For those of you who don't know me very well, I'm an RN and I do nights (mostly 7p-7:30a, with 2 11p-7:30a per month). I try to schedule my nights in a row so that I have 3 or 4 days in a row off.
With ds in school now, I've been having to leave work at 7:20-7:40am (depending on when report ends), pick him up at my mothers house (30 min from work), drive back to my place (25min from my mom's) so ds can catch the bus at 9am. Then I do what needs to be done, get to bed between 9:30-10:30am, sleep till around 3:15...pick ds up from bus at 3:45, then drive him back to my parents house and head to work, only to repeat it the next day.
It's hard, but I manage. Usually.
That said, I fell asleep *while driving* with ds in the car driving back to our place in the am. I feel like sh~t. I feel like a crappy mother, and I hate that it happened. I know to pull over if I'm tired, but I honestly wasn't. It hit me like a ton of bricks all of a sudden--seriously. It was for literally 10 seconds, and I was not fully asleep, just the kind of you close your eyes for way longer than you should...but when I opened them, I was headed for the other lane (ie oncoming traffic). I know, i know...please don't flame me...I know it was horrible.
So I called exDP. Convo went like this
Me: J, I know you're busy, but I really need your help when I'm doing 3 or 4 in a row. I can't do it anymore...
J: Why not?
Me: I'm too tired.
J: Sleep more. [sounding impatient--wanted to get back to watching tv I'm sure]
Me: I sleep as much as I can, but it's not enough. Sleeping while the sun is up and kids are playing outside isn't the same... And when I'm awake, it's rush rush rush...there's no down time.
J: Well, I'm pretty busy with XYZ [he plays football...goes out with his friends...and takes work home with him so that he can use his free period--he's a HS teacher--to hang out with his coworkers]
Me: But this is serious. It's not safe for me and ds. I fell asleep for a second this am.
J: Kelly! WTF is wrong with you? Seriously!?? You can't do that! You could have killed him. WTF?
I explained it to him, and he tells me
J: So now it's my fault that you're putting my son in danger? Look, I don't care what you have to do, but you'd better not fall asleep while you're driving my son anymore. WTF is wrong with you? Do you realize that he could be dead right now or in the hospital because of you?? [coming from a man who drives up to 85mph regularly and whines about putting ds in a carseat]
Me: Well, maybe you could pick him up at my place once in a while and just play with him for an hour or two so I can sleep? Or you could drive him to my parent's so I can nap?
J: Maybe I could do that sometimes, but I'm busy with XYZ. Plus who's gonna pay for my gas?? And then I'd have to make him dinner.... Can't your father pick him up? Ugh...I don't know Kelly, maybe once in a while, but that's a lot to ask. Seriously though, this sh~t has to stop...you can't fall asleep while you're driving him Kelly. WTF?
WTF!?! He lives about 10min from me and 10 min from my parents...that's too much to ask!?? Do your f'ing work AT WORK so you don't have to do it at home....skip the nights out with your friends.
When i took this position I was promised up and down his help. "Yeah, I'll sleep over some nights while you're at work. I'll take him so you can sleep. I'll help out. yak yak yak" Now nada.
Why is everything my responsibility?? Why am I the one who has to plan meals, cook, clean, shop, wash clothes, meet with teachers, help with homework ....and he gets ds on weekends to play and watch tv and wrestle and eat crap food.
And when I cook healthy dinners for ds to take to his dad's (so he doesn't get McDonalds or other junk), I get sent home dirty, rotten tupperware (not even rinsed) or he forgets the tupperware and it gets moldy. Clothes come back dirty and wrinkled. Books go missing.
This f'ing SUCKS. Sorry to vent here....I really don't have much support IRL and don't know many single mamas in my situation.
Kelly, mama (12yoDS), doula, RN, and writer.
There's no where you can be that isn't where you were meant to be, its easy