Ok i'll jump in. I'm often pretty vague about my actual situation, because internet stalking is a real issue with H. However he's never known about this website, and i use an online nick he's never known. So.
I'm Star. I'm a single Mumma to 29 month old DS. My H finally admitted to me what i'd known for months, the day after i brought DS home from the hospital. At that point i was in a different country, away from my family and friends, and so in love with my H i didn't know what else to do but be there for him. This turned into the worst nightmare. The broken doors, the holes punched into the walls, the bruises. But he was confused, you see. And so i stayed. For 8 months. We'd been married for 5 years, and together so much longer. I believed that the man i thought him to be would come back. I now am beginning to realize he was never really there.
When DS was 8 months old, and i couldn't fool myself into thinking that the situation wasn't affecting him (we had no hot water, the gas had been shut off, and the electricity was shut off 2 days after i left. Never mind the abuse.) So i used my Grandfather as an excuse, got H to sign a letter stating it was ok for me to take my son to Canada (with very vague wording, and notarized by my boss at the hospital), and left at night, with nothing but a dufflebag and a pile of diapers.
In the 22 months we have been back in Canada, H has visited us exactly twice. Once because his parents wanted to come, and they basically dragged him along, and once because he knew it was bad that he hadn't seen his son in over a year. But he made his friend drive him up.
We have constant contact with each other. And i do mean constant. Phone calls every single night, and in the mornings too on work days ("she" doesn't know about the morning calls.) We text during lunch. He tells me he doesn't want a divorce, and he's still confused, and etc. However, i know that he does tell his little teenage wench that we're getting a divorce, and their son will be one in august.
I have not filed any paperwork, nor has he. On his end, i know it's because he wouldn't spend money on it, plus that would require some sort of responsibility (like paying child support.) On my end it's because i don't see why i should have to do something that i didn't want in the first place. It's not my fault, and i'm not the one who stepped out. (repeatedly, but that's besides the point.) Also, i enjoy things the way they are now. I have no courts telling me that DS has to go visit H. I may not have ever recieved a penny from H, but even with some sort of paperwork i'm not dumb enough to think we'd get anything.
We still live with my parents and 3 younger brothers, and it's getting to the point where my Mother frequently tells me i'm really not welcome there anymore. 2 weeks ago i was offerred the permanent position where i'd been temping, and now have benefits, a salary, and something dependable. Tonight i meet with a mortgage specialist, but i doubt that will go through. It would be cheaper, where i live, to buy a home, than pay rent on a ratty 2 bedroom apartment though, so i'm trying.
DS has been amazing, but i know the hard time is coming.