Who pays for visitation transportation? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 12 Old 08-03-2006, 12:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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The jerk who fathered my beautiful son is at it again. Tonight's phone call was crazy, I'm annoyed like all get out, but I'm not going to go into that...partially due to the lovely stress headache I've sporting.:

DS's dad says I should pay for half the cost of transporting my child down to NYC for visitation.

I say Dad should pay for the whole thing.

I bring DS down on the bus from PA every two weeks. It costs $53 round trip per trip, for a total of over $100/month. That's a lot of money to me!

The dad does not have a car and thus can't come up here...but if he could, he'd be paying for his own gas, no?

For the record, Ds's dad and I were never married, but he is cited on the birth certificate as my son's father.

Can anyone help? We have not gone to court, so there's no one else for me to ask about this.

~Kiyomi~ Unschooling mom to one very chatty, very amazing 7 year old bundle of boy
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#2 of 12 Old 08-03-2006, 12:56 AM
 
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From what I hear, it's your responsibility to pay for the transportation.
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#3 of 12 Old 08-03-2006, 01:11 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaDaednu
From what I hear, it's your responsibility to pay for the transportation.
Really? That doesn't make sense to me. If the father has visitation, the mother would be responsible for paying for his mileage?

Now it does seem that if you are bringing the child to his father so that the child can have a relationship with his father, then the burden is on you. If you said that you don't have the time and the money to make this trip anymore, the burden would be on him to find a way. He might have to make and pay for the bus trip himself.

I don't know what the court would say, honestly.
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#4 of 12 Old 08-03-2006, 01:11 AM
 
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In both our cases, we alternatie driving, so each parent does one way. I think that's pretty standard. I've even heard of court orders requiring parents split the $ for cross-country plane fare - even when the parent up and moved 2000 miles w/out notice.
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#5 of 12 Old 08-03-2006, 01:16 AM
 
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I've mostly heard courts saying the parents split costs (either by one parent driving one way, the other driving the other way or both parents drive both ways meeting in the middle, or splitting costs of planefare or whatever). I have heard of cases where one parent moves away (lets say dad moves out of state). Dad would then be responsible for all transportation costs because HE chose to move that far away. Likewise- I've heard if mom moves kid away then she needs to pay for transportation costs (because it's not the dad's fault the mom moved away), or at least help with transportation costs.

Without knowing more about who moved where, or whether you lived close by at any time, I couldn't say what's "fair".

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#6 of 12 Old 08-03-2006, 08:39 AM
 
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Unfortunately I have heard... In the State of Florida anyway... That both of the parent's split the transportation cost. No matter what the details our... Unless it is agree upon by the parties or Court deems fit to order something different.

Which I think the father should pay. I do not know why we should have to meet half way or pay the cost.

But, you have no Court ORder.... So letting him see his son like I did with my son's father is good. But, I never met him or paid half the cost. But, than again, my son is 15 and he has maybe seen his father a total of a month in his whole life. If he is a good father..... at least he is taking part in your son's life.

Hang in... and get Legal aid or some legal help.

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#7 of 12 Old 08-03-2006, 09:10 AM
 
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I'm having a similar discussion with my ex. The court documents were somewhat wooly. I don't get it though: why can't he get the bus to you once a month, and split travel that way?

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#8 of 12 Old 08-03-2006, 09:15 AM
 
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My dad had custody of us, my mom lived 4 hours away. She not only paid child support, she paid all costs of visitation, including feeding us dinner in a restaurant every other Friday and Sunday because the visitation schedule necessitated that we were in the car during the dinner hour.
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#9 of 12 Old 08-04-2006, 04:09 PM
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I had put into my divorce that x is responsible for all pick ups and drop offs. He needs to come to my place. And for awhile wasn't allowed out of the car.

but usually the standard is 50/50, unless you move away in which case you are responsible for transportation. Maybe if you tell him, unless you help with transportation, it aint gonna happen.
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#10 of 12 Old 08-04-2006, 05:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, mamas!


~Kiyomi~ Unschooling mom to one very chatty, very amazing 7 year old bundle of boy
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#11 of 12 Old 08-04-2006, 05:29 PM
 
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Our agreement states that he is responsible for 100% of the cost of visitation, though I'll help out if I have a little extra money.
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#12 of 12 Old 08-04-2006, 05:46 PM
 
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I guess it depends on the agreement. Our temporary agreement was for ex to pick DS up earlier than I'd like on Saturdays so ex has to pick up DS every Saturday so it doesn't take more of our time together away.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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