Can ex take child out of state? just curious. - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 8 Old 06-29-2007, 11:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My ex's family is HORRIBLE! There's not one of them that is not addicted to narcotics. Even his 16 and 17 year old cousins. His 15 year old cousin died over a methadone overdose because he wanted to see what all the fuss was about and stole a couple pills from his Dad. 1/2 of them have been in the funny farm, some of them twice. I'm not joking. They drive while under the inflence and crash their cars, sometimes into other people! They are racists, cuss, smoke heavily in front of children, and talked about god awful things in front of ds when we visited in 2005 (ds was 3) My ex says when he was little, his uncles would jab their finger in his butthole through his clothes as he was walking by, and insists that it's a guy thing, perfectly healthy and they were just playing. So seriously, over my dead body will my ds visit out there without me.

So, what generally happens when one parent wants to take a child out of their home state for a vacation? We were never married and don't plan on having a legal custody agreement. Maybe I should? Just curious about what the chances are. Would like to know what to prepare for.
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#2 of 8 Old 06-30-2007, 12:09 AM
 
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Originally Posted by 13moonmama View Post
My ex's family is HORRIBLE! There's not one of them that is not addicted to narcotics. Even his 16 and 17 year old cousins. His 15 year old cousin died over a methadone overdose because he wanted to see what all the fuss was about and stole a couple pills from his Dad. 1/2 of them have been in the funny farm, some of them twice. I'm not joking. They drive while under the inflence and crash their cars, sometimes into other people! They are racists, cuss, smoke heavily in front of children, and talked about god awful things in front of ds when we visited in 2005 (ds was 3) My ex says when he was little, his uncles would jab their finger in his butthole through his clothes as he was walking by, and insists that it's a guy thing, perfectly healthy and they were just playing. So seriously, over my dead body will my ds visit out there without me.

So, what generally happens when one parent wants to take a child out of their home state for a vacation? We were never married and don't plan on having a legal custody agreement. Maybe I should? Just curious about what the chances are. Would like to know what to prepare for.
I would think a legal agreement would be best since his family does live out of state and you don't want him to be able to take him I'm guessing. It can be put in the agreement that he can not take your child out of state without your permission.

Melissa Wife To James & Mama to Christopher Michael- 6/03 ,Ella Cheyenne- 10/09 & Xander Ryan James- 9/10 :
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#3 of 8 Old 06-30-2007, 01:50 AM
 
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Is he on your son BC?
Usually if your not married then mother has all rights to child until father files for them.
So agreement between you and dad is ok, as long as he follows it. If he breaks it since it wouldnt be a legal document then there would be no consequences, except for your wrath.
If you have a lawer, then you could write up an agreement together, give it to your lawer to have it file into court. Then if he did break the agreement then you could file comtempt on him.
The only fees would be your lawer fees and the court file fee. It saves an all out battle in court.

Brandy; Mother to Aspen (7/1996) and Ky (5/2006) and partner to Ryan

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#4 of 8 Old 06-30-2007, 08:33 AM
 
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I agree you should get something legal. And in addition to the 'no going out of state w/o my permission clause' I'd put something in regarding harmful influences or having ds around illegal activities/people under the influence, however is the best way to word it.

Does your x know you don't want your son to visit his family?
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#5 of 8 Old 07-01-2007, 11:55 AM
 
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They sound absolutely hideous. I've had similar fears about my own ex's family, though even they are not THAT bad. In our divorce agreement, it says we must have each other's WRITTEN permission to take our child out of state. This is a new clause for us (as our divorce was just finalized) so I'll have to see how easy/hard it is to enforce. Whatever you do, ask a lawyer. I hope the fact that you have automatic custody works in your favor with this because I too would be adamant that my child not visit these people!
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#6 of 8 Old 07-01-2007, 12:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by KayCSmommy View Post
Is he on your son BC?
Usually if your not married then mother has all rights to child until father files for them.
This varies depending on where you live. In my state, both parents have rights to the child as soon as s/he is born. Marital status and his name on the BC do not matter if you both agree that the child is his.

That is the primary reason I filed for custody (on the advice of a lawyer).

To answer the original question, our custody agreement does not say anything about taking the child outof state or even the country. But it says that visitation is to be agreed upon between the parties (or something along those lines). I took dd out of state but I first *asked* her father (I was really simply notifying him because I would have taken her anyway) and I gave him all our contact info. I expect he'll do the same if/when he wants to take her somplace for vacation. Not very helpful in your situation since we don't have any people whose behavior is even close to what you describe!

Best luck s
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#7 of 8 Old 07-01-2007, 12:59 PM
 
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If you are unsure of whether or not you can trust your ex, DO NOT let them take your child out of state without some sort of legal agreement.

I know in N.Y. that if neither party has physical placement, then either of them can pack up an leve state with the child and there is little that the other party can do about it.

Christina:~Student mama to Collyn(13), Haylea-Ann (9):, and Natalie (8) , and SO to Jeff.
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#8 of 8 Old 07-05-2007, 11:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey everyone. Thanks for your opinions. I am kind of thinking that he will agree to have me come along too, and that by then, 1/2 of his family members will be too old or not here anymore. I know that's kind of bad of me to think, but still. He is on the BC and in Colorado and Nevada, you are legally married, if you live together and call eachother husband and wife. It's common law marriage. And you can get divorced without having a marriage cerf. Also, in both Colorado (the state I live it) and North Carolina (the state ex's family lives) a child has to live there for 8 months for it to be considered their home state. Otherwise, if there's a custody battle starting up, the child must go back to their home state and deal with courts there.

I think I'll wait this out. I have another 8 years before I need to do anything. Plus is own parents aren't that interested in the kids.

Thanks again. If I find anything else out, I'll let everyone know.
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