great place there and that's the best thing for them." And they go to a waldorf school. And, we just seem to have a similar playfulness, so we'll see where that goes. And we both just acknowledged that neither of us has done really any "dating" so it feels nice to have someone I'm on more of an equal footing with who won't be concerned about rules and games.

So, who has experience with internet dating protocol? What's good to do? Pace? And how strange was it when you met the person in person (I imagine a bit less so when you haven't communicated as long...am I write?) I might call him on the phone tonight...if the girls settle well and I get all my homework done. And I work up the courage
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#25 of 185 Old 01-18-2006, 09:43 AM
 
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Anyway, about eharmony.... I actually took the time to go through the whole stupid profile thing -- and it told me that I was not the sort of person they could match with anyone. : Even eharmony thinks I'm not date-able!!!! : :

: I didn't know that was possible. I did the profile and they told me that they don't accept, or match up seperated people (only divorced) Was that it? Otherwise, I'll go with Match.com.

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#26 of 185 Old 01-18-2006, 09:46 AM
 
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And I work up the courage

Oh, just go for it sister

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#27 of 185 Old 01-18-2006, 11:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Actually, one seems really intriguing, he's got two girls he loves, but they live with their mom almost all the time "because I know they have a great place there and that's the best thing for them." And they go to a waldorf school. And, we just seem to have a similar playfulness, so we'll see where that goes. And we both just acknowledged that neither of us has done really any "dating" so it feels nice to have someone I'm on more of an equal footing with who won't be concerned about rules and games.

So, who has experience with internet dating protocol? What's good to do? Pace? And how strange was it when you met the person in person
He sounds like a nice guy, good for you mama! I've met someone from online once. I used to play spades in an online club way before DS was born and had a regular spades partner. I talked to him online as a friend for over a year before we met in person. The meeting was kind of awkward but after I stopped being nervous it was ok. He was the same person he was online. BUT he certainly did not look much like his pictures, he was about 50 lbs heavier. There was no romantic chemistry but I still chat with him a few times a year online.

The first call is usually pretty uncomfortable, you may want to come up with a list of things to talk about in case the conversation stalls. But you'll be able to tell pretty quickly weather or not there is any kind of interest. Let us know how it goes!

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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#28 of 185 Old 01-18-2006, 11:50 AM
 
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So, who has experience with internet dating protocol? What's good to do? Pace? And how strange was it when you met the person in person (I imagine a bit less so when you haven't communicated as long...am I write?)
The more time you spend communicating first (via email, messenging or on the phone) the better idea you'll get about the person. The liars, will start to forget what lies they've told you and you'll find inconsistencies within a few different emails. The guys who only want sex, will get bored if you're not going to meet immediately.

I like to do a little online stuff first. Then the phone calls give me a better sense of what the person is like.

It is a little awkward meeting. If you've been looking at a picture, it's amazing how different they look when you see them in person. Plus, when you're used to writing online, you have more time to formulate things. I found it a little backwards....but it can still work out really well.
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#29 of 185 Old 01-18-2006, 12:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by kirei
But, seriously, I think I'm decent looking, at least (if not... pretty? Maybe? ).... and I hear of lots of people being approached by guys, asked out on dates, blah blah blah.... but me? Never. It just drives me crazy! I am working on being more approachable, but... I still wonder if that will really help.

Anyway, about eharmony.... I actually took the time to go through the whole stupid profile thing -- and it told me that I was not the sort of person they could match with anyone. : Even eharmony thinks I'm not date-able!!!! : :
I'm guessing that you are giving off an "unapproachable vibe". I had that problem in high school, I was very shy and avoided eye contact with people and a lot of people later told me that they just assumed I was a snobby bitch I'm really not So I worked really hard on making eye contact with people (even if for only 2 seconds) then giving a quick half-smile. It's they shy way to say hello to someone. Then if they are interested they feel as if they've been given an invitation to come over and say hello.

Kids scare a LOT of people away too, but only the types of people you don't want to be dating in the first place. I'm not sure how old you are, but if you are fairly young (say 20 ish) you may have a hard time meeting someone that age who is ok with the responsibility of you having a little one. Most guys are going through their "party phase" until about 23, not all, but most IME. Just try not to look, and take baby steps towards being more friendly and approachable. You'll find someone. Most likely when you stop looking. You are attractive and seem like a nice person, there is someone out there for you. Let him come to you.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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#30 of 185 Old 01-18-2006, 12:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MsChatsAlot

It is a little awkward meeting. If you've been looking at a picture, it's amazing how different they look when you see them in person.

What about the guys who pose with no shirt on? :


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