October Dating Thread - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 88 Old 10-03-2006, 01:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello everyone

Well, I'm late again This is the new dating thread. post away. No matter how trivial, fluffy or fantastic...This is the place to be. So join all of the dating mamas in the special room. I might even hang out even though the only men I seem to be attracting are younger men, like 15 years younger than me. I read this book called 'Why Men Love Bitches' TOTAL fluff, but some good points to be learned. I've always been too much of the predictable, nice girl. I've made EVERY mistake in that book ...this time I'm practicing my newfound bitchiness on these younger men, one of whom I really was attracted to I'll let you know if my transformation is real, or if I'm not yet my own woman, secure in her power.

I just got an email from this one guy who I really liked but he lost interest in me. Usually when he has emailed me in the past I have returned his message right away...this time I'm going to wait almost a week, and I'll be short and to the point. He will be so surprised not to hear from me by morning. BTW, it's not just him, I always return all of my emails right away or as soon as I can. I hate the chore to be hanging over me. I will thoroughly enjoy not responding.

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#2 of 88 Old 10-03-2006, 03:22 AM
 
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Ok, so here it is. I will start it the same way Beloved K did for sept: i have given up and am trying to focus on me right now. the healing thing. i am finding myself less and less attracted to people as the days go on... which is fine so far. i am less panicked about being alone. so far.


my last dating situation ended kind of crappily . i panicked because the guy just wanted to be friends but what is so stupid is i had come to that conclusion as well. i just momentarily couldnt handle the finality of that. so i got emotional on him, all full of despair and crap. but thank goodnes he is a resiliant kind of person ; we seem to be friends, and it is mainly comfortable .

i have had some very peaceful alone time, and some really nice times with my son. so i think i am progressing in some fashoin, and it is good.

i will read the september thread more when i get a chance...
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#3 of 88 Old 10-03-2006, 08:15 AM
 
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Sounds like you're gaining some peace, I went through a brief experience seeing someone who it turned out things didn't work out well with, and the fact that we wanted to just be friends at various points was hard to recognize in the middle of it but valuable to see afterwards.

Actually, BelovedK already started the October Dating Thread as a sticky on the top of the single parenting forum...why don't you go there and repost this post? We're glad you'll be joining us, it's a fun chatty place!!
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#4 of 88 Old 10-03-2006, 12:56 PM
 
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BelovedK~ I would love to read that book my mother and I always say why to the nice guys get the bit*hes?! My cousin is a real nasty women and she has the most wonderful man ever really all the stereotypes go out the window on him:

This month I do not see anything happening I want what I want in a guy and I do not want anyone to change for me. my friend said that my one X I told you about would stop parting and such if I would get back with him but I don't want someone to change I would feel that they would resent me in the long run. Then with jason Ohhhh I wish I could be with him. But he is not leagally seperated that is an issue with me. He is also the "wounded sole" right now he is going through some problems with being in Iraq and in new orleans after the storm. I am always so so so so so attracted to the "wounded soles" I do not know why even on TV shows like on Brother and Sisters the brother who is having all the problems LOVE him!!!!!!!
So that is what I want to work on trying to attract people that do not need me to care for them and help them through stuff lets see how that will work

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#5 of 88 Old 10-03-2006, 02:15 PM
 
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okay, made my way over here...

JA'sMama~ I totally know what you mean, I have been attracted to wounded souls my whole dating life it seems like...dd's dad, perfect example;,,,I was quite a wounded soul myself at the time and after going thru so much healing I've attracted a man that tosses "the stereotypes out the window" also I was recently really attracted to this guy who I happened to stop running into right before I met my honey and then saw him again recentely and still felt some attraction and then realized it was my old self feeling that because the womyn I am now wouldnt be with someone like that....seemed like a very nice guy, just not the earthy/spiritual type I need to be with.

Lately, i've been getting more attention from men than I'm used to,,,my honey said he thought it was going to happen while he was away because of my recent growth and letting my light shine its been fun

I'm feeling good about where i'm at with my honey,,,he told me he has never been so excited to see someone and I'm pretty sure he has never cut a trip so short for anyone before ,,,,,have to finish later,,,dd being difficult

belovedK~ i'd love to hear more about that book,,,I usually reply pretty quickly partly out of consideration but I"ve wondered if I should wait sometimes, even when I do, its not very long.

stirringleaf~ I've totally been there,,,not long ago at all. I think just making the choice to focus on yourself does push you forward in your growth.

blessings and light all~~

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#6 of 88 Old 10-03-2006, 03:54 PM
 
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Hey mamas! Good luck to all of you taking time to yourselves and figuring things out. As for me, things are still going well with my girlfriend. We're going to Toronto on Thursday for five days (yea!!!) for my best friend's wedding. I'm so excited! It will be so nice to spend time with her without all the kid interruptions. Plus, it will just be nice to have a vacation! (Can you tell I'm excited?!?!)

Amanda, mom to dsd (16), dd (11), dd (8), and ds (born 11/12/11).
 

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#7 of 88 Old 10-03-2006, 06:40 PM
 
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Hey mamas! Good luck to all of you taking time to yourselves and figuring things out. As for me, things are still going well with my girlfriend. We're going to Toronto on Thursday for five days (yea!!!) for my best friend's wedding. I'm so excited! It will be so nice to spend time with her without all the kid interruptions. Plus, it will just be nice to have a vacation! (Can you tell I'm excited?!?!)

Have lots of fun with your alone time
I love Toronto my friends and I used to drive there all the time when we were younger (pre baby) we went for concerts and stuff like that it is only a few hours away from me in the states and a beautiful dirve (if you go the right way) Have fun Mama and savor the peace and quiet!

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#8 of 88 Old 10-03-2006, 11:29 PM
 
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#9 of 88 Old 10-04-2006, 10:40 AM
 
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I'm pretty much always a "bitch" to men. I don't take a lot of crap, in general, and I'm like that from the top. However, men who are attracted to me when I'm being bitchy...I lose respect for them. Who would put up with that crap? Maybe that author is talking about a diff. kind of bitchyness? I don't know. By bitchy, I mean: direct; little patience with ppl who take forever to answer a question; will say "no" in a heartbeat; doesn't like to be complimented on her looks; doesn't really care about what's going on with you (I have to form some sort of bond before I care about a man's interests, etc. I want to know their thoughts on certain things, but I don't care if you like such-and-such music within 2 minutes of meeting).

Happy Birthday, 1Plus2!!! I'll be 32 next month. It's going to be a fantabulous age!

I'm reading Loving What Is by Byron Katie and it's a fabulous and insightful read. I keep thinking about reading relationship books and then I figure they're a waste of time. If I'm not good in myself, there's no way I'll ever be good with someone else. So, I'm just working on me.

I've noticed that I tend to attract insecure men. I've decided that it's b/c the only time I'm interested in meeting men is when I'm feeling lonely and a little insecure myself. Sooooo...I have a new mantra. It is: I am happy being single.

I say it every time I see a guy and instantly think, "He's cute." B/c there's no need to go there. I'm fine by myself. I don't need the drama.

I just want a buddy. Someone to go out with (movies, dinner, etc.), play card and board games with, hang out with my friends with(I have yet to meet a guy I'd bring around my friends!), and just chill. Why is that so hard to find?! I don't even want to have sex, right now. BTDT Too much drama. LOL
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#10 of 88 Old 10-04-2006, 11:05 AM
 
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Mamacitas,

Wow, we have quite an October thang going on!

Well, I almost posted yesterday, and it would have been a really sad & despairing post if I did. Looking back on the last couple days, I can truly say that I have been trying my best to completely SABOTAGE myself!

I am always attracted to the 'wounded soul' person: I think it makes me feel less 'different' about my own messed up situations sometimes... I think you'd be pretty hard pressed to find someone that DOESN'T have issues--I think the goal is to find someone with issues that you can rise above together.

I think I've always been attracted to guys that don't have the MOTIVATION to make themselves healthier. That's the difference here.

For the past three weeks since I started this journey into the land of a man who is motivated, I have been completely preoccupied with the fact that I'm gonna have to bust out everything I went through. How to put it so that I don't sound too pitiful--oh, poor me domestic violence thing--and not too callous--like I would EVER accept that kind of treatment again.

My X got violent on my previous bf so I came to the conclusion I had to tell new bf everything--he had to know his options so that he could decide for himself. To make matters even worse, I'm pretty sure my X has been drinking again--he's been calling me specifically to bring me down & blame me for his abusive behavior again. It's his MO.

Anyway, I never ever get drunk. But I did on Monday. And proceeded to tell new bf every gory detail. I was awful, I acted atrociously. It was really late, he had to get up the next day, I had to go to work too early, but I was so incredibly emotinal and I got mad at him for wanting to go to sleep!

All day at work yesterday, I was freaking out...but when I get home there's a message on my machine from him...I apologized profusely, I told him--THIS IS NOT HOW I ACT!!!

And you know what? He says, "I know it's not. You're forgiven."
Holy crap. Is that what happens? You make a mistake, and it's not a huge deal that gets a grudge match? My X was an expert at harboring negative feelings for weeks, I think he gloried in negativity...he still does.

Anyway, mamas the moral of the story is that I can be so ridiculous sometimes!

BelovedK, thanks for starting the official thread...Can you give US some pointers on how to be a Bitch? I've got "drunken emotional mess" down to a science, but could use some bitch pointers. Have fun not responding to your emails---I'm a lot like you about getting back to people. I don't like to play those games where you wait 3 days or whatever...but creating a bit of mystique never hurt, right?

Stirringleaf, I was feeling your absence & was hoping for your psyche to stay healthy. I know it can be a huge emotional whirlwind, but we gotta get disattached from the outcome, remember?!? I need to take my own advice there too. You're not alone in emotional confusion

Jster I gotta write you on myspace!

Jamama, another member of the wounded soul afficianado club over here lol

Good to see you Mystic Mama, we need the 'healthy relationship' perspective. Why did he cut his trip short? Because he missed you?

Mabelsmama, have a great vacation! Don't do anything I wouldn't do (not much to worry about there haha) How fantastic to get that connecting time!

1plus2Karen, Happy Birthday! I'm 32 and it's really the year I came into myself. I loved being 32. Have a great time.

Phew! I've never done that before...what a long post! I'm off to show my bf's visiting-from-out-of-town friend around...

Sending love
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#11 of 88 Old 10-04-2006, 11:14 AM
 
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MabelsMama~have fun on your trip!

1Plus2~ : I'm looking forward to 30 myself

Lucy VanPelt~ I guess I've had my bitchy times,,,I dont think I'm happy when I'm like that and I"m glad it has left my life,,,I guess not completely, I was pretty bitchy or mean or whatever to my Dad the other day when I was stressed about court,,,I'm working on that because I know eventually if I slip into that mean self enough times I will push away my sweetie and I dont want to do that.

I have a few things on my mind that I would love to read your thoughts on...

First,,,talking to people about your new relationships. It seems like most people are jaded to me or is it wisdom or a little of both? A new friend asked about my bf last night and I got warnings and felt like she was judging my relationship by what happened to her,,,I guess thats natural to do. It did bother me and I've been trying to figure out what I can learn from it and I've come to the conclusion that I need to take it slow and stop thinking about the future with us,,,just see him again and be in the moment and let the rest go. I actually made a agreement w/him that the first 4 days after he comes home we will not talk about future anything, we will just enjoy eachother and re connect...we made that rule a few weeks ago, I felt like I needed that to help keep me in the moment.

Also,,,what do you call them? I dont like boyfriend that much, sounds really childish to me anymore...so usually I say my sweetie or my honey,,,sometimes DP or SO but its so new and I'd feel better about those terms once he's been back awhile. I've been tempted to just use his name but I would rather not on a public board.

blessings~

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#12 of 88 Old 10-04-2006, 11:25 AM
 
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mountian mama,,,big s,,,I know your pain, I"ve been there,,,I'm pretty emotional myself, I've had some way to late night chats w/my guy that went really bad,,I even got mean and bitchy some of them , he was very forgiving and at the end would say things like,,,I know you dont mean that my beautiful goddess you are tired, I love you, goodnight : Your guy sounds like a kind person, try not to worry and beat yourself up, in this experience I"m finding out that when they really love you they will stick by you thru stuff like this.

yes,,,he cut his trip 2 months short because of me (the ticket was bought before we happened),,,he didnt have set plans for the last 3 months except to go do some diving and mroe travel so he has taken a month for travel and diving,,,told me last week he was ready to come back right then

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#13 of 88 Old 10-04-2006, 12:41 PM
 
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#14 of 88 Old 10-04-2006, 12:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OK, bitch= woman,

Being
In
Total
Control of
Herself.

I'm trying. Guys are attracted to a self confident woman, one who doesn't stop their life/interests just because there is a guy in the picture. Predictability is out, mystique is in. When they know they are not the center of your universe, they will pursue you. The trick is to maintain that mystique. Hard to do.

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#15 of 88 Old 10-04-2006, 09:54 PM
 
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Ok, I'm familiar with that definition. I like the sentiment, hate that "bitch" is attached to it. Why can't I be in total control of myself w/o that word? (my thought when I hear this line of thought; rhetorical)

I'm really confident. I find it to be a double-edged sword, actually. Yes, men are attracted to you. But, they're not usually worth my time. Who cares if they're mystified if they're also annoying in some way? (my inner dialogue) And, then, you have lots of men who are attracted to you, but are too shy to approach you b/c you're so confident. They hover around like flies. It's annoying, to say the least.

I think that philosophy would work really well for women who don't mind pursuing a man. I don't like that. I won't break the ice. I won't approach him. I just don't like it. *shrug* Sometimes, I have approached men and I feel like if the man doesn't approach you first, you're more likely to feel like you're pulling teeth when dealing with him.

Maybe the men around here just suck. LOL (Okay, the "maybe" is unnecessary.)

Good luck, everyone!
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#16 of 88 Old 10-04-2006, 11:55 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BelovedK View Post
OK, bitch= woman,

Being
In
Total
Control of
Herself.

I'm trying. Guys are attracted to a self confident woman, one who doesn't stop their life/interests just because there is a guy in the picture. Predictability is out, mystique is in. When they know they are not the center of your universe, they will pursue you. The trick is to maintain that mystique. Hard to do.
i like that BelovedK,,,I've had this on my mind all day.

1Plus2~ thx for the ideas,,,I'm still not sure, his middle name is long..my honey works. in general I havent been liking the term boyfriend with him, thats the first time I"ve ever felt that way, I think it might have something to do with me feeling differently about him.edited to add,,,and feeling differently about myself actually, I feel like Ive stepped into my true womanhood and boyfriend just doesnt resonate with me anymore.

I can totally see your point Lucy,,,,I do feel so many times that when I assert myself in a way I dont feel is mean or rude I am percieved as a bitch,,,I've been thinking about the whole mystique all day with my relationship and I dont want to have no life or have no mystery to me but also not sure how I"m feeling about "bitch",,,I know of it being "reclaimed" but I have not had experience with it really being positive myself.

blessings~

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#17 of 88 Old 10-05-2006, 10:20 PM
 
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Hey Ladies! Mind if I post on this thread?

Thanks.

Looking back on my marriage I now realize how incredibly incompatible my XW and I were. Chalk it up to marrying rather young and neither of us knowing ourselves well enough to know what we wanted and, to be quite frank, could tolerate.

Fast forward to today. I believe that when God was designing my current SO that he had me in mind. I actually get scared when I think about how compatible we are. I have to be honest, I've tried to find ways in which we are not compatible and I just can't find anything.

My DD loves her and actually told me the other day that she wanted me to marry her. I replied, "but what if Daddy meets someone else?" She furrowed her brow, put her hand on my arm and said, "Daddy, when you grow old I don't want to see anyone but (SO) sitting next to you."

Heck, how can you argue with that?

D'Oh.
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#18 of 88 Old 10-05-2006, 11:24 PM
 
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welcome daddyoh thats so sweet about you SO,,,,I feel the same way about mine.

so, from your perspective when you feel so compatable with someone how much has a future w/this person crossed your mind?

I've been thinking about how people meet someone and think they are "the one" and so many times they dont make it...is it because they really werent the one///highly compatable or because the people lacked the commitment and communication to stick with it thru the rough patches or a combo of both.

This has been on my mind because of my new relationship and how strongly I feel about a future with him and I feel like I know we are for eachother,,,that I personally have never had before...I've found it difficult to talk with other people about my relationship because of how people judge it thru their own experiences but I also want to take something from it to learn from.

maybe i am just over thinking this too.

blessings~

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#19 of 88 Old 10-06-2006, 01:37 PM
 
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#20 of 88 Old 10-06-2006, 04:10 PM
 
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I've tried to figure that one out too. I've had relationships in the past where in the beginning I think how awesome it is, how I've never known someone like this, etc. But that all quickly wears off and the reality of everything starts peeking through. Usually I try to ignore that because by then I'm in pretty deep. With my newest relationship it has been different since moment one. I have heard so many people talk about the moment they met "the one" and how it just felt so incredibly different and that was the case with me also. I was out with friends but from the second he approached me and we began talking it was like my world had flipped on it's axis. I have been in such an incredibly different place since then and it's so hard to explain. ESPECIALLY to someone who has never felt this...lots of people think they have but truly haven't. I know I did but now I KNOW the difference. It's not something you can put into words, kwim?

Welcome, DaddyOh! Your daughter sounds quite insightful. How old is she?

FYI....I received a lovely gift for my birthday from my sweetie. It was presented with perfect words and he was on one knee.......
happy b~day mama,,,thats so sweet, congratulations and blessings!~~~~

I do know what you mean,,,in my past I've had the blissful new relationship feeling that lasted a short while then the reality set in,,,w/dd's Dad it was really short and so was the time it took us to concieve so we kept trying to make it work for years. This with my sweetie is so amazing, beautiful and different than anything or anyone I've ever known before,,,he is the best friend I've always wanted along w/the lover. Its so true, I've wondered if people who seem to discourage me have never experienced this and it is impossible to explain. I have an older tantrica friend who recently told me not to "lock myself in with him becuase I am so young",,,I'm 29 and I think that her perception is because of her experiences and because she has told me that what I describe is what she wants for herself...she has been married 3 times and is with someone she doesnt want to be with now. Feels great to talk about this with somone who understands because I do know what I share with this man is an amazing gift. We chatted last night, first time in a week,,,it was a great chat,,,we have worked thru so much the past 3 months...he will be here in less than a week,,,,I'm like in awe that we will be together again,,,I cant imagine how excited I'm going to get with each passing day,,,staying in the moment for now.

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#21 of 88 Old 10-07-2006, 12:14 AM
 
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#22 of 88 Old 10-07-2006, 12:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My DF (ooohhhh!! First time I got to call him that!!) is a State Trooper and is at this very moment involved in a stand-off with a guy who has himself baracaded in his home with a shotgun. I can't let myself think too much into what exactly it is that he's doing right now or I'll go nuts!!! .

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#23 of 88 Old 10-07-2006, 12:34 AM
 
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ah, I can just hear the conversation dd and I will have in 7 or 8 years:

Dd: Mama, can't we just have a normal life? Why won't you get a boyfriend?
Me: Because, darling, I'm a writer, and writers are crazy people, and crazy people attract other crazy people. Then you'd have to live with two crazies instead of one.
Dd: That's OK. I just want a normal home life.
Me: No, actually, we tried two-crazies with your dad, and it's not terrific. You wouldn't like it. We'd end up breaking up and you'd have to get used to another divorce, and then you'd have to be on Nembutal or whatever it is all your friends are on.
Dd: Optivalex.
Me: Yeah, that. See, you wouldn't like it.
Dd: I would.
Me: No, you wouldn't. I can't afford Optivalex anyway.
Dd: You're just impossible to deal with. (storms off) (comes back) I mean it, you're completely screwing me up being so SINGLE all the time.
Me: Well, probably.
Dd: (storms off)
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#24 of 88 Old 10-07-2006, 12:51 AM
 
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Originally Posted by 1Plus2 View Post
Okay...this may be TMI....but the "lover" part is amazing for me. What I'm experiencing now is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY beyond what I've ever had before in that department. It's like my eyes are now open! I do think that those who haven't had this are the biggest nay-sayers by far. I've realized that my biggest supporters are those who I *know* are in amazing relationships themselves. They get it for sure. Gush away about your sweetie as much as you want....I really do understand what you're feeling!!

And the thought of ever losing this makes me sick. My DF (ooohhhh!! First time I got to call him that!!) is a State Trooper and is at this very moment involved in a stand-off with a guy who has himself baracaded in his home with a shotgun. I can't let myself think too much into what exactly it is that he's doing right now or I'll go nuts!!! But I honestly can not imagine my life without him which is something I've never been able to do before. I've always been able to see that things would be okay without the person I was involved with in my life. That isn't the case anymore.
s,,,blessings to you DF~~~~~~~~

I can sort of relate,,,not comparing my sweeties situation to being a state trooper but I've had some worry about him being in Asia,,,specifically New Guinea where there are warnings to stay away and he was the only tourist they had seen for a long time,,,he just told me a story about how he was watching these bats and a family walked by and the man made his machette apparent to MS,,,he is sleeping out on the beach by himself and taking many flights and after a few months have come to the conclusion that we are meant to have a journey together and that he WILL return to me because we have a common purpose that I feel is going to serve our planet together,,,that brings me comfort. I do say prayers and ask angels to be with him and send him blessings often which is also very much a comfort.

Not TMI regarding the love aspect MS and I are exploring tantra together and have the most open, honest conversations about sex that I could have ever imagined having with someone,,,so nice to have someone who understands and isnt putting their own jaded spin on it The friends I have that are in happy relationships have been the most understanding and happy for me. ITs a great experience in realization about people for me,,,the whole experience of meeting and getting to know him and all the people I have met since...I"ve opened up so much since him,,,,he told me last night that he knew I was about to discover myself,,,he is incredibly wise, understanding, patient and intuitive,,,i'm in awe the more I get to know him,,,writing this is making me feel very excited to see him,,,its like 5 days now,,,wow!!

blessings~~

mama40.... and blessings ~~

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#25 of 88 Old 10-07-2006, 12:03 PM
 
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X

Karen - Mama to Haven (9/00) , Lillie & Faith (MZ - 12/02) and my first homebirthed baby, Willa (3/08)
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#26 of 88 Old 10-07-2006, 04:54 PM
 
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So , how do you know if you are ready to date??

Stbx and I have been seperated for 3 months and there is no going back. I am so done.
I have this great male friend. He is really really sweet. Single of course. I know he is interested in me (and ds too). And to be quite honest I am super interested in him too. We have talked about dating and parenthood and sex and just about everything under the sun and we seem so compatable. Also he is just awesome around ds. He never crosses any lines and is completely respectful of me and ds and the fact that ds has a daddy who is in his life. He knows about the problems I have been having with stbx and is content to let me deal with them how I want to. (The last thing I need is some guy trying to step in and save me kwim?) I have done alot of thinking about what I would like in a future partner and what traits I CANNOT deal with again. He seems to fit into the picture of someone who could be a long term partner. We have been taking everything so slow and he is just so wonderful.
There are other aspects of him that I find attractive as well. He is older than stbx and has more life experience. He isn't into playing little kid games and his partying days are over (for the most part). He is about 13.5 years older than me. I am 25 and he just turned 39. He has never been married and has no children. But he does want to have kids (which I definately do want more children).
He is financially stable, he owns his own home that will be mortgage free in a couple of months. He has a pretty low key life style that is similar to mine....likes to enjoy the simple things in life.

I just don't want him to be a rebound guy. Does everyone actually have one of these relationships? If I start a relationship with him I want it to stick. I think that maybe I am ready to give it a go.....is it normal to be so scared?

Sorry bout the long windedness....lots to think about and write I guess.

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
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#27 of 88 Old 10-07-2006, 05:40 PM
 
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3 mos isnt very long, JV. i know what you mean about not wanting to have to go thru a rebound thing, so i decided to wait the full year until the divorce is filed until i get involved with someone. if it's for real, your guy will wait.

all the best,
moss

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#28 of 88 Old 10-07-2006, 09:27 PM
 
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: hi, rebound girl here!


trust me. i am just gaining some sanity and i have to say that moss is right. take it super super slow. sure, date him , but dont have it be an every day thing, dont live together, dont get too "serious" whatever that means, and dont have the kids hang out with him very much. I think it is possible to move slow and keep a distance, but also very very difficult. so i would talk to him about how much you really are interested and see if he can help create healthy boundaries for the beginning.

but you will of course do whatever you end up doing, and you wont be wrong, it just seems like the best possibility for success lies in patience. it sounds wonderful though, it sounds like oyu met a really great person, and that is really nice to have such a positive person in your life!
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#29 of 88 Old 10-08-2006, 01:54 PM
 
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Disattachment to the Outcome! I swear, it's totally Zen & it works.

We can't stress TOO much ( I know that we worry for posterity's sake, but just keeping it realistic!) on "what's gonna happen" because we'll never know until it happens! Enjoying the process is so much more of an attainable goal; creating the best energy you can in the moment prepares for the future much better.

I know; I was stressing hard core last night in bed. I was feeling so insecure that I could feel it in my teeth, you know? I'd just had an amazing beautiful night performing, and I'd invited my friend, and he didn't come. Or call. Probably because he's scared of me for freaking out this week. But all I can do, I decided, is be as great as I am, and surround myself with that. All other energy will come from what I surround myself with, and I choose to surround myself with love, positivity: the good stuff. Then I gave myself some endorphins :0 and went to sleep blissfully.

JustVanessa, it really sounds like you are overthinking everything, honestly. I know all that stuff is in your head about why HE has all these good points, but what about you!!! I think when we focus on what we want from ourselves, everything just falls into place.

Stirringleaf s We are all bounding all over the place aren't we! I like your idea about patience. It's hard for me to have the patience to get healthy again after such a crappy time of it with my X. Thanks for writing that.

Mama40, your potential dialouge made me LAUGH I love it. You're a wonderful writer and it sounds like you can be open to lots of different humor! Life tosses us that material, doesn't it.

Anyway, I'm open to a Sunday of possibilities, and hoping for the strength to let the morning take me right on through the day. How bout you mamas?
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#30 of 88 Old 10-08-2006, 11:45 PM
 
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last night the most recent man i "dated" invited me over to watch a movie. it was really nice. i , too freaked out on him recently , mountain! i went to a party with him and got really drunk ( i never get drunk like that ever , and it made me never want to drink again!) and freaked, just a mess. we didnt really talk for like a week after that, which was when i started thinking i am probably not really cut out for dating, . i mean , at the party , it was not a date between us. there was never an expecation that we were dating. but i told him i was jealous of him flirting with other girls and the conversation deteriorated into my self pity. . it was bad. but anyway i apologised a few days ago, i finally had the wherwithall to phrase it well... i told him that i never drink that much, that i was terribly drunk, but that i know i am still accountable for what happened, and that i promise it will not happen again. he is very forgiving. iknow he is still freaked about it , but he wantys to be friends. he asked me if i wanted to sleep over last night, and even though i didnt feel lonely at all, i decided to. we just chatted like a slumberparty and slept. it was super nice. so i have like this nice, affectionate, male frind. thats really awesome to me.

i had a good sunday of studying and being on MDC in between... i still dont know about really wanting to date. i am ok with flirting though:
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