November dating thread - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 138 Old 11-15-2007, 01:38 AM
 
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it's already been a month since i met d. i'm really liking him still. we're having fun and um, fun is good.
Awesome! Love to hear positive news.




Okay... here's the email..... I've gotta send it tonight cause I've put it off..

"Howdy,

So, I'm starting a new job ya know, 2 days a week. My family only watches my kids 2 days a week and now that's when I'm going to be working. ugh. I feel so busy and overwhelmed like I don't have time to hang out and have fun. I don't want to take on too much, cause it won't be good for me and the kids or anyone else. I've decided not to date anymore. At least until my youngest stops nursing and sleeps through the night. I was trying to decide when I had some free time and just decided this when I realized that I don't have any. Oh, I need to get your books back, don't I? Let me know if you want me to drop them by.

~K"

Is that okay? Do I need to change anything??
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#62 of 138 Old 11-15-2007, 12:01 PM
 
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SLS,
I think that letter was fine. You were honest and to the point. And since it's so early in the relationship, a letter is fine.

Let us kow what happens.

Kelly, mama (12yoDS), doula, RN, and writer.
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#63 of 138 Old 11-15-2007, 12:45 PM
 
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Well I've come to the conclusion that CraigsList just sucks LOL I got an email yesterday with a photo from someone who seemed nice but I didn't have time to write him back right away. 7am this morning there is an email in my inbox saying something like "well I guess you saw my picture and decided no but thanks for the first letter I guess". What a $#%#$%! I mean seriously, barely 24 hours went by! I wrote him back and told him that actually, I just hadn't had time to write him back yet but after his last email I'm glad I didn't.


Ally
Just a little update...the man is CRAZY! He emailed me about 8 times telling me he is sorry...the last few were just "please forgive me". He will not stop!AARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHH....does he really think this makes him an attractive choice??

Ally
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#64 of 138 Old 11-16-2007, 01:32 AM
 
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ok, so i'm hesitant to post here since we're not dating, but i met a guy last night and he asked for my number. he's already called me twice today! i'm having a blast getting to know him as he's very easy to talk to. he's a single dad who has full custody of his daughter. apparently, her mom's a deadbeat and hasn't seen their daughter in over four years. also, he's very close to his mom, siblings, nieces, and nephews. they work together to raise each other's kids, and he's a firm believer in it taking a village to raise a child. i just wish he didn't live an hour and a half away. :

i'm a little giddy here, but you probably couldn't tell.
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#65 of 138 Old 11-16-2007, 01:38 AM
 
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ok, so i'm hesitant to post here since we're not dating, but i met a guy last night and he asked for my number. he's already called me twice today! i'm having a blast getting to know him as he's very easy to talk to. he's a single dad who has full custody of his daughter. apparently, her mom's a deadbeat and hasn't seen their daughter in over four years. also, he's very close to his mom, siblings, nieces, and nephews. they work together to raise each other's kids, and he's a firm believer in it taking a village to raise a child. i just wish he didn't live an hour and a half away. :

i'm a little giddy here, but you probably couldn't tell.
He sounds great! An hour and a half isn't toooo far. It could work. Sounds like it might be worth it.

"If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace." ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
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#66 of 138 Old 11-16-2007, 02:20 PM
 
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Bye bye single dad!

I was really liking him. It was my turn to have him over for dinner, was gonna kiss him too. Last week, we decided on 7:30, because he had his daughter until 7:00 and has to drive her to her mom's house and back. I said, that it was almost too late for my kids and babysitter but would work, but to still see if it could be sooner. So I called him the see if he was still coming. After getting ready for him all day, putting off important things I needed to do, arranging a baby sitter, going to the grocery store.... etc.... He said that he just got done booking himself a massage from 7:00 - 8:00 and would be in the steam room from 6:45 - 7:00 : and said he'd be over at 8:15! What happened to having his daughter until 7:00? I told him we'd have to cancel cause I only have a baby sitter until 9:45. I know he really REALLY likes me and said he wants a rain check FOR SURE. But this is a red flag. I thought it was rude, and I'm not gonna bend over backwards just because a man doesn't get it! He was cute and charming and totally awesome in many ways. But at the same time, I already knew he wasn't for me. And was already wishing he'd just go away. Which he is... for a 10 day vacation and he won't be seeing me again. I'm the kind of woman who'd rather be single then be with someone who's just 'nice' I want GREAT! Gosh, it takes a LOT of effort for a single mom to plan for a date. If the man cancels or wants to change things, it's like... what's so freaking hard in your life, that you can't stick to your plans? You can't take care of your little ol' self? I take care of 3 people!
:

I'm not going on anymore dates for a very long time. I'm WORN out and have put me and my kids on the back burner. I am now going to enjoy spending time with me when and if I ever get time to myself. And focus on my kids. I was so busy getting ready for him to come over, I almost missed my son's dentist appt!

Oh.... and the other guy emailed in reply to my email and said he knew my email was coming and that he's disappointed, but was very polite. But at the end he said... "Keep the books, or get rid of them." : Well, guess I am the owner of 2 new books!

~K
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#67 of 138 Old 11-16-2007, 06:27 PM
 
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so guess what! he called me today and he has to come to my town on monday. he wants to take me out!
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#68 of 138 Old 11-17-2007, 01:24 AM
 
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Glad you mamas are enjoying. I was sitting next to an old man at the library and he turned and asked for my phone number. One of my friends called me "rustic". Jeesh! I am wondering what men think of me. I am only hoping for some holiday hanky panky, and not with a 90 year old either!

Anyway, have fun!
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#69 of 138 Old 11-17-2007, 01:56 AM
 
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so guess what! he called me today and he has to come to my town on monday. he wants to take me out!
YAY!! I am so happy for you!!

Jyotsna - rustic, huh? What a thing to call someone! Don't be offendd by the old man. At the park today I saw a man about 75 hitting on a girl who said she was 18. Creepy. At some point men seem to get massive amounts of self confidence. Meanwhile perfectly cute, awesome women are riddled with self doubt and insecurity. :

"If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace." ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
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#70 of 138 Old 11-17-2007, 05:35 AM
 
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oh crap...i think i may be inching my way back towards actual trust and comfort and holy crap, love? :

my kids really adore him and i really adore him and i really adore his son and he seems to adore us and we feel like a real live family when we all go out and i just cannot believe my luck.
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#71 of 138 Old 11-17-2007, 12:06 PM
 
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Scary, isn't it, Celeste?! But I have to say - six months into my first (and hopefully only!) relationship since my marriage broke up, it is sooooo worth it. I fall more in love with this man every day. And the way he loves me just takes my breath away. I never knew love could be like this. It is all so worth it when you find the right person.
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#72 of 138 Old 11-17-2007, 12:33 PM
 
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He said that he just got done booking himself a massage from 7:00 - 8:00 and would be in the steam room from 6:45 - 7:00 and said he'd be over at 8:15!
Sillylilstinkweed, you're right to stand your ground on that one. It's discouraging but if he behaves like that in the beginning it's only a slippery slope of selfishness and controlling, I think! And yes, only settle for great. That saying about an ideal relationship is true - that a good man is a happy enhancement to your life, not something you have to make fit.
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#73 of 138 Old 11-17-2007, 11:37 PM
 
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JD is going to be meeting my son and I'll be meeting his 2 boys. We're going into the city to see the Bodies Exhibition. That should be a ball--3 boys, ages 10, 8, and 5 in the subway and walking around NYC.
:

I'm nervous. I feel like in a way, it's too soon for them all to be meeting...but I also do feel really close to JD-he's really one of those rare people who you feel like you've known them forever after spending a few hours with them. And technically it's not like I just met him-I knew him back in college... And it'll also be a litmus test-is he gonna yell at his kids if they act up? Is he going to engage my son at all? Is he going to ignore them? What if I don't click with his kids?

Any advice? I've already talked with my son, and he's excited to be going. He said he doesn't feel uncomfortable meeting my "friend" JD, and is thrilled that he has 2 boys (esp the 10 y/o). I spoke with exDP and told him not to interrogate our son for his own personal reasons.

Kelly, mama (12yoDS), doula, RN, and writer.
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#74 of 138 Old 11-18-2007, 01:44 AM
 
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im afraid that while my phone is broken this boy will forget about me :/

Mother to Sandrel(oct 2003) and Liesl(mar 2006) and someone new coming February 2013

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#75 of 138 Old 11-18-2007, 01:22 PM
 
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And it'll also be a litmus test-is he gonna yell at his kids if they act up? Is he going to engage my son at all? Is he going to ignore them? What if I don't click with his kids?

Any advice?
Like I said in the other thread, GO! Enjoy yourself. I think you would have picked up on any weird vibes about how he is with his children already... no? I don't know. I have yet to even think about involving my "friend" with my cubs' life. They are still in two totally different orbitting patterns.

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im afraid that while my phone is broken this boy will forget about me :/
Don't think that way!! If the boy is worth anything, and more importantly your time and attention, he'll call you every day, send text messages, emails, smoke signals or carrier pigeons to you until you are reconnected with a dial tone!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My little update. I met a "friend". He's a really nice guy. My first impression was that he was too nice. The "friend only" type. You know that guy you can talk to, hang out with but never be involved with. He's not the bad boy. The tough guy. The loud mouth. The guy that I had fallen for 14 years ago and wound up leaving last year after one heck of a rollercoaster marriage.

So the friend and I have been "hanging out" for almost a month. I told him I am just not ready to officially date. I would be a crappy girlfriend, my cubs, my life, going back to school takes up too much of my time and I couldn't give back to someone the way a good girlfriend would. But I find myself craving interaction with someone.

On Friday I went to his house to make dinner together. He surprised me with not one but two pumpkin pies. One to eat some together, the other to take home just for me! I love pumpkin pie. My favorite pie. And newly discovered favorite beer too... but that's another story. It impressed me that on the spur of the moment while shopping for the dinner, he was thoughtful enough to pick up the supplies and make pumpkin pies. We made dinner together. I made a chili and cocoa soup with black beans and he made "authentic steak tacos" (his phrasing), HM salsa and guacamole. Yum! He can cook. So sexy to me. We danced around the kitchen while listening to music, cooking, and drinking a couple of beers. Ate the yummy food, curled up on the couch and watched a bit of tv.

I find myself thinking about him a lot. I keep on trying to find something wrong with him. He's smart. All around intelligent. Smarter than I am. This is new to me. The ex was intelligent about some things but he was lacking common sense, foresight, thinking things through. The "friend's" brain is always on. But yet he is still able to be goofy and make fun of himself.

This is soooooo new territory for me. I have to stop myself from over thinking everything and just enjoy myself... right??
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#76 of 138 Old 11-20-2007, 02:53 AM
 
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Desa,

A man that not only can, but does cook! That is hot, isn't it? Lucky us! JD made me eggplant parm the other day, and tomorrow I'm going to his house after working a 12 hour shift...he's promised me as much of a back rub as I can take before I zonk out, hours of sleep, and a hot lunch when I wake up. : I'm excited about this.

And YES---YES, mama! You have to stop trying to mind-screw your way out of enjoying this (props to our very own Artgoddess for telling this to me, though in more, uh, colorful language). I am doing the same thing. I find myself smiling when I think of him, which is often....yet I'm looking for bad qualities. He's smart, funny, passionate about politics, sweet, good looking....and he showers me with attention. REAL attention. It's so foreign to me-having someone ask how my day was and actually LISTENING to and CARING about what I'm saying. To get a well thought out response instead of a canned "Uh huh. Yup. MmmHmm. That's cool"

I have to keep trying to convince myself that after spending so long taking care of someone exDP with little return as far as conversation, attention and romance go...I do deserve this. I do deserve to be treated the way JD is treating me.

I think you do too, Desa. I think we all do. We deserve to be treated nicely on a daily basis Especially after spending months...years...taking care of people--either or Ex's or our kid(s)--without the reciprocation. I mean, yes, it's nice when ds thanks me for taking him to the movies, but it's not the same as having my feet rubbed by someone who understands that I work my butt off and that I need some pampering.

Kelly, mama (12yoDS), doula, RN, and writer.
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#77 of 138 Old 11-21-2007, 09:29 PM
 
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is anyone else on dating sites? i found some awesome people through one im on

Mother to Sandrel(oct 2003) and Liesl(mar 2006) and someone new coming February 2013

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#78 of 138 Old 11-22-2007, 05:20 AM
 
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I tried match.com for I think a 3 month trial period, nothing came of that.

I also tried a lesbian/bisexual one, met a few girls, nothing I was interested in persuing.

Craigslist, too. A few dates. Again, nothing worth continuing. However, my friend (also a single mom) found her "boyfriend" on CL, so you never know. It's free too.

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#79 of 138 Old 11-22-2007, 03:31 PM
 
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I tried match.com for I think a 3 month trial period, nothing came of that.

I also tried a lesbian/bisexual one, met a few girls, nothing I was interested in persuing.

Craigslist, too. A few dates. Again, nothing worth continuing. However, my friend (also a single mom) found her "boyfriend" on CL, so you never know. It's free too.

I just met someone on CL that I think might actually work out although we haven't met in person. We talked on the phone for about an hour last night and he even said "too bad we didn't meet sooner, you could of come with my and my family to Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow" which I thought was sweet. If course I am cynical and part of me is thinking "yeah right, he's full of $#%^" but I am trying really hard not to be that way and to just take things really slllloooooooooowwwww until I know he's not just another jerk. If I can believe everything he's told me so far, he's really a nice, decent guy. I did a search on the sex offenders page and public records and his name didn't pop up anywhere...not even for a speeding ticket! He even called me this morning but I was in the shower and missed the call. I am trying really hard not to get my hopes up though...he's seen my pic but I am concerned because according to his myspace page he is very athletic and I'm really not although I am not a couch potato either but I really need to lose 20 or 30 pounds (pre-pregnancy). I don't think my photos were misleading though...in fact I purposely send photos where I look average instead of picking the ones that are perfect and make me look better then I probably really do LOL I have one where a coworker saw it and said "who's that hotty" and when I told him it was me he didn't believe it LOL
Anyway I'm babbling now...just wish me luck. We're suppose to meet in person either Friday or Saturday.

Ally
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#80 of 138 Old 11-23-2007, 04:49 PM
 
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"is anyone else on dating sites? i found some awesome people through one im on "

Poxybat, I've met several really nice guys on OkCupid, including one I've just started dating (he was the one I posted about going to have coffee with in the Oct dating thread). He's really sweet, and just what I need right now. It's a very new relationship, so is in the really fun stage, and I have no intentions of introducing him to my son until/unless it seems to become more serious, but for now, I'm having fun and enjoying being attractive/desirable to someone again!
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#81 of 138 Old 11-23-2007, 05:27 PM
 
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is anyone else on dating sites? i found some awesome people through one im on
I met bf through eHarmony. We've been together for almost 2 years! Before bf, I also met a couple of other guys through eHarmony. Both were good, solid guys.

eHarmony is expensive and does require patience, in regards to finding potential matches. They match you with prospective men based on the answers to their ridiculously long questionaire.

Nice thing about eHarmony, 98% of the men I met were looking for serious relationships and tended to be more "grown-up."
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#82 of 138 Old 11-24-2007, 04:01 AM
 
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Just an FYI, eHarmony is against gay relationships, so a lot of people don't want to put there money there. They also have a record of matching younger women with older guys, rarely the other way around. Not judging you at all Holland (congrats on your success, btw!), just wanted to throw that out there for anyone who might be interested.

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#83 of 138 Old 11-24-2007, 04:47 AM
 
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oy, the one thing i'm not loving about dating is having to deal with repairing trust issues. i have absolutely no reason to believe that d would "cheat" on me...and yet, i'm so scared of being caught off guard again, especially as i'm finding myself getting attached to him. i know these are my issues to work through and that he's a really stand up guy and i have no basis for my fears. but of course that's what i thought about bk too...
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#84 of 138 Old 11-24-2007, 02:20 PM
 
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Just an FYI, eHarmony is against gay relationships, so a lot of people don't want to put there money there. They also have a record of matching younger women with older guys, rarely the other way around. Not judging you at all Holland (congrats on your success, btw!), just wanted to throw that out there for anyone who might be interested.

No judgement taken.

They are 100% all about heterosexual relationships. I have never heard/read they were "against" gay relationships. But, that is not the population/community they work with.

Just like, Pink Sofa and other gay relationship sites, do not work with the heterosexual population.

In regards to the younger women/older men...it is a site where people are looking for more serious relationships. Many "younger" men are not at the point, which is why I believe so many are at Match, Yahoo, Craigslists, etc. Plus, the expense, and patience, of eHarmony might play into that factor also.

Honestly, you just need to find a site that fits what you are looking for, your budget and take a chance!

Heaven knows there are enough dating sites for everyone (liberal, green, heterosexual, homosexual, bi, conservative, religious, single parents, etc out there for everyone.
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#85 of 138 Old 11-24-2007, 02:27 PM
 
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oy, the one thing i'm not loving about dating is having to deal with repairing trust issues. i have absolutely no reason to believe that d would "cheat" on me...and yet, i'm so scared of being caught off guard again, especially as i'm finding myself getting attached to him. i know these are my issues to work through and that he's a really stand up guy and i have no basis for my fears. but of course that's what i thought about bk too...
I had similar issues also.

Feel the feelings, wade through the anxiety and uneasiness.

Every time d proves himself to you, without him even knowing it, your fear will lessen.

Once someone has gone through trust hardships, it takes time to build up being able to trust again.

Talk to him. Tell him about your fears, but not when you are in the midst of those fears. I am sure he will understand.
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#86 of 138 Old 11-24-2007, 05:15 PM
 
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oy, the one thing i'm not loving about dating is having to deal with repairing trust issues. i have absolutely no reason to believe that d would "cheat" on me...and yet, i'm so scared of being caught off guard again, especially as i'm finding myself getting attached to him. i know these are my issues to work through and that he's a really stand up guy and i have no basis for my fears. but of course that's what i thought about bk too...
I'd suggest checking out the book, "Never Be Lied to Again" by ___ Lieberman.

It is a great way to give you lots of 'sign's that someone is lying. Knowledge is power, so if you have the knowledge of what lying behavior looks like, you are far less likely to be cheated on. Plus, the fact that you've been through that means you've learned from experience. Draw on that experience. If you have see a red flag...follow it through and figure out what it's all about instead of ignoring them.
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#87 of 138 Old 11-24-2007, 09:38 PM
 
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"is anyone else on dating sites? i found some awesome people through one im on "

Poxybat, I've met several really nice guys on OkCupid, including one I've just started dating (he was the one I posted about going to have coffee with in the Oct dating thread). He's really sweet, and just what I need right now. It's a very new relationship, so is in the really fun stage, and I have no intentions of introducing him to my son until/unless it seems to become more serious, but for now, I'm having fun and enjoying being attractive/desirable to someone again!
im on okcupid too. and i really love it. thats why i came here and posted. i even found some potential platonic girl friends by changing my search fields.
i like how they match you on you on like a million questions.

i swear i dont work for them lol im just really happy with them

still no phone for me...alas...

Mother to Sandrel(oct 2003) and Liesl(mar 2006) and someone new coming February 2013

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#88 of 138 Old 11-24-2007, 09:43 PM
 
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i had my date with 'j' (that's what i'll call him) on monday, and boy did we click. we talk off and on all day, everyday for hours. i've never dated someone with whom i have so much in common. i think about him all the time, and he says i'm on his mind morning, noon, and night. ugh! why does he have to live 1 1/2 hours away? :

did i mention that he's black and i'm white? my friends and immediate family have no problem with it, but my maternal grandmother will. pshaw! i don't care--i'm smitten.

ya know, i've never been able to tell where a relationship is going to go so soon into it, but i have a really, really good feeling about this one. *swoon*
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#89 of 138 Old 11-24-2007, 10:53 PM
 
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LLobster,

Congrats on having a great connection! Doesn't that feel awesome. About the race thing, don't sweat it (and it doesn't sound like you are).

Keep us updated!

JD and I haven't seen each other in 5 days and I miss him. I'm orienting for a new (second) job mon-thurs during the day, and then when I get home, DeVante will be home from school. Ugh.

Anyone have any ideas for fun cold weather dates? (Read: nothing too outdoorsy) I don't want to just hang out watching DVDs all day (although it is nice cuddling on the couch and talking for hours...usually the DVD takes a background position, yk?). Going out to eat is nice, but gets expensive.

Kelly, mama (12yoDS), doula, RN, and writer.
There's no where you can be that isn't where you were meant to be, its easy
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#90 of 138 Old 11-24-2007, 10:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LLobsterTV View Post
i had my date with 'j' (that's what i'll call him) on monday, and boy did we click. we talk off and on all day, everyday for hours. i've never dated someone with whom i have so much in common. i think about him all the time, and he says i'm on his mind morning, noon, and night. ugh! why does he have to live 1 1/2 hours away? :

did i mention that he's black and i'm white? my friends and immediate family have no problem with it, but my maternal grandmother will. pshaw! i don't care--i'm smitten.

ya know, i've never been able to tell where a relationship is going to go so soon into it, but i have a really, really good feeling about this one. *swoon*
That is sooo great!!!! enjoy I'm sorry he lives so far away

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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