dad squirms to get out of visitation - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 03-31-2007, 09:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My problem seems to be the opposite of most of these posts....my stbx says he wants visitation but really doesn't. he stops by at random to see the kids...usually when he's here he makes himself at home & fixes something to eat (without asking: ) OR (even funnier) asks if we could all go out to eat pizza or something!!!

When he is here, he either takes a nap on the sofa or plays on the PC (HUM....same things he used to do when he lived here).

At our hearing, I told the hearing officer that I wanted a set schedule. He got one evening a week for about 3 hours; and ONLY 1 weekend a month to take the kids bc of his JOB. So when I tried to enforce it for April, he comes up with every excuse...work; going out of town (oh, yeah, he and his tramp are going to the west coast for a get away for a week...using up 2 weekends); one weekend is easter (and I won't give them up for that)...so the month is gone.

I pin him down of 2 weekend nights (separate, of course) and he says that he can't take the toddler. He refuses to at all. I'm at wits end. I don't know what to do.

I'm resentful that he can jet off to where ever and when I just want 12 weeknds a year, he can't even give me that. He can't even do 36 days a year.

any advice, support?
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#2 of 6 Old 03-31-2007, 09:50 AM
 
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You're not alone.
My STBX doesn't really want the EOW he does now with DD.

He's just doing it to look good to the court so possibly he can get more $$$ in the Divorce settlement.


He lives with his Mom and I'm sure she does all the childcare- he couldn't even change a diaper or do much of anything when he lived here.

I'm also sure he will try to put some lax stipulation in the final decree stating" vistation agreeable among parties"

In other words- Whenever HE wants to see her!"

But I will fight to keep the EOW because DD looks forward to it and he needs to step up.

I also am not going to be lax about the property division- DD's totally attached to the home and my parents paid for it!

I hope he starts thinking of DD more but it is a long road- I hear you Mama.


One thing though- it really makes you thankful that you separated !!!







Sandra Mom to Stephanie 8/5/2004 catLillith:
Newly separated Mom
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#3 of 6 Old 03-31-2007, 02:10 PM
 
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My ex is sort of the same. Right now he takes Owen one evening a week for about 3 hours. Some nights he cuts back a half hour because he has homework, and then he is always asking about starting overnight visits, but when I ask when is good for him it's always that he's busy or doesn't have money for groceries, etc. He seems to just want to stick around just to keep tabs on me. I'm sure he loves Owen and all, but he's not a very motivated person. It doesn't bother me but sometimes it feels like it's such a huge headache for only 3 hours a week. Plus it peeves me that he can use the "I'm busy with school" excuse. Um, he's doing 2 high school courses, I'm in full-time university...gee... poor guy.
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#4 of 6 Old 03-31-2007, 10:31 PM
 
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Owen's dad sued me when Owen was about 8 months old, asking for visitation (and joint custody). He was asking, at that time, for every other weekend (Fri night to Sunday evening) and one night a week. I fought it and, in the end, the Judge said to start visitation small and work up to overnights (and it's got the clause "visitation as agreed upon by both parties"). He started with one hour visits. He only got up to 3 hour visits before he stopped. He has not had any visits since November 2005. Since then he has seen Owen a handful of times, always with me there (and never for more than a few minutes). He is constantly telling his family/friends that he wants visits with Owen, he misses him, he loves him. I'm the evil b*tch who won't let him see Owen, etc. But he hasn't asked for any visits since November 2005, so how could I have denied it? At one point he did mention he wanted to start seeing Owen again. I said great, please do a drug test first (lots of rumors flying around about him and I was not sending Owen with him until I knew for sure). I told him he could see Owen with me there and once the drug test came back fine he could start visitation again. Never heard back about it. I don't see a time where he ever takes Owen on visits. And I have no problem with that.

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#5 of 6 Old 04-01-2007, 09:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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i just hate "visitation agreed upon by both parties"....don't they understand that it's just a way to let the men cop-out of their obligations? it' really ticks me off. i've begun to believe that the domestic custody system in our country (USA) is biased against women....not men.
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#6 of 6 Old 04-01-2007, 04:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by awesomebirths View Post
i just hate "visitation agreed upon by both parties"....don't they understand that it's just a way to let the men cop-out of their obligations? it' really ticks me off. i've begun to believe that the domestic custody system in our country (USA) is biased against women....not men.
Actually, I am very happy that our agreement has this in it. All it means in our case is that ex can't disappear for a month, or a year, then suddenly come back and demand he resume his visitation. Because I DON'T AGREE, so it won't happen. I'm sure some men use it as a way to get out of seeing their kids, but in some cases it is beneficial to the children.

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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