August Dating Thread - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 153 Old 09-02-2006, 02:20 PM
 
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I need some of those cards!!!

Or maybe we can come up with a 'how to date a single mom' memo. Wasn't there a thread like that at one point?
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#122 of 153 Old 09-02-2006, 10:31 PM
 
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well,,,I for one desirea father who is present for my daughter, although I wouldnt say I have been "looking" for one and the man I met seems very well suited to it and really cares about dd.

I can officially speak my mind on this thread,,my worry over stbx is done with as I've mentioned in my wow! stbx called! thread so anyway,,,I'm not sure I really qualify as dating anyway, we went from dating to pretty serious on the second date, its pretty unconventional. blessings~

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#123 of 153 Old 09-03-2006, 01:07 AM
 
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First of all Beloved K let me say I love your musical selection for your my space page.... Fiona Apple's new cd got me through my initial separation, when i asked my ex to leave. You Rock!


I have been out on a few dates, but my situation is like this:

Short version:

My ex is 7 years older than I am and he hooked me at 17 and we had been together almost 11 years- I had sex with anyone, but him and have two precious boys with him. during this time he's been abusive to me and verbally abusive to boys. He has another son that he does not take care of or see at all. He wants to get back together and I am struggling to get money to file for divorce, but he thinks he still has power and control over me asking me where I've been, etc.

So okay the last few dates have made me re charged in terms of being attractive and I've had good communication and fun, but no sparks, so all in all it's been okay. The one person I have had major sparks with is the second person ( safe person i have known for a while)I've had sex with and we've agreed that now is not the time for us to be in a committed relationship ( mainly my idea because I think I need to just date right now). This is weird for me, I am dating as an adult and I've never done this before....:
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#124 of 153 Old 09-03-2006, 01:16 AM
 
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ok. landmark occasion:

i got the phone number of a guy from one of my classes that i think is cute. i dont know much about him so cant say "crush" but whatever. i forgot to pick up some papers we were supposed to get on friday, and i ran into him a couple hours ago, so i asked him if i could get a copy from him.

i was so glad to have an excuse, but i still feel stupid! AK!

i am without child tonight so i am also going to a party that he may or may not be at ( small town) in a little while. i hate showing up alone but whatever. wish me luck.

also, about Rejection Guy.... we walked around for like an hour and it went just fine. not really awkward, just normal. i was relieved. i am trying to continue feeling normal around him...the whole small town thing makes being friends necessary. i am gald i dont feel horrible around him any more! PHEW

thats my update. wish me cute-mature-man-that-persues-ME vibes...i hope this party doesnt suck
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#125 of 153 Old 09-03-2006, 12:19 PM
 
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lunamomma,,,sending a ,,,i cant give much dating advice.

stirringleaf~how did it go!?

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#126 of 153 Old 09-03-2006, 01:48 PM
 
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the party was ok. it was small, a bunch of grad students. some of my friends showed up at some point, and then they dragged me off to a bar, literally dragged me by the arm, and then when we got to the bar they all started talking about how tired they all were and went home soon after. then i went out with some other friends who were still at the party..till almost 3 am.

: i dont know what i was thinking. i have so much homework today.

but the guy i dated in the summer was of course there , and i started feeling really sad. i dreamed we got back together last night, and that was a sad dream, because he is so aloof and wishy-washy that if i got back together with him it wouldnt really be a good idea.

something about being around lots of people can make you feel more lonely sometimes. thats the kind of night it ended up being. most of the people i was around were only like 25 , and i am 31, and that age dif. really matters to me right now. i dont know how to meet people my age though. they are all married, or hiding under rocks somewhere.

oh well.
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#127 of 153 Old 09-03-2006, 05:12 PM
 
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mystic~mama, I think we're all just saying that every man or woman shouldn't assume we want them simply so they can become an instant parent to our kids. Sometimes moms just want to have fun, too!

stirringleaf, hey I'm a grad student, too! English lit. studies, you? Way to go on the number and the party! Now, call the homework guy! I'm with you on the homework... been totally neglecting it due to dating. I don't have any advice on the age thing... I'm 26, myself. But most of my friends are in their 30's. Well, no those are my married, mama friends. My partying, friends for years friends are my age.

As for me, the girl I'm dating is a drag king, so I went to her show last night with a bunch of people. I had so much fun being the drag kings date!! But it was weird... this other woman that likes me showed up to, I swear I'm totally serious here, rescue me from a potentially bad situation! It was sooo weird. Nothing was wrong, I was just there having fun... And then she showed up. It was quite surreal. She's much older than me and I think she is one of those people who wants to take care of people she sees as "troubled." But I'm not troubled and don't need to be taken care of! I kind of felt like I was in a soap opera. Anyway, had fun with the girl I'm dating, just waiting for her to call so we can hang out today. And waiting... hmm...

Amanda, mom to dsd (16), dd (11), dd (8), and ds (born 11/12/11).
 

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#128 of 153 Old 09-03-2006, 10:25 PM
 
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MabelsMama~I'll admit I didnt read every post, just saw a few mentioning it...I can understand that, I guess thats why men have stayed away from me,,,always with dd in tow,,,until this right one came along who wants fatherhood anyway which is what I want,,,not really the dating for fun type,,,so anyway,,,I understand what your saying,,,feeling like i belong on this thread even less and that is okay

stirringleaf~~I know the feeling more lonely in a crowd of people feeling and can relate, I was up until after 2 chatting with my honey, doing better today than expected.

blessings~~

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#129 of 153 Old 09-05-2006, 07:28 PM
 
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Stirringleaf I think we're living parallel dating lives...everyone I'm meeting is in their 20s and they're just not in the same experience, yk? I totally feel ya on the alone in a crowd thing...I get that way at festivals sometimes...


So my coffee guy said YES, mamas! And emailed me his phone #, he said he was going out of town on business, but to call him...
Shit. Now I'm in the position to make the 1st move AGAIN...and I'm so scared!
But he did get back to me IMMEDIATELY. And he said, absolutely yes I'd love to...But I'm so freaking inexperienced at this dating thang...I don't know what to say, or do, or WEAR lol


OK---the weirdest thing happened yesterday...I was in the grocery store & this guy asked me if I was finding everything OK, and I asked him if there was anymore Fat Tire 12 pks, he hooked me up with one...I looked up & saw he was really cute, but younger I thought...I'm 32 and he was maybe 28-29

So---I check out, and he's outside waiting for me...he says, "I know you probably might think this is weird, but if I give you my #, will you call me so I can take you out for dinner?" He was all nervous, I got nervous too! I took the lil' scrap of paper, and said "Yeah, that sounds nice, thanks" and we talked a bit, that he just moved up here, etc...He asked me how old I was, and for some reason I said, "what? you don't ask women that!"

Now in retrospect, I should have told him, and asked him! Because I don't want to waste my time with someone who thinks I'm too old, and if he's 24 or somthing, that would suck...and I should tell him I have 2 kids, right? I mean that's good to bring up first, right?!

Should I call him? Should I get a free dinner out of it LOL? Even if he is too young, is it still worth it for the experience?
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#130 of 153 Old 09-05-2006, 07:38 PM
 
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BTW, myspace mamas, I requested y'all as friends, I'm casey mountain!
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#131 of 153 Old 09-06-2006, 12:55 AM
 
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Mountain, totally go for it! And congrats on the other date, as well. Okay, my mini soap-box here... I've been judged for all of my adult life because of my age, and I feel it is unfair. Of course, I do it a bit myself... I don't want to date people my own age sometimes! But, anyway, just remember, there are some of us 20 somethings with a lot of maturity and life experience. In short, I say go for it, even if he is young... you never know!

Amanda, mom to dsd (16), dd (11), dd (8), and ds (born 11/12/11).
 

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#132 of 153 Old 09-06-2006, 12:58 AM
 
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And, hey, where's my friend request?!

Amanda, mom to dsd (16), dd (11), dd (8), and ds (born 11/12/11).
 

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#133 of 153 Old 09-06-2006, 01:28 AM
 
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Just catching up with this thread, and living vicariously through some of you The most action I've gotten lately is today when mom's neighbor blew me a kiss when I was leaving. The only problem? He's at least in his 50's (probably older- He has kids that are older than I am) *shudder*

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#134 of 153 Old 09-06-2006, 12:59 PM
 
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I love reading this thread, you mamas are funny! I like the idea of the single mama dating business card

Mountain: I think you should call him and tell him you were just joking about the age thing and then tell him how old you are (and find out how old he is). Try not to get too hung up on age though, he may be a great guy!

I'm still dating my BF and it will be 2 years in January Time flies when you're having fun! We had a great little vacation together this past week. We went up to Boston to his brother's wedding and visited our friends and family while we were there. It was a great time

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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#135 of 153 Old 09-06-2006, 04:03 PM
 
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Thanks for the advice mamas, it's truly appreciated. I think I will call him, even tho I'm totally crushing on my coffee/chai guy...just to keep the options open he he.

I do hear ya on the age thing Amanda...I've been openminded about it...but I dated a guy 7 years younger and got a bad taste from it, I guess that taints my vision. It's about priorities for me, and this guy didn't have 'em straight, but that doesn't mean another 26yr old wouldn't...I guess guys with similar priorities to me are hard to come by in ANY age group sometimes...

Steph--hang in there...a week ago I was feelin pretty lonely and then BAM...that's the beauty of life is that you never know what's around the corner...

Jillian, I'm so glad that you're having such a good time with your p. It inspires me that guys don't ALWAYS have to suck...lol

Amanda! Is your search feature on myspace broken? Heehee...Look for me! under username casey mountain I gotta get off the puter or or I would findya. I'll add you any day!

Okay, I'm gonna call my grocery store guy tonight & hope my coffee guy calls tonight...

I cannot believe this is my life!
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#136 of 153 Old 09-06-2006, 06:10 PM
 
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mountain:

i think we are in parrallell worlds too!

i have a "not really a date but maybe kind of a date," maybe tonight if the guy calls me back. and yes, it is Cute from Class. he lingered outside class last night ( and so did i ) and suggested we crash a BBQ nearby and we did! so , we talked for about an hour , that was nice... i am still so hung up on Rejection Guy ( i feel very Sex in the City right now wth all the titles ) that its hard for me to like anyone else, but i am NOT going to sit around being alone right now. ijust dont want to. if anything i want simply company, someone to do things with.

i am like mountain, wondering if he is only 24 and hoping not... but then also wondering if there is anything so WRONG with hanging out with a younger person...

i saw the other guy i like twice yesterday, still havent gotten up the guts to talk to him plus i was feeling so negative and sassy yesterday that i think i kind of glared at him in passing, LOL. i was thinking: " oh what the F##$# EVER! if You want to talk to me then do it. " and mentally dared him to approach me. he didnt , i didnt even care. my attitude is sort of soured.

but, regardless, i am going out with this guy tonight on the pretense of giving him a ride to an event...he seems nice, it will be a good non-pressury way to talk some more. if he calls me back ... he asked me for the ride, and i called him a couple hours ago to say i could do it, and no return call.. i have so little faith in men at this point i wouldt be suprised if he just didnt call. blech. wish me luck ...
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#137 of 153 Old 09-06-2006, 07:14 PM
 
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On the wondering about age thing.. I'm 21, but I have a 9 year old and a 4 year old. My best friends are 47, 30, 39, and another 21 year old mama. I'd say give it a try! It's not the age you need to worry about, it's maturity level.

My 47 year old friend set me up with her son's roommate (who is 24) and he is AMAZING. He's great with the kids, has a real job, and wants to settle down. :

Kerry, loving wife to Pete, mama to DD (14) DS1 (9) DS2 (3) & Expecting someone new Jan 2013

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#138 of 153 Old 09-07-2006, 11:53 AM
 
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he did indeed call. we had a very nice evening.
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#139 of 153 Old 09-07-2006, 04:25 PM
 
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Stirringleaf and mountain and mamakerry, I'm glad you're having such fun with exploring the posibilities the universe sends your way! You can learn from every person who comes into your life... Mamakerry, good luck with the new exciting person, Mountain, definitely make those phone calls and see what happens, and stirringleaf, glad you had a nice evening (any more details?!?!)

Jilian, wow, how exciting to have made such a milestone and be at such a happy place!! Sounds like a wonderful vacation, and nice to see his family, I'm sure!

What nice stories the dating mamas are having these days!

I've been enjoying my time with my beau...he's just so encouraging, amazing, and brings so much contentment to me. Last weekend, we were planning a couple of days together, because my mom and sister were taking the girls camping, but dd2 got sick, so he still came over as I attended to my poor vomiting baby, and then HE got sick...and was the sweetest, most gentle patient ever! That's a really cool thing, to me, that a person can be easy going and nice even when they don't feel well. So yet another positive on the list!

A couple of days ago in an email he mentioned he was kind of jealous of some of the things in my past, and I asked him about it, and it pretty much comes down to my experience with pregnancy and birth. I lent him TCOYF because we've talked about NFP, and he's just fascinated by it all...amazed and feeling enlightened (and says it's so cool to get a scientific sense of the female reproductive system ) A part of me thinks as well that's it's too bad he hasn't experienced those things...but the other part of me says, hey, I'm not done having kids, and I can imagine him being the most amazing, supportive, blessed partner a woman could want through that process (or I should say, that I would want, because we are like-minded about our values). And he has such a nice growing relationship with my kids...especially the youngest. My oldest, who's five, is expressing a little reluctance, so we're slowing down a bit (in terms of our time with kids), and yet I'm trying to give her a sense of what valueable experiences he's bringing to our lives, from having another person to swim with, to when he helped her with her homework while I made dinner, to just making me a happier person and therefore a better mom. I feel in some ways like I'm on a PR campaign. And I'm sure things will get weird in a few months, when my dds hear the news that their dad and stepmom are having a baby 1400 miles away. I think that will change her perspective on things quite a bit...and I'm sad that she'll have to go through that.
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#140 of 153 Old 09-07-2006, 11:18 PM
 
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So...I'm in my first class today and I start talking to Cute Guy (younger, 24 I guess- what a coincidence) next to me during break. Just some chit chat and mild flirting but it occurred to me, if (the gods like me and one day) a guy that I don't know well asks me out, do I mention I'm a mom? Do I say, "Yes, dinner sounds nice. By the way, I have 2 kids." Is it not something to not even mention because, hey it's just one little date?
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#141 of 153 Old 09-08-2006, 12:01 AM
 
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I always mention that I'm a mom. It's one of the first things I say. I look a lot younger than I am so when people ask my age I usually respond by saying something like "I'm a lot older than I look. I'm 27 and I have a 3.5 yr old son too". I like to weed out the guys who don't like kids right away.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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#142 of 153 Old 09-08-2006, 01:31 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jilian
I like to weed out the guys who don't like kids right away.
Yeah but I don't necessarily want Mr.Right#2 right now. I just want to go out and have a nice time. Any men on this site that mind responding?
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#143 of 153 Old 09-08-2006, 02:49 PM
 
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me too... i am not necessarily looking for mr right either. i mean i hope he comes along, but in the meantime i just want company ... i am not ready for the kind of relationship where they interact with ds much , so i dont really "need" them to like kids. that said i dont think i would date anyone very long that didnt like kids.. that just seems like a personality conflict since i love children in general

but right now,,,dating world is totally separate from mommy world. so i feel no need upoon first introduction to admit my motherhood, lol
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#144 of 153 Old 09-08-2006, 05:08 PM
 
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I'm a waiter on the kid thing, too. I don't feel the need to throw it out in a casual, first time conversation.

Amanda, mom to dsd (16), dd (11), dd (8), and ds (born 11/12/11).
 

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#145 of 153 Old 09-09-2006, 12:51 AM
 
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I don't know -- don't you think it's a little misleading? After all, if you're not going to be bringing the other person into the kid's life, you're as good as saying that this isn't going to turn into marriage or might-as-well-be marriage. Which is fine, but if that's what the other person's after, I'd think it's a courtesy to let them know they're in the wrong spot to pan for gold.
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#146 of 153 Old 09-09-2006, 01:22 AM
 
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i tell people up front. just cuz im naturally loud! but a lot of guys my age dont want to del with someone with a kid...which is something that im dealing with today: he likes me but doesnt know if he wants to deal with all that. dont tell me you like me if you cant act on liking me cuz of my daughter...oooo im getting mad again...
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#147 of 153 Old 09-09-2006, 09:22 AM
 
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I tell people right away about the kids...and part of it is because I don't want to just date for fun, but even if I did, I'd want to be ready for the "what-if" possibility that it turned into more, kwim? And I also think it's only fair to the person you're dating...unless you talk specifically about what you want and it doesn't involve a LTR for either of you...
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#148 of 153 Old 09-09-2006, 10:27 AM
 
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I figure let's say I meet someone randomly and they ask me out- us barely knowing each. Don't mention the DC. During the first date, it'll certainly come up. It's not like someone's going to say, "Hey, wanna go out?" and I'll say- "Sure, BTW, I have 2 kids."
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#149 of 153 Old 09-09-2006, 11:45 AM
 
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: maybe I've just never had the experience of someone asking me out w/out knowing me first, hehe!!! In fact, um, now that I think about it...if I hadn't done internet dating, I wouldn't have done any dating. : Kudos to you ladies for getting out there in present way!!!
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#150 of 153 Old 09-09-2006, 03:09 PM
 
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I don't know -- don't you think it's a little misleading? After all, if you're not going to be bringing the other person into the kid's life, you're as good as saying that this isn't going to turn into marriage or might-as-well-be marriage. Which is fine, but if that's what the other person's after, I'd think it's a courtesy to let them know they're in the wrong spot to pan for gold.
i at least have the conversation of " what i am looking for" if anything.. i mean i dont have a ton of experience with this yet, but with the most recent date.. he found out i had a kid cuz he saw us togeter. we still went on a date.

we talked about relationships, and i mentioned i am more looking for company than a serious relationship. he said he was looking for the same thing. so , essentially, the conversation can be about what you are looking for in dating. as long as you communicate at least that, its fine, but really if someone were to assume you were a serious couple after a date or two, or if they were to assume they knew everything about you... they arent really being relistic. i mean i dont think its necessary to go in to all that stuff when you are first gettting to know someone. certanly after a few dates, if it feels like things are going to be continuing and you like each other, yes , its time to start talking about that stuff.
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