August dating thread - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-10-2007, 11:58 PM
 
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well, technically, I had my first date with someone else about a month after xdh moved out of the house. Our marital relationship has pretty much been over since February and we have slept separately since April, but we have yet to file the divorce papers.

I wasn't really planning on starting that fast, but someone came into my life that I could not ignore. I had quite enough time alone during my marriage so that's not something I am missing. I am only able to go out once a week so that keeps things moving very slowly.
wow I can sure relate to you on that point! I never thought of it that way. I have been very lonely during my marriage so I understand what you mean!
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Old 08-15-2007, 05:29 AM
 
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I was very, very lonely during my marriage(s) both of them (married twice - all my kids are from my 2nd) and I didn't date at all between - went straight from one abusive relationship to another. I'm not dating now - I had a co-worker offer to set me up with her brother (divorced with 2 kids) and I said I wasn't ready. Then my neighbour offered to "hook me up" when I was "ready to live" and I take it sex basically - and I said "not readY" for that too. I'm in therapy and trying to focus on my kids and just finding new friends - I have a hard enough time thinking people would want me for me/like me much less be willing to deal with 5 young children that aren't theirs. So as much as I want a relationship - I haven't ever really "dated" around - 3 serious relationships ever - starting at 15 and one straight into the next - all initiated by the guys coming on strong - not me really. This is my first time being single, living alone, not in a relationship and I have 5 kids...so it's scary but I am lonely

I'm trying to get out there in a way - that I"m trying to go to new places -went to a church thing that got put in my mailbox (don't think that one is a fit but at least I tried), signed up for a divorcecare group at another church - starts in sept. Then I'm so scared because I joined a local singles e-mail list and am planning to GO to the next thing this Friday night - I have a sitter, I don't know anyone. I"m NOT an extravert - but just need to network and get out there and talk to people and make friends. Maybe someday, down the road - another relationship - but for now - just getting out there some - networking - making friends - is my goal...

single mama to 5 (12.5, 11, 10, and 8 year old twins)

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Old 08-15-2007, 12:17 PM
 
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Then my neighbour offered to "hook me up" when I was "ready to live"
This infuriates me when people say this. Like you are not whole, or alive, if there is no man (or woman) in your life. :

For the longest time, my parents couldn't wait until I would "settle" down, which always meant finding a man to take care of me. They are significantly better now, see what a divorce can do!

Ok, sorry for my little rant.

Cheryl...your whole post had me radiating with "right on, girl!" It is scary, but you are not succumbing to that fear and are learning from your previous mistakes. You are growing...and in a more healthier manner. That is so amazing!
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Old 08-15-2007, 08:05 PM
 
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why do i feel so guilty about wanting to go out on a date? is it that i'm afraid i'll find happiness and i've been so far from that lately that it simply makes me feel guilty for some reason? i don't know...i really do desire some company, adult company and of the opposite sex.....

please help convince me that it's okay to move forward....it's okay to want to date...it's okay to be happy....

just venting...that's all
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Old 08-17-2007, 02:15 PM
 
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well, it's actually really good that you're cautious. Dating with kids is so much more emotionally charged for me. Before, I would not be looking at the nurturing qualities/supportiveness/etc...but maybe I should have been! So actually, it's a blessing to have babes that I want taken care of, it creates a better set of expectations for myself about what I should have wanted from the beginning.

If that's not confusing enough, I may not be the one that you want to take any guidance from. I'm considering moving from the place w/my boyfriend b/c he just does not even know how to be supportive of anyone else but himself through hard times. I'm not really up for teaching anyone but my kids.

Man, whatever woman gets to live with my son...if nothing else he will know how to treat people respectfully and lovingly.

This whole dating thing is so tricky...
I'm so excited for those of you who are thinking of seeking again. While boyfriends/lovers don't make you whole by any means, they can sure make life take on a different dimension. Even though I'm not in the most euphoric of spaces, I still enjoy the fact that life is full of possiblities and I am so open to them.
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Old 08-17-2007, 08:59 PM
 
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I have had some guilt about starting dating, but, really, it's just been feeling badly for giving up on the marriage that wasn't working NOT really about moving away from that. The more I see of the new guy and the more I work on myself and what I really want out of life, the more sure I am that I will not be settling again for a relationship that doesn't work. Though it's totally scary to consider adding someone to my family and I am concerned about how it will work with my boys, I am so sure that I am doing what I need and what it healthy for me, and that's a place I haven't usually been in

Robin~ single, work-at-home momma to my WonderBoys
YoungMan (6/00) & LittleBoy (6/04)
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Old 08-19-2007, 11:21 PM
 
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i seem to have internet again , however temporarily. i came here because i have missed being able to talk about this stuff, alot.

i actually got teary when i read posts from some familiar people here. its just good to be here again.

but i am sad. i dated a 22 year old and am 32 for the past 6 mos or so, and he is wonderful but it turns out he is really an alchoholic. like a real one. not just a drinker. so i had to end it. but i am having all these rboundy feelings , and i miss him so much. its probably good that he has been out of town for a month, becaue he is giving me the silent treatment ( after asking that i stay friends with him, after i told him i just couldnt handle thepain of knowing he is drinking , so i wouldnt be able to talk to him any more, and he asked in a recent email that we stay friends so i tried to call him and he is just blatantly blowinbg me off----nice. just wanted the last jab i guess)

but its for the best, obviously. but i am on a little yo-yo of missing certain adult relations and the feeling like i dont trust anyone at all and in no way want to date *nor* have casual relationships.

i went on a short date last night but i didnt like the guy it turns out. we had this really neat interaction a few weeks ago so i thought "well maybe i will persue it just for a buddy to pal around with" because i do like male friendship just as much as female, but for a few reasons he struck me as a narssistic jerk. i like that he is into running , but i really dont need to hear how many trophies he has and all the glorious wins he has achieved , and how much he knows about philosophy, where he drops names he knows i wont know, just to make me look stupid, etc. i walked away from that date last night with a huge relief, relief because it is the first time i had been on a date in a year and i was happy i didn't feel desperate, didn't make excuses for his endless yammering about himself that excluded me from the conversation.

now, as evidenced from that last huge paragraph, i can talk up a storm myself, but this was just really different because all of his yammering was regarding him being the best at everything. blech.

so whatever. but i feel sad and a little empty. i like love. i like giving love. i am VERY glad i have my little son to love. being without a boyfriend certainly makes me pour more of my love on DS and that feels really good.

ok thats my update for you all. now i am going to read Harry potter to ds and put his FIRST lost tooth under his pillow with him!

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Old 08-20-2007, 03:03 PM
 
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hi all, I'm not dating anyone yet and I'm in absolutely no rush (stbx moved out in 12/05, I just decided this past spring I want a divorce, and we're in the process of preparing the paperwork to file) to do so, BUT I went ahead and set up an account on OkCupid, since a few of you here recommended it. I figured it would be a low-stress/no obligation way to start putting some of that energy out there into the universe.

I found it really hard to fill out that profile page w/o mentioning my son, who is the absolute light of my life. I didn't mention him, just because it seemed like that would be a surefire way to make sure no one wanted to contact me. But it feels really false and disingenuine to me. If I meet someone online for more than a few conversations, I will mention ds right off the bat, because I have no interest in someone for whom that would be a problem. But, it kind of seemed like in order to get someone interested enough to chat with me, at which point I'd mention ds, I have to initially NOT mention ds.... is that what others of you who've dated online done?
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Old 08-20-2007, 06:27 PM
 
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I found it really hard to fill out that profile page w/o mentioning my son, who is the absolute light of my life. I didn't mention him, just because it seemed like that would be a surefire way to make sure no one wanted to contact me. But it feels really false and disingenuine to me. If I meet someone online for more than a few conversations, I will mention ds right off the bat, because I have no interest in someone for whom that would be a problem. But, it kind of seemed like in order to get someone interested enough to chat with me, at which point I'd mention ds, I have to initially NOT mention ds.... is that what others of you who've dated online done?

I mentioned ds from the get-go, including in my profile. You would be amazed at how many men have absolutely no problem if you have a child...I know quite a few.

It is better to be honest and upfront in the beginning. You wouldn't want to start talking to someone that has no interest in children and/or in dating a woman with a child. That would be a big waste of your time.
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Old 08-20-2007, 10:00 PM
 
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Old 08-20-2007, 11:22 PM
 
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now i am going to read Harry potter to ds and put his FIRST lost tooth under his pillow with him!
That is so sweet
I remember the first tooth fairy visit for my DD, she was SO excited.
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Old 08-21-2007, 12:32 AM
 
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Oh yeah, I said I was a single mom first thing on all my online dating profiles and don't think it ran off any men that I was interested in. Of course, it might have run off a lot that I would NOT be interested in, but I consider that a good thing

I worked on my OkCupid profile for over a week, rewriting it and answering mroe and more questions and I think it really helped me to get very clear about who I wanted and, even more so, who I am and what I have to offer in a relationship. I ended up meeting my man on PlentyOfFish.com and not OkC, but I think the work I did on my profile there helped me to be ready for what I needed. He's perfect for me in almost every way that matters

Robin~ single, work-at-home momma to my WonderBoys
YoungMan (6/00) & LittleBoy (6/04)
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Old 08-21-2007, 02:36 AM
 
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Thanks, mamas. I've already changed my okc profile to reflect that my son is the most important thing in my life. It feels much better!! I have no interest in anyone who isn't ok with that, so you're all right -- no reason not to just put it right out there at the very beginning.
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Old 08-28-2007, 05:16 PM
 
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We have been a couple in a very casual way for a little over a month now. It was one of those things that kinda just happened, ya know? Niether of us realized we were looking for what we found. Last night he asked me if I wanted to go out friday night. just bowling and grab a bite to eat. This sounds like nothing maybe but holy cow! I have not been out without my kids in about a year and a half now!!!! And the last time a guy asked ME out for a date and I did not plan the whole thing was bakc when i was 19 years old! (I am 27) My husband never was the one to ask me to go out with him, I always felt like I was not good company or something. This man makes me feel good about myself, that he misses me when I am not with him and enjoys my company. Its so nice to not feel invisible anymore. Funny, I felt more lonely when I was married than when I was alone. And now my boyfriend is showing me that whole other side of relationships, hwo they are SUPPOSED to work when they are healthy.
I am just in awe to find a man who is willingto be with me despite the brood of kids I have! not that I feel they are a burden, i just never imagined a guy would want to be involved with all of that....thier own father acted like they were such a stressor....
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Old 08-28-2007, 05:54 PM
 
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Hope the dating is going well gals! I found what appears to be a wonderful guy on a dating site( well actually it's a marriage site) for religious Jews that my Rabbi recommended.: We talk and talk. He's great- if only he lived here! We are going to take awhile and get to know eachother before we meet though. I've chatted with his family on the phone and love them. It's promising so far- he is definitly what I'm looking for.
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Old 09-03-2007, 02:42 PM
 
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sorry for the lack of updates. things are going...swimmingly. ben and i are seeing each other a few times a week. saturday he came over to my house (stbx bagged on his evening with the kids so my mom took parker and i kept 'renzo with me) and cooked me a wonderful meal. we took 'renzo swimming, then i put him down for bed and we worked on some chocolate stuff (we're opening a business together). he gave me a massage and we fell asleep. my hormones are coming back (have had only one pp af since 'renz was born) and raging mad. still working on the patience thing but things are progressing. i'm going out of my mind, but in a good way. i think.
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Old 09-04-2007, 08:01 PM
 
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Glad to hear things are going well. Sounds like your night was just lovely!
JewishMama, sounds like its all going great! Glad you are getting along with the family. My inlaws were always very two faced and I get along so great with this guys family, its so refreshing!
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