When and how do you tell the kids? - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 4 Old 10-30-2007, 03:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, I guess it's official; my dh and I will be separating. We have not spoken more than a dozen words to each other in a month (making it had to work out details of separation, but that's another story). DH rarely comes home anymore, maybe 1 night a week, and he watches our twin 6-year-old daughters on Saturday & Sunday (4 hours each day) while I'm at work.

So how do I tell them? And when? I was hoping DH & I could do it together, but it doesn't look like that will be happening.

Sigh...I'm new at this and am sure I'll have lots more questions in the very near future!!

Thanks so much!

Julie

Julie, mom to my beautiful twin girls twins.gif

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#2 of 4 Old 10-31-2007, 10:23 PM
 
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Maybe you could get some info at the library or online on how to approach it. Too bad you could not do it together and then they could hear, from both of you, that it is not their faults and that your splitting up does not mean that you and dad do not love them. I think being as honest as you can be is best.... keeping in mind their young ages. If things have been bad for a while, it may not come to much of a shock to them. Kids are good at picking up on what is going on. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Kim, proud CPS mom to Marnie and my 4 legged kids, Jess, Zander, Oliver, Stumpy and Eddie.
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#3 of 4 Old 10-31-2007, 11:10 PM
 
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Oprah just had a segment on divorce. Check her website.
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#4 of 4 Old 11-01-2007, 06:39 PM
 
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Make sure you have a plan before you tell them. You will have to find a way to work out that plan with your stbx (even in mediation, if necessary).

From what I have read -- for your children's age -- it is best to tell them 2-3 weeks before Dad moves. Gives them time to process, ask questions, work through initial emotions with Dad still available.

We have a calendar where we write when our girls will be with Dad etc. It REALLY helps them (7 and 5 1/2).

We approached the visitation/overnights gradually.

Books I highly recommend: Helping your children cope with divorce (Not Sandcastles) and The truth about Children and divorce. Both can be found on Amazon.

I strongly recommend doing some reading on the effects of divorce on children and working out a short-term plan with stbx before telling the kids.

We went so far as to work with a child psychologist with an expertise in divorce to help us formulate our parenting plan. We check in with her when we hit a snag, roadblock, etc. Helps to get an expert, objective opinion.

Hugs,

M
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