Dating a possible prisoner - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#61 of 70 Old 11-29-2007, 11:27 AM
 
BunnySlippers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Fluffierville
Posts: 2,735
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I am glad you are going with your instinct (and all of ours lol).
I am sure it won't be easy, but easier now than later I am sure. Good for you!

Decluttering 500/2010
BunnySlippers is offline  
#62 of 70 Old 11-29-2007, 01:44 PM
 
mikaela's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Souderton, PA
Posts: 400
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mtnmumma View Post
The advice has been great. I have made the decision to end things. He doesn't live with me so thats good. The above statements concern me deeply. What if he freaks out.

It is better to get out now before it is too late. I am making this decision for my little one who has witnessed enough crap when I left my x.

Thanks everyone I have made a decision and I am going to stick to it.
good luck, lady. We'll be here if you need us!
mikaela is offline  
#63 of 70 Old 11-29-2007, 02:23 PM
 
Spring Sun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Boulder/Atlanta
Posts: 2,354
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mtnmumma View Post
The advice has been great. I have made the decision to end things. He doesn't live with me so thats good. The above statements concern me deeply. What if he freaks out.

It is better to get out now before it is too late. I am making this decision for my little one who has witnessed enough crap when I left my x.

Thanks everyone I have made a decision and I am going to stick to it.
Please keep us updated and let us know how he takes the break up. We all get a little worried about mamas on here bc we can't see you or call you irl.
Spring Sun is offline  
#64 of 70 Old 11-29-2007, 05:53 PM
 
EvolvingMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Great Basin, California
Posts: 351
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi Mtnmumma,

I agree that you should check him out. It sounds like he is underplaying the extent of his charges, or perhaps leaving some out. You should know everything. It's possible that he has had more recent charges.

I have been involved with someone who sounds very much like your guy. When I checked him out online (after breaking up) I realized that he had sugarcoated many things he'd told me about his past. The DUI he said he had (I should have walked then) was one of 5. He had a misdemeanor assault charge (started out as a felony) that he was secretly attending domestic violence classes for. He "disappeared" for a couple of weeks when we started dating and it turned out that he went to a rehab or psych facility, I'm not sure which. He had LOST parental rights for his son!!!!!!!!!

Please check him out. And you are going to find someone who is a good guy, has all the great qualities your man does have, but who doesn't have a history like that. It's concerning that he's already telling you what to do when your babe is not well and not respecting your instincts....

Laurie wash.gif (44), wife to DH thumb.gif(60), mama to DS guitar.gif (18), DS reading.gif(6), DSD heartbeat.gif(15), and DD (4)jog.gif 
EvolvingMama is offline  
#65 of 70 Old 11-29-2007, 05:55 PM
 
EvolvingMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Great Basin, California
Posts: 351
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh I just read your last post.....good for you that you ended it!

And I understand you're concerned about what he might do, but honestly, eventually his internal low self-esteem will make it easier for him to leave you alone, especially if he fears more convictions. He won't want to deal with the law if he can avoid it. And he will find another woman who falls for it all.

Laurie wash.gif (44), wife to DH thumb.gif(60), mama to DS guitar.gif (18), DS reading.gif(6), DSD heartbeat.gif(15), and DD (4)jog.gif 
EvolvingMama is offline  
#66 of 70 Old 11-29-2007, 09:58 PM
 
wytchywoman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: The Room of Requirement
Posts: 3,031
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Authentic_Mother View Post
Contact CPS. Just tell them about the guy and that you want to make sure that your son is safe and have them run the background check. They should do it for free and be happy to do so because it does show your care for your son!
Um.... if you contacted CPS about concerns you had about someone who is living in the same house as your kid, chances are good they will file a dependancy petition in court. Contacting CPS is probably not the smartest idea and will most likely open up a can of worms that you definitely don't want opened. You can hire a private detective or use an online search engine to do a background check.

M : proud mama to B (16) : and G (8) and : x 2 :
wytchywoman is offline  
#67 of 70 Old 01-20-2008, 05:58 PM
 
JesseMomme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: not here anymore
Posts: 8,268
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Holland73 View Post
I asked my gf's husband, who is an officer in the Army, if a simple DUI would result in a solider being kicked out.

He said that the likelihood of someone being kicked out of the military for a simple DUI is very, very slim. UNLESS...there was a death or severe injury to another party as a result of his/her driving under the influence.

Doesn't sound like you are getting the complete story here.
I wanted to pipe up to agree. What my lower-pay grade bro got while in the army and after a DUI was a demotion of a pay grade, and mandatory drug/alcohol classes. Another friend of mine ran into trouble after testing hot, and also just got a demotion and mandatory classes. So that story smelled fishy to me too.
JesseMomme is offline  
#68 of 70 Old 01-26-2008, 12:14 PM
 
jdedmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: PA
Posts: 812
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I know I'm bumping an old thread....

Any updates? The OP hasn't posted since the last in this thread.
jdedmom is offline  
#69 of 70 Old 01-26-2008, 07:48 PM
 
Viewfinder's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 599
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
**I'm leaving this entire post, even though my point is moot since the OP DID respond with announcing her decision to leave her bf, contrary to what I thought when I wrote the following. I'm leaving it posted here because it's not irrelevant, and I said some nice things here, too, and don't want to erase them. So, I leave the bathwater to save the baby. Apologies to those I may have annoyed by what I said. VF**

Poor girl, asked for a way to research her dude, and she got four pages of "Run, leave, quit, u-turn, you're making a mistake," etc.

Where she's at is just where she's at. I mean, I think if an op has heard the same exact thing seven or eight times, it's probably enough. She sounded like an intelligent person who found a guy who, though flawed, seemed to do something for her. If he turns out to be a mistake, well, she's armed with information; if he turns out to be worth the effort of working with, well, good for her: she trusted her instincts about him being worth it after all.

This comment is not to devalue any of the pp's testimony to the otherwise in their experience. None of us want any one to waste their time or endanger their families, and hindsight is 20/20, and wise is the man who learns from his own mistakes; wiser is the man who learns from the mistakes of others, and, there's just no accountin' for when an exception to the rule slips through.

I hope OP's dude is an exception, and I hope OP can check in here without feeling like everybody is staring at her, waiting for an explanation. FTR, she did respond. It's just that so many of us continued to come at her with a broken record that basically told her that her response was unacceptable.

One way to reframe this whole thread is to notice how many women here do have wisdom to offer about the choices they made that they would change if they could; that they have stories to tell; that they care deeply about any other woman who looks like she may be where they were at one time, and that's a resource in compassion that we have here in spades. We're cool, we love our sisters, we want us all to be happy and fulfilled for real.

I love all of you guys who put YOUR hearts into looking out for another mother. Good on you.

VF
Viewfinder is offline  
#70 of 70 Old 01-29-2008, 12:29 AM
 
rubelin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,826
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Viewfinder View Post
One way to reframe this whole thread is to notice how many women here do have wisdom to offer about the choices they made that they would change if they could; that they have stories to tell; that they care deeply about any other woman who looks like she may be where they were at one time, and that's a resource in compassion that we have here in spades. We're cool, we love our sisters, we want us all to be happy and fulfilled for real.

thanx so much for summing this up so beautifully. That's exactly why I keep coming here

Robin~ single, work-at-home momma to my WonderBoys
YoungMan (6/00) & LittleBoy (6/04)
rubelin is online now  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off