November dating thread - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 164 Old 11-01-2006, 03:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Have at it mamas...This is the place to be if you want to discuss dating, and issues surrounding it that don't have to involve parenting...Just chit chat as well as genuine concerns.


As for me, I rejoined match.com, and single parent meet...I'm ready to date, but wary of it at the same time. I don't feel desperate, but just want to see what's out there.

I 'met' this guy named Stuart. He seemed perfect in every way, he was even on Tribe and is familiar with firedancing and some of the other things i like...We emailed a few times, hit it off, then he just stopped emailing me Maybe he read my blog :

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#2 of 164 Old 11-01-2006, 03:38 PM
 
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(I am responding to posts in the October therad, if anyone knew is wondering what i am talking about below)

wow mountain. which guy was it anyway? the coffee shop one? thats amazing i am happy for you. dont worry about your ex messing things up. he is not going on dates with you, right?

i am happy for you, it makes me a tiny bit wistful, but i am truly still happy where i am at... i love this thread it will be so cool to read it a year from now or somthing, its like a journal

YAY NOVEMBER !
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#3 of 164 Old 11-01-2006, 07:32 PM
 
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Well, my brother has this one 'way attractive friend' he's really good looking and everything even with a lil light short beard

My brother got married Saturday and his dinner rehersal was Friday. So I had met this guy of my brother's friend last halloween at the airport thought he was good looking but figured he was too young so then this guy is at my brother's dinner rehersal' he's not married , is short like 5'5 and i'm 5'2. He says he prefers shorter women. I always had thing for Richard Simmons and that who he was being for "halloween'.

Plus what was so funny he kept ordering the 'same thing I was ordering ' plus he does not 'drink alchol drinks at all so neither do I.

Plus, he's funny, friendly & outgoing and he already met half my family and he likes them . So he's quite family oriented .

Sigh, he has 'my curiousity' but i'm one who 'can't even say "Hi".

I'm wondering is he 'my brother age' or younger or possibly slightly older.

I would think it would be as of 'ridicule' of my 'family' if I had took an interest in to him.

I saw him look very adoring at my son .
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#4 of 164 Old 11-01-2006, 07:37 PM
 
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Go for it!

Life is too short to waste opportunities to meet or pursue someone we are interested in. If it's meant to be, everything will fall into place. If it's not, you'll both move on. But why not try?
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#5 of 164 Old 11-01-2006, 07:42 PM
 
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Here! Here! Sometimes, we can't wait on someone to notice us. Hell, they may be shy, too. Speak up. The only failure is in not trying. Give it a whirl! I'm living vicariously through you. : : Good luck, mama!

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#6 of 164 Old 11-01-2006, 10:47 PM
 
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I've just gotta ask..... where the heck are you single mamas meeting guys?!? I know I'm a lot more "choosy" now, but geez.... looking at the guys around here is a bit depressing. It sucks to live in a small town :

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#7 of 164 Old 11-01-2006, 11:00 PM
 
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I'd give it a try! Ask your brother more about him, he might be happy to play matchmaker and give you some important info (age, habits, etc.) About family...I think it really depends. In some ways, I think my family sees me as a bit off for having a relationship now, but that's there issue, not mine, I'm at the absolute perfect place in my life right now and wouldn't change a thing! Plus it's no use worrying about something that may or may not happen...you never know.

Good luck!
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#8 of 164 Old 11-01-2006, 11:05 PM
 
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I hope you do something and I want to hear all about it
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#9 of 164 Old 11-01-2006, 11:07 PM
 
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I actually met the amazing man I'm with on yahoo personals...go figure, I just barely was looking there, but hey, having options is good, right? I looked at a lot of personals actually, but not much struck my interest, mostly it gave me chances to practice being social again and also see what variety is in life (in a good way). Here are the sites I had profiles on, some for no more than a week: eharmony, match.com, yahoo personals, okcupid, and craigslist. I only ever paid for the yahoo personals...best $25 I've ever spent in my life!! Hehehe...

Life is good, November is beautiful, and I'm feeling such peace. Not just the relationship, it's a larger good place I've found, with school being meaningful, and other parts of my life balanced and interesting, the girls are doing well and oh so sweet...

Mountain, your Halloween night sounds exciting, how do you feel about him?
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#10 of 164 Old 11-02-2006, 10:44 PM
 
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hey mamas,,,I havent had the energy to reply back in the Oct thread and just stopped in here to say hi I guess,,,I skimmed the threads,,I've been sick and pretty low energy right now hopefully I should be better in the next few days to catch up and post regarding the situation w/my sweetie here...our trip went really well and was very bonding for us (dd included)...blessings and peace all~~~

I'm back already,,,needing to stay downstairs right now while dd gets to sleep, she is doing very well w/sleeping on her own and weaning...I just posted something in CLW about my experience which led me over here. I printed up your reply Jster and read it many times while we were away,,,dp and I also discussed it w/eachother....to answer a question, our communication has been very open and a priority since his return. It has been a lot of change that is so true,,,its change I am happy to embrace,,,he is challenging parts of me that really need and want it,,,I'm being invited and encouraged to get out of my shell and face my fears which I did over the weekend and it felt so good. It was a wonderful experience for dd and I and she has been so much sweeter since....she totally loves dp and wants him around. We read the parenting book together as we drove our of town and discussed just as we do with a tantra book. I know that I am not weaning because of my relationship but also, my realtionship has given me the support I have needed to do some thing that has been needing to be done for the happiness of both dd and I. It has been a lot of change for dd,,,,good change...I've been parenting by myself and definitely need this love and support,,,it is totally meant to be for us all. DD wants nothing more than people in her life loving her,,,she needs loving men in her life and so do I and we have more than ever now and it feels right...not easy at all but so worth it and wanted. The parenting practices I was doing were not working for me, I was being pushed around and treated bad by dd, she didnt respect me,,,since having the love and support of my sweetie I've been able to make so much improvement...he is not perfect,,,we are seeing eachothers difficult sides and we also love eachother more than ever...it is not easy blending our lives, I'm making comprimises and so is he...thats all I can say now...my heart and soul tell me all is as it should be.

blessings~

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#11 of 164 Old 11-03-2006, 03:38 AM
 
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I thought I would share my "dating" experiences - for a laugh.

I have been separated from H since June (he's been sleeping w. someone else since January.) So the separation was for my mental health, not because I wanted out of the marriage. Consequently I have been having a hard time getting my head around the "me dating" thing, even though I am lonely and would like some male energy in my life (not necessarily a relationship that was going somewhere.)

So the first time I went to the bar w. girlfriends, I was really weirded out - partly because I hadn't been in that sort of environment for a good 9 months, and partly because it was the first time in 10 years I could have taken someone home if I really wanted to (H was watching the children at my place and I threatened to bring someone home, plus a pair of ear plugs ). The only guy that talked to me was nearly HALF MY AGE. (That made 36 feel really old - slightly flattered, but really old.) It was worse than junior high. Not only did I not have anything to talk to him about, but we had nothing in common that I could even make crap up about. That made me decide I am not ready to date.:

But apparently my subconsious is working on this, because I keep dreaming about men. One of my most recent dreams was about a guy I used to make out with in high school. IRL I was kind of creeped out by him, even though he was a great kisser (but he was a bit slimy). In my dream I wouldn't let me touch me - except with his toes! And he could do amazing things with his TOES!!

Last night I dreamed I was provided with a male prostitute by some friends. And my mother had kicked in some money as well. In the second half of the dream, I had asked out this guy (who IRLI sort of have a crush on). Somehow he ended up being much shorter than I though he was and was only half as tall as me. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I continued the date.

And a few months ago, I had an orgasmic dream (kind of loved that part) about a local politician who I find extreemly disturbing (think GWB with an admitted drinking problem, a drinkers nose and a pot belly.) THAT was weird. I laughed about it for days.
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#12 of 164 Old 11-03-2006, 12:41 PM
 
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Well ladies....
I am back on the market again.

I had an amazing relationship that was healthy and loving and mutually respectful. We connected in every way possible and there was really never a point where one of us felt more than the other. It was quite amazing to just feel secure and confident and happy in a relationship and really enjoy every moment along the way. Unfortunately...timing did not work in our favor and we have parted ways.

It was very difficult for me to realize that things needed to end, but I know it needs to be this way. I have spent some time grieving and working to heal. I feel better now that some time has passed, but also know there is a part of me that still really misses him and what we had. I know that will heal more with time.

So...I am taking time to heal and move on before I even consider another relationship. But ultimately, I feel blessed to have had the time together with him, blessed to have experienced a 'healthy' relationship and know it exists. Now I know exactly what to strive for again!

Just thought I'd update everyone.
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#13 of 164 Old 11-03-2006, 01:13 PM
 
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Aaaawww...MsChats. I'm so happy you got that experience, too!
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#14 of 164 Old 11-03-2006, 06:21 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MsChatsAlot View Post
But ultimately, I feel blessed to have had the time together with him, blessed to have experienced a 'healthy' relationship and know it exists. Now I know exactly what to strive for again!
Way to find the rainbow in the clouds, MsChatsAlot!

You are a very insightful and wise woman that never ceases to impress me.
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#15 of 164 Old 11-03-2006, 06:29 PM
 
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Mystic~mama: I have been where you are at now with your partner. My partner and I have been through very similar transitions in the beginning of our relationship also.

It is so wonderful that your bf is willing to read the books with you, communicate his concerns and thoughts and reflect on both. It is wonderful having a partner to work with, but it is a difficult transition when you have been a single mommy for awhile without any support and/or outside viewpoints.

The situation can be challenging and require you to look inwardly at yourself and your parenting choices/skills/etc. Additionally, when you have a been a single mommy for awhile, compromise takes a bit more work than you might expect it to.
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#16 of 164 Old 11-03-2006, 11:48 PM
 
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Thanks.
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#17 of 164 Old 11-04-2006, 01:25 AM
 
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Well, funny thing since I'm afraid to 'end up asking my 'brother' of what you could call a 'best friend' I'm like since a lady who lives up on top and watches her grandchildren while her 'daughter 'actually' works along the side of my 'brother' well I had asked her about if she knew of her daughter being-co-workers she goes I just found that out. I told her I found a guy who seems to be really cute but he's friends with my 'brother and I don't think or know if he could be available . She goes does he work with him I go he might still but he did at the airport. So she goes 'what is his name - i tell her and then that lady who lives right in the apartment above me says I think I Met him . I could 'ask my daughter about him . But she says it's good that I seem to have a interst in 'future dating since it's been like 5 yrs since I did any dating .

So then I'm like going golly gee what if he's not available or what if he just does -talk- but he sounds like as if he is not -free- or possibly in the dating scene but oh i wanna see if we could connect but oh but if he is taken with a 'relationship' oh well then that would be 'true the good one's are taken.
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#18 of 164 Old 11-04-2006, 09:00 AM
 
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mysticmama, thanks for your post! Glad you had a nice weekend, and it sounds like things are going really well! I very much know what you mean about realizing you aren't in the best parenting relationship with your child and how nice it is to have help/support/encouragement to change it. It really does make a huge difference, and I'm glad that you have a partner in the true sense of the word My concern had just been that you sounded reluctant, and that it seemed like a lot of changes all at once for your daughter, but I understand how sometimes we get to that point (at least I do) as a parent where we've been kind of taking abuse/discomfort from our child for a long time, under the guise of gentleness but really out of fear or timidness, and it's not good for the child either. I'm glad you've found a path you all are comfortable with, and that things are still going well!

MsChats, ! I'm glad you had such a relationship, too, and had a chance to see the peacefulness in a respectful, adult relationship. Thanks for sharing with us, and good luck in finding a great relationship down the road!

Rebecca, I couldn't help but laugh at all your dating/dreaming adventures, how funny! Seems like since all the men in your "dreams" (literal, not figurative!) have such huge flaws, that maybe you've got some fears to work through about the hidden nature of people. But hey, at least it's fun!
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#19 of 164 Old 11-04-2006, 10:32 PM
 
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Well I think I am ready to call my "friend" my boyfriend. On halloween (stbx had ds overnight) I went out to his place and watched fireworks from his backyard and afterwards he made me hot chocolate. It was amazing. We did end up being intimate and it was great. Alot different than stbx (not a bad thing).

I am so happy.

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
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#20 of 164 Old 11-05-2006, 06:17 AM
 
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i just had a semi-strange evening. it was ok...

i have a friend who told me that two of his friends are attracted to me? i think my friend is exaggerating he is sort of cheesy about the whole dating thing. plus HE was , as he put it, inlove with me last summer ( he is super awesome but we have been friends 8 years and i love him but can only picture us as friends) so i dont know how much stock to put in his comments, but ..

tonight he invited friends over and those two friends were there. one of them is a single dad. he seems really nice but he is so very quiet---a scorpio... i am very attracted to scorpios ALWAYS ...anyway he is so quiet i cant really gather much about his personality. he is attractive and everything but since i am not all eager about dating, i am really way more picky than i was last summer and want to know his personality way more before i can be attracted. i want advice: do i ask him on an actual date? i dont want to make it seem like i am more attracted than i am, but i would like to talk to him one-on one, since that seems a better way to know him... but i dont want him to get the wrong idea.

then the other person is a woman, and she is marrried! i was in SHOCK when my friend , who hangs out with her alot, said she was attracted to me and wanted me to hang out with them sometime. i am still complelty in the dark about that whole concept, but tonight, unless my perspective was just colored by my friend's comments to me, i think she was flrting with me? so weird. she is awesome and very beautful, but like i said, married. so that was slightly awkward since her DW was there too, and i felt like i was being flirted with?

anyway normally this would make me all high with the flattery, but right now i am just sort of confused.

plus, still in love with guy from the summer. he called me this week and we talked alot on the phone so i left a message tonight to see if he wanted to hang out ..., he didnt call back. i am not tryi9ng to "be " with him either, but i just like him.. i just wish the awkwardness of that could go away so i could just be around him...i of course have feelings but i also wouldnt push them on him--is that weird of me to want to be friends even though i have these feelings? i know they will never be returned, but i am OK with that. i mean it hurts, but it hurts more not being able to just be friends . KWIM?

ok thats my lonnngggggggg ramble for anyone who cares/dares to read:
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#21 of 164 Old 11-05-2006, 09:20 PM
 
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hi girls

Jami (25) Roland (27) & Caleb (5), Jacob (3.5) , Kaitlyn (2)
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#22 of 164 Old 11-06-2006, 02:00 AM
 
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MsChatsAlot~hugs to you,,,you sound so healthy about it and I really admire that...blessings and peace~

MommytoB~i agree to go for it...exploring possibilities is a good thing

StephandOwen~i met my guy on craigslist (i still find it kind of funny that we met there but there are synchronisitys that happened w/that so I also love the way it happened) and recently i have met men out on walks and a sexy dad at the playground, all this of course, after I met my honey the market has also been a place i've been doing some flirting recentely

Holland~Oh yeah,,,the comprimises definitely can be difficult!

rebbeccameryyl~wow,,,interesting dreams...since your having that theme you really do have some insights to be found there

Jster~things have been wayyy more challenging than i ever expected,,,this is really hard and i'm sad that its not what i thought it would be a lot of the time

JustVanessa~I'm happy for you

stirringleaf~maybe you could do a group thing where you might be able to talk alone part of the time? you could always ask him for coffee or something and tell him you would like to get to know him more or is that cheesy? I had a women friend who was in a committed relationship be really attracted to me and i very politely told her i wasnt really into it but not clearly enough so as our friendship grew, so did her attraction and it got really uncomfortable, I was really niave about it and didnt understand how she could feel that, I can understand something about how that can be...I was really flattered and honestly, liked the attention I was lonely and she was a kindred friend,,,our friendship had to go thru some bumps adn we are staying in touch now but it hasnt been nearly the same closeness we had before,,,which i miss, specially right now

i'm going to spill whats going on with me , i've been holding it in because i felt like i have talked so much about how amazing our meeting was and our connection...to you mamas and people i know and its been ups and downs and really hard and I"m really really sad that it is going this way issues i have are coming out of me so much,,,issues related to fear, trust and self love,,,i thought i had done so much healing and we had prepared ourselves so much for being together and we have had some beautiful times and we have also had some reallly heart wrenching ones too, a lot of it caused by me detaching and closing my heart and being afraid,,,and our love making keeps getting more open, beautiful and orgasmic. i'm confused ,,,i'm also at times scared of losing this. i want to be strong and centered and i'm having a hard time focusing on anything but the relationship most of the time,,,when things are good i feel energized and can accomplish more but the truth is i was happier before he came back thinking of him and thinking how great it would be,,,,i was flirting and bieng flirted with, i havent done that lately...he really does love meand is confused also. there is much good here also,,,,dd is doing awesome,,,her difficult behaviors have about stopped and she is sleeping on her own and nightweaned and co operating so well with it,,,she spent part of the day w/her auntie today and also her aunties roomate and i'm so happy at how she is opening up more and being independent and enjoying being such a big girl. my honey has helped so much with this,,,he is a blessing and i love him very much,,,i also feel like maybe i idealized him and sometimes i see things i dont like in myself in him and i test him,,,,i have tried purposely to push him away many times, i feel my inner fear is doing this, it feels like it finds weak moments to try and control me,,,,oh geez mamas this is tough

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#23 of 164 Old 11-06-2006, 02:06 AM
 
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Stirringleaf- It can be so scary!!
Good to hear about your dd! My ds was alot easier to handle on my own once I nightweaned him too. Glad its goings well with your sweetie!

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
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#24 of 164 Old 11-06-2006, 02:26 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mystic~mama View Post
StephandOwen~i met my guy on craigslist (i still find it kind of funny that we met there but there are synchronisitys that happened w/that so I also love the way it happened) and recently i have met men out on walks and a sexy dad at the playground, all this of course, after I met my honey the market has also been a place i've been doing some flirting recentely
Send some of them my way, please :

I just typed up a whole long post but decided to delete it all before I even posted it. The shortened version is a pity party because I am finding that all guys are jerks. At least all the guys I've met around here. Most guys run when they find out I have a son. Those that don't hit the road when they find out he has autism The one guy who hasn't run is 2 states away and might as well run. He finally admitted last week that the reason he hasn't made a huge effort to come up here is because he's afraid to get too involved with me for fear of getting into something he "can't deal with" (meaning Owen). I applaud him for being honest, but it still stings.

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#25 of 164 Old 11-06-2006, 03:03 AM
 
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Oh, MysticMama, you are right...it is tough.

The best thing to do is take some time for yourself. Really do some soul searching. Additionally, talk to your partner...in complete, utter, confusing honesty. Tell him how you are feeling...the good and the bad. Ask him for what you need.

Another idea would be to read through some relationship self-help books, either by yourself or with your dp. I have read through a couple on my own during a difficult time. It really helped me to work through some of my issues, expectations and how I was relating to dp. And dp and I have read through a couple of them together and we both really enjoyed the experience. We learned so much about each other from those books.
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#26 of 164 Old 11-06-2006, 04:56 AM
 
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Mamas, I need love. Tonight sucks. My ds's lizard died and I'm having issues too...

Mystic mama, maybe it's something in the air...or water...or something, I don't know. It just is HARD no matter what...Stirringleaf, I don't know what you're all wistful about It pretty much sucks when you're looking for a guy AND when you've got them around! lol

And this IS a great journal! I hope it's not a chronicle of my silliness.

I just wonder if I'm too jumpy/paranoid/sensitive/confused right now. I get the feeling sometimes that I should be healthier within myself, but some times I think I'm just coping with a f'ed up world...and it's all we can do.

I was riding so high on all these good vibes this morning...I wrote this love song, etc, spent a couple hours with my bf...this whole thing came up about a trip he's taking this weekend.

Now, a month ago, he was saying we should go down south to the beach...he asked me a week ago, but I said, well since my X was in jail there'd be no one to watch the kids, talked about bringing them along but decided that'd be too hectic...I talked to my friend & she said she'd take them today! So I call to tell him, and he tells me he's leaving Thurs not Fri, and I said oh, i guess i can see if she'll do another night, but he was acting funny. So I said to him, "Do you want to go alone or do you want company--Honestly." because I was getting vibed out. and he said, "Well, honestly I want to go alone...no offense to you though." WTF! Why even talk to me about it then... ??

Anyway, with the whole lizard death and my son crying and me crying cos I'm all butt-hurt...I don't know if I can even deal with this kind of crap right now...you can just go from so elated to so freaked out so quick...Life is such a crazy ride like that...

I know I should be an adult and just say stuff like "well maybe we need time, blah blah blah" but my feelings are just really raw right now and I can't figure out if any of this is worth it. Wah.

Hope you mamas are feeling shinier. Thanks for all the thoughts!
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#27 of 164 Old 11-06-2006, 05:58 AM
 
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mountain:

i dunno... my friend told me today he went on a date and really likes this girl who is a great person and i am happy for him but i started feeling envious ( not jealous) because i miss that thrill, that nervousness he is going through. but now after reading your post i am like DUDE> staying in the cave where it is warm and safe! criminy!

sorry you are going through it though. that seems really lame your bf didnt communicate that...thats really hard. i dont have advice cuz i know what you mean about the raw feelings, and how the rational mind can say nothing to those feelings.

i called the ex-fling from the summer, and told him i had stuff on my mind, and said i hoped he wasnt getting the wrong idea about me trying to hang out with him. and he said no like 4 times in a row , . so whatever, at least i cleared the air in my own mind. i think i am going to not talk to him thoughb. i woke up this morning in the stupidest anxiety over "oh great he thinks i am trying to get in bed with him" and i just dont want to be in that kind of mindset, with anyone. i dont want to worry what people think of me and right now that seems to mean not being around people much. :
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#28 of 164 Old 11-06-2006, 12:37 PM
 
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this is an awesome journal,,,,,,,,i feel thankFuLL mamas :

mountain~~~I so relate to the confused not know if you can handle this and going from the happy to the freaked out so quickly,,,its crazy!!!

stirringleaf~loved reading your last paragraph, totally can see what your saying,,,I've thought a few times that being single was not so bad because this can get SOOOO hard to handle, I"ve thought I was done so many times !

I totally do need some seperate time which is much easier for me to see now that we spent a night apart then I went over yesterday to see him by myself and he ended up coming and staying the night here to go work w/my df this morning,,,it was really nice having him arrived after dd was asleep and she slept all night.

so last night we ended up having this healing session when I started to feel my inner child/fear come up and asked him to carress me in a non sexual way as I felt thru that and said some prayers to myself then I had the urge to be held like a baby and he did and rocked me for a minute which really brought up some stuff,,,that was really amazing to me,,,We started to talk about how we can be partners in my healing the past few days,,,how we can work at that in a positive way together because it is really hurtful to us when it comesout in harsh, over-sensitive, detached, confused ways....that happening makes me see a light and that feels really good.

*sigh* i love the guy and he is amazingly patient with me I dont want to let that go without giving it my all I"ve always felt we could do awesome things together and I still do. He took me to my first grateful dead related show when we went out of town and I got to glimpse and be a part of something I always wanted to,,,I also got to see him somewhere he loves to be (at shows) and meet some of his friends....my point is I had a chance to face fears and insecurities, like not getting overwhelmed at crowded shows and being able to feel free and dance, thats a really important one for me and he is my teacher with that, I've always known that.

a few days ago he showed me two little shirts he saved from when he last sold shirts with his art on them and he really tenderly folded them up and said,,,These are for Jerry,,,he had just told me he wants a son and wants to name him after Jerry Garcia and right away I wanted to have Jerry with him

I'm feeling like I can lighten things up,,,they feel lighter already with him coming over and spending the night instead of bieng her the whole time,,,living together right away like that has been intense!!

blessings mamas~~

dust.gif
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#29 of 164 Old 11-06-2006, 12:42 PM
 
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Mystic~Mama (we posted at the same time today, so I wrote this before your post that is just above mine)
There is a difference between thinking about our healing and relationships and then actually putting it into practice. I learned that in the first relationship I had after I had done all my thinking healing. It wasn't all that easy and really challenged me in many ways. I felt like the universe was saying 'so, you think you've got it all figured out, eh? Well, try this'. However, the relationships I've had after that have all been getting easier...so I guess I am learning. It was hard, but I learned a lot. Be patient with yourself because the healing you've done alone is important and you've made progress. Now putting it into action will allow you to heal more...but it's a more difficult part of the journey.

It is difficult to go from long distance to real life. When they are away, we think, we dream, we idolize....then when they are back, you can't ignore reality. But it's important to bring yourself back to that reality and move forward because that's what real relationships are all about. "The Power of Now" is a fantastic book and it basically says to stop and just focus on what is happening in that moment. Don't look to the past or the present. When you are with him and feeling scared, try to check in with how it feels to be with him in that moment. Ignore the fears you're bringing from the past, ignore your fears about getting hurt again and just see, how does this feel right now?

Every relationship involves risk. No person can ever be 100% sure that a relationship is going to work or last...people change, situations change, people die. The only way you can be totally sure you won't get hurt is by never entering another relationship. But something tells me that you don't want that either. If you want a relationship that works, you have to commit to it 100% and risk losing everything. If you don't, you will never know the love you really want.

My last relationship was amazing. I risked, I jumped in and I got hurt. At first, I hurt, but with time, I know that I was so fortunate to have had that relationship. I learned, I grew, I had fun, I loved. I did get hurt, but it was worth the risk. All good things in life are worth the risk. So, I'll pick myself up and risk again, knowing that when I am really willing to be there, really willing to give everything I have, share my true self with another and open up my heart completely, I have the opportunity to experience something really special....and even if it only lasts awhile....I am still blessed to have had that. Some people don't ever experience that in their entire lives. That to me seems like more of a risk than putting myself out there again.

Good luck. Relationships are hard and they are work. But, if you are both willing to jump in and give it all you can....you may just find it's worth it.
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#30 of 164 Old 11-06-2006, 12:51 PM
 
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Steph ~
There are good ones out there. Unfortunately, sometimes you need to wade through a lot of crap in order to find them. Also, I have found that men often don't get their crap together in their twenties! However, there are a few exceptions out there. You are such an amazingly strong young woman and such a great mom to Owen. Have faith...you will meet someone one day who will knock you off your feet and it will all be worth it!

Mountain ~
I'm sorry to hear about your ds lizard and about your bf wanting to spend the weekend away alone. Hang in there.

Stirring Leaf ~
It's nice that this guy had a fun date. If it's meant to be between the two of you, there will be another opportunity. If not, it's been a good thing because just having your radar back up may be an indication that you're ready to meet someone....and that may mean that Mr. Really Great could walk into your life and you'd be open to it!!!
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