The great things about being a single parent..... - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 17 Old 08-22-2003, 10:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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When it comes to single parenting, I think a lot of people focus on the challenges and hardships of doing it alone. And while there are many, I’ve found being a single parent quite liberating and in some respects much easier than doing it with a partner.

For instance, you are 100% in control. You are making the decisions about your child, from disciplining, to education to religion, to healthcare…everything! And, you don’t have to share your love….your child gets 100% of your attention. No arguing about finances, housecleaning or who gets up in the middle of the night to calm a sick child. Rather than feeling burdened with all the responsibilities of being a single parent, I actually embrace the responsibilities and am thankful I have the ability and confidence to do it alone.

I’m not bashing marriage or people with partners, but for those single parents dealing with challenges, this thread is about all the wonderful things about being a single parent. Let’s celebrate our freedom and take joy in pride in our situations. Share your positive stories, and give inspiration to those who are facing some hard times.
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#2 of 17 Old 08-25-2003, 05:01 PM
 
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,
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#3 of 17 Old 08-25-2003, 11:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by fyrflymommy
here's my list of great things about being a single parent:

1. doing it my way. no husband to argue with over anything.
2. not having to visit abusive inlaws
3. my daughter gives me the strenght to go on.


Exactly
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#4 of 17 Old 08-25-2003, 11:54 PM
 
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My daughter's father is still in her life, so she goes to his house every other weekend. For the first few months, it was Horrible for me; I cried the whole time she was away.

Now I see it in a positive way: Finally! some Me time. Being a single AP, BFing of demand, cosleeping mom takes its toll on me, and I get every other weekend to reconnect with myself.

I also enjoy not having my decisions second-guessed throughout the day. I do the best I can for my dd, and so far, so good!
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#5 of 17 Old 08-26-2003, 01:06 AM
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I love being a single mom. I have so many friends where the husband is against homeschooling, or co-sleeping, or whatever, and it becomes a huge issue... here, I feel like it's Rain and me and we run our lives just how we want them.

I think she and I are closer then most mothers and daughters, because we're together so much - and physically together, she's been a a friend's house all day and I won't actually see her again until tomorrow night, but working together. It seems like with a partner, the mom is pulled in different directions sometimes, partner or kid, but we don't deal with that.

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fambedsingle1.gifSingle mom to Rain (1/93) , grad student, and world traveler earth.gif


  

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#6 of 17 Old 08-27-2003, 11:10 PM
 
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I agree...

I hated that, "Can't he hear the baby crying? Why do I have to get up everytime?" feeling.
I love not washing dirty man underwear.
I hated him leaving in the morning, even though he wasn't working, leaving me to do all the kid getting ready and off to school and day care and me to work.
I love having money issues only with myself.
I love not having to clean out the tub before I bathe, because someone shaved in there and cannot be bothered to rinse it out afterwards.
I love not living with someone who keeps score on who is "greener than thou", then putting his clothes in the dryer cause it was too much work to hang them up.
I love buying groceries for me and the kids and not having to worry about him chiding me on my choices.
I love being able to sleep with my kids without having a petulent man making it into a "them or me" situation.
I love making a pot of good coffee and not coming back to refill and having it all gone with the pot empty on the warmer, with it still on.
I love being responsible for myself and my family, and not having to be responsible for another grown person.
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#7 of 17 Old 08-28-2003, 03:06 AM
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Love being without the infantile selfishness of the man who is dd's father.

Love being without his nutty inlaws.

Love being without his religious insanity.

Love flowing through our days (however hectic and crazy) just jiving with what she needs and a little of what I have to get done. the only expectations I wrestle with are my own.

Love not fighting!!!!

Love not having to account to him.

Love no challenges on our vegetarian diet.

Love no challening on my AP approach. She can sleep with me whenever she wants. When she was bfeeding no one gave me any crap and I fed her when ever and where ever I wanted.

Love no one taking her away for days and days.

I think that's it.
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#8 of 17 Old 08-28-2003, 09:26 AM
 
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I love it!!!! I hated it at first and I was so sad and scared. Its wonderful now.

The only people I have to pick up after are kids & guests (and myself). No more constant picking up after a (hideously sloppy) husband. God, that was annoying.

No more expectations not being met. Now that its me, and only me, I dont constantly feel let down. I can rely on myself. That right there makes me so much happier.

Me time!! I know, you'd probably assume I have far far less of that, and actually I do, but we've got a great schedule now. My me time is much more me-centric than it used to be, and its a lot more healing because I dont have to stay in the house with the H to enjoy it. Ex H comes up from Boston (I live in Maine now) every weekend and he stays here with our dd. And then I can go off and have fun. And I do!

Being in control of the running of my household. Definitely a plus. I choose what food we eat, (Ex H was a vegan, total PITA for this omnivore!) what color the kitchen is painted...I make sure things get done and theres no resentment cos theres just no TIME to complain and no one to complain to, quite frankly.

I choose where the couch goes in the LR. I never realized what control freak I was until I got to have control. It totally rocks.

I have a really great bf now. He seems like a keeper. I don't know about moving in with him though. I don't want to have to give up my power and privacy and freedom. Not even on the little things, like what curtains to hang, etc. Its way too much fun to have my own place.
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#9 of 17 Old 08-29-2003, 08:58 AM
 
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everyone in our house is cherished and respected
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#10 of 17 Old 08-30-2003, 01:57 PM
 
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Quote:
everyone in our house is cherished and respected
YEAH! I'll second that.
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#11 of 17 Old 09-01-2003, 01:26 PM
 
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I am so glad you started this thread! I think there are many advantages to single parenting. I am six months pregnant with daughter, conceived without a partner (donor sperm). I chose to go it alone because of the reasons many of you stated. I think it is especially important for mamas who want to parent outside the mainstream. I will never have to argue or negotiate about co-sleeping, breastfeeding, homebirth, cloth diapers, non-vaxing. I can do whatever the heck i want. All of the crunchy mamas I know have had to compromise with their mates on some aspect of childrearing. I have friends who were not "allowed" to homebirth, or had to circ their sons because of their husband's wishes. Other husbands complain incessantly about the cloth dipes, or breastfeeding. I really don't know how women put up with it. My ex-husband has told me that he wouldn't be able to deal with many of my preferences: homebirth, no circ, no vax, co-sleeping. Even though in some ways he is a terrifice guy, I am sooo glad I don't have to argue about the way I want to raise my family. I think it is great when parents are totally in sync with natural/attachment parenting issues. But, frankly, I have seen that very, very infrequently. Hats off to all the men who "get it," but the odds of finding one seem slim. That's why I decided to start a family on my own.
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#12 of 17 Old 09-04-2003, 06:02 PM
 
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Thank you all for this thread. I asked my hubby for a divorce this morning and have been freaking out about the parenting I'm about to take on by myself. I think he is going to be a weekend kind of dad so just so much all the time. This has really reassured me that I'm ALREADY doing this by myself so I might as well enjoy all the freedoms that you are too!
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#13 of 17 Old 09-05-2003, 02:57 PM
 
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my former husband and i can be the parents we never could have been if we'd stayed together. we did not bring out the best in each other, and now that we're no longer together we are much happier and can focus on being great co-parents to our kids. it's really amazing. since our divorce and returning from the war he is a totally committed father. and i'm a much better mommy, too. i feel very blessed these days.
-amanda
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#14 of 17 Old 09-08-2003, 10:49 PM
 
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So much better than arguing and having to ask permission or discuss things with. Can follow my dreams. No grumpy man tantrums, just my little ones who are learning. No rush to be home at a certain time. I am mother, woman, and free.
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#15 of 17 Old 09-28-2003, 10:42 PM
 
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I love my "license to be selfish"... meaning that I have no one to argue or compromise with over parenting decisions, I got to choose Max's name without anyone else's input, I get all of his love, he is the only person I have to share my bed with... and he doesn't steal the covers! My ex is not at all involved with us, he has never even met Max, so I don't even have to deal with custody/visitation issues. Many times I feel like I am better off than a lot of married mothers, and I definitely wouldn't trade with someone who has to fight with an ex over everything under the sun.
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#16 of 17 Old 09-29-2003, 03:01 AM
 
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My connection with Rory is so much stronger now that Dan has left. I'm able to devote 100% of my attention to him at all times. At first, it seemed overwhelming, to be the ONLY one Rory could depend on, but like many others have mentioned, there's no more, "Why can't he give the bath tonight? Why do I always have to do the laundry" or whatever. I know it's all me, and just do it, and don't have all the resentment and anger and frustration building up for his (Dan's) daily infractions, LOL.

I can watch whatever I want on TV, eat whatever I want for dinner, whenever I want.

The only person who snores in my bed is Rory, and I think it's cute coming from a baby (and it's not, coming from an adult).

What a sense of pride and accomplishment - I look at Rory and what I've created and how well he's growing and learning and I did it all myself (well, Rory had a part in it too, LOL). I'm so proud, and so pleased with what an amazing little person he's become and cherish the time I get to spend getting to know him and growing with him every day. And I can look around my home and it's all MINE, and I did it myself! For someone who thought she could never be alone, I'm doing pretty good.

Again, no conflicts regarding parenting philosophy. While Dan is still in Rory's life, it's only when I decide to make the 2 1/2 hour (one way) drive to visit. Dan isn't in a position to start dictating how things need to be done and doesn't even try.
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#17 of 17 Old 09-29-2003, 10:52 PM
 
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My favorite things:

No one turns the tv on when I don't want dd watching-my ex and I had many discussions about how bad it was, but whenever I would go out-he would put in on for her!

We can eat whatever we want for dinner and no one complains that it isn't enough!

We can stay out whenever we want and go where we want to. Ex was verbally abusive and controlling

The evenings are mine now after she goes to bed.

He never gave her a bath, did her laundry, went to the library or out to play with friends anyway-so now I don't have anyone to be angry at for not doing any of these things!

I don't have to do his laundry and clean up newspapers all over the floor around the bed everyday.

Enjoying Freedom!!!!
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