How do I get him out for good???Long,sorry! - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 15 Old 05-11-2007, 09:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
muldey's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: RI
Posts: 1,114
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I just need to vent before I explode.

My divorce is final,but ex still stays here quite a bit.He sleeps in my attic.He is homeless,has no job,and has not given me a dime since Jan.He gets food stamps and he does give me the card to get things the kids need,but 90% he spends or tries to sell them to his friends(he'll go buy their lunch at the store and they give him cash) to get cigs or vodka .This is his last month of getting food stamps,since the maximum is 3 months for a single person without disabilities.So he will be bringing in NOTHING.

He expects me to cook for him,do his laundry,clean up his messes.He is very disrespectful to me.Leaves dirty socks everywhere,doesn't shower for days and will try to sleep in my bed .Makes coffee which I do not drink,but leaves a sugar and coffee mess everywhere,eats or cooks and just leaves stuff everywhere.His stuff is in my hallway in garbage bags,and he leaves it such a mess(not to mention the smell from his nasty socks : ),and I end up cleaning it because it's just gross.He smokes his cigs in my hallway,and puts them out on the steps!!

I cannot take it anymore.My dad owns the building,and he can't stand what ex is doing to his house.If he comes here drunk and knocks on the door and I ignore it,he climbs the fire escape or the porch and forces his way through the window or door.He's broken 5 doors(!!!),2 beyond repair,put holes in walls, and broke a window.Plus broke the child safety locks I had on the attic window.

I've called the police too many times to count.They won't do anything but tell me to get a restraining order,which I tried but he was never served because he has no address.The police can't serve him,it has to be the sherrif.I'm at a loss as to what to do.When he broke in the last time I told the cops I wanted him arrested,but they refused to.They even accused me of lying,saying he didn't break in since he was crying(he was drunk of course) and saying "she let me in the front door,I would never break in". They wouldn't even look at the broken lock on the window,just saying it was closed so he couldn't have broken in. Uh,he closed it!So I feel like calling the police is no longer an option.

I can't live this way anymore.He's not here now,he left after he put our kids on the bus.I locked the doors but I know he'll be coming back.He even goes to my mom's and cries to her,so she feels bad and calls me and asks me to let him in.

Any ideas of what I can do?Anyone know I long I legally have to hold his stuff?I want it out of here.I want every trace of him out of here.He needs to get help.I've tried everything to help him.I even was able to get him free healthcare for a year,so he could get free alcohol treatment and he refuses to go.I found out about shelters and told him where to go.He knows about the soup kitchen(food is actually very good) and the food banks.I've done everything and more to help him.I'm done.My dad says it's like a horror movie "The Ex-Husband Who Wouldn't Leave" .Thanks for reading.

Student mama to one awesome,talented and unique dd,15 and one amazing, sweet and strong ds,12(born with heart defect Tetralogy of Fallot,also on the autism spectrum),9 cats,and 2 gerbils.
muldey is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 15 Old 05-11-2007, 09:36 PM
 
smalltownmom3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: OK
Posts: 103
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've got no advice but I couldn't read and not respond I hope you find a way to get him out of there.
smalltownmom3 is offline  
#3 of 15 Old 05-11-2007, 10:02 PM
 
MissSavannahsMommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: In my own little world ;)
Posts: 627
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Whenever he goes to leave to see his friends, how about having your dad come and change the locks, or serve him with some type of eviction notice?
MissSavannahsMommy is offline  
#4 of 15 Old 05-11-2007, 10:57 PM
Dar
 
Dar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 11,249
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes... change the locks and when he tries to break in, call the police and say someone is trying to break into your house...

Or else wait until he passes out and then call the sheriff to serve him right then...

Or have your dad call, and the owner of the property, and say that he's not a tenant and is destroying things.

dar

 
fambedsingle1.gifSingle mom to Rain (1/93) , grad student, and world traveler earth.gif


  

Dar is offline  
#5 of 15 Old 05-12-2007, 01:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
muldey's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: RI
Posts: 1,114
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for reading and responding.

The locks have been changed and the broken ones replaced,and the window boarded up until I can afford to replace it.He hasn't come back today,I made sure everything he owns is in the hallway,and if he comes I am calling the police.They get upset because I call too much,since ex is always drunk.It's even in our divorce that he CANNOT see our kids if he is drunk(I have sole custody),and I've shown that to the police a couple of times.They still wouldn't do anything. : the last time I called he was passed out drunk in the hallway,had peed everywhere,I didn't even know he was out there until I went out to wait for the bus.The police and I weren't sure if he was even alive. They brought him to the hospital but they let him leave a couple of hours later.The kids and I had to walk over him,and his mess,and the kids saw him taken out by the rescue. Then I had to clean everything up. : He had the nerve to even call me from the hospital and ask me to find him a ride!I had to call and tell the nurses not to let him call me.

It would be so much easier if I could just move.But since he hasn't payed me any child support since Jan,and I've been sick plus my ds's issues,I haven't been able to get a job.Plus my dad owns this house.

I'm hoping he's not coming back,but I won't be that lucky.It just sucks that I'll be panicking all night,afraid he's going to break in again.I have to be out the door by 8:30 am so hopefully he won't try to come back until we're gone.

Student mama to one awesome,talented and unique dd,15 and one amazing, sweet and strong ds,12(born with heart defect Tetralogy of Fallot,also on the autism spectrum),9 cats,and 2 gerbils.
muldey is offline  
#6 of 15 Old 05-12-2007, 01:54 AM
Dar
 
Dar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 11,249
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by muldey View Post
get upset because I call too much,since ex is always drunk.It's even in our divorce that he CANNOT see our kids if he is drunk(I have sole custody),and I've shown that to the police a couple of times.They still wouldn't do anything. : .
Can you write a letter to the chief of police documenting this the next time they don't do anything?

dar

 
fambedsingle1.gifSingle mom to Rain (1/93) , grad student, and world traveler earth.gif


  

Dar is offline  
#7 of 15 Old 05-12-2007, 01:57 AM
 
Jane's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Kenmore, Washington
Posts: 6,956
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Could you talk to the prosecutor's office instead of the police?

Homebirth Midwife biggrinbounce.gif

After 4 m/c, our stillheart.gif is here!

Jane is offline  
#8 of 15 Old 05-12-2007, 09:26 AM
 
woo27ks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 656
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sorry this is going on for you - what a mess.

What's your lawyer say?
woo27ks is offline  
#9 of 15 Old 05-12-2007, 10:00 AM
 
cycle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,854
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would go to the police station and talk to the chief of police or go to the prosecutors office as a pp said. Have everything with you about the divorce, custody, the fact that he is NOT a tenant in the building, list of the damages he has done to the building....everything and demand that they do something.

I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope it gets under control soon!
cycle is offline  
#10 of 15 Old 05-12-2007, 12:43 PM
 
wytchywoman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: The Room of Requirement
Posts: 2,862
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by cycle View Post
I would go to the police station and talk to the chief of police or go to the prosecutors office as a pp said. Have everything with you about the divorce, custody, the fact that he is NOT a tenant in the building, list of the damages he has done to the building....everything and demand that they do something.

I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope it gets under control soon!
Yup

There is no excuse for the police to not be doing anything about this. He is trespassing and causing criminal damage to boot. Another thing to consider, if he comes back and gets arrested again, is to call and find out where his initial appearance is going to be. You legally are considered to be a victim in this case and most states will grant you an audience with the judge that is in charge of determing whether he can be released or held on bail. Go plead your case. Tell the judge what has happened. At a minimum beg and plead that he be held for another 24 to 48 hours so that you can serve him with the RO. The judge needs to be aware that he is continually breaking into your house. AND... you need to tell your mother that she needs to butt out of this. If she feels bad for him then she can put him up and deal with his messes, it's not your job anymore. I hope he stays away this time.

Namaste,

Michelle

M : proud mama to B (16) : and G (8) and : x 2 :
wytchywoman is offline  
#11 of 15 Old 05-12-2007, 01:44 PM
 
cycle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,854
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by wytchywoman View Post
AND... you need to tell your mother that she needs to butt out of this. If she feels bad for him then she can put him up and deal with his messes, it's not your job anymore. I hope he stays away this time.
Yeah - that too!
cycle is offline  
#12 of 15 Old 05-12-2007, 09:34 PM
 
vloky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: south carolina
Posts: 724
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
you could report him to the county for abusing food stamps. Selling them is a big no no which you can get sent to jail for!
vloky is offline  
#13 of 15 Old 05-13-2007, 05:58 AM
 
Primigravida's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 81
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Other than uphold the 2nd amendment I don't know what to tell you.
Primigravida is offline  
#14 of 15 Old 05-15-2007, 07:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
muldey's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: RI
Posts: 1,114
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks everyone.He hasn't been around too much,yesterday he went to my therapist with me to discuss this and some other issues.He made an appointment for himself to try to get some help.I thought it went well,but today he is back to his old self. : At least he hasn't tried to break in.It's just driving me crazy.He's gone now and hopefully for the night.If he comes back I am calling the police since he has been drinking.I have the divorce papers right where I can reach them.

Student mama to one awesome,talented and unique dd,15 and one amazing, sweet and strong ds,12(born with heart defect Tetralogy of Fallot,also on the autism spectrum),9 cats,and 2 gerbils.
muldey is offline  
#15 of 15 Old 05-16-2007, 01:09 PM
 
Jyotsna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Right here!
Posts: 1,440
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sorry for what you are going through. My situation wasn't nearly as bad as this, and I was going nuts. My x would push his way through the door when I opened it to see who was there. He also tried to break in to be in the house. He once threatened while in the house that he was going to kill me, the kids and himself, if I didn't let him live in the house. He never stopped harrassing me. The police were supportive of keeping him away from me.

Definately see your attorney, take video of him laying on the floor, drunk with pee on the floor, and share this with the court. If the court says he has to move, then when he comes back, call the police and show them the court order. The other suggestions were great, and I really hope that you get this all straightened out for good. And yeah, tell your mom to let him sleep at her house if she feels sorry. She should be feeling sorry for your kids and you!

HUGS!

Vegetarian Hindu, mother to L,P and R. 
Jyotsna is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off