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#151 of 172 Old 01-21-2007, 06:21 PM
 
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as much as i want to deny it, i agree that i'm wasting my time. i live with my parents and siblings so she does have responsible male role models around her.

another question, i never signed over the right of parentage to him. should i do that and try and get child support or should i just leave it as is and make my own money to support my children.

oh the reason i never signed her over is because his parents are kind of loony. their oldest daughter has 4 children and somehow his mom has taken one of the children away and is working on the other three. i really do not want this to be a battle over who gets the baby, i would not want them raising my dd.

i feel like i'm stuck in a whole and have no way to get out.

Jarrod & Nataleigh Est. 2004
DD Jayde 2005
DS William 2007
DD Lilleigh 2008
DS Edward 2010
DS Mikah 2012
Due July 2013
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#152 of 172 Old 01-21-2007, 07:39 PM
 
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another question, i never signed over the right of parentage to him. should i do that and try and get child support or should i just leave it as is and make my own money to support my children.

It really doesn't sound like he'd even get a job to support his kids, KWIM? With situations like that, maybe it'd be best if you let sleeping dogs lie.

If suppporting yourself and your children by yourself is an available opinion, i'd aim for that. By acknowledging paternity he can open up a custody dispute and most likely you wouldn't get ordered a "substancial" amt of child support since he obviously has no income.

I know this is such a hard decision but it seems like you have family support already and that's crucial
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#153 of 172 Old 01-22-2007, 09:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I just wanted to add that Joe told me last night that he wasn't interested in pursuing anything romantic with me I'm sad, but okay.

Sounds pretty trivial compared with some of the things you other mamas are going through. I just wanted to share with anyone who was following my story.

Quite humbling indeed.

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#154 of 172 Old 01-22-2007, 10:54 AM
 
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BelovedK, I am sorry to hear that, I know you were very hopeful about this one.

e123vg, I agree with all the PP's and wish you luck in whatever you decide to do. It is never easy but it sounds like it is for the best.

As for me, I am falling in love. The guy i went out with on Saturday night is everything i have been looking for. We had a great meal and a great movie, he is so affectionate and complimentary, great looking. When he touches me, I feel electricity. I know that's something you read about but I really did and still do feel it. During dinner we just couldn't stop staring into each other's eyes all night (he has these beautiful brown eyes) and he feels the same way about me. We watched the game on Sunday (too bad about those Saints - ) And he sat on the floor and played with my son. I am just so happy its not even funny. He's in the air force and recently divorced but we both feel like we settled for our last relationships and we both agree that we are not settling now and although we're both too smart to say that it is going to be perfect forever, we both have an idea that it really could be. I couldn't be happier and I know he feels the same way. It really sucks that he works opposite shift from me though, I have to wait until this weekend to see him. Thank God for the internet and thank God for bringing me everything I have ever dreamed of.
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#155 of 172 Old 01-22-2007, 10:57 AM
 
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Oh, and he says my body is perfect. I used to be bulimic and my ex was always telling me I am fat and wanted me to get lipo. He thinks I am the most beautiful person to walk this earth and he thinks my body is perfect. I really think love is accepting someone for who they are and it made me soooo happy to hear him say that.
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#156 of 172 Old 01-22-2007, 11:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Solareyna...That is great I'm so happy for you, isn't it the best feeling in the world?

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#157 of 172 Old 01-22-2007, 11:20 AM
 
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BelovedK ~
Sorry to hear that. I know it can sting, I've been there before....but it also means there is someone even better out there for you!

Solareyna~
I'm happy for you! Enjoy the wonderful time it is getting to know one another!
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#158 of 172 Old 01-22-2007, 04:19 PM
 
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Kelly- thats too bad. At least he was upfront with you.

Solarenya- I am so glad your date went well!!! Good to know you are getting good vibes from him and not scary ones.

Bf suprised me this morning by coming over while I was still in bed and scaring the daylights outa me. He has a key so he let himself (and my cat) in. The cat asking to be fed woke me up (and I knew the cat was out) so I jumped out of bed hugely alarmed while kinda knowing half asleep that only Kevin has the key
He was going to suprise me with coffee and a bagel in bed. He is so sweet.

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
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#159 of 172 Old 01-22-2007, 04:37 PM
 
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He sounds like a keeper!
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#160 of 172 Old 01-22-2007, 06:03 PM
 
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Solarenya- I am so glad your date went well!!! Good to know you are getting good vibes from him and not scary ones.
oh yeah, just clarifying that this was not the scary guy that thought I was perfect and was in love with me already - totally different guy. That guy I told that it was over and he got kind of upset but he didn't flip out, thank god or at least is not telling me about it if he is flipping out.

And I would love to be surprised with breakfast in bed.
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#161 of 172 Old 01-22-2007, 06:55 PM
 
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He sounds like a keeper!
I really do think he is!

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
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#162 of 172 Old 01-24-2007, 07:08 AM
 
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Kelly, sorry things didn't turn out, but isn't it nice to know at least that you can find people who seem really neat? Soon enough you'll find someone and it will be that click for both of you...

MsChats, you'll have to keep us updated on those emails in your inbox Anyone look good? I'll always remember you're tendency to have the men rain down on you once you feel ready to start looking!

solarreyna, good luck! Just remember that the beginning is a start, and you still have lots to learn about him before giving your heart away...he should have to truly earn that!

JustVanessa, how awesome to have breakfast in bed! DP was planning on taking the kids out for a walk this morning and letting me sleep in, but a nightmare kinda nixed those plans. Tomorrow, though, I'm cashing in!

Things are going pretty well around here...DP and I have been talking about our marriage plans, and what it means to us. I'm actually going to start a poll about that seperately. DD1 has had some big issues lately, and I've been trying to figure out if they are related to all our life changes or school...she's expressed unhappiness in school since December, and been going through big mood/violence outbursts. It's been really scary, actually, to feel like she's going through something and not know what is wrong, she actually came up behind me on Sunday night and hit me. I've been talking with her teacher, who's somewhat of an authoritarian/non-compassionate style teacher, and does a huge reward system for behavior, and also spent an hour and half observing DD1's class yesterday from behind a screen, to see her true behavior (my sister went for a few hours in December, but the teacher felt she (DD1) was changing behavior for the audience). I think it comes down to she's trying sooooo hard to have perfect behavior in school all day (she literally is always doing what she's supposed to, sitting quietly when all the other kids are chatting, for instance, always raising her hand, always controlling herself) that she just wants to completely let go when she comes home. I think in part it's because she had a lot of behavior issues at the beginning of school, (like three bad reports from her teacher in the first week), and I really emphasized how unacceptable that was, and also that she's strongly influenced by the reward system and doesn't want to miss any rewards. Then when she comes home, and I have to correct her for the slightest thing (what set her off on Sunday was saying as I prepared dinner that it was too late to have a movie night tonight, but that was a good idea and we should plan one for later in the week. She said, "I want a movie night! We WILL have a movie night!" and I repeated my thoughts. She then ran up on me from behind, screamed and hit me ) So I'm considering changing her classroom, to hopefully a different teacher. I really wish I could homeschool, but I feel as if I'm drowning in school work already, it's only the second week, and I've got to have a full semester so that I can only be delayed one semester when baby comes in the fall. I'm thinking of homeschooling next year, though, trying to work it out somehow.

Sheesh...that turned into quite an off topic update! I kind of feel this is the chatty thread, though...and like that aspect of it. And it's on topic in that I still don't know what role, if any, having DP move in and expecting a baby might play in her behavior issues.

Thanks for anyone who has the patience to read my rant!
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#163 of 172 Old 01-24-2007, 03:13 PM
 
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After two years and a few months, I finally, finally, finally ended my relationship with he-who-will-not commit.

It was probably the healthiest relationship I ever had, in terms of communication, respect and a very real and very good amount of happiness. But, I was selling myself short investing as much as I was in to someone that did not want the same things as I did. I clung for a long time to what a great guy he is (and he really is), but I slowly but surely fully reached the conclusion that it was time to walk away. And I did. And I'm not a mess. I tried to end it a little over a year ago and spent about three weeks being so distraught and bereft that I couldn't eat, threw up constantly, broke out in hives, couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate on anything... and I decided that that was a lot worse than being with a great guy who just happened to be in a different place than I. So I went back. But over the last year I have gained so much clarity about what I want and what I need out of a partnership (and that I indeed want a partnership) that the idea of not striving for those things became much more painful than the idea of not being with him.

I guess I became accustomed to all of my relationships being these huge tragedies, ending catastrophically, that I had been waiting for that moment. One day I was reading a novel and one character remarked to the other something like, "It doesn't always have to be a great tragedy, a great heartbreak. Sometimes you love and you learn and then you let go." And it was like, aha! I know in my heart of hearts that this is not meeting my needs and my desires and its okay to acknowledge that and move on and I don't have to be devastated over it. Not only am I not devastated, I feel good that I did something that is such an act of self-respect and self love. It felt good to say to someone, "I love you, but this isn't good for me anymore. You are a wonderful man but you aren't giving me the things that I want, need and deserve. I can't put off having those things in a relationship any longer. Its time for me to move on." No drama, no tears. I feel so good. Sure, I'm mildly worried that once this kind of high of feeling so sure that I made a good choice has worn off a little I might be a bit of a puddle for a time... but so far (and this was on Monday), so good. I even watched a romantic comedy last night and was able to laugh at it and feel happy for the happy ending.

I'm also really relieved that dd never knew us to be anything but friends and that we really kept our relationship separate from her so she will not be experiencing a painful loss.

Each dating scenario or relationship I had since my dd's father, which was the worst abusive situtation by far, I've moved closer and closer to having clarity about what's important to me and who I am and what I want, need and deserve and less willing to settle for anything less. And I find that I'm really excited about that; I'm really excited about what's in store for me.

I've come a looooonnnnggg way from the woman I was at the domestic violence shelter almost seven years ago. I think I rule and I think someone out there is going to be fantastically lucky to find me.
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#164 of 172 Old 01-24-2007, 03:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, Shonahsmom, that is great, even if you get upset at a later date, just know that you dd the right thing You're much closer to a really healthy relationship that is right for you .

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#165 of 172 Old 01-26-2007, 03:51 AM
 
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How do you guys 'step' at to approach a guy or does a guy approach you ? How are you meeting those guys ?

I had trouble IRL as a young girl speaking to me because if I saw some men I thought would be 'good looking I would put a thought in my head those are either too good to be true guys , gay men , too young for me or with someone or really are one's that take advantage.

I had been online from 98-00 was when I had met my ex online in the channel of # purplespottedflyingmonkeys I was the one who had suggested the first meeting. I had suggested alot of meetings with men from the internet and he was the only one who said yes then he canceled it because he chickened out for a bit but arrange tickets a month later after cancelation.

So now I have posted information been on dating sites-talking to me -writing for seeming to look for locals getting responses but it really never kicks in to keep my interest - then to fear - as in knowing I feel like it is totally impossible for me to be meeting a guy who will 'awe at me' IRL and fear of approaching any man.

Sigh, how do you get brave and ask men if they are available if they are known irl. Also , how do you stop fearing of men being good would end up bad especially if a supposed man turned so quickly into a worse guy sigh.
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#166 of 172 Old 01-26-2007, 11:56 AM
 
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MommytoB

Based on what you've written here, you may not yet be ready to date or ready for a relationship.

In my past, when I have had thoughts of 'what if he doesn't like me', 'he's too good looking for me' etc., I usually end up dating men that also have a ton of insecurities, or I fell hard and they didn't, leaving me feeling heartbroken. However, when I've gone into dating thinking, 'hey I'll just give it a shot' and 'if he likes me, great, if not, there's someone better out there' then I usually find some really great men and have more mutual kinds of relationships.

There are no guarantees about any person. They may change, you may get hurt, your feelings may change, etc. When you get to a place where you realize that it's more worth it to take the risk, jump in 100% and risk it all because you know that love is worth it, then you will be in a great place to have a relationship.

As for approaching people....I usually do it very casually. I've just made silly comments to all sorts of men, some look at me and walk away...some will comment back. If you don't try, you'll never know. And really, we're all just people and we're all really just looking to be loved by someone.

Good luck.
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#167 of 172 Old 01-27-2007, 09:33 PM
 
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So me and bf were talking the other night about kids and families in general and one thing led to another and I heard myself saying
"I will not let you circumcize any of our imaginary children" : Really. I said it like I meant it. Now you say it out loud. Its hilarious.
Bf is circed and my ds is not and I would not circ and future children EVER. That is how this conversation started.
But apperently not only my future children are safe, so are our imaginary ones. :
Had to share, thought it was pretty funny.

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
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#168 of 172 Old 01-27-2007, 10:47 PM
 
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In recognition of imaginary children everywhere.....THANKS!
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#169 of 172 Old 01-28-2007, 04:06 AM
 
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#170 of 172 Old 01-28-2007, 03:00 PM
 
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Take one toddler
Take said toddler out for the evening and thoroughly disrupt evening routine.
Then put toddler to bed 3 hours late.

Toddler will then get up EVERY hour on the hour until bf finally has to sleep on the couch with him from 330 to5.

When you go back to bed at 330, think about all the sleepless nights when said toddler was an infant and sick, or gassy or whatever.


When you wake up for the day 3 hours later you will be cured of Baby fever.


Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
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#171 of 172 Old 01-28-2007, 04:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#172 of 172 Old 01-28-2007, 06:09 PM
 
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Take one toddler
Take said toddler out for the evening and thoroughly disrupt evening routine.
Then put toddler to bed 3 hours late.

Toddler will then get up EVERY hour on the hour until bf finally has to sleep on the couch with him from 330 to5.

When you go back to bed at 330, think about all the sleepless nights when said toddler was an infant and sick, or gassy or whatever.


When you wake up for the day 3 hours later you will be cured of Baby fever.

I so feel you on that one, although it is my 3.5 year old's constant, daily behavior/challenges/development! :

He is doing a WONDERFUL job of dissuading me from ever having any more children.
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