Mothering Forum banner

Roll call?

10K views 180 replies 122 participants last post by  Areannasmom 
#1 ·
I'm still a newbie in this forum and I'm trying to get a grasp on who everyone is. Can we do a roll call?

I'm curious to know who you and your kids are, how long you've been a single mama, what your current custody situation is, what issues you're dealing with...and anything else you care to share.


I'm Celeste from Northern California. I have an almost 3.5 year old dd and a 10 month old ds. I've been a single mama for almost 6 months (my stbx left unexpectedly after 11 years). We're still in the process of divorcing/settling but most likely I'll have physical custody and shared legal custody. Stbx is not very involved currently. We're dealing with big transitions-what its like to live without daddy in the house. My dd has been having a hard time but we're all in therapy of some sort!
 
See less See more
2
#52 ·
Hi!! I'm me.
I'm 22 (just had a birthday on the 11th!) My two children are DD, age 9, and DS, age 4. They have the same father, but I didn't give birth to DD, I have custody of her though. Did that make you
:
: ?


I've been a single mama for a year and a half now.
 
#54 ·
I should sign in...

Alison here, signing in from Ontario, Canada. I am the single Mama to Tobias, who is 8 months old. I have been a single Mom from the time of his conception. I am blessed in many ways because he has no father which means I have no worries about someone ever coming to fight me for custody or worrying about child support issues.

Right now I'm on a break from school, finished up my exams at the end of April for my first year of university and I'm starting again July 1st. As of August I hope to start doing in home daycare too so that I don't have to go back to work.

We are doing wonderfully. Being a single Mama has it's moments of hard, but I don't think I'd do it any other way!
 
#55 ·
I've been a single mom since Sept. 15th 2006. That's when I found out about my ex's infidelity. I have never experienced such rage and pain as I did, but I have gotten lots of help and worked my ass off to be HAPPY!

8 months later I feel awesome. My boys (3 and 9) are doing well.

I just started dating a great guy. He lives 4 hours away so it is great--makes it easy to keep my focus on me.

I'm in training for a new career that will be satisfying and lucrative!

AND, I met with a great attorney for the first time yesterday. He has an awesome reputation--he basically said "poor dumbass". And he saw how broke I am and gave me a killer price on a d. I was speechless. Really speechless--I kissed him! (grandfatherly type) So I will be able to do the deed anytime after September.
 
#56 ·
I
this forum. I
single mamas.

I'm just checkin' in, too. I know I don't post all that often but I really, really relate to almost all the threads posted here and love that we have this space to share together.

My name is Jennifer and I began my mothering journey as a single mama 12.5 years ago with my first child. Her dad and I split up during pregnancy. I did marry when she was 5 but then split with my second child's (from that marriage) dad several times and then finally on July 4, 2005 (very-much-about independence day!). He and I have a good working friendship at this point, but it's taken years to get there and copious amounts of distance and boundaries.

Every morning when I wake up I feel a bursting gratitude to have my home be just the way I want it to be emotionally ~ to know that this space is safe and nurturing and that I'm not settling for anything less in the area of emotional well-being for me and my children.
 
#57 ·
I just posted my story here a couple days ago, but adding it to this thread, since we're doing a roll call. Like many of you, my STBX announced out of the blue after 12 years and four kids that he no longer wants to be married. My kids and I are moving from Seattle to OKC next month, so that I will be closer to my family support. I can't afford to support them here in Seattle as a single parent without moving to the ghetto. In OKC they can have a nice home and good schools for what I can afford to pay for rent.

I hope the kids' dad will continue to see them regularly, we'll see. He is in a place right now of just wanting to have no one to worry about but himself, so I expect it will mostly be me and my kids once we move. I have lots of family there, though, so we'll have support from extended family, and we'll make it. He's not a terribly involved father anyhow -- spends way more time on his computer IMing his various girlfriends than interacting with them. When I told the kids we were moving to Oklahoma and their dad is staying here, they didn't seem to particularly care, as long as they have me with them.

This forum is a great place for support, but it also makes me sad to see so many other women going through this -- men who leave 10, 12 years into a relationship? Don't they get that sustaining a marriage takes work? Are they all just little boys inside? Sheesh.
 
#58 ·
I really don't post much, but I read here a lot... Since there is a roll call I thought now would be a good time to introduce myself.


My name is Stephanie, I am 31 and I have one ds, Phineas, he is 6. I broke up with my H in March of last year. It wasn't a horrible relationship, he is a decent fellow, we are just too different/not compatible. He is atheist, I am not (not religious, but spirituality is a very important part of my life, also have great interest in ETs on a spiritual level, I know, thats pretty much too far out there for most people) - the beginning of the end was when he told me when ds was a baby that he didn't want me sharing any of my beliefs with our son. That didn't fly with me, although I let it go for a few years. We are both happier being apart. Ds was born almost a month before the anniversary of our first date and we were married 6 weeks later, so things happened way too fast. I wish we hadn't gotten married in the first place, I blame it on hormones & the craziness of being a new mom.
Ex has been with his current girlfriend for almost a year now and they seem very happy together. Haven't yet started the actual divorce, but I hope to sometime within the next year.

Ds and I moved into my friends guest house a few weeks ago, she is also a single mom and so far it's been great! It's awesome to have help and support right there (for both of us) and the kids love living with friends. I think it's an ideal situation.

I work from home, in fact,that is what I am supposed to be doing right now, so I should get back to it. Just wanted to check in.


p.s. Hi Jennifer (May May)! I didn't know it was you til I clicked on your myspace - long time no see!
 
#59 ·
Hi, I'm Lavender, and I posted an introduction about a week or so ago, but here goes again... I am one year single, and happy to be! It's been a rollercoaster of a year emotionally, especially because it's been to hard on my younger ds. He, like me, hates, loathes, and despises any kind of change. So, we've all done a lot of crying... With the sun finally peeking out here in Oregon, we are doing much better and things are looking up.

I am 37 and left a marriage of 11 years. My two sons are 11 and 9, and I have spent the last 11 years as a sahm and homeschooling mom. They are just finishing their first year in public school and have excelled (pats self on back) and I have my first job in years. I recently began work as a teacher's aid and am making enough that with cs we don't have to eat lentils every day, but the budget is very tight. Almost all that we have is going into buying a house, which I hope is a good investment come graduation and college, plus it gets us out of our little "box" apartment!

I am making every effort to maintain a good relationship with xh (and yes it takes a LOT of effort), and it is true that we get along better as coparents than we did when we were married. The boys are with him every other weekend and every other Wed. They'll be with him every other week in summer and I'm already feeling that pain....and worry...he plays with them but is severely lacking in the "care" part of parenting... I hate it.

I am in a new relationship now to someone I feel a deep connection to and who adores me too, and though we are both very committed to each other, I have been very clear from the beginning: I Don't Want To Get Married Again!!!

Xh is already engaged.
 
#60 ·
I'm a 44 year old single mother by choice to a 3.75 year old boy. My pregnancy with him was unintended, but I chose to have him knowing I'd be a single mom. I hadn't been pining to have a kid before having him, but I feel so blessed because of it!

It has been hard, but we're doing all right. We just moved into a cheaper and yet nicer place, with lots of kids Sprogly's age around. We have a stable, loving daycare situation. Sprogly's healthy and thriving, and I'm surviving.

I don't post a lot in the SP forum, just now and then, but anyway, that's me.
 
#61 ·
Coming in late here.. 'cause I don't have a lot of time to post, but my name is Nicole, I 'm 35, and I am mama to three amazing kids, dd 11, dd 7, and ds 4. I have been separated for a little over 3 years, and am just in the middle of all the paperwork stuff now. I was married for 10 years, and home with the kiddos for the past 11 years. Now I'm in school taking all the pre-reqs for nursing school, but luckily my time is flexible enough that I'm able to be with my kiddos most of the time. They see their dad every Wednesday evening and every other weekend. He is a good dad, mostly, but was not a great husband, and honestly, I probably wasn't a great wife getting married so young with three small ones. I left him due to emotional and verbal abuse and it took a couple of years but I feel like we're finally doing really wonderfully. I have a really wonderful man in my life, but I still consider myself single, as he spends time with us as a family just a day or two a week. I love this site, and it seems like it's always so timely. If I have an issue, I can usually log on and read about something very similar that is going on with another mama. Helps to know we're not alone. Thanks ladies
 
#62 ·
I didn't post earlier since I don't know exactly what to say but I'm in a posting mood today.

I'm mama to my amazing daughter who is 20 months old now. We separated from my husband of 7 years, her father, just over a year ago when she was 8 months old. We moved across the state and have been here in a sort of a holding pattern while I consider our next move.

I have been at home with her since her birth, and currently plan to enroll full time in graduate school this fall, moving us halfway of the distance back towards H (I don't really have an abbreviation for him...he's certainly not a 'D' but not yet technically a 'STBX'
)

Many changes are coming up for us in the next 6 months. It is both exciting and very frightening.

I really enjoy this board and am making an effort to participate more.
 
#63 ·
My name is Stephanie. I'm a single mama to 2.5 year old Alivia. I kicked her sperm donor out when I was about 4.5 months pregnant. He is a pathological liar, and I couldn't raise my child in that type of environment. We had contact (via email) for a couple of months, until we exchanged our belongings. In that time, he was ONLY concerned with his stuff, never the child I was carrying. He has never met her, knows nothing about her, and isn't on her birth certificate. We both KNOW he is the father, but hey, he's getting out of child support (I'm fine with it) so why should he say anything? (Can you read the sarcasm?!) I have a Good Cause order through the county saying that it is not in the best interest of me OR my daughter to try and establish paternity. SO, unless he decides to step up to the plate, pay for a paternity test (another guy's name is on the birth certificate....long story), and pay child support, nothing will be done.
 
#64 ·
HI there

I'm a single mama to a wonderful babe (13 months). I'm from Oregon. The ex and I broke up right after I found out I was pregnant, so I've been on my own the whole time. We were never married, and we had only dated for a couple of months when I got pregnant. There have been some rough patches for sure (ex was not good to me after baby was born...had to get restraining order and go to court and all that..) But now things seem to have mellowed out and am finally at a place where I am comfortable w/ ex's visits...(I have full custody, he has 2x/week visits) and have even been asking him to watch my ds for longer periods of time. He seems to genuinely love ds and want to do the right thing by him. I am starting to come to a place where I am grateful that even though he really hurt me and was not a good partner to me, he still can be a good parent to my boy...(fingers crossed on that one

Oh yeah, I work part-time outside the home (am starting grad school in the fall) and I have just started getting regular child-support...maybe I can finally get those bill-collectors off my case!

Whimsy
 
#65 ·
Cheryl - single mama since January to my 5 M's. I have filed for divorce but it won't be finalized for a long time, stbx is not co-operating with the process even though he doesn't want to be married anymore either. The marriage was physically and verbally/emotionally abusive intermittantly but escalating severity if not frequency. I have filed for sole custody, but he would keep visitation and guardianship and I didn't file on grounds of abuse because I didn't want to try and prove it/ no charges ever (probably my mistakeon that). stbx also has clinical depression - possible bi-polar - non-med compliant (goes off/on them), and a number of other health issues (sleep apnea, high blood pressure, pre-diabetes condition) where he refuses or is inconsistant with treating.

anyway - my older three go to a public traditional school, I work p/t mostly during school hours and my retired father in law watches my twins and picks my older ones up from school - I'm off usually in time to meet them at the playground after school. I'm working at Tim Horton's - coffee - just over min wage - butI don' thave to drive and it's right across the street from the kids school. I have subidzied housing - live in a housing co-op and working to get to know my neighbours and he is paying child support (though will likely have to pay more once I can get a court order).

I'm trying to process the abuse and stuff - going to the women's centre - talking to peer cousnelloers when I can and on a wait list for trauma counselling. Stbx lives with his dad & step-mom and brother and when he has the kids for visitation - one or more of them is with him and there are no overnights. The longest would be maybe 8 hours for a day - esp if I'm working on a weekend (usually I work 6 hour shifts, but sometimes 8) - but sometimes just a couple hours.
 
#66 ·
Wow, am I ever happy that I found this board! I'm on maternity leave now and I've been going to mom & baby groups and stuff like that. It's great to be around other moms, but of course they are all married. When I tell them I'm single they look at me with pity in their eyes, and I feel like a total freak.

I'm 42 yrs old, separated for almost 2 years and soon to be divorced, and I have an 8 week old son and a 3 yr old son.

I was working in China when I met the father. Who knows what I saw in him. I tend to blame it on my biological clock going into alarm mode at 38!

Anyway, there was some sort of spark there and I agreed to marry him so I could sponsor him to come back to Canada with me and we could make a go of being together. Then right before I left the country I found out I was pregnant. I cried when I realized that the father was a man with no skills (language or otherwise) to help support a family in Canada.

But I was in denial the whole year that it took for me to get him into Canada, thinking that at least I would have a happy little family at last. He arrived when our son was 3 months old, and we started fighting the very next day!

He is not a bad person but extremely immature and dependent on others to take care of him. We are totally incompatible in terms of personality and culture. Nevertheless I toughed it out for one hellish year before making him leave.

However, we remained on relatively good terms (on and off) and during the summer after he left he helped me on a shopping trip one day, and one thing led to another.... It was totally unexpected (and unprotected) and I got pregnant again. Deep down I was happy because I wanted another baby, but was scared to death about doing it all on my own (I get zero financial support and help only sporadically).

So, here I am. We will be filing (jointly) for divorce as soon as I get my baby's birth certificate. My ex. has been on social assistance almost the entire time we have been separated. In his view, the only reason to work in Canada is to get enough weeks for unemployment. I have a good job and good maternity benefits, so even though he says he will waive alimony and pays no child support, the lawyer says I might be forced to pay HIM support. Yikes!

I'm looking forward to getting to know everyone on this board!
 
#67 ·
Hello all,

I have another longstanding user name that I had to give up because X used my prior posts against me in negotiations re terms of our separation and divorce. Lovely. I am also one of your fan club, Still Snarky/Celeste.

I had been with X for 13 years. We separated in late December after an incident of physical abuse that occurred when we were staying at a vacation home with family & others saw what happened. Had there not been witnesses I am afraid that I might still have stayed because I was in such deep denial about whether our relationship might right itself and turn out OK. I had beautiful dreams about how we were supposed to be together, and there were many things I did and do love about X. But over the years he came to view anything that was wrong with his life as my fault or my responsibility to fix, and even though I tried like nobody's business, in the end, no one can heal another person by force of will and I was unable to heal him. There was dreadful verbal and emotional abuse, and increasing physical abuse, especially for the past two years.

We have a 2 3/4 year old daughter. At first I was incredibly worried about agreeing to him having overnights with her because he has shown such horrid judgment toward me and of course I worry that he will cause her emotional harm as well. But I did a lot of reading and thinking & realized that he is going to be her dad regardless of our problems and that she would not thank me later for compromising that relationship. If there are problems because he lacks insight into how he wants other people to fix whatever is wrong with him -- and I expect there may be -- I can be a safe place for her to process that if need be. He takes good care of her & thinks she is wonderful, and ever since we started overnights (now two days in a row) things have been easier for her emotionally. The child psychologist we are working with pointed out that more frequent shorter visits put her through the wringer of separation from one parent or the other far more often, and that does seem to be the case for her.

So far DD seems to be doing great. She is starting preschool next month & her best friend so far is moving to another state at the same time, and we are doing a potty training boot camp right now she can be ready for school, so there are lots of transitions to deal with, but she seems to be handling them well. She remembers that we all used to live together & would definitely prefer that we go back to that, but the current arrangement -- which is objectively so much better for her -- seems like an acceptable second best even from her point of view.

I too love this board. Such inspiring women, making clear that this can turn out OK. It's hard & sad sometimes though, and it helps that that is acknowledged here too.
 
#68 ·
Hey,
Welcome to the board. I have been a single mom for 3 and a half years now. Things have finally gotten better in a lot of ways for me and I am really starting to grow. I come to these boards off and on depending on how crazy my life gets. Every time that I don't know what to do in my parenting this is the first place that I turn.
All the info about my kids is listed in my siggy.
 
#69 ·
I'm Cheyenne, 30 in MA. Been inactive the last couple moths- just very busy with jobs and searches and temping.

X and I split after 8 yrs living together (5.5 married). He was a compulsive cheater and I didn't even know. It's been a VERY rocky road- police, an arrest (his!), child support, getting back together (what was I thinking???) My kids are good. I was a SAHM. Now I'm working full-time and FINALLY have a good job that's decent pay and within 15 minutes.

I'm still in my same house (which was a big stabilizer mentally for me). I'm worried about the financial ramifications of that decision but it's what I know I needed to not go off at the deep end. It's been 18 mos alone and it's rough.

Having some definite slight depression. Just feeling mopey a lot. I'm lonely. I find myself calling people constantly to fill the void.

My kids are great. DD5 is finishing up kindergarten. (That's been a rocky road due to maturity issues I feel are related to the divorce.) DS3 is ending a year of daycare. Fall he'll start preschool. My mom's moving in with me for the next year to help with the kids since my childcare voucher is ending and I really want DS to attend preschool part-time rather than daycare full-time.

On a positive note, DisneyWorld in 5 days with my parents, brother, and kids. Yes, my mommy and daddy are taking their 30 year old daughter and 33 year old son to DisneyWorld.
 
#71 ·
I haven't been around much, but thanks for doing the roll call!

I'm Gwen, 38 (yikes!) in two weeks, and mom to Hannah, who just turned 5. Stbx & I were together for 8 years, married for 5, 'separated' for 1.5, but physically since January. He just really wants a mother, not a wife and I really wanted a partner, not another child. He asked for a divorce a week after I applied to go back to school in Nov 05. I said I was going back and staying in the house, he stayed in the house too (separate room) until this January. It was a loooong 14 months. It was horrible even though he's not abusive or addicted, but it was like living with a surly teenager.

So I did a Masters in a year, got my library degree, found a leave replacement job & am looking for something permanent for September. I'm starting to find myself again and letting go of some of the anger and resentment I harbor for stbx. I'm starting to think about dating but don't know if I'm ready to go there yet. I'm still working on me right now.

It's been stressful doing it all myself, but also freeing in that I have do deal with his crap weekly and not daily. He has been fine with the financial aspect of everything, but it's draining to deal with him because he's so clueless about everything. And he moved back in with his parents (so much for needing to find his own way) which also brings dd into more contact than I'd like with his mother and lets him pass the buck on his responsibility all the more.

I love MDC & this forum is awesome. I have learned so much from you all here.
 
#72 ·


I'm not around here much but when I'm on MDC these day's it's usually here in this forum, and News...

I'm 24, been a solo mama to 2 beautiful little ones for almost a year now... my kids: one in elementary school and one who is at a sitter during the day while I work (hoping to get her in a preschool type daycare center come July so she has a little more diversity around her ~ !!)...

I have full custody (legal and physical) of both kids... my ex- completely split after we separated and doesn't pay child support, doesn't see them, etc.

I work and go to school full-time.... and at the moment am neglecting the first Final exam of the Summer session.


/ feeling exhausted

I love eating corn dogs and watching movies with my kids.
Other (non-work / non-school / non-kid related) things I occupy my time with ~ reading copious amounts of Everything Available (generally: political science and literary fiction), watching old sci-fi (original series star trek, sliders, x-files), drawing furry art, and arranging LARP games that never seem to work out...
:
 
#74 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by bu's mama View Post
alright - I take offense here - you can't call x-files 'old' sci-fi!!


Well I prefer the 1st and 2nd seasons, and I figure, they've been off the air (network anyway) for long enough they qualify as "relatively old."

I also love the old B&W ORIGINAL Outer Limits and Twilight Zone...
 
#75 ·
Hi guys! I just wanted jump in. I don't visit this forum too often, but I still post occationally. I'm sort of a "on the fence" single mom - engaged to DF, but still not married (until next summer).... but partnered most definitely.

I have 2 boys, 9 & 2. I've been a single mom since DS1 was born (left his bio-dad when I was 4 months preg.) I was in a serious relationship for about 4 of those years, which ended for good right after DS2 was born.

It's been a long and winding journey, but I'm finally ready to move into the married world
I still post sometimes when something catches my eye.

This board is wonderful and got me through a few really hard years.
you guys rock!
 
#76 ·
Hello...I'm just venturing into single mom-dom. Although I don't post much, I do read this board regularly. I've gotten so much information and reassurance from the posts I've read--it's really been a godsend.

STBX-H and I are divorcing for so many reasons. He claims I fell out of love with him. Which I did, but only after he consistently lied to me and treated me like crap. He conveniently leaves that part out when telling the story.

We have 3 little boys--6, 5, and 2. They will be moving with me to another state as soon as we sign divorce papers. STBX isn't thrilled with the idea, but he does admit that he knows it will be best for them.

We have just started the divorce process. We told the kids last week and also consulted with a lawyer. We're using the same lawyer and getting a (very) reduced rate since we are only using him to answer questions, draw up papers & file them.

Outside the kids and the divorce, I don't have much of a life. I've been a SAHM for 6 years. I am halfway to my bachelor's degree, which I will be finishing as soon as I move. I plan to eventually have a Masters degree in speech-language pathology.
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top