DECEMBER dating thread!!! - Page 7 - Mothering Forums

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#181 of 190 Old 01-01-2008, 09:59 PM
 
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Wow... I see im not the only one with dating issues....

This is the quick version of my last relationship. Mind you I had been single and not dated for 5 years prior to this.

SO! About 5 months ago now... i joined eharmony.com met a great guy (great i geuss THEN) and we dated for 4 months. I SO thought it was it, We were soulmates! looking to get married this year... Then it all falls apart. He completely changed...

WHY! WHY WHY!! I seriously wnat to cry. Why cant i have that family and house...

Just needed to get that out without all the details that im so sick of saying and seriously make me wanna throw up when i think about it.

He even wanted to Drop off christmas presents and have a "proper good bye" WTF does that mean!!

It just makes me wanna throw up... i think i will be single forever honestly.
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#182 of 190 Old 01-02-2008, 08:33 PM
 
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Wow... I see im not the only one with dating issues....

This is the quick version of my last relationship. Mind you I had been single and not dated for 5 years prior to this.

SO! About 5 months ago now... i joined eharmony.com met a great guy (great i geuss THEN) and we dated for 4 months. I SO thought it was it, We were soulmates! looking to get married this year... Then it all falls apart. He completely changed...

WHY! WHY WHY!! I seriously wnat to cry. Why cant i have that family and house...

Just needed to get that out without all the details that im so sick of saying and seriously make me wanna throw up when i think about it.

He even wanted to Drop off christmas presents and have a "proper good bye" WTF does that mean!!

It just makes me wanna throw up... i think i will be single forever honestly.
How did he change? I know this happens a lot, and then we are disillusioned. A few months into my relationship he totally changed. I basically told him to forget it. But, I had jumped the gun. He was just sick and had a broken finger and was being distant and a crab. I can deal with that if it is just something that is going on for him. That is what relationships are about. He went back to normal after he felt better.
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#183 of 190 Old 01-02-2008, 08:40 PM
 
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So, exdh seriously wants to get back together. We are talking a lot. He is being so nice and real. And hugging me. And holding onto me. He thinks we should live at a meditation center together with ds. He is right in that is the kind of life I want. The man I am in love with right now, however, is not not into that, but he is very oriented towards the material. Overall, I am in love with my bf, and if the kind of life I want is contemplative, then I need to make that happen myself, not get into the mindframe again that I need someone else to create for me the life I want. I just needed to write that out. I felt confused all day, but it is actually a very simple situation.

Do I even belong in this thread anymore? I think we need a seeing-someone-for-a-longer-time-now thread.
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#184 of 190 Old 01-04-2008, 12:14 AM
 
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So, I'm feeling really really sad right now.
The guy I posted about before... we met online. We emailed, talked on the phone and went on a great date. We went out again a few nights later. We had dinner and went to a club to hear a new Irish band. We made out in his car for 45 minutes after. I had a wonderful wonderful time. I had that feeling as though I could really fall for this guy. Similar parenting philosophies, lots to talk about... I felt so excited. He called the next day to thank me for dinner (I paid this time) and tell me that he had a good time. We had a short chat because he had his kids and I was in the car and a little lost. I haven't heard from him since. Well actually I texted him later that night to congratulate him on his favorite football team winning a big game and he texted back. But that's it. That was almost 1 week ago.

I've been on the dating site we met on since then and noticed that he's been logging on regularly. I just popped on for a moment now and it showed that he is online now.

A male friend told me that I should go ahead and give him a call. And I was thinking about it, but I think I've decided not to (unless you wise women convince me otherwise). I just feel very very vulnerable. It is very hard to put myself out there. And I don't want to. I want him to want to talk to me and want to see me. It's true that he has done all of the initiation, but I've been very responsive. I really think I made my interest clear. And it was only a couple of dates. It's not like he was initiating for weeks or anything.

Don't you think if he was feeling similar interest and excitement that he would have called or at least emailed by now? Do you think I'm crazy for not calling? Do you think I'm not ready for dating if I'm feeling so vulnerable and so easily hurt?

I'm not mad or anything. And if he called right now I'd be happy to talk with him. But I just feel really disappointed. And I feel like there's something wrong with me, you know? And I've managed to re-convince myself that I don't have time or energy for dating anyway...

Man this is hard.
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#185 of 190 Old 01-04-2008, 12:16 AM
 
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Oh... I also wanted to send you a Spring Sun. That must feel so confusing. You sound like you have your head on straight.
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#186 of 190 Old 01-04-2008, 12:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by robinchap1 View Post
So, I'm feeling really really sad right now.
The guy I posted about before... we met online. We emailed, talked on the phone and went on a great date. We went out again a few nights later. We had dinner and went to a club to hear a new Irish band. We made out in his car for 45 minutes after. I had a wonderful wonderful time. I had that feeling as though I could really fall for this guy. Similar parenting philosophies, lots to talk about... I felt so excited. He called the next day to thank me for dinner (I paid this time) and tell me that he had a good time. We had a short chat because he had his kids and I was in the car and a little lost. I haven't heard from him since. Well actually I texted him later that night to congratulate him on his favorite football team winning a big game and he texted back. But that's it. That was almost 1 week ago.

I've been on the dating site we met on since then and noticed that he's been logging on regularly. I just popped on for a moment now and it showed that he is online now.

A male friend told me that I should go ahead and give him a call. And I was thinking about it, but I think I've decided not to (unless you wise women convince me otherwise). I just feel very very vulnerable. It is very hard to put myself out there. And I don't want to. I want him to want to talk to me and want to see me. It's true that he has done all of the initiation, but I've been very responsive. I really think I made my interest clear. And it was only a couple of dates. It's not like he was initiating for weeks or anything.

Don't you think if he was feeling similar interest and excitement that he would have called or at least emailed by now? Do you think I'm crazy for not calling? Do you think I'm not ready for dating if I'm feeling so vulnerable and so easily hurt?

I'm not mad or anything. And if he called right now I'd be happy to talk with him. But I just feel really disappointed. And I feel like there's something wrong with me, you know? And I've managed to re-convince myself that I don't have time or energy for dating anyway...

Man this is hard.
It IS hard I have had similar experiences with online dating and my take on it is that it is better to take no action than to do something you might regret. I am the queen of holding my breath and hitting 'send' I have regretted acting hastily many times. If you feel it has been a while and you still aren't sure, be prepared for something you may not want to hear if you do decide to call. (not that it will be that way, just be ready for it, protect your heart)

There are definitely others out there if he isn't interested. So, you two had a good time, he may just be shopping around, huh? He may just be scared off by his own feelings. If you want to ask him, all I am saying is to be ready to hear any answer, like it or dislike it. I also think that if you sent a text, that was an invitation for him to continue to pursue you. If he is not responsive, you may want to cut your losses .


Oh, and btw, I don't think your sensitivity means that you aren't ready to date, it is normal, allow yourself to be vulnerable, you are strong and it will be okay

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#187 of 190 Old 01-04-2008, 01:29 AM
 
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to Robin and Springsun
I'm sorry to hear you all are having trouble.

It's really hard to put yourself out there, especially when you've been hurt. I know that sometimes, I still find myself waking up going, "What am I doing? Am I ready for this?"

But then...

We went out again and had another six hour conversation.
This time...the tables were turned on me. Last time we went out, I had old flings coming up and talking to me. THIS time, he had an ex-girlfriend that would come to the table everytime I went to the bathroom. I was getting pretty frustrated in my mind, especially since it seemed like she would leave as soon as she saw me coming back. But then, one time she was sitting in my chair when I came back and he looked up and smiled at me and said to the girl, "Um, excuse me, but you are in HER chair." And then he gave me a big old smooch when I sat down.

We're getting more comfortable with talking about our kids but we're definitely not introducing them to each other yet. We shared pictures of the kids off of our phones and then chatted about them for a while. (I forget how nice it is to talk to people who have children and understand how sometimes you can start talking and then not stop. Haha!)

There is a part of me that thinks that this is awesome and there is another part of me that is still trying to hold back a little bit. But overall, the guy is a DREAM. Wow...

Single Mommy to DS born Halloween 2007.
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#188 of 190 Old 01-04-2008, 01:50 AM
 
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Thank you Beloved K. I get what you mean. I think that's partly why I didn't want to be the one to call... I knew that I wasn't prepared (at least not right now) to hear anything. So I'd rather just not talk to him! I really needed words of comfort/empathy! Thank you.

ok... update. Pretty soon after I posted, I got a text from him asking how my 2008 was going. We texted back and forth a bit. Then he texted that he wished I were there to enjoy the fire (wood burning stove) with him. ?
We chatted on the phone a bit and he asked if I'd like to go out again next Friday. I think this is good... I just feel like I'm having trouble reading him. I'm feeling a bit stressed and I don't know why. I do think he's shy. He's only really made personal or sweet comments like that over text. After our 1st date he texted that our kiss was really nice and he was still thinking about me. But he's never actually said anything remotely like that. If I listen to my gut it says that he is shy, cautious, but also definitely playing the field right now. Now... there is nothing wrong with that. We've just met. It's just hard for me to not know where I stand... I've never really dated before... it's a whole new world. It's not that I expect to dive right into something serious with someone immediately... or necessarily even want that. I don't know what I expect or want!!!

Anyway... breathe. One step at a time. Find a sitter. Go out. Have a good time. Don't do anything more than kissing.

I also think I'm particularly vulnerable right now because my ex is being a UAV and there are pending scary overnight issues with DS on the table.

FYI... every time I talk to this guy on the phone, we get interrupted by DS waking up and needing me. I feel like it would take the saint of the century to actually date me... But hey, DS and I deserve that, right?!

Mahna... he sounds really sweet.
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#189 of 190 Old 01-04-2008, 04:12 AM
 
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Robin-I would stay cautious but also play the field yourself. Personally, I am done messing around with guys that don't have the courage to be themselves and the courage to express how they feel about me. I want something real. I may have to strong of feelings about dating, but I think you know if you are interested in someone after a couple dates. If you actually do like them, then it is just confusing and weird to go out with other people.

But, you never know. I did match for one week-and only bc I found out exdh was doing it and all my friends said I should. I met someone. And a million guys emailed me through it. I went out with this guy 3 times, had all the first date talks and such. Made out with him, etc... then met bf at the airport. Instant attraction. But I still had one scheduled date with this other guy. Seriously, it made my head spin. I could not remember what I had talked to the match guy about and what I had talked to bf about. It kind of made bf feel bad, too, because I would tell him things twice, not being able to remember who I had told that story to. And that was only overlapping one date. I would never do that again.

So, I would just watch out. Seriously though, a guy needs to step up and express interest. If he is not into you now, at the point where it should be like floating on clouds, then how will it be at six months? I just really feel like I wiil NEVER settle again. I might be too cautious, but I will not do a repeat of my marriage. Luckily, bf is wonderful, and totally the opposite of ex. And five months into it, I am still floating on clouds, and he is too. It is just there.
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#190 of 190 Old 01-04-2008, 04:32 AM
 
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Oh... I also wanted to send you a Spring Sun. That must feel so confusing. You sound like you have your head on straight.
Thanks, after two days of drama with ex I am very happy to say that I am not confused and know what I am doing now. At least in a sort of I-am-making-sure-I-watch-my-old-patterns sort of way.

All I want is to have a loving, wonderful, happy co parenting relationship with ex. I appreciate his devotion to meditation. But, I am with someone that I really love now. Someone good and good to me. Someone I actually get along with and love to be with. My only issue is that he is not a vajrayana Buddhist, which to me is very important. But I know meditation could be important to him, so we'll see.

I was talking to ex tonight about it, and told him that I am not even thinking about marrying bf yet, that I would wait to see if a contemplative life was actually important to him. I told ex that I had gotten bf a retreat for xmas, and I would see after that if he "got it."

Ex pointed out quite clearly that I would be testing bf, and did bf know this? So yes, that is not fair to bf, but what can I do? Meditation is the one thing that matters most to me in life. So, we'll see.

Anyways, a few months ago I read a ton of threads in the blended family forum since my and ds's life is totally blended now with bf and his son's life. It was bleak. Those mamas are having a hard time. Step families are not easy, so they say over there.

But I really believe that my ex and I, and my bf and his son's mom, can create a little Utopian-modern age family. I am going to make that a strong intention, despite the disbelief of the stepmoms over there. We'll all love each other, and love all the children involved, and we'll all get along famously and live happily ever after.

After everything I have gone through with ex recently, it has just reassured me how much I really do love bf, how much I want to be with him, and how capable I am of being independant in a relationship. It's great. Might be moving over to the other forum soon. Wish me luck on my utopian-blended-family dream. I will let you know how it goes.

Anyways, thanks for listening to me work things out in my own head
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