Divorce while pregnant? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 12-23-2006, 02:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think I've decided that I need to file for divorce. My husband has anger issues and is extremely emotionally and verbally abusive to me. I've come to the point after only a year or marriage that I feel like I need to get away from him or risk losing myself and damaging my children. I feel bad for my husband because without me he will literally have nothing, but I need to think about my sanity.

I am 26 weeks pregnant right now. The thought of another pregnancy and birth alone really scares me. I was single when I had my son and I still have raw emotions over some aspects of my pregnancy with him. I envied married couples who were excited to have a baby, I wanted that so badly. Now I should be able to have that, but I won't and it hurts really badly. I feel sad for my baby, my son who has grown close to my husband and for myself for having to "start over".

I just want to be happy and I don't think that it is possible for me to be happy with him. He is too volatile and he has no desire to change. I literally have nothing left to give.

I think I'll wait till after Christmas to file, but I don't know what I need to do. Our bank accounts are seperate, so that isn't an issue. The CS that I recieve for my son is enough to cover all living expenses and allow me to be a SAHM or go to school. Can I file for divorce before the baby is born and request that he get supervised visitation only based on the emotional abuse? Will child support be ordered to start when she is born?

My son's last name is my maiden name-father's last name. Would it make sense to have my future daughter's name be my maiden name- husband's last name so that after the divorce I can go back to my maiden name and all 3 of us will have the same (kind of) last name?

I feel so lost.
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#2 of 9 Old 12-23-2006, 02:54 AM
 
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I'm so sorry. I don't have any advice but I wanted to give you a
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#3 of 9 Old 12-23-2006, 03:24 AM
 
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Sorry you are dealing with this mama. That sucks.

I separated while I was pregnant. I could have filed for divorce immediately (adultery), but I know some places you have to be separated for a year. Do you know the laws in your state?

I think it is a great idea to have your name-his name (or whatever combination works for you.) How is your H with your son? Is he abusive to him or ok?

Take the time to think about what you really want. It took me 4 mo. to decide how and where and why to leave. And then I did it. The nice thing about moving at 7 mo pregnant is people REALLY want to help

My X and i have a good parenting relationship and he is very good with our children, so fortunatly, that wasn't a battle I had to fight.

I hope it works out for you.

Six months in for me, I'm having happy days where I actually like my life
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#4 of 9 Old 12-23-2006, 03:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rebeccamaryll View Post
Do you know the laws in your state?
I am fairly sure that we need to be seperated for 90 days, but I don't have the divorce packet from the courthouse yet, so I can't say for sure.

[QUOTE] How is your H with your son? Is he abusive to him or ok?[/QUOTE}
H loves my son, but he is too hard on him and it makes me feel bad. H expects too much out of my son and when he doesn't live up to those expectations he is punished for it. H isn't physically abusive, but it has to be hard for a 2 year old to love someone so much but have that person be so short with him.

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Take the time to think about what you really want. It took me 4 mo. to decide how and where and why to leave. And then I did it. The nice thing about moving at 7 mo pregnant is people REALLY want to help
I don't want to leave, I want H to leave. I've paid rent in this apartment for the entire time we've lived here. H has only contributed a total of $400 towards rent in that year- less than half of one month's rent. All of the furniture is mine also, H literally has an air matress, a TV, a computer and a bookcase so it doesn't make sense for me to move. Our rent here is about 80% of what H brings home in a month, so he'll need to either rent a room or get a cheap studio apartment.
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#5 of 9 Old 12-23-2006, 11:20 AM
 
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Follow your heart.

Neither decision is an easy one to make, but your heart is telling you what you really need to do and when we listen, we end up on a better journey in the long run.

Wishing you the strength to do what you need to do.
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#6 of 9 Old 12-23-2006, 03:10 PM
 
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You could try contact services for abused women (like a shelter, though you don't plan on leaving) and see what advise they have on getting him out of the house, and maybe recommendations for a lawyer.

"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
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#7 of 9 Old 12-23-2006, 07:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by i'mmykid'$mom View Post
You could try contact services for abused women (like a shelter, though you don't plan on leaving) and see what advise they have on getting him out of the house, and maybe recommendations for a lawyer.
I hesitate to call places like that because if my DS's father found out it could be bad news. He is trying to get as much visitation as possible (he already has 11 days a month) and I am worried that his attorney could use it against me. Our divorce will be uncontested and neither of us can afford an attorney. A friend of ours that is an attorney told me that if he refuses to leave I cna get a protective order, but I really don't want to have to go there.
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#8 of 9 Old 12-23-2006, 07:19 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seeing_stars View Post
I hesitate to call places like that because if my DS's father found out it could be bad news. He is trying to get as much visitation as possible (he already has 11 days a month) and I am worried that his attorney could use it against me. Our divorce will be uncontested and neither of us can afford an attorney. A friend of ours that is an attorney told me that if he refuses to leave I cna get a protective order, but I really don't want to have to go there.


Most services like this are completely confidential. I would suggest just calling one (don't even tell them your name) and get some advice.

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
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#9 of 9 Old 08-13-2013, 11:02 AM
 
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I hope this request finds you well.  We're hosting a discussion tonight, Tuesday, August 13 at 8:15 pm ET/ 5:15 pm PT re: Divorcing while pregnant.  We want talk to our guests about having a healthy pregnancy while going through an complicated divorce, touching on different aspects like health and stress and the legal side of things.  The discussion was inspired by the Salon article linked above and will last approximately 25 minutes.  
 
I came across this post and thought you would be the perfect addition to our discussion.  Would you be interested in coming on the show to share your experience and any advice.   Let us know if you're interested and I will give you the details.  Thank you and take care.  
 
Athina Morris
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athina.morris@huffingtonpost.com
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