December dating thread - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 156 Old 12-26-2006, 01:42 PM
 
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I just thought I'd share that I had an abundance of men wishing me a Merry Christmas.

I got a call two days before Xmas from a guy whom I dated once and we decided to be friends. Then on Xmas Eve...my summer romance called me to wish me happy holidays!! Later Xmas Eve, the guy I dated about 16 years ago text messaged me about the two of us finding some mistletoe!! And then I had two emails/MSN messages from men who are interested in me (but not so on my part).

I know the man I am meant to be with is on his way to find me....it's just cute that in the meantime, while I'm happily single, I get 5 different men contacting me in 3 days to wish me a Merry Christmas!!!

Apparently it's SNOWING men in my part of the world!!!
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#122 of 156 Old 12-26-2006, 02:01 PM
 
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Mschats~~~~~ WOO HOO.......you a are man magnet!!!!

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#123 of 156 Old 12-26-2006, 06:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just thought I'd share that I had an abundance of men wishing me a Merry Christmas.

I got a call two days before Xmas from a guy whom I dated once and we decided to be friends. Then on Xmas Eve...my summer romance called me to wish me happy holidays!! Later Xmas Eve, the guy I dated about 16 years ago text messaged me about the two of us finding some mistletoe!! And then I had two emails/MSN messages from men who are interested in me (but not so on my part).



I know the man I am meant to be with is on his way to find me....it's just cute that in the meantime, while I'm happily single, I get 5 different men contacting me in 3 days to wish me a Merry Christmas!!!

Apparently it's SNOWING men in my part of the world!!!
That's such an affirmation for yourself and others

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#124 of 156 Old 12-26-2006, 09:26 PM
 
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hey, send some this way.
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#125 of 156 Old 12-27-2006, 01:27 AM
 
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I've cross posted this in the Parents and Partners forum.

I've got a situation. I'm a single mother of 3 children. My children have 2 different fathers and in the last 11 years, those are the only 2 men that I have been involved with. I am very careful about who I let into my life. Almost 4 months ago I met someone. A single dad. He's sweet, respectful, successful career, dotes on my children (who love him) *and* is wonderfully attractive. We got rather close, rather quickly. I'm talking about emotional attachment here. We did alot of talking and emailing and spending as much time together as possible given our very busy schedules. The parts of our lives were meshing quite nicely. But, here's the problem. He's got a pass time that just leaves me feeling unsettled. Of all things, he's a stripper. On the side, not for money. More a mission of personal liberation and liberation of the women he entertains. I think that I am openminded. My views are considered radically liberal by most people around me. But, this just bothers me. It bothers me that he does it. It bothers me that it bothers me. It bothers me that it takes up so much of his already precious time. So, it keeps him away from me. It bothers me to picture him with these women who are oggling him and possibly even touching. I'm kinda scared to ask what all happens. I'm not sure how to handle it and I think I'm doing a bum job of it. He's withdrawing from me and I'm scared. I don't want to control or dictate to him that this hobby must go away. But, I don't know how to handle this in a way that respects his needs and mine. He's encouraged me to ask as many questions as I want and offered for me to join him repeatedly. I definately feel like the problem is mine and not his. What should I do? *If you tell me to grab a beer and join in the fun, I just might run and hide*
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#126 of 156 Old 12-27-2006, 02:04 AM
 
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I have two kids different dads. I'm a single mom. I've walked through a lot of loss and hell in the last ten years, and learned many lessons. Loneliness has been here beside me most of the time.

I'm open minded, but I'm very keen about health and lack thereof. I can't say that I think his hobby is healthy. I would be suspicious about a sex addiction. They make up all kinds of justifications for thier "hobbies". I have a friend who is divorcing her husband over sex addiction...and amen! He was open about his "hobbies" with her...to a degree...but the rest was hidden for over ten years of marriage. The rest is a serious sex addiction that was discovered in a highly unpleasant way...and that he now admits to having a major problem with. He's in therapy, but that's not enough for her now. Too late. She's out. I support that wholeheartedly.

It could be that I'm wrong, but I don't think it's healthy. I'm liberal, I'm supportive of sexual expressiveness, open to same sex marriages, and generally believe to each her own. I can appreciate a creative burlesque show. Stripping is simply something that I can't say I think is healthy. I could not be with a man who stripped as a hobby for that reason. I could not be with a man who participated in strip audiences as a hobby, either. Sex is sacred. Stripping isn't a sexual act, but it's too close to a violation of something I consider sacred.

I just left a man recently that I love very much. Why? He's bipolar, and the dis-ease of that would wear and tear on the rest of my life. His weird habits ate me up. We were very serious about the rest of our lives for a time. I reached a very difficult point where I knew the rest of my life and my kids' lives depended upon health and stability. I said good-bye to him. It was hard. Very, very hard, but I stuck to my decision and I'm very glad that I did. I'm lonely, but not for long. There's someone else for me around the corner. It's the right thing, and I'm willing to wait for it.

You've likely guessed my .02. Get out of it.
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#127 of 156 Old 12-27-2006, 12:29 PM
 
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Hmm, Babes, I honestly don't know what to tell you, but I would think that eventually his "hobby" could seriously become unhealthy and damaging to your relationship with him and even your children, especially if you want to become serious with this guy. I would talk to him and see if he would possibly stop stripping (or only strip for you to get his liberations out) just tell him it really bothers you and you can't see yourself being with him if that is how its going to be.



OK, now ladies, question from me......

Ok, It's been 2 weeks now since my "date" with J, we have talked a couple times since then, most recently on Christmas night, on Christmas night he was busy with festivities at his parents house so he said, "I'll talk to you tomorrow" (Tues.) but he didn't specify who should call who. He never called yesterday, but I don't want to look like I'm hounding him so I didn't call him either. I would love to spend New Years with him and I'm afraid if I don't call him that he'll make other plans. Should I call him today?
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#128 of 156 Old 12-27-2006, 01:00 PM
 
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Absolutely call. Life is too short to let opportunity pass you by. Grab it by the horns!
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#129 of 156 Old 12-27-2006, 02:25 PM
 
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Ok, it's actually funny, he did call me last night, he called my cell phone which I had left out in my car so I didn't get the call. I did call him back this morning though, but I think he was still sleeping so I left a message. Hopefully he'll call back this afternoon.
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#130 of 156 Old 12-27-2006, 03:44 PM
 
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He called back...woo hooo.... darn cell phones...lol

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#131 of 156 Old 12-28-2006, 01:50 AM
 
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Well mamma's thought I would fill you all in..... I started bleeding tonight....Most likely miscarrying... DAMN early hpt's!!!!!:
I am so mad.............AAAHHHHH!!!!!!! And of course i won't see dp till tommorow night, and he didn't really know what to say on the phone except to try not to think about it.....I am trying and i can't...o well.

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#132 of 156 Old 12-28-2006, 02:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm so sorry Megan

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#133 of 156 Old 12-28-2006, 02:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I had a date with a guy i met online tonight. We had emailed, and talked on the phone and got along quite well. When I met him, I thought he was very nice...fun to talk to, but I was not physically attracted to him. He wasn't creepy or anything, I actually enjoyed his company. Turns out that I was his first date since the breakup with his wife (I think they are still only seperated) I don't like that, don't know why, but I just got a bad feeling when he told me that. He was also quite presumptuous...talking to me as if it were the first of many dates, reffering to it as our 'first date' like there will be many more.

He kept talking about the resteraunts he was going to take me to. He wouldn't accept my desire to pay half of the bill.

I guess long story short, I need not waste my time there. It isn't exactly what I want for myself. I get the feeling that there is something in me that is not ready, but on the verge, and when I'm ready the right man will already be there.

My only problem is that i can tend to be a weenie when it comes to these kinds of situations. I feel the weight of being his first date in many years, I never want to hurt anyone...one of my worst/best traits.

If someone has words that i could borrow, it would help I may come off as mean if I don't have planned what I want to say, and I could still keep him as a friendly aquaintance.

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#134 of 156 Old 12-28-2006, 10:21 AM
 
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Megan, I'm so sorry...

BelovedK- I'm having the same problem breaking it off with someone that I went on two dates with that wants more. I am such a weenie when it comes to things like that and he told me that his ex girlfriend kept calling and he told her it was done *for me*. I never asked him to do that. Yes I would like to be the only girl if we were really dating but we've only been on two dates and I think he has some emotional baggage that I am just not equipped to handle right now.

On another note still concerning online dating - I am emailing with a man that is just too good to be true. Have you ever had that feeling? I feel like he is hiding something. But I am trying not to let me skepticism color our conversations. One thing he said though that raised a red flag is that he has a goal within the next year to find his soulmate. Who can put a time frame on that? I'm curious so I'll pry keep talking to him but I have no expectations on this one at all.
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#135 of 156 Old 12-28-2006, 11:23 AM
 
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Beloved...
Those things are a bit awkward for me too, so I started to reframe it for myself. If I set him loose right now, he will be free for someone who is better suited for him to come into his life. If I hang on, it only holds both of us back.

I usually use an email after a first date and I say something like...
Thank you again for a very nice dinner. You seem to be a very interesting person, however I didn't feel the type of connection that I need to feel in order to continue dating. I wish you well in your search for someone really special.
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#136 of 156 Old 12-28-2006, 11:25 AM
 
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Megan
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#137 of 156 Old 12-28-2006, 03:59 PM
 
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((Hugs Megan))
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#138 of 156 Old 12-28-2006, 09:10 PM
 
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Megan, I'm sorry. Are you sure? How much bleeding? ((hugs))
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#139 of 156 Old 12-28-2006, 09:14 PM
 
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Megan, I'm sorry. Are you sure? How much bleeding? ((hugs))
Quite a bit and very clotty...Big ones tmi....

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#140 of 156 Old 12-29-2006, 09:42 AM
 
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I found out why I got stood up. Apparently he's mad at me for telling my best friend in the whole world that we made out on our date, so he didn't show up for our second date, and he refused to answer his phone all week to "avoid the drama." How childish is that! First off, I tell my friend EVERYTHING and he knows that. If there was something he didn't want me to tell her, he should have said something. Besides, who cares if she knows? It's not like she's going to tease him or anything - she doesn't even talk to him! Secondly, the way to deal with a problem is not the silent treatment, it's talking. The man is 26 years old and still acts like a petulant boy. I have to find me a MAN to go out with instead of these little boys!

ETA: Megan, are you feeling better? I had a miscarriage in June and they are definitely not fun. I hope you feel better soon.

Mandy, )O(  Proud mommy of Taylor (1/6/05) jammin.gifand Abigail (4/21/11) slinggirl.gif
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#141 of 156 Old 12-29-2006, 10:08 AM
 
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Hugs again Megan, you are in my thoughts.

Well the guy that was too good to be true just keeps getting better if that is at all possible. We talked on the phone last night and he has this sexy southern drawl and we were just talking about how bad the public schools are in this area and he asked me if I had ever considered homeschooling. YES!! I was so upset that my stbx did not appreciate my desire to homeschool my son. I would love to find a partner that supports me in that. The bad thing is he makes too much money. He's scared that a woman is going to want him for his money and I am scared to marry a man with money because stbx used it to manipulate and control me and put it above his family. However, this man does not sound like he would do that. And I haven't seen a picture yet that makes me nervous. He says he lost all his pictures in the hurricane when he lost his house (which is very common around here) and he sounds cute and looks aren't that important but there has to be some chemistry and no physical attraction usually means no chemistry. I mean he sounds perfect, it would really be bad if I weren't attracted to him, but I am trying to keep as open a mind as possible. He insists on getting me a picture before we meet face to face which I am very much looking forward to. It is so nice to find a gentleman with traditional values and intelligence and he's so sweet. : Wish me luck.
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#142 of 156 Old 12-29-2006, 11:20 AM
 
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Sounds great Solareyna.....keep enjoying it!
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#143 of 156 Old 12-29-2006, 11:45 AM
 
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Good Luck Solareyna!!!!

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#144 of 156 Old 12-29-2006, 05:48 PM
 
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Ok, I've been talking to this guy, J, about a month now, there for awhile it was pretty much non stop, then we had a "date" on the 14th, talked to him again after that and again on Christmas Day. I called him a couple days ago and we made plans to spend New Years together, but he wanted me to come up sooner because he got a new apartment the weekend after our last date and he wants me to see it. Well, I have to find someone to watch the kids, he says no problem, bring them with you. Well I think that it's just too soon for him to meet my kids, and I don't want to have to explain to them what "we" are, whatever we are, I don't know if he just considers us friends, bf/gf? I dunno, I don't want to bring my kids into that. PLUS another reason I do not want to bring them into it is because granted my stbx & I have been separated since May and he has seemingly moved on with another woman, I have not yet filed for a divorce (don't have the $ to). I don't want stbx to use my relationship with J as a tool to fight for the kids or whatever in the divorce and I know if my kids meet J, at least my daughter will more than likely bring it up to her father. I guess I'm asking, what should I tell J without entirely scaring him away from me?
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#145 of 156 Old 12-29-2006, 06:50 PM
 
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Just tell him that you appreciate his offer to include your kids, but that you'd rather not involve them yet. Honesty is best.
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#146 of 156 Old 12-29-2006, 08:03 PM
 
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Just tell him that you appreciate his offer to include your kids, but that you'd rather not involve them yet. Honesty is best.
I agree.

And, for what it's worth...if the guy doesn't understand about it, he's not the right guy for you anyway. Anyone dating a single mom has to *get* that or it just won't work.
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#147 of 156 Old 12-30-2006, 12:32 AM
 
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It's all good, I talked to him tonight, we have a wonderful evening, night whatever planned for New Years, he promised me a kiss at midnight, which I have never had. I asked him if he cared that I crash at his place, and he said no, he'd like that. I am sooooooo happy right now, on cloud 9.
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#148 of 156 Old 12-30-2006, 03:29 PM
 
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Okay, J & I have been "seeing" eachother for about a month now, granted I talk to other men from time to time, but he is the only one I'm "sleeping" with and the only one I plan to. I'm just not like that. Well he & I talked last night and it sounds like he might be "seeing" other women besides me. I also told him about a friend of my stbx that I have come fairly close to, we flirt and I wouldn't mind having a relationship with him, but now is not the time since he is a friend of my stbx. Well J said that I should basically just have a fling with stbx's friend, all in fun. I told him no, I wouldn't do that I only want to be with one person at a time, and that right now that person is J. Well he said some things that kind of made it sound like he goes out and has "flings", but I am what he wants for long term, I am what he cares about and the others are just "all in fun". I think it is too soon to just be blunt with him and say as long as your with me you better not be with anyone else, but maybe I'm wrong. It has been so long since I dated, I don't know what to do in this situation. I really like J and I think as our relationship grows he will eventually see that if he wants me for long term that he will need to be faithful and committed to only me. Any suggestions on what to do?
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#149 of 156 Old 12-30-2006, 05:04 PM
 
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Well J said that I should basically just have a fling with stbx's friend, all in fun.
I hate to be so completely blunt, but in the words of the famous book that floats around this forum, this guy "just isn't into you." He is out to have some fun and sow some wild oats, which isn't bad...as long as you are in the same place as him. Judging from your post, I am assuming that you are not in the same place as him.


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I think it is too soon to just be blunt with him and say as long as your with me you better not be with anyone else, but maybe I'm wrong.
IMO, you have every right to be blunt and forthright about what you want in this relationship, even moreso because you guys are sleeping together.

I believe that this sort of sexual exclusivity should be determined before you become intimate with someone. It is a dangerous game to play if both parties are not on the same page...in regards to sexual exclusivity.

Be VERY honest with this man about what you want. You deserve to have everything you want in any relationship, the key is to find the man that can a) give it to you and b) wants the same thing.
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#150 of 156 Old 12-30-2006, 07:21 PM
 
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I have to agree with Holland here.
If this guy is into you the same way you are into him, he wouldn't even be interested in a fling on the side.

You deserve to be with someone who thinks you are the sun, the moon and the stars. You deserve to be with someone who even when you aren't together, can't stop thinking about you or something you said or did.

When it's real...you know it. When it's not...it's not.

If you ever want happiness and a healthy, real and lasting relationship, you will cut this guy loose and only accept what you want in your life.

Believe me, after years of dating before my marriage and after, I can tell you there is a HUGE difference. And having had both, I would ONLY accept a relationship that is mutual....because it feels like nothing else and is amazing in every way.

If you want to have a fling with this guy, J....then keep your emotions in check and realize it's never going to be more than a fling.
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