April Dating Thread - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 106 Old 04-01-2007, 09:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I had plans to go to lunch w/ and old friend who I haven't seen in a while. I wasn't sure if it was a date or just old friends getting together. We've always been really really great friends, and back in the day, we used to be "friends w/ benefits". We've both moved to other states and back since then, and been married and divorced since then.

Mamas, he picked me up @ 1pm, and I just got home! I guess it's safe to say it was a date

We went and had lunch at the food court @ the Lake Forest Park Third Place Books, a new&used bookstore w/ a food court and huge area for events, live music, and general hanging out. Then we browsed the scifi section for a while. Then we drove down to Seattle and wandered around Broadway for an hour, and I got the most awesome outfit ever for super cheap at a store that's going out of business. We are totally clicking right back into place, as comfortable as our friendship has always been. We really have always "gotten" each other. Somewhere on Broadway, we started holding hands, or walking arm in arm. So far, I wasn't totally sure where it was going, because we're both very physically affectionate w/ out friends.

We saw the 4:15 show of "Pan's Labyrinth", and held hands w/ his arm around me the whole time. It was super sweet and cuddly and comfy and not just a little bit fraught w/ that special tension!

Afterwards, he invites me to go with him to this goth/industrial club later in the evenin w/ him and meet up w/ some of our old friends. So he takes me home so I can get appropriate clothes and makeup, and we head out. We hung out at the club, talking, dancing (kissing!), and being very close to each other all night. I made it clear that my boundaries are different than they used to be (read: I have them now), and he's totally respectful of it.

We go back to his place (his parents' actually, he just moved back to the area), and talk for hours.

For all the years that we were friends +benefits before, I knew that he was one of the only few men who dug me for me, (not just my mad bedroom skillz ). And he waited, patiently. I kinda never appreciated him fully. I do, now. And we want to try to (finally, after 15 years of knowing each other) really date, and actually be romantically involved.

He rocks my world. This could be the start of something awesome! Because, it has already been something awesome since the day we met (Rocky Horror Picture Show, both on cast, me Janet, him Brad, except once every 6 weeks, when we switched! )

Squeeeee!!!!!!

scifi-convention runners Kate, DH Drew 11/07, DD Cora 12/97. We , ,
Welcome to baby Fiona with a giant omphalocele, 6/17/10!
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#2 of 106 Old 04-01-2007, 10:30 AM
 
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woo-hoo
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#3 of 106 Old 04-01-2007, 11:34 AM
 
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Very exciting indeed!

Keep us posted.
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#4 of 106 Old 04-01-2007, 01:02 PM
 
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yes, keep us posted. good for you!
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#5 of 106 Old 04-01-2007, 02:52 PM
 
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Good for you, You deserve it. Sounds like a wonderful evening.
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#6 of 106 Old 04-01-2007, 07:45 PM
 
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Originally Posted by CorasMama View Post
He rocks my world. This could be the start of something awesome! Because, it has already been something awesome since the day we met (Rocky Horror Picture Show, both on cast, me Janet, him Brad, except once every 6 weeks, when we switched! )
Was it at the Varsity Theatre on University? every Saturday (I think) at midnight? Just wondering, because I worked at the Varsity then (15 years ago! crazy!), and almost always worked the Rocky Horror nights. Your post made me miss Seattle.

Congrats on your date, btw. Sounds like so much fun!
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#7 of 106 Old 04-01-2007, 08:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Was it at the Varsity Theatre on University? every Saturday (I think) at midnight? Just wondering, because I worked at the Varsity then (15 years ago! crazy!), and almost always worked the Rocky Horror nights. Your post made me miss Seattle.

Congrats on your date, btw. Sounds like so much fun!
Nope. 15 yrs ago, it was still @ the Neptune. It didn't move for another year, I think. I was no longer on cast by then. But if you ever saw it at the Neptune around that time, he and I were the blonds who played Brad and Janet, and my first serious boyfriend played Riff (John the fireeater). My second real boyfriend played Meatloaf/Dr.Scott.

scifi-convention runners Kate, DH Drew 11/07, DD Cora 12/97. We , ,
Welcome to baby Fiona with a giant omphalocele, 6/17/10!
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#8 of 106 Old 04-01-2007, 09:22 PM
 
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Congrats! I hope it works out.
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#9 of 106 Old 04-01-2007, 10:03 PM
 
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Finally, it's April. It's been pretty warm where I live, but not so hot on the dating front for me. I'm okay with it though. Last month I had a HUGE revelation!!! I had a mad crush on someone who was not good for me, then I consciously stopped it!!! I was always so weak when it came to that sort of thing : that may not seem like a big deal, but for me it was HUGE

I am just trying to strengthen myself and keep working on defining exactly what I want and how I want to be treated. I have no doubt that it will happen for me.

Besides, I'm dancing alot, working and firespinning. Plus I have my good friends.




I am still leaving open a space for that special someone should he come along.

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#10 of 106 Old 04-01-2007, 10:25 PM
 
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I have nothing to report here as I'm only newly single and so not ready for dating but I HAD to post to you about your awesome strength! YAY! That must have felt really good...I mean to finally recognize a bad thing before it got bad!!!! YAY AGAIN!!!
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#11 of 106 Old 04-01-2007, 11:01 PM
 
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Divorced for about 2 years from my second husband who is the father of my three children. I've been determined to stay away from dating as I want to raise my children without a blended family or bringing men in and out of their lives. I felt very determined to stick to this, never giving anyone a chance to even meet me so I can stay away from a relationship.

Then I ran into my first husband (teen sweetheart) who I haven't seen in 10 years and lives 4 hours away. I was thrilled to get along and thought it might be nice to just "have fun" since neither of us are still attached to each other and we live far enough away to not create a relationship. Well, he and I were both incredibly surprised that the kiss was so incredible, and we can't stop thinking about each other all day long and we talk on the phone for hours everyday (and night!) for the last 2 weeks since I saw him. We both feel like not a minute has past instead of ten years. We both feel like we're falling in love, but don't see how this is possible after only 2 weeks.

I still don't want to bring a man into my kids' lives, I live 4 hours away and he doesn't want a long distance relationship. It feels so good to talk to him, but is it needlessly torturing both of us?
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#12 of 106 Old 04-02-2007, 12:52 AM
 
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sounds like a fun day
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#13 of 106 Old 04-02-2007, 12:57 AM
 
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Woah, Mama! That's amazing! I got goosebumps.
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#14 of 106 Old 04-02-2007, 01:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I haven't stopped smiling all day. I feel like a goofy teenager. Its neat knowing I'm with someone w/ a decade and a half history of being a great, devoted friend.

scifi-convention runners Kate, DH Drew 11/07, DD Cora 12/97. We , ,
Welcome to baby Fiona with a giant omphalocele, 6/17/10!
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#15 of 106 Old 04-02-2007, 11:14 AM
 
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Sounds wonderful CorasMama!

Things with my boyfriend (holy moly, it feels bananas to me to use that term after seven years of not using it) continue on an excellent path. We went out Saturday night to a really funny play and then went grocery shopping at like midnight because I was out of coffee and breakfast stuff and then we went for a long walk. We had so much fun together! I was psyched to delve in to that side of us because we have been pretty deep and heavy and serious a lot of the time, even though it's been really enjoyable and we laugh a lot regardless, it was great to experience the sort of silly, goofy side in us both. Also, if anyone remembers he is a botanist and horticulturist, and he brought me three different species or orchid plants. They are so beautiful. I was really touched.

One of the things I adore about him (and there are many) is that he expresses his thoughts and feelings articulately and easily. There's never any tension in our conversations even when we are talking about really serious or emotional stuff. It's so refreshing!

This just freaking rocks. I almost started to think it was never going to happen or that I was perhaps too dang picky. I've dated so much over the last seven years and I do not fall easily.. I'm skeptical, incredibly cautious and a tad cynical. On the real though... I think this could be the man I spend my life with and have babies with and who could be a wonderful parent to my daughter. I'm still going to take it slow, but I have not had one moment of doubt or hesitation. No red flags (and I am on red flags like white on rice), no turn-offs... just an incredibly smart, sincere, interesting, kind man who happends to share all of my core values and interests. Wow.
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#16 of 106 Old 04-02-2007, 01:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by CorasMama View Post
I haven't stopped smiling all day. I feel like a goofy teenager. Its neat knowing I'm with someone w/ a decade and a half history of being a great, devoted friend.

I was just divorced a year when Kip came back into my life.. He and I dated in high school, but never seriously. We had mutual friends, AND he was a neighbor to my former spouse. (it makes the relationship sooo much easier with my former MIL... as she is friends with my current MIL, not much she can say bad about me)

Our second first date ended 14 hours after it started.... we were married in six months, and we have been very happy ever since. Four years later, I am still madly in love with my husband, and actually understand how a marriage works.
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#17 of 106 Old 04-02-2007, 02:38 PM
 
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Nope. 15 yrs ago, it was still @ the Neptune. It didn't move for another year, I think. I was no longer on cast by then. But if you ever saw it at the Neptune around that time, he and I were the blonds who played Brad and Janet, and my first serious boyfriend played Riff (John the fireeater). My second real boyfriend played Meatloaf/Dr.Scott.
Oh yeah! I forgot it was at the Neptune before that, what a cool theatre that was.. /thread hijack
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#18 of 106 Old 04-02-2007, 03:54 PM
 
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I still don't want to bring a man into my kids' lives, I live 4 hours away and he doesn't want a long distance relationship. It feels so good to talk to him, but is it needlessly torturing both of us?
"Torturing" is a strong word. And, the answer depends on what you hope (so far) to get out of this encounter. I'm the sort of person who, when she knows something is not a possibility, lets it go (physically, if not emotionally ). If you truly don't want to bring a man into your kids' lives and distance is an issue, leave him alone.

If it's meant to be, he'll come back. They always do. Good luck.
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#19 of 106 Old 04-02-2007, 07:19 PM
 
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Ahhh.... it's springtime, the sun is shining (someone tell the weatherman to stop saying "snow" this week!), flowers are blooming, birds are chirping.... and I'm in love I feel like a little schoolgirl As you "oldies" might remember, for the last 3 1/2 years I've said I'm not looking for a man, but if the perfect one falls in my lap I won't refuse him (and went over 3 years without dating because I'm so picky! LOL!). Well, he's fallen, and so have I. I have never cared so deeply about someone on this level. It is an amazing feeling, it really is. We've tackled some really rough issues the past couple weeks and the way he's handled them have made me fall even deeper in love with him. I can't get him out of my mind. I'm really glad I don't have a job where I have to concentrate too hard. LOL! As a nanny everything I do with the kids comes naturally, so my mind wanders to him a lot. We talk a bit during the day then for hours every night until one (or both) of us falls asleep (thank goodness for free nights on the cell phones ). The only problem is the distance But, we've decided that it will only make our relationship stronger. I'm going down there to see him this weekend so I'm very excited! I can't wait!!

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#20 of 106 Old 04-02-2007, 08:41 PM
 
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Aaaaawww, Steph. That's so great. I'm so happy for you!
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#21 of 106 Old 04-03-2007, 10:35 AM
 
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Hey mamas! Steph, Kate, and Shonahsmom, sounds like things are going well for you. Congrats!

I always want to keep up with this thread every month and never make it... so here's another shot. Subbing...

I've been dating Emily for two months now... things are good. It's super slow, so I'll just have to wait and see... hmm...

Good luck to everyone!

Amanda, mom to dsd (16), dd (11), dd (8), and ds (born 11/12/11).
 

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#22 of 106 Old 04-03-2007, 04:51 PM
 
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subbing.

still dating the same person

still going ok. starting to feel very relationshippy---

but what i like about boyfriend who does not live in my home, is that i dont have to see him every day well, plus i cant , anyways) . today, for instance, i am stressed out about school and feeling super needy and drained and negative and so i can just hide out till it passes. and then hang out wiith him primarily when i feel good. i like that better than marriage and living together becasue you have that person right there all the time... i just need alot of space these days. maybe in the years to come i will change my mind, but this is good for now!
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#23 of 106 Old 04-04-2007, 05:54 PM
 
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Way to go Beloved, what a great accomplishment.
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#24 of 106 Old 04-04-2007, 11:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So bf and I are both going to this sci-fi convention this weekend (yeah, we're uber-geeks). We are totally looking forward to it. Dd is away w/ her dad. We're going to see all our friends, some of whom I haven't seen in years and years. These things are huge social events, and I'm beyond psyched. Not to mention, we get to spend 4 days together!

Then... I had a financial crisis this week, and I just can't afford to do it. The registration is $60, and then there's food (it's too far from home). So he offered to pay. In fact, he said he insisted. A lot. I'm not very comfortable w/ that kind of financial footing in a relationship. Back in the day, when I was a flaky teenager, I wouldn't have had a problem w/ it at all. But now, it's different. I don't want my lack of solvency to be part of our relationship.

However, I think I would seriously regret missing the opportunity to go to this thing. It's a once a year thing. So I accepted his offer.

Tell me I didn't make a huge mistake.

scifi-convention runners Kate, DH Drew 11/07, DD Cora 12/97. We , ,
Welcome to baby Fiona with a giant omphalocele, 6/17/10!
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#25 of 106 Old 04-05-2007, 01:13 AM
 
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So bf and I are both going to this sci-fi convention this weekend (yeah, we're uber-geeks). We are totally looking forward to it. Dd is away w/ her dad. We're going to see all our friends, some of whom I haven't seen in years and years. These things are huge social events, and I'm beyond psyched. Not to mention, we get to spend 4 days together!

Then... I had a financial crisis this week, and I just can't afford to do it. The registration is $60, and then there's food (it's too far from home). So he offered to pay. In fact, he said he insisted. A lot. I'm not very comfortable w/ that kind of financial footing in a relationship. Back in the day, when I was a flaky teenager, I wouldn't have had a problem w/ it at all. But now, it's different. I don't want my lack of solvency to be part of our relationship.

However, I think I would seriously regret missing the opportunity to go to this thing. It's a once a year thing. So I accepted his offer.

Tell me I didn't make a huge mistake.
could you accept it as a loan? maybe there will be an event in the near future you can pay for?
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#26 of 106 Old 04-05-2007, 11:20 AM
 
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With my current BF and the last guy I dated, we just got in a groove of having one another's back. Some times there would be a concert or play that I really wanted to see and the other didn't have the funds at the moment, so I'd get it and then vice versa on other occassions. I feel very comfortable with that because I feel like it evens out.

I say go and have a good time! And down the road you'll return the favor!
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#27 of 106 Old 04-05-2007, 01:25 PM
 
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Corasmom, I know how that struggle over finances feels! Single mamas have such financial burdens, and so little free money, and yet there are many fun things to do in the world!

I started my relationship with DH feeling like I wanted to be very self-sufficient financially, but after a time, I realized I was being a little silly. It's good to be solvent, but for the extras, sometimes I just couldn't afford it if I was trying to do things on my own. And even in our relationship now, I'm willing to accept his help with bills because I can help sometimes, too, and it makes sense for us.

I don't think you made a mistake...I'm sure he would have paid double to go have a fun weekend with you, and to the extent that it's not oldfashioned, just appreciate it! And wait, there will be a chance you can do it, whether its filling up his gas tank, treating him to dinner, or who knows.

Glad so many mamas are having such good relationships!! Must be a good vibe going around...
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#28 of 106 Old 04-05-2007, 04:15 PM
 
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CorasMama, def. not a mistake in my book. He offered and you accepted. That's called being gracious.

If you're really uncomfortable with it, pay him back when you have the money.
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#29 of 106 Old 04-06-2007, 07:45 AM
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If it was you and a girlfriend going, would you have accepted the offer?

If the answer is yes than you know what you needed to do.
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#30 of 106 Old 04-06-2007, 04:15 PM
 
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kinda reposted but what is the breakdown of people you meet to date who don't want kids, might want kids, defn want more kids

8 might be enough
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