I should say hello! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 06-13-2003, 01:52 AM - Thread Starter
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Well, I have been looking at this board and really want to say hello.

I am a single mom (for 14 months) and I want to say while it is hard as hell sometimes (what am I talking about?? ALL the time!) I am so much happier than when I was with my dh.
This is actually an understatement!

My question is how you stay at home/ap mama's have managed to continue to stay at home after losing your spouses income? My ex has not paid child support, nor has he paid spousal support. We haven't been to court yet. We are presently seperated.

My situation was an abusive situation, and I have not found an attorney yet to take my case pro bono. I have no income and our state divorce program for abused women has a long waiting list, which I will probably not qualify for due to the fact that I have no proof that he abused us. A friend has recommended that I write 50 attorneys in my area and see if anyone will be willing to take my case pro bono.

Anyway, I would truely like to know how you womyn cope if you have continued to be a stay at home mama, and how you have afforded the attorney fees?

My kids had a horrible time at first, but they are doing great now, very happy, much to the chagrin of my ex.

Many blessings!
Moon Light Mama
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#2 of 5 Old 06-13-2003, 05:06 PM
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Moon Light Mama~

You should look into some sort of legal aid to see if they can help. And, have you tried calling the women's shelters for some help and advice? I don't think you need an attorney to collect child support. Call the Support Enforcement office in your town/city and see what they tell you.

The loss of income is tough for me too. I am searching far and near, low and high and every little crack in between to find a job compatible with my current situation. We have cut way back on everything (except for my stupid car payment! I keep leaving the keys in it hoping it will get stolen and then the cops in town go and arrest the best car theif in town!) Anyway I remain hopeful that something will somehow turn up for me. I believe!

You can do this and have already taken the biggest step forward. Good for you!
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#3 of 5 Old 06-14-2003, 02:49 AM
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Hi Moon Light Mama
Although my ex and I were not too well off when we were together, I, too, experienced a major loss of income when we split. As it stands, I'm on welfare and living in subsidized housing. I recently got involved with a program called The Family Self Sufficiency Project. I live in Canada but the program was started in the States and is just in its pilot stage here. I suggest looking into it. They are a great resource. Perhaps it exists in your state. They set up a savings account for you and double the amount you put in for 2 years. Among other things. They are based out of the neighbourhood community centre here. I have found community centres to be very helpful. So many programmes and resources available if you figure out where to look and how to speak the language! I am lucky here to be able to be on Welfare until my youngest child is 3. So I'm upgrading my education with correspondence courses and already starting to make some connections for work when I get cut off welfare in two years. Best of luck to you and I hope you find the support that you need.

Also I don't know if its the same in the states but if you call the Law Society or the nearest University that has a Law School you can obtain some excellent legal advice for free. They often have students and lawyers putting in there pro bono hours.
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#4 of 5 Old 06-14-2003, 01:27 PM
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I babysit, so my dd is with me when she is not in school.
She just finished Kindergarten and lost her first tooth!
Anyway, I babysit as a nanny and also have a bunch of fill in babysitting jobs too. The biggest help though, is that we live with my mom. When we were married, we all lived here, so it isn't any different for my dd. It is just peaceful now that he is gone. He was verbally abusive.
I shop at thrift stores mostly and we get a lot of hand-me-downs. Next fall is going to be the hardest because I will be paying tuition for 1st grade and I have taken a cut in pay to be a full time assistant at her school.
I am only separated as well, so I haven't had to pay any legal fees yet. In my state, we have to be separated for a year before divorce.
Good Luck to you!
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#5 of 5 Old 06-21-2003, 04:09 AM
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Hmmm...I think I am living Tracy's life. LOL
we live with my mom too, it is much more peaceful now.
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