"Friend" Meeting my DS? - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-18-2007, 02:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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*I'm posting this here because I'd like the opinion of all single mamas, not just those who are currently dating. *

Quick run down of the situation-I knew a guy "JD" in college when I was still with my exDP. We were friends, nothing more. Anyways, that was about 6 years ago, and we just lost touch due to a lot of stuff going on in my life. We just recently got into contact via Myspace (gotta love technology) in October and have been talking since then. We've been seeing each other a few times a week for the past few weeks, spending hours and hours just chilling and talking and all that.

He's a really great guy-very polite and funny and sweet, etc.

He's getting his 2 boys (age 10 and 5) for the Thanksgiving Break. He wants to take them to NYC with me and my son (8yrs). Which should be interesting wrangling 3 boys in the city and on the subway all day, lol.

Do you think this is too soon? I'm not even sure we're technically "dating". And it's only been what-a month? But on the same end--I've technically known him for longer than that, and even if we aren't a couple, per se, I still consider him my friend.

I've asked DS, and he feels comfortable meeting my "friend" and is definitely looking forward to seeing the exhibition we're going to, and also to hanging out with a boy almost his age. exDP, however, is, uh, annoyed.

What do you all think?

Kelly, mama (12yoDS), doula, RN, and writer.
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Old 11-18-2007, 02:52 AM
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Sounds like a playdate between you and your old friend and all of your kids, to me.

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Old 11-18-2007, 04:44 AM
 
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: What she said. Just out of curiousity, would your ex be annoyed if this were a woman? And, really, is it any of his business? I say go, and have fun!
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Old 11-18-2007, 05:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Nope, none of his business. I wasn't the one who told him though, it was my son who slipped, as in "Mom might take me to the city with her friend and his sons to see dead people after Thanksgiving". He picked up on the "his" and is bothered by it, since he knows I'm "seeing" someone.

And no, it wouldn't be any issue at all if it were a female.

Kelly, mama (12yoDS), doula, RN, and writer.
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Old 11-18-2007, 06:38 AM
 
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I say go and enjoy yourselves. sounds like alot of fun
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Old 11-18-2007, 10:41 AM
 
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That was exactly what my DH and I did when we were first getting serious with each other, we basically made a play date with our kids, no pressure on anyone. Had a blast and 2 years later, here we are! Go! Have fun! As long as Ex-DP is assured new friend is not a child molestor (he should be trusting your judgement as to whom you expose your kidlets to-as should you-ha ha! easier said than done, BTDT!) he should keep his mouth closed. Sounds like he is just jealous.

Have an awesome time!!! We loved NYC with our boys!
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Old 11-18-2007, 12:11 PM
 
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I have to agree with everyone. Go, have fun wrangling the boys through the subway, enjoy your day.

And enjoy something that is uniquely NYC for me... Stragely enough I find myself missing the City more than LI where I spent 11 years.
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Old 11-18-2007, 02:14 PM
 
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That sounds like a great weekend adventure for all of you! I haven't started dating yet, but when I do, I forsee a DS litmus test early in any relationship. I'm too old to waste my time with anyone who isn't going to treat DS with respect, yk?

And as for your ex, he's just jealous .
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Old 11-18-2007, 03:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CookieMonsterMommy View Post
Nope, none of his business. I wasn't the one who told him though, it was my son who slipped, as in "Mom might take me to the city with her friend and his sons to see dead people after Thanksgiving". He picked up on the "his" and is bothered by it, since he knows I'm "seeing" someone.

And no, it wouldn't be any issue at all if it were a female.
I might think your ex would have more of an issue with going to see dead people...
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Old 11-20-2007, 02:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone-I appreciate the input.
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Originally Posted by shroomama View Post
I might think your ex would have more of an issue with going to see dead people...

We were originally going to see the BODIES Exhibition , but his ex thought it was too much for her kids. Oh well--no dead bodies this week. So we're deciding what else we can do, looking at different museums and all.

I have butterflies.

Kelly, mama (12yoDS), doula, RN, and writer.
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Old 11-21-2007, 03:05 AM
 
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I figured it was the Bodies exhibit. I'm still mad at myself for not going to see it when I was in Miami...but there were beaches... and I live in the midwest...
So you'll have to keep us updated on how this goes. I have to live vicariously through people who get out and date and don't stay home like a big lump of crap- like me.
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Old 11-21-2007, 01:31 PM
 
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Let me ask you this.... if your ex found an old friend on Myspace last month whom he had known for a while and started meeting her a few times a week, then decided he was taking your ds along with her 2 ds's to NYC for a day (is this a day trip? Overnight trip? Weekend trip?)..... would you have a problem with that? If not... go for it! If YOU would have a problem with ex doing this then you might want to talk to ex about it to see why, exactly, he's "annoyed".

Good luck! It sounds like a fun trip. I'm sure the boys will love it

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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Old 11-22-2007, 06:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ugh, JD cancelled. Out of respect for exDP no less. When he found out that my ex would have to bring ds home a day earlier than planned, he said "Oh, no way. I'm not going to take his son away from him on a holiday. We can do this another time-let him keep his kid". Which actually kind of bothered me a little...and I'm not sure exactly why.

I also know he has issues with that, because his ex plays games as far as visitation goes--cancelling their court ordered visits, giving him the kids on sat night instead of friday, crap like that. I just don't want him to think I'm like his ex--maybe that's why it bothered me. In all actuality, ds is with his dad pretty much every weekend (I work), and he has more than his fair share of holidays there as well. and he'll probably be in front of the tv for a good portion of that time anyways.

S&O,

I'd be very annoyed, but I'm a jealous person. I'm going to be annoyed when he starts dating again period. So I can't really use that to judge, because I'm very biased.

It was only going to be a day trip, we live a short train ride from NYC.

Kelly, mama (12yoDS), doula, RN, and writer.
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Old 11-22-2007, 06:28 AM
 
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Things get complicated when you're a single mom dating a single dad, cause in a way, you're then enemy. (for lack of a better word)

In hindsight, you could trade days with your ex or tell him you'll owe him one later, when he wants to make plans. It might be worth his while and your new friend would be impressed.
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Old 11-24-2007, 04:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SillyLilStinkweed View Post
Things get complicated when you're a single mom dating a single dad, cause in a way, you're then enemy. (for lack of a better word)
Amen. And vice versa, as much as I'd never say it out loud to him.

Kelly, mama (12yoDS), doula, RN, and writer.
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