February dating thread - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 152 Old 02-03-2007, 07:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Here it is!!! the place to freely discuss your lives as single dating mamas (sans explicit sex talk)

I've had alot going on in the way of romance, but it just hasn't worked out at all (yet) I hold out hope.

I'll write more later .

How goes it??

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#2 of 152 Old 02-03-2007, 09:11 PM
 
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I have only very occasionally read here simply from lack of time and there has been nothing at all to speak of. HOWEVER, I have been on a site - quite anonymously - have talked to a couple of nice men but that has been it. I am expecting a call tonight from a man I have been exchanging very short and sweet emails with. It is exciting. I am determined to take it slow - which is why I think the other men gave up...! But that is fine by me. And if I end up with a friend then that is great too.

I just wanted to share. Now maybe I will read here a bit more! Find out all the juicy news. I have to say, I am giddy over this phone call! (I feel as if I am 16).
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#3 of 152 Old 02-03-2007, 09:39 PM
 
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It's going ok. I'm in denial that Chris is leaving (joining the peace corp, going to South America for 2 years in May-ish.) I'm getting *way* to attached.. but oh well.

Oh.. by the way, I get intimidated by this thread when it goes over so many pages, that's why I disappear half way through the month.

Kerry, loving wife to Pete, mama to DD (14) DS1 (9) DS2 (3) & Expecting someone new Jan 2013

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#4 of 152 Old 02-03-2007, 09:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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green, that's exciting I love that feeling. You're smart to be taking it slow.

mamakerry

just sub to the thread, then you will only have to go to the last unread post (we don't want to lose you )

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#5 of 152 Old 02-03-2007, 09:59 PM
 
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I have no prospects, or even hints of any yet, but I'm ready to begin to entertain the possibility!

E *finally* moved out, I'm done with school, and will have time when dd is with him. Although the split with E has been a long time coming and the past year with E & I being in the same house has been unbearable, I wasn't comfortable pursuing anything.

I'm just looking forward to getting myself together, with or without dating, but a little action wouldn't hurt .
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#6 of 152 Old 02-03-2007, 10:35 PM
 
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Well, I could just post the same thing I do at the beginning of every month- "I'm still single, no thoughts of dating and no plans to anytime soon".

Or.....















I could post that in 3 weeks the guy from Kentucky is coming to visit and that I was set up last weekend See- I'm getting my one date for the year over with quickly Seriously though.... last weekend I went out with one of my friends (she and I were in high school together, she now lives in North Carolina and visits Michigan twice a year). Anyway... she, her hubby, I, another couple, and 2 guys went out bowling last saturday. Little did I know she was planning on setting me up : Actually, I had met him the previous weekend (at her twin boys 1st b-day party) and TOLD her not to set us up. I was not interested. She did anyway We all had fun (that was my very first time going out with friends WITHOUT Owen. EVER!). I won't be seeing that guy again, really not my type, but it was fun. Owen didn't handle it too well (I was only gone for 4 hours) but he was with his grandpa so I know he was just having a hard time adjusting to the change, he wasn't seriously miserable or anything.

Buuuuut.... in 3 weeks *J* is coming up to visit. I've been talking to him for over a year but because of circumstances we have not met yet (had plans to a few times but something always came up- like me going out of town ). I am definately looking forward to it If nothing else I bet it will be fun. Don't know if it'll ever lead to anything more with him (the distance really does suck) but a few hours out without Owen would do me good

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#7 of 152 Old 02-04-2007, 12:32 AM
 
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Steph

You go girlfriend! See, that first date wasn't so hard afterall!
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#8 of 152 Old 02-04-2007, 01:15 AM
 
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Steph!!! You're so cute I just want to give you a big hug!! Good luck with enjoying your time to yourself...I'm sure you'll come back to Owen a much more relaxed mama after a little solo time!

Mamakerry, sorry to hear about Chris leaving and that being hard...it's got to feel strange...but you never know who might take his place!

bu's mama, how nice to finally have the mental space to think about dating! And I bet that free time will feel soooo good, no matter what you decide to do!

green, isn't that giddy feeling exciting! And who knew adults could feel that way too, eh? Enjoy your phone call!

MsChatsAlot and BelovedK, hello!!

Ah...the single parenting thread I feel most at home in, strangly enough...It's a little weird, because I keep posting below, but I almost feel like I should keep putting disclaimers ("former single mama"). I remember a few times when partnered mamas have come in and posted things accidently, and it always seems out-of-touch, I don't want to come off that way, especially to the newer mamas who join our club. As for me...I'm feeling sooo much better now that my hormones are getting straightened out! I've been cleaning like a mad woman, and am about to post a huge trading post thread to get rid of some fabric that's been sitting around...I feel as if I'm starting to nest already, time to get this house ORGANIZED (btw, I'm a slob and I never nested with the first two ). We'll see how long it lasts!! DP is in a boat race this weekend, having a good time, and it's so nice to see him doing something he enjoys...but it was also nice when his boat tipped, and he called me to bring some warm clothes and something hot to drink The balance feels really good, and now that my temperment is evened out a bit, things are going reeeaaally well. Oh, and I finally told my grandmother about the pregnancy (she already knew) but I for some reason didn't tell her we're getting married...even though she asked flat out!! Maybe it was the lectury tone, maybe it was because we're still trying to figure out what feels most comfortable to us (I'm leaning towards a pre-nup to opt out of the no-fault divorce laws...we'd be able to mutually separate, but only unilateraly if one person could prove fault). Anyways, family dynamics are bizarre. Oh, and I'm starting to show and only have two pairs of pants that are just b-a-r-e-l-y fitting...anyone got some L/XL maternity clothes hanging around I got rid of mine, oh, about a year ago!! Thanks for putting up with my chattiness, ladies, I love you all so much !!!
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#9 of 152 Old 02-04-2007, 05:17 AM
 
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Hello all!
Good for you Steph. Thats awesome!
mamakerry Be strong.

As for me, life is simply crazy as always. I am working 50 hrs a week and I finally got my accounting books in the mail. I start my course tomorrow. Ds is at his dad's for the weekend and I don't work until 2pm. Bf will be a at a superbowl party so tomorrow its just me and my books (and some MDC breaks I'm sure.)
Things are still going great with bf. When I get up in the morning the first thing I do is get ds out of bed and get him a bottle with some warm milk in it.Today Ds grabbed his "ba" this morning and climbed straight into bed to cuddle with bf. I came back inside from having a smoke ( and caught them like that in bed. It was soooo cute. Ds just loves bf to pieces.

Bf asked me to marry him a few days ago. I informed him that its illegal (divorce won't be final until July, you have to be seperated for a year here). He laughed. I told him we would have to be together for 10 years before I would consider marrying him. He was ok with that. He knows how betrayed I felt when ex left me. I also told him if I ever got married again it would be barefoot in the backyard with a BBQ and whoever wanted to come could. No invitations or fancy dress or any of that crap ever again. He was ok with that too.
I really do think he is a keeper.

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
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#10 of 152 Old 02-04-2007, 09:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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You guys are so cute partnered members of this community are always welcome here I'm nosey and want to hear about all of the progress, it gives the rest of us hope, though having a partner is nice~~not neccesary (we are strong single mamas, remember?)

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#11 of 152 Old 02-04-2007, 10:04 AM
 
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Stef ~ That's awesome!! I can't wait to hear all the details!! :

bu's mama ~ I'm glad E finally moved out. Finishing with school is something that deserves some real celebration!!

Jster~ I love hearing about how your doing. I get to live vicariously through you!!

Vanessa~ I'm glad your bf wasn't pushing the marriage thing. I know I'm worried about what will happen if a future BF asks me to marry him. I'm really not ready to be married again for a while, even though I'd like to be in a relationship (commitment is fine, just a bit.. anti-marriage right now.)

Kerry, loving wife to Pete, mama to DD (14) DS1 (9) DS2 (3) & Expecting someone new Jan 2013

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#12 of 152 Old 02-04-2007, 12:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MsChatsAlot View Post
See, that first date wasn't so hard afterall!
Ah ah ah.... that one last weekend was not a date Just a bunch of people hanging around bowling. We'll just ignore the fact that he did pay.

Anyway... ummm.... I have NOTHING to wear on the date with J. NOTHING! I own jeans and t-shirts. I have a few dresses/skirts but they're all summery and it's COLD here. Help me out here.... dinner at a nice restaurant (nicest one in town ), first date.... what do I wear??? Links are always helpful :

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#13 of 152 Old 02-04-2007, 03:15 PM
 
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Ah ah ah.... that one last weekend was not a date Just a bunch of people hanging around bowling. We'll just ignore the fact that he did pay.

Anyway... ummm.... I have NOTHING to wear on the date with J. NOTHING! I own jeans and t-shirts. I have a few dresses/skirts but they're all summery and it's COLD here. Help me out here.... dinner at a nice restaurant (nicest one in town ), first date.... what do I wear??? Links are always helpful :
Black pants and a sweater. Hit up your friends or try a consignment store. I have gotten so many nice sweaters for under $5.

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
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#14 of 152 Old 02-05-2007, 06:30 PM
 
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Hey mamas... I've been mia from this thread for five months or so. But I could use some dating advice. Just started dating someone. He's really great, we share politics, plans for family, etc. He's an activist, artist, and teacher. We really like each other. He's a good bit older and seems to be in a "time to settle down" mode. So I feel like he's moving fast, emotionally, with me. Already brining up babies, etc. I guess I'm wondering how to keep things in check and not get carried away? How slow is necessary? How fast is too fast? Do you really sometimes just know that this is the right person? He's absolutely amazing to me, so passionate and involved in the things I care about. And he loves children.

I know there are a few of you mamas who moved a bit "fast" Any experiences? Or anyone want to smack me upside the head and remind me to keep some logic in mind? I just don't want to get swept away... does any of this make sense? I need some logic!!!

Jster, I'm so glad to see everything is working out so well for you!

Steph, congrats on the date!

Amanda, mom to dsd (16), dd (11), dd (8), and ds (born 11/12/11).
 

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#15 of 152 Old 02-05-2007, 06:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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so, how does it feel in your gut? If it feels too fast, it is (for you) and if the relationship is going to work out, he will understand. I don't think there is an exact formula. It helps to be conscious in your decision though.

Congratulations I hope it all works out well.

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#16 of 152 Old 02-05-2007, 06:51 PM
 
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so, how does it feel in your gut? If it feels too fast, it is (for you) and if the relationship is going to work out, he will understand. I don't think there is an exact formula. It helps to be conscious in your decision though.

Congratulations I hope it all works out well.
I totally agree with this. I'm becoming a bigger believer in gut instincts (I'm in the middle of reading Blink by Malcolm Gladwell).

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... seems to be in a "time to settle down" mode. So I feel like he's moving fast, emotionally, with me. Already brining up babies, etc...
The one thing that popped into my head while reading this was maybe he's bringing it up to get your take on it...if you're not interested in settling down, having babies with him, etc., he may want to move on & find someone who does want those things sooner rather than later.

Of course, there is the too much, too soon aspect, but I just wanted to give another take on it.
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#17 of 152 Old 02-05-2007, 08:19 PM
 
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The one thing that popped into my head while reading this was maybe he's bringing it up to get your take on it...if you're not interested in settling down, having babies with him, etc., he may want to move on & find someone who does want those things sooner rather than later.
Great insight on this one. I know that I have done this before also.

I find it particularly more common with people seriously looking for a life-long partner.

Personally, I never wanted to "waste time" on someone, if they didn't want and/or share similar beliefs or non-negotiable dreams of mine.
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#18 of 152 Old 02-05-2007, 09:05 PM
 
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Thanks mamas. I think the idea that he wants to see if we're on the same page is right on. We talked a bit more and he told me he just knows what he wants as a possibility with me. He doesn't want something casual, and he knows that, with me at least. And I'm all about knowing what your own limits are and being honest rather than trying to change what's in your heart for the sake of someone else's needs.

I guess I'm just scared to be someone's girlfriend again... to have some sort of committment, even if it is just to say we won't see anyone else for now. It's not him, it's this internalized list of rules I have that I got from some unknown source... I guess I'm just also tired of becoming emotionally attached to the wrong people... I know I'm young, but I'm just so ready to be done with this stuff- just be settled and secure. Not that this would motivate me to make poor decisions, mind you.

It's the crazy drive to have another baby that motivates the bad decisions.

Amanda, mom to dsd (16), dd (11), dd (8), and ds (born 11/12/11).
 

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#19 of 152 Old 02-06-2007, 12:39 AM
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So, I'm gonna join here I guess...

I've been casually dating.. I went on a date with one guy S last weekend, and he wants to go on another, but Im unusre about that. I like him, but Im not attracted to him.

I'm kinda seeing/hanging out with another guy SC, and its been going okay I think. We just mostly hang out, but I really like him and I don't know how that is going to work out..
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#20 of 152 Old 02-06-2007, 04:12 PM
 
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Good luck Nym! I am coming to your home town in March.....maybe we can hook up for lunch or something?

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
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#21 of 152 Old 02-06-2007, 04:52 PM
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heh, thanks!

For sure! Drop me a PM and we will totally go for lunch!!!!
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#22 of 152 Old 02-07-2007, 10:30 AM
 
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To anyone that was wondering why I disappeared, things are still going great with the new boyfriend. We are both completely in love and enjoying every minute we are together. I haven't ever felt an attraction this strong and he says he feels the same. We are going to Tennessee in a month so i can meet his girls. It breaks his heart that they are not closer to him and I feel for him but he's in the Air Force so he can't just up and leave to go where his ex took them. But he wants to introduce me to his mom and his best friend and his two girls. I am excited. So, maybe it is possible to find your soulmate online - only time will tell but I know that it is a good thing right now. So good luck to all of you that are still looking!
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#23 of 152 Old 02-07-2007, 12:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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To anyone that was wondering why I disappeared, things are still going great with the new boyfriend. We are both completely in love and enjoying every minute we are together. I haven't ever felt an attraction this strong and he says he feels the same. We are going to Tennessee in a month so i can meet his girls. It breaks his heart that they are not closer to him and I feel for him but he's in the Air Force so he can't just up and leave to go where his ex took them. But he wants to introduce me to his mom and his best friend and his two girls. I am excited. So, maybe it is possible to find your soulmate online - only time will tell but I know that it is a good thing right now. So good luck to all of you that are still looking!

congratulations. Have alot of fun!!!

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#24 of 152 Old 02-07-2007, 03:17 PM
 
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Solareyna- Sounds like fun. I would be so nervous.

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
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#25 of 152 Old 02-07-2007, 04:24 PM
 
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Just a small question are any of you using internet dating sites?
Dating services, meet up groups? Or just old fashioned getting out there.
My friend asked me to go to a singles dance (probably too early for me but I might go and 'wingwoman' it for her) are they just something to have a giggle about or?

Its been so long for me I am wondering how to approach it when I am ready
and how do you do those introductions hi my name is Shiloh I have three kids and two ex's... I am still young enough (32) that many people my age are only starting to think about kids and I've got the minivan half filled....(if I owned a vehicle)

8 might be enough
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#26 of 152 Old 02-07-2007, 04:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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okay you guys.

I'm positively cringing. I have sort of forged a relationship with a good (very good) friend of mine. He seems perfect in every way except he has poverty consciousness (among other things). He lives in a really poor manner and rationalizes continually taking money from the government. FTR I find nothing wrong with welfare, food stamps, etc...I could use some help myself but I make *just* above the income that you need to make. He has only just found a job that he seems to want to keep, he likes it and it pays well. He even has insurance now. The thing is that he wants to continue living the way he is. rent free, food stamps, education and accesories paid for, etc. IMO, government help is for those who need it, not those who can scam the system and take it. It irks me so much. He usually doesn't keep a job for missing too many days due to his asthma. He is a landscaper and is okay around all of the allergens, stress brings it on (he says) I guess I believe him. I had no reason to be so irked by it until we took our relationship into the romantic realm. Now every little thing is bothering me

He really talks with his hands, I just want to hit them down, I cringe and don't hear what he says bc I'm too distracted.

He sometimes has bad breath

OMG, there are so many little, superficial things that are making me want to crawl out of my skin.

Why oh why did I let him kiss me??? I should've known.

I felt differently about it before, he met all of my criteria for a partner (I forgot to add 'must not irritate me so' ) well, except that I wanted a prosperous partner (not a 'rich man', but someone who sees money as an energy exchange, and doesn't always feel lacking)

I've really fallen off of the wagon here ladies, I'm back on now but I now have to break the news to him, I'm not looking forward to that. I won't mention that he is driving me crazy, I will just tell him that it is just not working for me and I'd like to take our relationship and cut out the physical intimacy, remain friends, like we were.

This is the same friend that I said a while back that I needed to clear a bit out of my every day life to allow the right man to enter. I feel so stupid....I need to forgive myself and move on, I know that, but that is where I am right now

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#27 of 152 Old 02-07-2007, 06:41 PM
 
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Just a small question are any of you using internet dating sites?
Dating services, meet up groups? Or just old fashioned getting out there.
I've done a little of everything...online, blind dates, meeting people at functions, etc.
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#28 of 152 Old 02-07-2007, 06:45 PM
 
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Beloved

Lesson learned. Take what you can from the situation and move forward.

Now you have a better idea of what you DON'T want, which makes it easier to create what you DO want.
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#29 of 152 Old 02-07-2007, 06:48 PM
 
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My online dating has been slow (which is good) but largely uninteresting (which is okay too). No one really piques my interest at the moment...but, that's okay too. I've had a zillion things to do lately and the next month or two are insanely busy. Mr. Pretty-Darn-Great will arrive in due time!
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#30 of 152 Old 02-07-2007, 06:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't have much time for dating these days either. see the thread about my son I am just consumed with preparing for a March dance performance (I did the choreography) When I am asked out, there is actually no time...oh well...I trust in mr. 'pretty darn great' to come in good time too

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