dds' psychiatrist threated to call cps - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 10:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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dd was recommened to go to a psychiatrist by my psychiatrist because i had really intense crying jags and i was suicidal last december because of her dad leaving. well, yesterday was dds' appointment and because i let her dad live with us , she says "this may merit a call to cps"
this man has never hit me or dd
there is no violence in our house,
we are legally divorced and i gave him a place to live after he moved back to this country.
he just spent 4 months in his country of origin. he has a girl friend down there
the shrink says this is bad for dd because it will just confuse her
i say there are all different types of families
he is giving me 1,000 dollars a month rent
so i got on the phone to a good friend of mine who is a social worker and asked her for advice
she said if cps does come cooperate with them.
what do you think?
feel free to ask more questions to clarify.
thank you
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#2 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 10:30 AM
 
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What a crock! I have no real advice but I'd NEVER enter that persons office again. Total bs.
I hope it all blows over & was an idle threat.

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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#3 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 10:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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i hope it blows over also.
i'd love to stop sending dd but my shrink recommended it
and i like my shrink
i couldn' t sleep last night.
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#4 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 10:37 AM
 
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I'd find a new therapist for DD.

CPS should be called if a child is in imminent physical danger. If there's no abuse or neglect going on, then there should be no reason to call CPS. I suspect this therapist is very new to the field, and isn't yet capable of separating out her own personal views of what's appropriate with what's actual abuse or neglect. I mean, medical professionals ARE mandated reporters and they risk losing their liscences if they fail to report something- but it sounds like she's clueless as to what abuse looks like.

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#5 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 10:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you, ruthla
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#6 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 10:44 AM
 
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i too feel get another psyc. referral for your dd. that man is full of %%%%. there are so many people who are doing exactly what you are doing. i wonder if culture plays a role in the psychs decision.

no this is absolutely not right.

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#7 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 11:33 AM
 
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It's not a good idea to voluntarily submit your child to someone who is threatening you with an agency who may want to take her!
I don't care WHO recommends them!
Is that a risk you're really willing to take?

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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#8 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 12:13 PM
 
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There are a few recent threads on how to deal with CPS. Take a look.

There are ways to "cooperate" without giving up your rights.

-Angela
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#9 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 09:34 PM
 
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Why did she threaten you. She is a mandated reporter so she either has grounds to report or does not have grounds to report you and thus should have never even said anything to you.

As a CPS worker, I suspect if she did report it would be for failure to protect because due to the situation last year in which you became suidical, you are allowing this person, who you were upset over, to be involved in you and your daugher's life. Thus potentially putting yourself at risk for becoming suicidal again. Whether you like it or not, that's reportable. Whether CPS would intervene is another story.

Kim, proud CPS mom to Marnie and my 4 legged kids, Jess, Zander, Oliver, Stumpy and Eddie.
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#10 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 09:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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canadian chick, i suspect that is exactly where she is coming from
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#11 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 09:53 PM
 
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Have you become suicidal again? I hope you are alright and you have a new persepctive on things.

I'd encourage you to find a new therapist for your dd.
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#12 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 09:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary-Beth View Post
Have you become suicidal again? I hope you are alright and you have a new persepctive on things.

I'd encourage you to find a new therapist for your dd.
Why would she look for someone new?? Because a service provider is concerned for the well-being of her child!?!

Kim, proud CPS mom to Marnie and my 4 legged kids, Jess, Zander, Oliver, Stumpy and Eddie.
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#13 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 09:59 PM
 
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I agree, it sounds like this psychiatrist is really off-base. As a clueless professional, she (he?) is not as likely to help your DD as a clueful professional would be. You might talk to your psychiatrist about it and ask for another recommendation.
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#14 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 10:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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no i'm not suicidal. i'm much better. i was suicidal in dec.
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#15 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 10:25 PM
 
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It's not the job of a mandated reporter to investigate.... if there is a concern that warrants a report then a report is made. CPS investigates.

Glad to hear that you are doing better. I agree with your friend that you should work with CPS if they do get involved. We aren't all bad. Rather than run from a service provider who has concerns (which can be seen as another concern), work with them so they know that you are ok. Really, Dec was not that long ago.

Kim, proud CPS mom to Marnie and my 4 legged kids, Jess, Zander, Oliver, Stumpy and Eddie.
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#16 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 10:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i'm doing the best i can each day.
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#17 of 24 Old 04-20-2007, 10:30 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jannan View Post
i'm doing the best i can each day.


Good for you... that's all anyone can ask.

Kim, proud CPS mom to Marnie and my 4 legged kids, Jess, Zander, Oliver, Stumpy and Eddie.
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#18 of 24 Old 04-21-2007, 12:22 AM
 
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Glad you're doing better. Keep taking care of yourself.

I am a certified counselor and have some experience with CPS. I never said avoid CPS or do not cooperate. You don't seem like you have anything to hide. You can find support on the previosly mentioned links in terms of dealing with the agency. My concern is when therapists threaten and use controlling tactics to try to scare people. I believe it would be more effective for a concerned counselor to express that concern directly. For example, "I am concerned that his presence in the house will confuse dd." Or, "I am concerned that you will have a difficult time with having your ex in the house and could become unfit to care for your dd." You and the therapist could discuss the issue(s). What boundaries have been set, what's been explained to your dd and how, how she feels about it, how you're handling it, etc.
There are plenty of families who have been threatened that CPS will be called for co-sleeping, extended breast feeding, breastfeeding an adopted child, and on and on. In these instances the therapist is truly concerned about the child but doesn't understand the parenting practices or personal beliefs of their client. Families do get to make choices about how they will live and parent. If a divorced couple wants to co-house for a time period and there is no history of domestic violence or abuse of any kind, then I don't see how CPS would need to be involved.
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#19 of 24 Old 04-21-2007, 05:52 AM
 
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well, I suppose at least she gave you a head's up, or was that a threat. It would freak me out to hear that. I'd say you tell her you have a plan for ex moving out and say something reasonable.

How is your child doing anyway, is she enjoying having her dad around? What has she said about him being in the house.
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#20 of 24 Old 04-21-2007, 08:54 AM
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I work for a prevention program for CPS. I would probably think that something was said that concerned the therapist on behalf of your child. If you are unsure of what concerned him/her I would certainly ask this doctor to clarify. Why exactly does the doctor feel this is reportable. Lots of people choose to have x's stay with them until they can move on, in some cases it is beneficial. I would want to know what exactly is this doctor concerned about in this case? As a prevention worker I would come into the home and investigate the specific concerns of the the doctor and cps. I don't think you have enough information. It sounds to me that you heard the word cps and didn't hear anymore. Very understandable. I think you should clarification instead of another doctor. If you run from doctor to doctor and you have a reportable situation, that doesn't look good either. I find sometimes it takes an outside eye to see a situation that is unhealthy to us or our children.
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#21 of 24 Old 04-21-2007, 05:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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dd loves having her dad around and yes, he does have a plan to move out.
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#22 of 24 Old 04-21-2007, 09:18 PM
 
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Maybe you can plan some supportive activities, visitors during the period where he moves out and be sure to let that lady know you have it covered. I am still shaking my head.
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#23 of 24 Old 04-23-2007, 10:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i'm bumping this.
i was hoping for more responses
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#24 of 24 Old 04-23-2007, 10:24 PM
 
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I just wanted to add that as a mandated reporter, as said before, it isn't m y job to investigate, just call CPS if I suspect abuse. The info you have given wouldn't make me call, so I wonder if your dd said something else. But, just to reassure you, most of the time when I have called CPS, I say, "Uh, I have a concern, but I don't know if it is reportable," and they have said "Thanks for the call, but that is not reportable." They did not take a report. So, just because there is a call placed does not mean anything will happen.

I hope you and your dd are doing well.
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