Crying for the man I used to love... - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-21-2007, 10:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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He just went to trial for his second DUI, and will be doing 30 days in jail with work release. He spent his first night there last night, worked today, and is now back there until Monday morning. We've been apart for three years, but I'm sitting here crying, thinking of him there. He used to be such a good person. I still believe that good person is in there somewhere, and it is just killing me thinking of him being in jail. There's no one here that would understand this - they all either think he's a jerk or are related to him, but I thought some of you might understand what it feels like to mourn and hurt for the man you used to love....
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Old 04-21-2007, 11:17 PM
 
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although, my ex has never done jail, i've cried and cried and cried for the man i used to love, for what we used to have it is hard to let go. have you let go?
will you go visit him?
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Old 04-22-2007, 12:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have let go. I honestly didn't think it would affect me the way that it has. I guess maybe it is just the fact that the whole "idea" of him is gone now. Maybe I'm not making any sense....

And no, I won't go visit him. It isn't like that. It's such a short thing and he's only really there to sleep every night since it's with work release.
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Old 04-22-2007, 01:30 AM
 
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I think we all can somewhat relate on some level. It's not that you're head over heels in love with the guy, it's just the potential you saw in him was deflated. I think we've all been there at some point in time.

How have the kiddos been? I know you were telling the oldest. How are they dealing with all of it? Has he called them? Can he call them? Can he pay all of his CS when he's doing his work release? Sorry if I'm asking too much, I'm so full of questions!
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Old 04-22-2007, 10:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks! I'm totally over the man he is now, I just didn't expect to feel so sad for the man he used to be...

I did tell my oldest last week, and she took it hard. I am glad I did though, because two different people mentioned it to her (in an "I'm here for you if you ever want to talk" kind of way). The other two don't know, and probably never will. And yes, he's still working his regular job, so he will be paying all of his child support, thank goodness!

Thanks again...
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Old 04-22-2007, 01:04 PM
 
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hugs to you
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Old 04-22-2007, 01:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mmace View Post
I'm totally over the man he is now, I just didn't expect to feel so sad for the man he used to be...
this is where i am now. it's really hard.
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Old 04-22-2007, 02:51 PM
 
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It is sad when someone lets their demons take over and they start making decisions that really affect themselves and others negatively. I think it's normal to feel sad to see someone with whom we've shared so much, loved and have children together, get so lost they end up in jail.

Perhaps it will help to think that maybe this is the wake up call he's been needing. Sometimes the things that look the worst in our lives, end up becoming the greatest gifts.
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Old 04-24-2007, 02:43 PM
 
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and I do understand...
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Old 04-24-2007, 02:51 PM
 
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and I do understand...
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

Carl Jung (1875 - 1961) ...you do not cry alone
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